Sublime Wreckage

by Charlene Zapata

  I didn't plan on going to Vince's house. I was actually trying to avoid him. But as my feet hit the pavement I got lost in my own mind. Losing track of where I was headed. Of course I ended up at the railroad tracks. Why am I drawn to this place over and over again? Once I realized where I was I tried to turn around. I really did. But something pulled me to him. He has become my comfort. My peace.

  I knocked on his front door with hesitation. I was surprised he even heard me. After standing there for less than a minute he opened the door. As soon as our eyes met he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me to him. I immediately felt better. And then he let go just as fast.

  "Oh God. I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

  "Why in the world would you think you hurt me?" That was a stupid question. I already suspect he knows something. Why did I come here again? He is just going to want answers I can't give.

  "Maggie, I know you better than you think I do. I notice every movement your body makes. I have learned each and every expression that crosses your face. I know something is going on I just don't know what exactly."

  "Vincent, I don't know what you want me to say." Just then I notice his face transforming from concern to anger. He is looking up at my forehead. Crap. I totally forgot about my cut. My hair is pulled back in a ponytail so it stays out of my face while I run. Which means he has a clear view of my injury.

  "Did she do that to you?" He lifts his hand to my face gently rubbing his finger over the cut. I know logically it should hurt but it doesn't. All I feel is his compassion. His deep affection for me. I slowly reach up and take his hand in mine.

  "Let's go for a walk." He doesn't argue so I lead him down to the tracks. Once we get close to the crossing I stop. "Vincent, I really don't know what to say. I don't want to hide from you. I really, really don't. But I also don't think I can talk about this."

  "Maggie, I want you to feel comfortable enough with me and trust me to share every aspect of your life. If you aren't there yet, I understand."

  "It's not that I don't trust you. I do. I don't even know where to begin or how. I don't let people into my life. I don't have close relationships except Amanda and even she doesn't know everything about me. I feel so vulnerable with you. There is something about you that makes me do and say things I never thought I would. I want to share everything. Trust me when I say that. Please."

  "I want you to tell me what's going on with your mother." I look down to the ground kicking at the dirt trying to avoid looking into his eyes. But I can't help it. I look up getting lost in the depths of his soul. It's like he is pleading with me to open up, to tell him the truth.

  "What do you want me to say? You want me to tell you that she hits me? You want to hear the awful names she calls me? You want me to admit that my own mother despises me?" I'm shouting by the time I get the last words out of my mouth. Why am I yelling at him? I'm not mad at him. I start pacing back and forth trying to calm down. Vincent gives me room. He doesn't crowd me. He lets me vent without judgment.

  "I don't have any answers Vince. I don't know why she treats me this way. It must be my fault though, right? I mean what mother doesn't love their child? It has to be something I did. That's the worst part. The embarrassment I feel for something I can't control. This wasn't supposed to be my life. I had an awesome father that would have saved me from the hell I live in but he died. He was stolen from me and I will never get him back. I have faced that reality. I deal with it. You want to know the sickest part of all this? Even after everything she has done to me and everything she has put me through, I still love her."

  I'm still pacing back and forth trying to get every emotion I need to out. I don't cry. I try not to ever feel sorry for myself. And the last thing I want is for someone else to feel sorry for me. I'm not a charity case and I don't need anyone's pity.

  "Don't you see? I'm in this situation and there isn't anything you can do. I just have to wait things out until I graduate. Then I'm gone. I will leave this town and never look back." As soon as the words leave my mouth I regret them. I didn't mean that I don't care about anyone else or that I would never come back to visit. I mean Amanda will still be here. And I honestly don't know where things are headed with Vince.

  "Maggie. You are one of the strongest people I have ever met. To live the life you have with all the disappointments and still be such a positive person. I respect you so much. Hell, I admire you. But you don't have to do it alone. Not anymore. I want to be here for you. We can figure something out. I hate the thought of you staying in that house with her for even a minute longer let alone seven more months until you graduate."

  "Vincent, I appreciate what you are trying to do but don't you think Amanda has tried to get me out of there? It doesn't work. My mother's income depends on me living with her. She gets benefits from my father's death. The money is supposed to be used to take care of me but it just ensures she doesn't have to work. She won't let me live somewhere else. I refuse to report her. I will not go into foster care at my age in this town. God only knows what would happen to me then. If I run away she will call the police and then what chance do I have of getting into a good college with a record?"

  "I'm so sorry. It sounds impossible but there has to be something we can do." I hear the desperation in his voice. It tugs at my heart making me want to find a solution. There just isn't one.

  "Listen, I really don't want you to worry. She has never done anything that I can't handle. I'm stronger than I look." I'm trying to lift the mood but it doesn't seem to be working.

  "Just like you handled it when you supposedly had the flu? You had to miss three days of school and I know it wasn't because you were sick. I've seen your body after she has damaged it. You might not realize that I noticed but I did. Each and every time. I could see every flinch, every intake of breath when you were in pain, every struggle you had to move. I notice Maggie because I care. You can't hide from me. I understand you think there isn't anything you can do but you're wrong. If she ever lays a finger on you again I will take matters into my own hands." He doesn't say anything else. He just stares into my eyes telling me without words that he is serious. That he means everything he just said. I believe him one thousand percent. This is exactly why I don't let anyone into my life. He thinks he can fix things but he can't.

  "I should go. I've been gone too long as it is." I turn to leave but Vince stops me. He grabs my arm and turns me back around to face him.

  "Maggie, I don't want to lose you. Don't let her take this from you. From us."

  "Then let's agree not to talk about it anymore." He looks down to the ground letting out a loud sigh. After a minute of silence he looks back up at me. It's like he's looking for the answer in my eyes but I don't have it. He takes a step closer and wraps his arms around my waist pulling me against his warm body. He gently leans down and kisses the cut on my forehead. I wrap my arms around his neck leaning my head against his chest. We stay like that for the longest time. I just keep breathing him in. This is why I came here. He gives me the reassurance and peace I so desperately need. He makes me feel whole again.

  On my run home I keep thinking about how incredibly sweet and caring he was. He never even tried to kiss me. He gave me what I needed in that moment. Never asking for more. What did I do to deserve such a great guy? It's like he came into my life just when I needed him the most.

  Chapter Twenty

  The next week drags by as my birthday slowly approaches. I can't believe I'm going to be 18. I mean really, I will officially be an adult on Friday. I wonder if my mother will get me something. Usually she just gives me cash. Whatever has the least amount of effort on her part. It really sucks that I can't spend it with Vincent. She never lets me hang out with my friends on my birthday. She tells me that it's a day for family not friends. I think she just wants to make me miserable. At least I get to see my Grandpa and spend the rest of the weekend with him. She never objects when he wants to see me. Probably because she goes to him whenever sh
e needs money. I think she makes him feel guilty about my dad not being around. I can't imagine any other reason why he would help her.

  Friday morning finally arrives. I wake up in the best mood possible. I refuse to be grumpy on my birthday. I get ready in a rush, excited to share my day with someone that actually gives a damn about me. I step outside to a very smiley Amanda.

  "Happy Birthday to the bestest friend in the whole entire world!" I just laugh. I love her.

  "Thanks! I really wish we didn't have school today."

  "So let's ditch. I bet Vince would let us hang out at his house. We could order pizza and watch movies all day. It would be awesome!"

  "I can't. If she found out I didn't go to school it would be very detrimental to my health. It does sound like fun though. Why did you have to bring up Vince? Now he's all I can think about and I don't get to see him until after school."

  "Well it's your lucky day."

  "What do you mean?"

  "Since you wouldn't let me get you anything for your birthday I decided to arrange a morning surprise. He's waiting at the park. Go get some morning lovin and I'll see you at school." She gives me a wink then turns to head to school. I had to tell her that Vince and I moved past the friend zone and into the, well, I don't really know what zone we're in now. We haven't really talked about it. Of course she totally flipped out. She is so excited that I have a boyfriend. I guess that's what he is. It's hard to define because we are so much more than that.

  As I head down to the park I see him leaning up against his truck with a smirk on his face. He's wearing a light grey t-shirt, jeans and his black work boots. Damn he looks good. I decide the straight forward approach is best. I walk right up to him, stand on my tip toes and pull his face down to mine. Then I give him a very heated kiss. I move my lips over his tasting the sweetness on his tongue left over from what I can only assume was a mint. It's delicious. As our kiss starts to come to an end I lightly pull his bottom lip into my mouth sucking on it before releasing him. He moans softly in my ear as he pulls me to him in a tight embrace. Then he whispers in my ear.

  "Happy Birthday." That's all it takes for me to melt in his arms. My lips come crashing down on his again. They are so soft, so tender. I lose myself in the moment trying to take in every part of him. I run my hands up his neck until I reach his short hair. I rub the back of his head forcing him closer until there isn't any space between our bodies. I can feel the strength in his arms as his grip tightens around my waist. We fit so perfectly together. Our bodies blending into one another. We finally pull away from each other breathing heavily. I look into his eyes giving him the biggest smile.

  "Thanks for the birthday kiss, Slick."

  "There's plenty more where that came from." He pulls me close again but this time his kiss is sweet. His movements are slow and deliberate. He keeps giving me tiny little kisses on my mouth, my jaw and my neck. Then he just stops.

  "Why did you stop? I was enjoying myself." I look up at him with a teasing smile.

  "Eighteen kisses for eighteen years." I didn't even realize he was counting. That is by far one of the most romantic things a guy has ever done. I can't control myself. I practically attack his lips again. Forcing my way into his mouth. He tastes so damn good. The things he does to my body. I feel so alive. Every single nerve ending is on fire. Like he discovered some hidden switch on my body and now I'm awake after all this time. It's exhilarating. I could stay like this all day. But I can't. School is calling. I pull away again but really meaning it this time.

  "And one to grow on." I say as I look up at him. He just laughs. I feel his whole body vibrate against mine. "We better get going or I will never make it to school!"

  "Ok, ok. Get in the truck before I change my mind."

  "Change your mind about what?"

  "About taking you to school. If I had my way I would kidnap you for the entire day."

  "That sounds wonderful but I can't miss school."

  "I know. That's why we need to leave now. Before you attack me again!"

  "You liked it and you know it." We climb up in his truck. I move over so I'm right up against his side. He smells so good. His scent is intoxicating. I inhale a deep breath loving every minute we get to spend together.

  "Can I pick you up after school?"

  "Sure. But only to drive me to the park. My mom wants me home right after school. We usually go out to dinner on my birthday then hang out together."

  "You don't think she has anything more special planned? I mean it is your 18th birthday."

  "Nah. I'm sure she will treat it like any other birthday. But that's ok. I get to spend the rest of the weekend with my Grandpa. He's the best person I know. That really is the best gift she could give me. Letting me visit him. He is the closest connection to my father so it's almost like being with him."

  We don't say much else before he drops me off at school. I have to run to class. I make it just as the bell rings. Note to self, don't make-out before school, it will only make you late. But it was so worth it. I get a few birthday wishes throughout the day but all I can think about is seeing Vince again after school. I must have the biggest grin on my face when I walk into the cafeteria because Amanda immediately rushes over to me.

  "Tell me everything! I want details!" I groan loudly and turn my smile into a pout.

  "I really don't want to share intimate details about our morning. Can we just leave it alone?"

  "Absolutely not. I don't have a boyfriend right now so unfortunately I have to live vicariously through you. So spill. Now."

  "Look at you using such big words. If you keep talking like that people might think you care about school."

  "Yeah. About that. I do care. I mean I want to care. I have been thinking about going to college. Ever since that loser broke up with me I just started thinking about my future. About how I don't want to depend on some guy to make me happy. So I'm going to take control of my life."

  "Amanda, I am so proud of you right now! It's like my baby just grew up!"

  "Stop it. Stop it now. You are such a dork."

  "Yes but you love this dork! I vow to help you with whatever you need. You are going to have to get yours grades up."

  "I know. I already talked to the counselor. She recommended the community college for the first two years since my grades right now aren't great. Then I can transfer with better grades while getting all my general education courses out of the way. It's way cheaper for my parents this way too and I can still help out with the shop until I transfer."

  "Wow. I'm stunned. You are really serious about this. You seem to have a good plan in place. I think it could really work. I always knew you were smart you just had to figure it out for yourself. You can do anything you want."

  "Ok. Stop focusing on me. I still want to hear about Vince. No more stalling."

  "Fine. I don't know what you want me to say though. We haven't even defined anything. We just moved forward. I don't know how else to describe it. He just always seems to know what to say to make me feel better. It doesn't hurt that we had a pretty incredible make-out session this morning."

  "I bet you did." She raises her eyebrows suggestively which makes me laugh. "That's really great Maggie. You deserve a good guy like Vince. I think you two are perfect for each other. You complement one another. I see it when you're together. How close you are, the connection you guys have. I want that. I want something real. And that's exactly what you have with him."

  "You will find it. We're young. We have our whole lives to get caught up in boy drama." I roll my eyes while giving her a smile. I shove her shoulder lightly. "Now let's get some food because my stomach is growling like crazy!"

  When the final bell rings I jump out of my seat faster than anyone else in the room. I can't wait to see him. I rush past everyone in the hall to my locker. After I get what I need for the weekend I head to the double doors leading to my man. I like the way that sounds. But just as I push through the doors my heart instantly sinks to the grou
nd. It's her. My mother is parked right in front of the school waiting for me. Great. Just great. Way to ruin my birthday.

  I look past her to see Vince walking toward me. I look him right in the eyes and shake my head ever so slightly back and forth. We don't need words to convey what is going on. He can see the disappointment written all over my face. Thank goodness she isn't paying attention. She has her phone in her hand looking at something. Vince doesn't turn around, he just keeps walking toward me. He brushes past me barely touching my hand. I don't look at him. I look straight ahead trying not to draw attention to the fact that my entire body is buzzing from just one tiny touch. I can't believe the effect he has on me. It's so intense, so powerful. I let out a small sigh and go to face my reality.

  "Hey Mags! I thought I would pick you up so we could go to your favorite restaurant over in Union. You know, for your birthday."

  "That's a great idea. Thanks mom." Of course it isn't my favorite restaurant, it's hers. But I don't complain because the food is pretty decent. It just sucks that it's about an hour drive. I don't know what we are going to talk about. But then she ends up babbling the entire time about her online dating profile. She doesn't understand why she hasn't gotten any hits lately so we talk about revamping her page. Before I know it we are pulling up to the restaurant.

  My mother flirts shamelessly with our attractive and very young waiter. She isn't picky when it comes to guys. She will date old, young, good looking or ugly. Just not poor. She has been searching for years for another guy to marry her.

  "Isn't this place awesome? How is your dinner?"

  "It's great mom. Thanks for bringing me here."