Black Out

by Lila Rose

  “Yeah, it’s about time I visited my ma and brother.”

  All faces turned serious. Talon sent me a chin lift.

  My mum lived an hour away. Lived—I couldn’t really call it that, more survived. She was mentally unstable, and became that way seventeen years ago when my father tried to suffocate her while she was pregnant with my brother. Due to lack of oxygen, my brother was born a little slower than normal. I smiled at the thought of him. Jason was still a bright little shit, outsmarting me all the time.

  It was damn lucky I was visiting the night it happened, or I wouldn’t have walked in on the fucker and gotten the chance to beat the crap out of him before he was taken to jail. After I had taken care of Mum and she was whisked away in the ambo. He was a drunk, a gambler and just a mean motherfucker. Always had been. Throughout my childhood, I witnessed many beatings he gave my mum, and then received them myself when I got around the age of six. I never understood why she stayed with him. I begged her to leave…but she didn’t. Since then, she was just a shell of the lovin’ person she used to be.

  Jason, who was turning eighteen in six months, lived with Mum still, but they also had forty-year-old Adele, Mum’s full-time caregiver, living with them. At least I knew if Jason started any shit, Adele would put him back in line. If not, she’d call me and I’d fix it.

  “When you headin’ off?” Stoke asked.

  I shrugged. “In the next couple of days.”

  “Mind if I join you?” We all looked to Memphis. He was the oldest out of the bunch at the age of fifty-two and had been a part of Hawks even before Talon took over. He was one of the ones who was glad as fuck Talon changed the club’s ways. He was a good man, but one I never really spent much time around.

  “Sure,” I answered.

  “Cool, Talon wants me to check the Hawks charter in Caroline Springs.”

  “No worries. We’ll head there first before hittin’ Mum’s place.”

  Memphis choked on his sip of beer. “You want me to come to your ma’s place?”

  Scrunching my nose up, I said, “Uh, yeah.”

  “I can wait at the club for ya.”

  “Nah, brother. I’m staying a night or two. Ma’s got a heap of room. We’ll crash there instead of the compound.”

  He shrugged. “All right.”

  Stretching, I said, “I’m gonna head off. Got a need for a ride.” Maybe sittin’ on my Harley while I rode through the streets was just what I needed to clear my head.

  “No worries, brother. Thanks for showin’,” Talon said.

  Sending a chin lift to them, I quickly said a goodbye to everyone else. Bloody Nancy hugged the shit outta me. That woman was full the fuck on. I even had to dodge Julian as he tried to lay one on me. I didn’t know what was up with the people, but I was glad I was getting outta there for a few.

  He hadn’t shown, yet I was the one still thinking of him. I was sure I never crossed his mind, so why couldn’t I get him out of my head? Why didn’t he show? Maybe something had happened, and just in case something had, I went back the following Saturday. Amy had dropped me off and waited in the car, reading while I waited for a man I could possibly care for, only he didn’t show.

  At least the past couple of weeks had been better for Amy and myself. I did my best to not annoy her too much. I made sure I was out of her way all the time, and when she asked me to meet her out front of the library every day, instead of her coming in, I did. She said she hated the sight of the fag (her word, not mine) who was always with me.

  So when Friday came, and I was so engrossed in the conversation Julian and I were having about our favourite actors, I hadn’t realised the time. Plus, my watch’s alarm didn’t ring, announcing that my fun time had to end. That was why I didn’t expect the slap to the back of my head. The force behind it made my head swish forward, and if Julian’s hand hadn’t made it to my forehead to stop its descent, my face would have hit the table.

  “Hey,” Julian hissed.

  “Shut it, fag.”

  I sat straighter and turned to my sister’s angry voice. “Amy, what’s going on?”

  She snapped with venom. “You stupid bitch, I’m always wasting my time on you.” She slapped the back of my head again. It hurt so much my hands flew up to hold it. “Why weren’t you out front? You’re supposed to be out front so I don’t have to waste my damn time coming in to get your sorry arse.”

  I cringed and listened to Julian’s chair scrape back on the floor. He was standing, no doubt to defend me. Just as I was about to tell him not to worry, I heard another slap, but that time it wa behind me, skin-on-skin.

  “Let go of my hand, bitch,” Amy barked.

  A woman’s evil chuckle erupted; it was Deanna. “You hit her one more time, and I will rip your tits off and shove them down your throat,” she growled.

  “Get lost; it’s none of your business.”

  “You just made it my business by hittin’ Clarinda.”

  I hadn’t been sure Deanna even remembered my name, yet she was defending me. Why?

  “Rinda, let’s go,” Amy snarled my nickname. She pulled back my chair with a force I never knew she had. I almost tumbled out when a feminine hand caught my arm. Deanna again.

  “I think you should go,” Deanna said flatly. I knew she was talking to my sister, not me. “Clarinda is staying.”

  “No, it’s okay,” I said, trying to calm the situation as I stood from my chair.

  “Clary, honey lumpkin’, no one should lay a hand on you, even if she is blood,” Julian said softly from my side. I hadn’t even heard him walk around the table. As Deanna and Amy traded hostile words, Julian came in closer.

  “Please, she doesn’t mean it. She must have had a bad day,” I uttered.

  “Sweetheart, you can’t leave with her when she’s like that, not after what we just saw her do to you,” he pleaded.

  It pleased me he cared, yet saddened me they witnessed Amy striking out at me. Amy had only hit me a few times in the past when she was really mad. It was how I learnt to keep quiet when she was in a mood like she was.

  “I’ll be fine,” I said and grabbed for his hand which was on my arm. I gave it a reassuring squeeze.

  I felt him shift. He overturned my hand and placed something hard and rectangular-shaped in it. He whispered, “It’s a phone and charger. I’ve been meaning to give it to you the last couple of times I’ve seen you. My little melon, I want you to have it, no argument. Any time you need anything, just press one; it’ll call me straight away. It’s old-school, none of this touchscreen crap. You can’t go wrong. Test it later when you’re alone; feel it out.”

  Tears filled my eyes; this sweet man really cared for me. I bit my bottom lip and held back my overwhelming urge to sob in his arms. Instead, I nodded and snuck the phone and charger, which was wrapped around it into my bra, where I knew it wouldn’t fall out or be seen, and where I could always feel it against me. Thankfully, it was compact enough it wouldn’t stand out.

  “Fuck you, bitch. Clarinda, we are leaving, now,” Amy hissed, grabbing my arm roughly and dragging me from the library.

  The drive to our four-bedroom home was silent. I didn’t like it one bit. As soon as Amy pulled in to our driveway, she quickly got out. I climbed out more slowly, waiting with a sick feeling in my stomach for the fight which was going to occur.

  It came as soon as we entered our lounge room. Our house, or should I say Amy’s house—she reminded me enough that it was hers—always smelled of fresh flowers and honeydew. I had always felt comforted being in there, but as soon as the next words left her mouth, I felt nothing but bitterness and cold.

  “You’re to never go to the library again. I don’t like those people, and it would be better for you to not be around them.”

  “Amy, please, they’re my friends.”

  “No!” she screamed. “They’re users. You will do as you’re told—”

  “Amy,” I interrupted, “I’m twenty-four years old. I have every right
to be where I want and with whom,” I explained.

  She laughed menacingly. “You don’t. Well, not unless you want me to turn you out if you don’t listen to me.”

  My back straightened at her threat. “If that’s the way you want it, I’ll go.”

  She sighed deeply, I heard her move, and then she was beside me, taking my hand in hers. “Rinda, you know I would never want you gone.” I found her sugar-sweet tone suspicious. “I just worry about you all the time. We both need time to calm down. How about while I make dinner, you go have a bath or something?”

  Her sudden change in attitude had my head spinning. For the first time, the thought that Amy knew something or was up to something ran through my mind.

  Numbly nodding, I made my way down the familiar hall, feeling with my hands against the walls to the bathroom across from my bedroom. Opening the door, I walked over to the bath and turned on the taps. While the tub filled, I went back to the door and locked it. Going to the sink to lean against it, I pulled the phone from my bra. I could see the outline of something in my hand, though even my hand was blurred. This is going to be harder than I thought.

  Pressing a button at the top, I put it to my ear, only nothing happened. I tried again, and that time I jumped when it made a sound. I looked up to the door, listening intently. No footsteps approached; Amy hadn’t heard. I sighed with relief.

  Taking a breath, I closed my eyes and ran my fingers over all the buttons. From what I remembered when I was younger, these types of phones had a call and end button up at the top, and then in the middle was the system button. I felt and found them. The number one button should be just below the call button. My thumb ran over it, so I went back and pressed it.

  “Are you okay, sugarplum?” Julian voice called out.

  A relieved smile slipped onto my lips. “Yes,” my voice hitched. I wished I was at the library, with Julian there beside me. So many thoughts and emotions ran crazed through me.

  “Oh, sweet cherry pie, are you sure you’re okay?”

  Clearing my throat, I answered, “Sorry, I am. It’s just good to hear your voice.”

  “Yours, too, buttercup.”

  I giggled. “Buttercup, I like that one. My dad used to call me that all the time.”

  “Then that’s what I’ll call you from now on. I’m adopting you as my daughter.”

  Laughing quietly, I said, “Julian, you can’t. I’m too old.”

  He scoffed. “Oh, bull, how old are you?”

  “Twenty-four.”

  “See? I’m thirty-nine. I could be your daddy, if I had a monster back at fifteen.”

  Smiling, I said, “You’re crazy.”

  “Only the best are, buttercup. One day or night, Clary, I’d love to know how you came about living with your sister.”

  I bit my bottom lip. “One day,” I uttered. Lifting my head, I turned it sideways toward the door, so I could hear over the running water. My sister was approaching. “I have to go.”

  “Talk soon,” Julian replied, and then he quickly hung up.

  I hid the phone in my top again and went over to turn the taps off just as my sister knocked on the bathroom door.

  “Yes?” I called.

  “How long are you going to be? Dinner will be ready in half an hour.”

  “I’ll make sure I’m out by then.”

  She didn’t reply. I listened to her steps fall away from the door and back down the hall. I touched the phone through my tee. Such a small item was going to be my lifeline. One day, I had to be brave and get out from under my sister.

  “Mum, Dad, please, I can’t find the key. You have to get out!” I screamed through the door as the heat from the fire licked my body. I bent over as another coughing fit overtook me.

  “Buttercup, you have to go. Get out of the house!” Dad yelled from the other side of the door.

  “No, Dad. No, break the door down,” I cried. Though, I knew he couldn’t. The door was reinforced to keep others out, to protect Dad’s work and safe.

  “Baby girl,” Mum called, “you need to listen to your father for once and get out. Please, for us, Clarinda. For us.”

  “No, no, Mum, I can’t. I just need to find the key.” Coughing, I searched frantically on the side table next to Dad’s office door, where a key had been hidden only days ago. However, it was now missing.

  It was becoming hotter and hotter by the second. My eyes stung and my chest hurt, not only from the smoke, but from the thought of not helping my parents. I fought the tears and distress and kept grabbing at things. It was hard to see through the thickness of the stinking smoke.

  “Clarinda Glass, you need to leave, now,” Dad ordered, his voice thick with emotion. Mum coughed badly. I could hear it clearly through the thick door because I was so close.

  “My baby,” Mum said after she got her breath.

  I sank to the floor, to my hands and knees, and kept saying over and over, “No.”

  “We love you, Clary, so much. Please, tell your sister that, too,” Dad said.

  Trying to suck in a breath was hard; everything was so hard. I pounded the floor with my fist, but it was a pitiful punch. I was fading, and there wasn’t anything I could do for my parents. “I love you both…l-love you,” I whispered as my body flopped sideways.

  Out of nowhere, my body was lifted from the floor. I opened my heavy lids to see a man in a mask. “You’re okay, darling.”

  I tried to tell the fireman, “M-my parents, they’re—” but I was too late, because that was when my world exploded.

  My body bolted upright as I gasped for breath. Oh, God. I had that same dream nearly every night, and parts still puzzled me. Why couldn’t my parents unlock the door from the inside? Had something been keeping them in there? And why couldn’t I find the key? Someone had to have moved it, but who? We had many workers throughout the house. My dad was a lawyer, a very powerful one, and we lived our life with a lot of money. Had an employee betrayed them for some reason? Killed them?

  The answers were lost to me, though. The explosion which rocked the house that night took all of them away. There was no proof of anything, except what had caused the fire. Apparently, the gas fireplace in the room next to my father’s office had been faulty and caused a misfire, leaking small amounts of gas into the room. What lit the gas was the candle my mum loved to burn on the mantel piece. The drapes went up first, and then the pressure built until it went boom.

  The only problem with that…my father had recently had that fireplace checked a week before it happened.

  I begged the police, my sister, and the firefighters for them to look into it more. They did, but came up with nothing.

  Bang!

  A noise came from outside of my room, causing me to jump and clutch my quilt tighter to me.

  “Shit, I just dropped something. Hang on, I’ll check if she’s still sleeping.”

  Quickly laying back, I pulled my cover up to my nose and feigned sleep. Amy opened my door and must have looked in, because then I heard, “She’s still sleeping.” She paused, and that was when I knew she was on the phone. I was glad no one else was with her. She closed my bedroom door. “What? No, she needs to be scared into wanting to stay with me. I can’t have her questioning about leaving. We need the money we get from being her caregiver.”

  My eyes widened and I held my breath as I listened. Unconsciously, my hand sought out the phone under my pillow.

  “I don’t care if you have things to do. I want this done tomorrow. Scare her, or you won’t see me or the money again. Got it?” her voice drifted down the hall. I threw the covers back and ran to the door with my hands out in front of me so I wouldn’t knock into it and make a sound. I leaned my ear against it and listened. “Good, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Holy hell. What just happened? What had I just heard? My hand went to my chest, my heart beating rapidly. It was going so fast it hurt in my chest.

  My sister…Amy. She was asking someone to scare me? Shit, shit, shit. I l
eaned over, supporting my weight with my hands on my knees, and tried to calm myself enough to think clearly.

  She wanted me here for money. She didn’t care. Damn, she didn’t care. She was prepared to have someone scare me into staying.

  Anger overrode my feelings, even though I wanted to collapse to the ground, to freak out and cry from the hurt.

  She was my sister, for fuck’s sake.

  My sister!

  Stumbling back to my bed, I reached under my pillow and pulled out the phone. I needed help, and Julian was the only one who could.

  I lifted the phone to my ear as I pressed one.

  The visit to my mum’s was postponed until Ivy and the shit that had come her way had passed. Thank fuck we got the dickhead who had done it to her before he could do more damage. Still, he’d caused enough to warrant a beating from Killer and Stoke while us brothers stood by and watched. It sucked arse the dude was gonna be breathin’ easy on the inside of a prison cell. At least we had a few other brothers on the inside, as well; I’m sure Dr Fuck-up was gonna have a dandy time trying to stay alive.

  The hour ride to Caroline Springs wasn’t enough. I had a need to keep going, keep the breeze blowin’ and the sweet rumble between my legs and the thoughts of a certain redhead out of my head. But Memphis was with me, and Talon still wanted him to check in with the Hawks charter first.

  We pulled through the wire gates and up to the front of their compound. The place was trashed. Kegs, cans and bottles were littered everywhere. Not only that, but the grounds were unkempt. It looked like shit. No wonder Talon wanted Memphis down there, besides the fact that Motley, the president, hadn’t been returning Talon’s calls. Talon was the main head-honcho to four charters around Australia, and he was gettin’ sick of the crap he had to deal with when a new president was sworn in. Motley hadn’t been in the prez’s seat for that long, three months really, after the old prez got shot, beaten and killed by a rival club.

  None of the fuckers believed we no longer dealt in guns, drugs and women. They still fuckin’ thought they had to fight us for the territory. Well, they did, and we fought back harder, because we just wanted our area clean. Especially since more and more brothers were settling down.