Devour

by E. K. Blair

  “Of course, come on back.”

  Come on back? Who is expecting me for what?

  Breathe, Laney, breathe. I agreed to let him make the plans, and I agreed to go with him today in the first place, so time to man up.

  Paul is a fascinating man, definitely same-sex oriented, and apparently he loves me and I’m his darling. I love the way he says both, incessantly. It becomes clear very quickly that I’m here for a photo shoot, and I suddenly feel nauseous. Surely this isn’t a normal first date, well, this isn’t a date, but this is as intimidating of an event as it gets...Dane is a “go big or go home” guy apparently.

  “Dane,” I lean to him and whisper. “What the hell?! I can’t do this! Why would I do this? If you think I’m putting on some lingerie and posing, I’m gonna run out of here...and I’ll be nixing the whole ‘spend time together thing,’ you perv.”

  He rubs water from his eyes he’s laughing so hard. “Oh Disney, never quit talking, please.” He catches his breath. “I already know you well enough to know lingerie would never be an option, and while I’m confident you’d look fabulous,” he winks, “I wouldn’t orchestrate for other people to see you in it.”

  Oh Lord, good answer; I feel heated, and oddly flattered.

  “I want you to see how beautiful you are, accomplished perfectly with clothes on. Now go with Paul and I’ll wait here.”

  I start to slowly drag my feet in the direction of Paul.

  “And Laney!”

  I turn back to look at him. The little sneak.

  “Have fun.”

  Paul puts me in a silky, flowing dress of beautiful light green with a cream overlay. I argue with him a bit about it being a dress because I don’t do dresses, but he assures me that he does this for a living and I look marvelous. “I think Mr. Dane wants you to see what he sees. Let me bring that out for you. Trust me.”

  I go with it; might as well make the most of the experience, this is something I’d never have thought of myself.

  When Paul’s crew is done, my hair is down and curled and my feet are bare with a dark red polish on my toes. My makeup is light except around my eyes, where it’s heavy and smoky.

  Paul pulls me to a backdrop of sheer white and places me on a dark chaise. Then he aims a fan at me from far away. This is the real deal. I feel a bit like Cleopatra or Elizabeth Taylor.

  “Look up, left, at me, no smile, sultry, pout, look away, right arm back, left ankle in, arched back, shoulder down, look down and over,” Paul drills out commands, jumping around me like Tigger.

  I’m more than a bit overwhelmed. I ask him to stop a few times so I can calm myself, but finally he says we’re done and that I did well.

  Dane ambles over to me. “How was that?” “Actually, it was really fun once I got used to it.

  “Thank you so much.”

  “You’re more than welcome. I’ll look at the shots while you get changed. I think he got some really nice ones.”

  I swallow heavily. “You watched?”

  “Every second. You did amazing. Did it feel good, Laney?”

  If I discount away my anxiety and take it at face value, yeah, it did. “It did,” I finally answer.

  “Well then, stop two is a success.” His cocky grin is brilliant.

  When I’m changed, Paul calls me over to look at the shots on the monitor. I’m pretty sure my jaw hits the floor; I love them. I barely recognize myself and am definitely shocked at the look in my eyes he’s captured.

  He rolls through the pictures, Dane and I looking over his shoulder.

  “That one!” Dane says suddenly. “Bdub it.”

  Suddenly, the picture in front of me becomes black and white. It’s a close up of my face, head slightly turned, and one curl falling by my cast down eyes. Dane reaches over Paul, taps a few buttons on the keyboard, and the nearby printer comes to life. As quick as that, there are two large prints of the shot in the tray and Dane moves to put one each in a separate manila envelope.

  “One for you, one for me,” he says, handing me one. “You’ll get a copy of all the rest later, but I had to have this one now.”

  Paul kisses me on each cheek and I thank him for the greatest time, promising to come back for another shoot sometime. Walking out, I stop Dane short and give him a huge hug. I can’t hold it in a second longer. “Thank you again, Dane, I mean it. You’ll never know how much.”

  He winks back at me, of course he winks, and it’s enough; I’m starting to speak wink.

  “So where we headed now?” The exhilaration still courses through me as I slide into his car.

  He tsks. “Stop three is a surprise, too, but it’s a further drive, so we have time to do a Q & A now.” He looks over coyly. “If you’re ready, that is. No doing a shot to pass now, so you have to answer.”

  “Dane, are you cowering to your own theory about the games? If you want to know something, just ask.” Oh it is so fun turning his words back on him.

  “Damn, you’re good. I’m not used to people actually hearing or remembering what I say simply because they choose to. I’m gonna have to up my game,” he laughs. “Okay, so my first question.” He pauses dramatically to think about it. “Where did you grow up?”

  “About an hour from school, in Forest. You?”

  “Bridgeport, Connecticut. I moved here Tate’s freshman year.”

  “Why?”

  “Tate picked a school here because it was far away.

  He got in, so I followed him.”

  “Why would you follow him if you weren’t going to go to school there as well?” I’m usually not this nosy, but he’s opened up the floor for questioning. Plus, I’ve been wondering since I met him why he hung around a school he didn’t go to. In fact, I’m curious what he does all together.

  “Ah ah, my turn.” He dodges that one nicely. “So Disney, why Southern?”

  “Easy, it’s where I got a good offer; you know, softball. Evan and Kaitlyn, my other best friend, are both at the University of Georgia, but they didn’t want me.” I instantly wish I could take back the last part I’d just blurted out. I don’t want him to think I feel sorry for myself. I was very lucky to get financial aid for my schooling and I’m grateful.

  “So Dane, why not Southern?”

  “I was never going to go to college.” He doesn’t elaborate.

  Pulling teeth here. “Why not?”

  “Now, Laney, with all your witty banter, surely you’re able to keep up with whose turn it is.” His lips curl up.

  Oh, he’s clever. Yes, I was firing on all pistons with no regard for turns, so I remain silent.

  “How long have you been playing softball?” he asks.

  “Since I was about eleven, well, on a serious level, anyway. My dad coached me my whole life until I got to high school. They wouldn’t let him on the field then.” I laugh at my answer; oh, Daddy.

  “I gotta tell ya, Disney, I never even thought about girls’ softball, let alone appreciated it, until I met you.”

  “Our games haven’t even started yet, what are you talking about?” I give him a quizzical glance out of the corner of my eye.

  “I can tell softball’s hard work and you’ve obviously dedicated yourself to it.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “By your body, Laney. No way has that happened on its own,” he remarks in a deeper tone.

  “Um, Dane, have you been checking me out?” I blush.

  “Only when I’m breathing.” He winks and gives me a sideways beam.

  He’d set himself up to be able to tell me he thinks I have a nice body, and Lord help me, I appreciated the effort.

  “Alright, whose question?” I ask with way too much excitement.

  “Mine, when we get done—we’re here.”

  Ty’s is a very nice gym and I don’t even ask what we’re doing here this time, working out is fine with me. I have to say, I don’t think Dane’s plans have or will ever be mimicked. I wouldn’t have guessed today’s agenda in a million
years.

  Here, too, it’s all Mr. Kendrick this and Mr. Kendrick that, and once we’re suited up in protective gear, it appears this won’t be a standard workout and that we’re the only two in class. A burly man named Kit explains that he’s a self-defense instructor and goes through the basic moves of self-defense. He has me practice them all on him several times. It’s odd how in tune to me Dane is. Self-defense class? Perfect.

  Kit next wants me to spar with Dane, who’s grinning ear to ear. “Take it easy on me, badass,” he teases as he grins bigger, if that’s possible.

  I flip him off.

  His eyebrows pop up. “I’ve never seen that move in a Disney movie,” he laughs. I just roll my eyes.

  We go through the scenarios and I actually do pretty well...I think. I’m a bit distracted, I mean, Evan has a great body and is a stellar athlete, but he’s way across a field covered in pads. Dane is right in front of me; shirtless and sweating. It’s scary hot.

  The male form in motion is a beautiful thing; skin, sweat, muscles flexing...pay attention, Laney, you’re gonna get knocked out. I stay off my butt, get a few blocks up and get one kick on him, which I’m pretty sure he let me do, but I’d say it’s pretty good for my first performance.

  “Remember, Laney, nose or groin, and then run and scream the whole way, got it?” Dane is taking this very seriously. “Let’s do it again, I’m attacking you from the front.”

  And he does, I get the shove your nose up move in and turn to run.

  “Make sure he’s down before you turn your back, Laney,” he reminds me as he grabs my arm.

  I do the backwards elbow up to his nose that they taught me, and this time I spin and do the knee to groin motion, watching him go down, before I turn to run.

  “Very nice, Disney, you did very well.”

  I square my shoulders and chin. “Thanks.”

  Even Kit agrees I’m a very quick learner. Dane and I both thank him for the lesson and go to change.

  Heading to the car, I’m actually bounce skipping or something. I can’t remember the last time I had this kind of adrenaline high. This has been one of the best days I’ve ever had and I’m euphoric.

  Last stop of this exhilarating day is dinner and we agree on Mexican food.

  “Okay, so it was my turn,” he says as we wait for our food. “How did you like the defense class?”

  “I really liked it, very cool and good to learn. Thank you.” I smile.

  “You’re very welcome. Do you know why I took you there?”

  “Well, the shoot was so I’d feel pretty, which I did, so I’m guessing the class was so I’d feel safe?”

  “In part, yes. I want you to feel in control, Laney. I see a look in your eyes sometimes, a lot like fear, and as you venture out more, I want you to have at least some control over the situation. I want that sense of confidence to emanate from you.”

  “Why?” It’s insightful, but way forward.

  “I can tell all this is new to you, Laney; college, going out, meeting new people. I want you to feel secure. Every woman should make decisions based on good sense or choice, not fear.”

  “How do you think you know so much about me?”

  “I’m a pretty good people reader, always have been. I have to be. If I’m wrong, remember, just tell me. Either way, though, it can’t hurt for you to be prepared, right?”

  “No doubt, it was good to learn...but, I don’t know...”

  “What, tell me?”

  “I loved today. Everything you planned was original and creative and so fun, but both things were to make me feel something else or be someone different. It kinda makes me feel like you see all these things about me you want to fix, like I’m not okay as I am. Does that make sense?”

  He looks at me thoughtfully for a bit before answering. “Yes, I can see where you’d think that.” He blows a sigh up and out, ruffling his hair slightly. “I’m so sorry, Laney. Damn, talk about a backfire.”

  “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, Dane.” I cover his hand resting on the table with mine. “I really appreciated everything today.”

  “I know you did, even though I was making you feel doubt the whole time. I tried to plan things to make you happy and it had the opposite effect. I’m sorry.” The desolate look he now wears breaks something in me.

  “Don’t do that, Dane, don’t shut down. Tell me what you meant, what your goal was, and let’s see if I can understand where you were coming from. I bet I get it.” I smile at him encouragingly. I refuse to let this day go sour.

  “That, right there.” He turns his hand in mine, linking over fingers together. “You’re so real. The last thing I’d ever want to do is change you. I took you to the photo shoot because it’s something near to my heart, capturing beauty like yours.” He kisses the back of my hand. “And the class, I thought it’d be fun. You play ball, so you obviously like physical activities. And I admit I knew I’d like watching you enjoy a physical activity. So really, they were both kinda about me,” he chuckles. “As of right now, I have no inventory of anything wrong with you.” He winks, but it’s to deflect nervousness, he thinks I won’t accept his answer...

  Wrong, it was a perfect answer. “See, I understand completely. Was that so hard? I mean, don’t you hate it when people do that? They let a minuscule misunderstanding build and build without addressing it, and before you know it, there’s a path of destruction. It’s such an easy fix to just talk about things. In fact, sometimes it not only fixes things, it makes them even better!”

  “Girls who talk things out calmly? Where did you come from, Laney?”

  “Georgia.”

  “Well, Georgia is lucky to have you. Come on, you finished?”

  “I am. The food was so good. Thank you, Dane.”

  “Thank you for always saying thank you. I like doing things with you.”

  I blush a bit at this. I like doing things with him, too. He’s so down to earth, so easy to talk to. It’s like I’ve known him a lot longer than I have.

  It’s dark when we get outside, so I suggest maybe he take me home now, I have class early. “Dane, why weren’t you ever going to go to college?”

  “Ah, back to your question, huh? OK, I’ll tell you a bit, but go easy on me, Disney. I don’t want to unveil all the cobwebs at once, alright?”

  I nod my agreement as he holds open the car door for me, guiding me in with his hand at the small of my back.

  He climbs in his side and starts the car but turns to me before we move. “I had other things waiting for me, responsibilities, so I couldn’t go to college and manage those things at the same time. I couldn’t let so many others down just to come out with a degree I’d never have to use. Maybe one day, if things are different, I’ll go. But for right now, I made the right decision.”

  “Are you happy?”

  This question throws him, he looks out the windshield straight ahead and it seems he’s calming himself before he answers. “I think you’re the first person who’s stopped and asked me that. All this time, people who’ve known me forever, you’re the only one. The answer is...sometimes. I’m happy right now.”

  “Why now?” My hands fidget nervously in my lap and I chew my lip, perhaps I’m digging too deep.

  “Because I’m with you; I’ve been with you all day. The way you talk to me so openly, you make me feel alive, seen. I know you see me.”

  We pull up to my dorm but the last thing I want to do is get out. He turns in his seat to face me, his eyes drifting to my lips and back, unashamed. Dane’s talking and I’m like a sponge, but I really do need to get inside and to bed. “You coming up to their room? We can walk up.”

  “Not tonight, I have to go home. But I’ll walk you to the door.”

  When we get there, he stops and grazes my face with his fingertips. I think he may want to kiss me, but I’m not going to let that to happen. It’s way too soon for me. But he doesn’t, he just takes me all in, stroking my cheek.

  “See me tomorrow,
” he says. “I’ll let you plan it.”

  I laugh. “You make wonderful plans. Stop, we covered that. But I have ball until six tomorrow, then probably homework. Why don’t you text or call me and we’ll see?”

  “I can do that. Thank you for today, Disney.”

  “You too, Dane, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” I walk inside, giving him a small wave.

  In my room, Bennett and Tate are draped across her bed watching a movie. I hate to interrupt, but I really need to get some rest.

  “Hey guys, sorry. I’ll be asleep and out of your hair in just a minute.”

  “Laney, where were you all day?” Bennett asks me, slightly muffled as her face is buried in Tate’s chest. God, I bet that feels nice; being held.

  “Ya, Laney, where ya been?” Tate smirks.

  “I was with a new friend, let me show you.” I take the print Dane had made for me out of the envelope and hand it to Bennett, nervous of her reaction.

  “Oh my God, Laney, you look gorgeous! You could model, seriously.”

  Tate looks over and smiles. “He took you to the studio, huh? You like it?”

  The implication in Tate’s question suddenly makes me feel foolish, as though Dane takes all his “projects” there and perhaps all of his lines about how special I am are a crock. Is this his MO and I moronically allowed myself to feel enchanted? God, I must’ve looked like an idiot, modeling like some starry-eyed bimbo.

  I’d call and ask him, but they’re in the room and they’d hear me; further humiliation. And Dane doesn’t really owe me an explanation. He’s not my boyfriend; hell, that wasn’t even a date. If I knew him better, I’d have a better grasp on this, on his intentions; but I don’t. I don’t know anyone here really. How did this wonderful day go wrong in seconds? Hadn’t he just remarked how refreshing it was that I’m a girl who talks things out calmly? And yes, usually I am...but right now, I’m irrational. I knew better than to let my guard down, damnit!

  “Laney, you okay over there?” Bennett asks. “You can watch the movie with us.”

  “No, I’m good, just tired. Don’t mind me.” Bennett’s a good roommate, she’s neat and chips in, doesn’t uber get in my way, but I need my time, my sanctuary. I roll towards the wall and pop my earbuds in, but as I lay there, my anger and mortification brews and brews, so under the covers where the lovers won’t see me, I text Dane...