The Bathrobe Knight: Volume 3

by Charles Dean

  “Well, Daria, I hate to say it . . . but I, for one, am actually rooting for him.”

  “Don’t tell me that, Ryan! How can you possibly believe it’s a good thing for this sociopath to be wreaking havoc across Tiqpa? There is nothing good about this. It’s detrimental to the player base, it’s taking away the game’s built-in political diversity, and it’s stopping a growing number of people from even enjoying the game. What could possibly be good about it?”

  “Daria, just as you said in your own arguments against him, it’s a game. It’s a game through and through.” The images of Peh-Ting Zhou were now gone, and Kass could watch Ryan’s stiff face as he addressed Daria. “It’s good to see a villain grow in the game from such a small start. Usually, when I play games, I play from the point where the villain has already won, and I’m the hero who has to go out and vanquish him. If I were a Tiqpa player, even if I didn’t want to abandon my faction, travel to Mt. Lawlheima and join his legion, I would still be happy for this development. It would be a chance to be there from the start, watch his rise and help shape the history of the game.”

  “I see what you mean, but what about the poor victims who have to suffer this villain’s crimes? Don’t you find these developments a little less than welcome news for the people who are building virtual lives in the safety of towns, but are having to experience a virtual version of death instead? Just so that this particular plotline can advance? I don’t know about you, but I would much rather play the game at a nice, leisurely pace than deal with what happened in Valcrest or what is happening in Peh-Ting Zhou right now. I like my MMOs to have their dungeons and bosses isolated, and I think this move away from that setup and its clear safe-zones across the map is going to cost Tiqpa valuable subscribers.”

  “I just can’t agree with you there, Daria. I think the makers of Tiqpa are revolutionizing the massive multiplayer gaming industry in a way that will do the exact opposite. Currently, I don’t even own a proper dive machine and have only played the trial versions of Tiqpa; but, after seeing this, I am going to be the first one signing up tomorrow.”

  “So you can join his demonic legion?” Daria looked absolutely disgusted

  “Absolutely not! So I can stop it. Come on, Daria. Haven’t we all played that game where you asked yourself, ‘How did things get this bad? Shouldn’t people have put their foot down and stopped it?’ Well, now we get that chance to save the world before it all goes to Hell. When you beat a boss in one of those isolated dungeons, does it really feel epic? Do you actually feel like you made a difference? The towns are the same, the environment is the same, and, after the weekly reset, the boss is right back to where he was, same as before you left him. Nothing changes! But in Tiqpa, look how much has changed in just a small amount of time. We’ve seen entire political landscapes thrown into confusion and disarray with new orders rising from the chaos. We’ve seen dominions merge, kings killed and tyrants felled, and this is definitely something I want to be a part of from the get-go.”

  “Oh, my god! How did I miss this? How did this almost escape me?” Stephanie shouted over Ryan’s impassioned rant about how great Tiqpa’s new villain arc was as she stood up and backed away from her monitor.

  “What’s going on?” Kass asked. “Did you find Charles?”

  “Well, in a matter of speaking? Maybe. I found what is left of him. Darwin killed him. He’s dead, right outside the portal.” Stephanie said it in a rush, and it went through Kass like another set of bullets.

  “Outside the portal? Why would he be there? Does he play Tiqpa too?” Kass didn’t actually care. She was only asking to distract herself from thinking about Charles and killing again. Ever since she first regained consciousness back in Stephanie’s room, she had been feeling uneasy about the subject. On one hand, hearing that her would-be killer was dead felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off of her shoulders; but, on the other, it felt like another one had been added. Did Darwin become like that for my sake? She gulped. That wasn’t something she wanted to think about either. It was one thing to kill someone in self-defense, but there was a very good chance that Darwin hadn’t done that--that he had gone out of his way to murder someone and had done it on her account.

  “No, but if he was trying to pull the wool over my eyes, that’s where he would have to trap Darwin. I need to go make sure Darwin is taking the killing alright. I mean, he looks fine physically . . . Well, he, like, totes look more than fine” --Stephanie gave Kass an unsettling wink-- “but I gots to check on his head ‘case something went wrong.” Stephanie was on her way out of the room when she came to a sudden stop in the doorway.

  “Don’t wait up for me. I don’t think I can join you.” Kass nodded her head towards her stomach. “Just tell me how the big lump is when you get back.”

  Stephanie cocked her head to the left. “Wait on you? Deary, I was trying to decide if I should go get a jacket and a scarf before I head out. I know that, in the romcoms, the guy always gives the girl his coat after a traumatic event while they are getting up in the back of an ambulance, but I thought I would switch up the gender roles and have a coat to put around Dar Dar as I comfort him. It’ll be cute. I hope. Maybe? Yeah, it needs to happen.” Stephanie darted to her closet, opened it up and pulled out an oversized peacoat. “I got this just for such an occasion. Can’t let it go to waste. I’m off now! Toodles!” Stephanie darted through the door at top speed, not even taking a break to put on the incredibly large coat as she ran.

  Kass sighed. Charles deserved to die, but did Darwin really have to be the one to do it? She had mixed feelings about the news, still feeling somewhat guilty over being the possible impetus for his actions. I hope Darwin doesn’t go to jail. Wait, if he just came from the game . . . Kass remembered that she had messaged Daniel once or twice over the forums before. She opened up a laptop Stephanie had let her borrow and logged in to find a message already waiting for her.

  Daniel: Kass, Darwin went crazy and disappeared down some secret stairs in Mt. Lawlheima. Is he okay? Have you heard from him? He completely lost it when we saw him last. He was talking to himself as he donned some crown that just appeared out of nowhere. Everyone is really anxious. If he contacts you first, please let us know.

  Huh? Talking to himself? Crown? Kass wasn’t sure what he was talking about, but figured the urgency of the situation at least demanded a response. How much should I tell them? We talked about Charles wanting me to spy on him to them, so they kind of know the situation, but . . . I better not tell them the rest. Darwin can tell them if he wants.

  Kass: Darwin is fine. He logged out. He’s in real life now.

  Should I add more? Is it okay to tell them anything else? Did he kill Charles because of me . . .? The question floated around in the back of her head. It almost made her feel like she had pulled the trigger herself when she considered it through the lenses of a baseless but gnawing sense of guilt. I might not be a killer myself, but I am an accomplice, she conceded as she failed to convince herself that she wasn’t the one who had taken Charles’s life. He did it for me . . . Because I . . . He wouldn't have done if I hadn't gotten involved . . . I should have left things alone and never agreed to work for Charles. I was just selfishly trying to make money . . . Her side ached more with the thought. It felt like she had let down Darwin all over again.

  The laptop dinged and let her know that a reply had already been sent from Daniel.

  Daniel: Thanks for letting us know. We’re going to go manage a few little details of our burgeoning StormGuard Alliance until we log off for the night. You know where to reach us, and tell Darwin we hope he’s okay.

  Kass: Will do. Take it easy.

  Darwin:

  As Darwin climbed up from Charles’s corpse and adjusted his robe, he saw Stephanie barreling toward him in the distance. Should I run to her? Should I just let her run to me? How does this work? This is the airport romance scene, right? Darwin laughed to himself as he casually tried to brush off some of Charles’s bloo
d from his bathrobe. You know, the romance of a good, long run scene is lost when you actually have to wait for it to happen. I guess it works in airports because you generally don’t notice someone until they are almost right by you.

  “Darwin!” Stephanie yelled at him from across the giant, empty chamber.

  Fine. I’ll run. Darwin didn’t think that’s what she was actually yelling about as she barreled toward him in the most obscenely-frumpy navy blue peacoat he had ever seen, but he figured it was worth a shot to try and complete the moment. He could use a happy ending. In fact, after the day he had been having, the only thing he wanted more than a hot cup of chocolate with super tiny marshmallows served alongside a plate of cookies was a good hug. I guess that makes me a sap, right? Wanting a hug after a hard day. Whatever, he mused as he started in his own sprint towards Stephanie.

  When they met, it wasn’t the beautiful hug he had planned. His massive weight and momentum knocked her back a step on impact, and he had to press into an awkward embrace to stop her from falling over backwards. Arms first next time. Gotta secure the payload, Darwin mentally noted so he wouldn’t ruin any similar cinematic moments in the future.

  “Hey, thanks for coming out,” Darwin said as the hug eventually died down into the two of them just awkwardly leaning against each other. “I needed that.”

  “What happened? I just found you on the security camera and came running,” she said as she nuzzled into Darwin’s chest. The first time they had done this, Darwin had actually been shorter, and the fact she was further down on his chest made things feel different than before. His deaths and resurrections had been giving him a height boost each time, and everything around him seemed smaller. I wonder if, when we get a place together, I can torment her by making sure all of her favorite snacks are on the top shelf. Darwin was careful not to let Stephanie hear him as he laughed to himself. Stephanie would probably look really cute if she were struggling to reach something. His thoughts were interrupted when Stephanie hit his chest.

  “Stop that,” she laughed.

  “Stop what? I wasn’t doing anything,” he protested.

  “You were thinking something bad,” she insisted.

  “Why would you say that?” You mind reader.

  “Because you were laughing when there wasn’t a joke. You think I can’t feel a suppressed laugh when my face is pressed against your chest?” Stephanie asked, making her case.

  Since she was actually right, Darwin didn’t really have much of a response. “I was just thinking about how cute you’ll be when we get a place together,” he told her, offering a conciliatory half-truth.

  “Darwin, we’ve known each other, like, a week? You really want to move in already?” Stephanie backed further out of the already-broken hug and gave him a cold, cock-eyed stare.

  “Well, uhh . . .” Darwin looked at her. Crap, is that not what is going to happen? Is it bad to think about that this early? He squirmed a bit until Stephanie’s chuckling shattered the icy look she had been giving him.

  “It’s fine, you big oaf, or should I say, King Oaf? I like the crown, Darwin. Where did you get it?” Stephanie asked as she stood on her tiptoes and poked the shiny, new accessory resting on Darwin’s head.

  “A king gave it to me in Tiqpa.” He saw Qasin flash before his eyes momentarily as he thought of the event. It was still fresh in his mind.

  “Qasin? The king of the Humans? That’s a rather fitting crown to wear then.” Stephanie chuckled some more.

  “Well, it’s also a fitting crown. I kind of expected it to rest it on top of my head more than actually wear it, given how small the little guy was,” Darwin noted as he poked the perfectly fit crown. “It’s like it was made more for me than for him.”

  “Oh! Oh! I nearly forgot,” Stephanie took off her peacoat and ran around Darwin until she was right behind him. Then she jumped up and rested herself and the coat on Darwin’s shoulders. “There, there, Darwin. There, there. It’ll be alright.”

  It’ll be alright, eh? Darwin actually enjoyed hearing those words spoken out loud. Stephanie’s tone was mostly joking, but the words still felt nice on his ears. It’ll be alright. He sighed. The ordeal was over, but echoes of the pain he had experienced still hung in the background, bouncing back into his thoughts from a distance now and then as he made nice with Stephanie. It won’t happen again, was what he really wanted her to assure him. There were times when he felt like she knew everything, like she was always there with the right answer, to help him out, but just a few hundred feet back and through a portal he had been crushed. He had been hurt, tormented, by a man he had counted a friend and for reasons he didn’t understand. That’s a lie. You know very well why, an inner voice told him. It was a hard voice to drown out. It whispered, You are the beast he said you were, but in the most non-judgmental way. And he deserved what he got. After all, he--

  “I can’t wait to tell Kass how well I pulled this off,” Stephanie said as she rested on Darwin’s back, draped across his shoulders with her feet dangling in the air. “She’s going to be totes jealous of my idea.”

  Back with that valley girl accent, Darwin sighed. He didn’t know how to break the news about Kass, and the fluctuating accent wasn’t helping. Stephanie still seemed to be changing personas more than an ice cream shop changes the names of their flavors, but he didn’t mind in most circumstances. Truthfully, part of him liked it and thought it was cute. Nevertheless, he just wanted to focus on the topic at this point. I didn’t realize she was actually close to Kass. “Umm . . . About that. Stephanie, Kass . . . Kass is kind of . . . dead . . . and so is Charles.” He kept his voice as even as possible so it wouldn’t be misread as either a jest or humor. “I know you were probably close to Charles, but --”

  “Close to him? He has been plotting against me forever. And Kass isn’t dead. I literally just saw her five seconds ago. Charles only thought she was,” Stephanie chirped, cutting him off before he could attempt to comfort her. “Also, I already know Charles is dead. Why did you think I came down with the fancy coat? It was to comfort you after you murdered him.”

  Darwin clenched his eyes shut for a moment. Well, I’m an idiot. He reached a hand over his shoulder to pat the tiny girl on his back. But at least I’m an idiot with a pretty woman. “So, if you were just with Kass, then I take it she’s in your room?”

  “Oh, yeah! I forgot to tell you, Darwin. I have a hot, young 20-something-year-old in my bed right now. I hope you’re comfortable with that.” Stephanie beamed as she slid off his back and over to his side. “Because she’s not going anywhere anytime soon.”

  “Does that mean I have to sleep on the couch?” He gave Stephanie a wry grin. “I kind of thought that wouldn’t happen till later in the relationship.”

  “That depends how good your behavior is and how many games I lose to you tonight.”

  “Don’t worry about that. I’m generally terrible at anything other than the good, old multiplayer computer games.”

  “You know, Darwin, you’re kind of calm for someone who just killed a person. You holding up okay?” Stephanie asked.

  “Yeah, I think so. I don’t know why” --Darwin looked back to the body that was lying in front of the portal behind him and shrugged-- “but nothing has truly felt real since I first stepped into Tiqpa. It’s almost like whatever has to happen just does.”

  “And you’re okay with that?” Stephanie patted his shoulder, her arm not quite stretching to the center of his back.

  “Yeah, I think I am.” Darwin glanced upwards. He couldn’t see the crown, but he could feel it resting on his head and knew that it was still there.

  “Good, because we have a guest we have to entertain. I’m thinking a lot of block organizing games, followed by some fighter games, and we can top it all off with an RPG where the two of you get to drive from the backseat while I play.” Stephanie grabbed Darwin’s hand and started merrily skipping back to the room, dragging him behind her. “I’ll have one of Charles’s people
make us some nice pizza to eat while we game--they don’t know you killed him yet--and we can tease Kass by hugging and smooching in front of her so she feels terribly uncomfortable. Come on, we’re going to have a blast!”

  -------

  There was an awkward pause when Stephanie and Darwin finally made it back to the room. “Kass.” Darwin mouthed her name before actually speaking it out loud. The sight of her immediately let him know that something really had happened to her. He hadn’t been told the details of how she had been injured, but it was obvious from her bedridden state and the way she was clenching the side of her stomach that, while she might not be dead, it had likely been a close one. She paid the price for my actions, and I paid the price for the actions of those who came before me.

  “What happened?” he asked after a moment of hanging in the doorway with his mouth open like he was trying to catch flies.

  “Well, a few things here and there. Charles shot me, and Stephanie kidnapped me, but I’m better now.” Kass winced twice while speaking.

  Better? It’s hurting you just to talk, and you’re going to say you’re better? Darwin frowned. He wanted to correct her and tell her she didn’t have to put on a strong face, but he also didn’t want to break her facade. She had clearly worked hard to throw it up, and there wasn’t anything to be gained by cracking it now. “Well, I killed him, so he won’t be able to shoot you again.” Darwin’s frown shifted up a bit on the right side into an awkward almost-smile.

  “I heard from Stephanie.” Kass struggled to lean forward a little more, and it was a bit painful to watch. “But you didn’t have to.”

  “Well, I did.” Darwin shrugged. “He was trying to trap me somewhere in Tiqpa where I’d be dead to this world for all intents and purposes.”

  “Ah.” Kass sighed. “Then, uhh . . . Good thing you did, I guess.”

  “Wow, you two are awkward together.” Stephanie stepped around Darwin, giggling. “Can you imagine if you guys ever dated? Your conversations would be like two cavemen grunting at each other with constipated faces.”