The Patriot Girl

by Toni Lynn Cloutier

  Alex needed her, and he came first tonight. She laced his fingers with hers and together they went back inside and stood with her son.

  The doors beside the nurse’s station swung open and Tammy’s parents rushed to the doctor. MaKayla stood behind Alex and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

  The faces across the room expressed bad news. The couple clung together as the doctor rubbed the woman’s arm with a slight grin. Somewhere in this mess there was good news.

  The couple walked over and stood in front of Alex.

  Alex stepped forward. “Is she okay?”

  “She had a miscarriage, Alex.” Tammy’s mother took Alex into her arms. “I’m so sorry.”

  MaKayla’s worst fear was now verified. This was her fault. She should have had the talk with Alex instead of hoping he knew the answers. She should have been a better parent.

  “I’m so sorry for all of this.” She touched her son’s shoulder. “Alex should have known better.”

  The woman extended her hand. “I’m Joyce. And no need to apologize. It takes two. There’s only so much we’re capable of doing as parents.”

  Alex crossed his arms and bit his nails. “Will she still be able to have kids?”

  Joyce forced a smile. “They’ll know more in the morning, but the doctor was pretty sure she’ll be able to.”

  MaKayla followed Alex and sat beside him on the bench. She knew he would never forgive himself if Tammy couldn’t have other children. Knowing how the young girl loved kids, hearing the good news had been a relief for all of them. Her fingers ran through the back of his hair. “She’ll be okay, honey.”

  Alex nodded then stood. “Joyce, can I see her? I mean, after you do?”

  “Yes.” The woman looked at MaKayla. “If you don’t mind, Alex can stay with her for a while. They’ll be keeping her overnight.”

  “Okay, Mom?”

  She stood. The anguished look in her son’s eyes nearly broke MaKayla’s heart. She couldn’t apply a band-aid and kiss the pain away as she’d done so many times before. She was losing him—not the way she’d lost her daughters—he was becoming a man who no longer needed his mother. “Of course.” She hugged him tight. He kissed her cheek then disappeared through the doors with Tammy’s parents.

  She had never wanted her son to have to experience the pain of losing a child the same way she had. There hadn’t been any reason to tell him about the sisters he never met—until now. Tomorrow she would share with her son so he’d know she understood what he and Tammy were going through.

  She turned around and held Jodi. “Do you still think he should be having…sex?”

  “You and Paul survived losing the twins. So will they.”

  She pushed her friend away. “I’m a lousy mother, Jodi, for not talking to him as you’d suggested. I thought he knew. Paul should have been here for that man-to-man talk.” Tears streamed down her cheeks. “Damn Paul for leaving me.”

  Oh, no! She looked up and met Dustin’s gaze. Now that she was able to look at him and not see him as the man who took Paul away, could she learn not to put her foot in her mouth whenever he was around?

  Jodi rubbed MaKayla’s shoulder. “You’re far from being a lousy parent. Don’t blame yourself for Alex’s mistake. He’s a big boy, and he did know better. He and Tammy chose to do the wrong thing, and they’re paying some harsh consequences. Now you go home, get some rest, and call me in the morning.” Jodi turned to Dustin. “Give me the keys. I’ll go warm the car while you two talk.”

  MaKayla waited for Jodi to leave before turning to face Dustin. “I’m sorry for that comment. I didn’t mean—”

  “Shh.” He pulled her close.

  “I’m also sorry about your wife. You should have told me.”

  “It doesn’t matter. Getting behind the wheel in my situation was no different than if I’d drunk a twelve-pack.”

  “Paul was out in the storm because I wanted to go on vacation. I guess we’re both to blame.” She stared into his eyes and caressed his cheek. “Thanks for bringing Jodi here.”

  “I’m glad she insisted.” He hugged her. “I wanted to be here for you. And now we have some answers about that night.”

  Wrapping her arms around his neck, her nose took in the scent of his leather jacket, and her heart forgave him—and herself, a little.

  He kissed her temple. “Can I call you?”

  She stepped back. “I’ll call you when Alex goes back to school. I need to focus on him right now.”

  He nodded. “Okay. I’ll be waiting to hear from you.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  MaKayla opened her eyes to the falling snow outside her window. She remembered why she hadn’t shut the blinds before slipping between her cotton sheets the night before—she couldn’t be bothered.

  Spending the rest of the day in the fetal position, warm beneath the confines of her comforter, sounded a lot better than having to wake up and deal with the realities that awaited her.

  She’d lost a grandchild she’d never know.

  She and Dustin’s consciousness of the accident’s actual events couldn’t erase three years of blame and guilt. Only time would help her to adjust to the fact that she’d been wrong about him. And only time would allow her to forgive herself for asking her family to go away on a weekend vacation.

  The wounds were still too raw to pretend she and Dustin could be together and not make mistakes similar to her blunder about saying she wanted Paul to be by her side. It really was time for her to face that Paul was no longer alive, and that she was.

  After fifteen minutes of hibernating, she tossed on some clothes and headed downstairs. As much as she wanted to skip the day, she couldn’t. She had to face what life had in store for her, and deal with it.

  The decorated tree in the corner beside the fireplace reminded her of the holiday. Her green jogging suit fit the occasion so much better than her mood. The holiday cheer normally in her heart seemed to have stayed in bed.

  Relaxing in her favorite dining chair with a cup of tea, she shuffled through the previous week’s mail for half an hour before Alex joined her downstairs.

  “Morning, honey. How was Tammy when you left last night?”

  He shrugged. “Sad and scared.” He went into the kitchen and removed a bowl and a box of cereal from the cupboard. “Is it okay with you if I spend time with her this morning? She’s coming home and I want to be there for her.”

  MaKayla set the milk down in front of him. “Of course, I wouldn’t expect anything less.” She sat across from him. “She needs you right now.”

  “I’ll be home for dinner.”

  “Not to worry. I’ll explain what happened to your grandparents. If you don’t make it home, they’ll understand.”

  Alex nodded and fussed with his breakfast. “Mom, was that man with Jodi last night the one who hit me and Dad?”

  “Yes. Harold James—but he goes by Dustin, not Harold.” She stood and placed the cereal box back into the cupboard. “Was it weird for you to see him, honey?”

  “No, I’ve never held him responsible for the accident. I’m glad he’s okay. I think you still need to forgive him though.”

  Her son had problems other than her feelings to worry about. “I think I did, last night. But that doesn’t matter now. You know, Alex, I do feel some responsibility for what happened with you and Tammy. We should have talked more about birth control, diseases, and consequences of our actions. Honey, I thought you were smart enough to know better than to make love without protection.”

  He pushed his nearly-full bowl of cereal forward. “I know. And I’m sorry. It just happened.”

  Lecturing him wouldn’t change anything. He needed comfort and reassurance that everything would work out. She went to him and placed his head against her stomach. “I’m sorry, honey.”

  He stood and dumped the rest of his breakfast down the garbage disposal then stared out the window. “Mom, are you in love with him?”

  “With who, A
l?”

  He turned and faced her. “Dustin.”

  Right now she wasn’t sure how she felt. Things were happening so fast. “I don’t know. Why?”

  He shrugged. “You shouldn’t blame him for what happened. Or blame yourself for what happened last night. I wanted to be with Tammy before I left for school. I’m sorry I disappointed you. We learned our lesson…the hard way.”

  MaKayla nodded.

  He crossed his arms. “You know, Mom, I’d be okay if you wanted to hook up with this Dustin dude.”

  “Come here.” He stepped into her embrace. “When did my little boy become a man?” She kissed his cheek. “Don’t worry about me and Dustin. As for you and Tammy…are you okay talking about this with me?”

  He chuckled. “I’m okay talking about it, but I’m not sure you are. I know about protection. Tammy and I talked about how stupid we were and how lucky we are nothing serious happened.”

  She lifted his chin to stare into his eyes. Had she heard him correctly? “Nothing serious, Alex?”

  “Of course what happened is serious. I just meant that she’ll still be able to have kids.” He turned around and cleared his throat.

  “What’s the matter, honey? Is there something you’re not telling me?”

  “I can’t help but feel I let Dad down.” His voice cracked. “He would have been so disappointed in me.”

  She turned him around and wiped the tears off his cheeks. “Hey, you stop talking that way right now. You could never be a disappointment to your father…or me. We learn from our mistakes, remember? I’m sure you won’t let this happen again, right?”

  “Thanks, Mom. I needed to hear that.” He nodded, reached for a napkin, and blew his nose. “Tammy said the same thing but I guess I needed to hear it from you too.”

  “Alex, there’s something your father and I never shared with you.” He sat while she paced in front of him. “I, too, had a miscarriage. Before you were born, I was pregnant with twin girls.”

  “Wow.” He sat up straight. “What happened?”

  She knelt in front of him and told her story. “I’m telling you this because I want you and Tammy to know I understand what you’re going through. If either of you want to talk more, I’m here.”

  “Thanks.” He stood and hugged her. “I’m sorry about the twins.”

  “Me too.” She released her embrace and forced a smile. “Okay, now go shower. I’m sure Tammy’s wondering where you are.”

  Alone, MaKayla sucked in a lung full of I-can’t-believe-I-made-it-through-that and sighed a thank-goodness-that’s-over.

  ****

  Dustin stared at the neatly wrapped, gold-foiled package with the giant bow he had set on the bar. After admiring the midnight-blue silk nightgown through a store window at the mall, he’d bought the two-piece ensemble with his mind set as a holiday gift for MaKayla.

  Even if he wouldn’t have the pleasure of her modeling the outfit, his imagination had been enough. After his confession last night, he’d be lucky to get the phone call she promised him, let alone have her accept such an intimate gift.

  The front door of No Bulls squeaked open. He stepped out from behind the bar and greeted the young man he recognized from the hospital. His stomach knotted. This might be his only chance to apologize to Paul’s son.

  “Excuse me, Mr. James.”

  Dustin stuck his hand out and the boy took it. “Alex, I’m so sorry about last night. How’s your girlfriend doing?”

  He shrugged. “I’m on my way to be with her.”

  “Is your mother okay?”

  “Yeah.” Alex messed his hair with his fingertips. “I’m sorry to barge in here, sir. My mom told me who you were. I just wanted to let you know I don’t blame you for what happened. I know my mom did for a long time.”

  “I appreciate your telling me this.” Dustin offered him a seat at a small round table.

  Alex dropped his keys on the red-checkered tablecloth then straddled the backward chair. “She told me you didn’t remember the accident. I do. And you tried to avoid us. But your car skidded too.”

  “Wow.” Dustin now remembered hearing MaKayla mention something about that last night. The fact hadn’t registered until now. He had been focused. He couldn’t have avoided the situation. “Last night I remembered some of what happened that evening, but the accident is still fuzzy.”

  “If you have any questions, please ask. My mom needs to stop blaming everyone for the accident. My dad and I were in the same car, in the same accident, so why did he die and not me? It was just meant to be. Exactly like what happened to our baby. Mom’s trying to blame herself for that too.”

  Inwardly, Dustin applauded the young lad for being so down-to-earth and level-headed. He’d never been able to understand why Liz had died on what should have been the most important day of their lives. This kid summed up Liz’s passing in five words—it was meant to be. “I do hope you accept my apology for what happened to your dad. I’m glad to know that in spite of everything, you and your mom are doing great.”

  He nodded. “Mr. James, I do have one question. Do you want to date my mom?”

  He chuckled. “Call me Dustin.” Now it was clear why the kid had stopped by. He appreciated the young man’s grit and honesty. Alex deserved the same respect in return. “Yes, I do. But I don’t want to push her. She needs time to get past this. I know she worries about what you’d think.”

  “She knows what I think. Can you get away from here right now?”

  “Sure.” Melissa was spending the morning with Liz’s folks. “What do you need?”

  Alex stood. “Come on. You’ll see.”

  Dustin locked up the club then followed Alex to his car.

  “I’m kidnapping you and taking you to my house. This way my Mom won’t have a choice but to talk to you. She’ll be forced to drive you back here for your car.”

  Alex’s smile reminded Dustin of a rodeo champion. “That might just tick her off royally.”

  “Maybe…maybe not. Let’s just say either way, this will be a Christmas Mom won’t ever forget.”

  ****

  Spending Christmas without her son should not have bewildered MaKayla. This whole fall, her life had been full of surprises—bad and good.

  She ran upstairs, stripped off her clothes, and turned on the shower. The hot jets would soon help to relax her tensed muscles that followed her conversation with Alex.

  Jodi was right, as usual. He would pull through the same way she and Paul had. It was an especially tough lesson for teenagers.

  She opened her closet door. The white Stetson Dustin had given her for good luck rested on top of a shoebox, as if staring down at her. Was the hat a blessing or a curse? Her business had been doing great, but she couldn’t say much for the two of them.

  A noise came from the kitchen. She tossed on her robe, turned off the water, and headed downstairs. “Alex, did you forget something?”

  No answer.

  “Alex?” As she made her way past the downstairs bathroom doorway a hand reached around from behind and covered her mouth. She looked down and recognized the Columbus Bank robber’s dirty red sneakers. Her heart raced while her body froze.

  “Don’t be afraid. I’m not going to hurt you.”

  He was a good three inches taller than her five-feet-four. If she turned the wrong way, he could snap her neck. She had to stay calm and do what he wanted.

  “If I let you go, will you promise not to scream?”

  She nodded. Even if she did scream, no one was around to hear her. Agreeing would be better than having her spine bent backward.

  Slowly he released his hand from her mouth, grabbed her wrist, and turned her around. A gun was tucked into the front of his jeans. His blond hair was messy and his blue eyes stared at her. She closed her robe with her free hand. “Take whatever you want. You don’t need to hurt me. I have a son who—”

  “I know. Alex. He’s a good kid.”

  “You know my son?” She though
t she had met all of Alex’s friends.

  “Yeah. I’ve been keeping an eye on you while he’s gone. I just wanted to check the place out.”

  “What for?”

  “Maybe you could use a man around here. You know, to take over Alex’s chores and stuff.”

  She glanced down at the sneakers, and then his waistband. The gun was too close to his hand. She didn’t want to spook him. If she pretended to play along, she might be able to get some information from him for the police.

  “How do you know Alex?”

  “From the recreation center.”

  “Does he know you’re watching out for me?”

  The boy let go of her arm and looked around. “No. But better me than Luke.”

  “Who’s Luke?”

  “Some other dude, who would hurt you. He’s pissed he wasn’t included in the bank job, but he doesn’t have a gun and I do. I’ve let him know you’re my watch. So you don’t have to worry about him.”

  She hadn’t been worried until now. What kind of kids hung out at the recreation center with a gun? What type of parents did this boy have? He couldn’t be older than sixteen.

  “Where do you live?”

  “Here and there.” He stared her down. “My mother dumped me at an orphanage seventeen years ago. I’ve been on my own since I was thirteen.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.” He was homeless just as Duke had suspected.

  “Whatever.” He shrugged. “I know you’re the one at the bank robbery. How’s that dude’s head doing?”

  Wow. He remembered Dustin. “Better.”

  “I’m sorry about that but he pissed me off.” He put his hand on the gun. “Those other dudes gave me fifty bucks to help them rob that place. I couldn’t pass up a meal ticket, you know?”

  No, she didn’t know. But she had to be sympathetic to win this kid over. She didn’t want a whack on her head if she ticked him off too. “So what do you want from me?”

  He opened his arms and turned around. “This. A home, an address, a decent meal, and a bed.”

  She had to find out if he’d been the one creeping around her house the night Dustin and Sam showed up. “Did you leave rose petals in my car?”