Toys and Baby Wishes

by Karen Rose Smith

  "Is that nice Mr. Flannigan helping you? You certainly shouldn't be trying to do this yourself."

  Lexa smiled. "Yes, he's helping, and he has a friend who's helping him."

  Lexa was anxious to get home. After she tried to reassure Edna again about her investment, she said good night to Clare and left before anyone else could tie her up.

  She'd never been this eager to leave a meeting before. She'd never been this eager to see someone. Josh was changing her life. Was she ready for the change?

  ***

  The Kittredge home was magnificent. A long driveway, tall white pillars on the porch, an affluence of rooms, damasks, Oriental rugs, and Faberge eggs. Josh wondered about Lexa's childhood, whether she ran through the rooms with pigtails flying, whether she played with toys scattered around the antique spinning wheel, whether she ever did her homework on the polished mahogany dining room table. He doubted it. After a formal introduction to Donald Kittredge, the housekeeper Anna showed them to separate rooms.

  After Josh and Lexa unpacked, they walked down the wide open staircase together. Josh grinned. "Are you going to sneak into my room tonight or am I going to sneak into yours?"

  "Afraid a monster will get you in a strange bed?"

  As they reached the landing, he targeted her ribs and began tickling. "You have no respect."

  She tried unsuccessfully to push away his hands but they were too large and too quick. "Stop it. Coercion won't work!"

  "Who says?" He started a fresh attack.

  She slapped at his hands between giggles. "Josh, Dad's in the living room."

  He stopped tickling but kept her a prisoner in his arms. "I'll stop if you give me a nice, long kiss."

  "Blackmail," she said but with a pleasurable sigh let him kiss her at length. The magic and excitement was always there, the passion ever-burning. His breath became hers. Hers became his. She pushed away a pang of guilt. She'd tell him she couldn't have children. Soon. But meeting Dani this weekend, seeing the reality of having a baby, was enough to throw at him now.

  Josh finally broke off the kiss.

  Breathless, she said, "I'll sneak into your room. You have the king-size bed." She jabbed him in the ribs, scurried down the remaining steps into the living room before he could catch her.

  When Josh came into the living room and took a seat next to her on the sofa, his look said, "I'll get you later."

  Donald Kittredge smiled at the two of them. "I hope Dani isn't too late. Anna says she can't hold dinner much longer; the turkey will fall apart."

  "Dani will be here soon." Lexa checked her watch.

  "She'll be here when she's good and ready," her father disagreed, his brown eyes saying he knew better.

  "Dad, you have to have faith in her."

  Donald adjusted his wire rims. "You don't see Dani's flaws like I do."

  Her father had always been harder on Dani than his older daughter, maybe because Lexa had always tried to be the perfect daughter while Dani rebelled. Sometimes she wondered if he loved either of them. He'd missed important events in their lives. Birthday parties. Dani's recitals. The ceremony when Lexa had received the American Legion medal for good citizenship. She tried to forget the Thanksgiving dinners planned by Loretta to include the "right" people, people who raised her to upper echelon society.

  "Did Anna tell you I bought her a new oven? It's hard to believe she's been with us twenty-eight years. We hired her when we bought this house." This he directed to Josh.

  Josh said, "Loyalty and staying power are important in the people who work for you."

  "Loyalty has a great deal to do with the amount of their paycheck."

  "Dad."

  "Lexa, that's just the way it is."

  Was he really that cynical? How was he going to respond when he knew Dani was pregnant, when he knew Lexa was adopting the baby? Josh covered Lexa's hand with his and she was glad he was here.

  Donald turned to Josh. "Lexa told me you own two toy stores. I respect a man who manages his finances well enough to enable growth."

  "Dad, it's Thanksgiving. Can we keep business out of the conversation?" Lexa asked quietly.

  Her father shrugged and ran his fingers through his thinning brown hair. "We can try, but it's hard for me to turn off the language and terminology I've been using all week." After a brief silence, Donald asked Josh, "How long have you and Lexa been dating?"

  "About six weeks," Josh said.

  "Lexa doesn't tell me much when she calls. She gives me the time she's arriving, the time she's departing."

  "You make me sound like a jet."

  "You move like one most of the time," her father grumbled. "The only time you're still is when you're hashing out some plot with Dani."

  Suddenly from the doorway, a voice interrupted. "Hi, everyone. I'm not late for dinner, am I?"

  Lexa motioned to Dani to come to the sofa. "No. You're just in time. Come meet Josh."

  Dani approached the sofa. Her eyes swept Josh's figure and his face. She grinned and said in a mock aside to Lexa, "You picked a winner this time."

  Lexa tried to keep a blush from coloring her cheeks. She hugged Dani. "We didn't hear you come in."

  Dani brushed her sister's words away with her hand. "I came in the back." After the hug, she extended her hand to Josh. "Lexa's told me what a great guy you. She sure was right about your gorgeous blue eyes." Lexa wanted to sink under the sofa.

  Josh winked and squeezed her knee.

  Dani rubbed her hands on the oversize shirt that fell over faded denims. She cast a worried glance at her father. "I think we should just get this over with right away, Lexa. Don't you?"

  Lexa's stomach jumped. "Why don't you wait until after dinner?"

  "Get what over with?" Donald asked.

  "Dad, I'm pregnant. Rob doesn't want to get married. I'm going to have the baby and Lexa's going to adopt him or her. Lexa and I have talked about this until we're blue. It's settled." Dani stuffed her hands in her pockets after the rushed recital.

  Donald Kittredge's mouth dropped open and he sat in stunned silence looking at Dani and then Lexa. He closed his mouth and rose to his feet. "Dani, I want to see you in my office. Now."

  "Dad..."

  "Danielle," he repeated in a brook-no-argument voice.

  Lexa started to jump to Dani's defense. "Dad--"

  Donald turned to his eldest daughter, "I want to talk to Dani privately; I'll talk with you after dinner. I'm sure we'll all be discussing this together in the months to come." He motioned Dani out of the room and he followed.

  Lexa stood to go in the same direction but Josh caught her arm to stop her. "Let them talk."

  "But, Josh, I know how he can be. I don't want him upsetting her."

  "Do you fight all her battles?"

  "No, of course not. But..."

  "He's her father," Josh said gently. "He's going to want to know more than the little bit Dani just told him."

  "He's so hard to talk to."

  "This is his grandchild."

  "And he'll have no more time for him or her than he had for us." She felt more sadness than bitterness.

  "You don't know that."

  "If Dad wants to be a part of my life and a grandfather to the baby, I'll let him. But I don't expect that to happen." She looked again toward the doorway.

  Josh cupped her elbow. "Give them some time alone."

  She thought about it. "All right. Dani won't let Dad corner her for long." Lexa smiled. "How would you like to carve the turkey?"

  Josh let her change the subject. "Will your housekeeper let me? Clare pushes me out of the kitchen when she's cooking."

  "Just flash Anna one of your charming smiles and she'll melt in her oxfords."

  "And bat my gorgeous blue eyes?" he teased.

  "Do you remember everything?"

  His grin was mischievous. "My brain works better than a computer."

  Then he pulled her into his arms, bent her back and kissed her thoroughly. Afterward they b
oth seemed a bit shaken.

  He said huskily, "I'll remember that for a long time to come and I hope you will, too."

  She would. Because Josh was on very sexy man–the man she loved.

  ***

  Josh watched the Kittredge family as they ate a superbly prepared Thanksgiving dinner. The atmosphere was tense when Donald Kittredge and Dani returned from their pow-wow and sat at the table. Josh felt uncomfortable when neither of them mentioned their conversation. Worried vibrations were coming from Lexa and he didn't know how to reassure her. Josh did his best to keep the conversation flowing. To his relief, Dani began chattering and joking. Her ebullience clouded the concerns for the moment and the tension relaxed.

  Many of her gestures and mannerisms were the same as Lexa's. But there the resemblance stopped. Her hair was dark brown, her eyes hazel. She liked attention. So different from Lexa.

  As Lexa relaxed and began eating, Josh watched her act as a buffer between Dani and her father. Josh was sitting next to Donald and while Dani and Lexa discussed common friends and Christmas presents for relatives, Lexa's father quizzed Josh about his educational background and his family.

  After Anna served pumpkin pie, Lexa saw what was happening and gave Josh an encouraging smile. He smiled back.

  Donald Kittredge saw the exchange. "Josh, I have some interesting puzzles in the den that I've collected over the years. Would you like to see them?"

  "I thought you wanted to talk to me," Lexa said.

  "We have until Saturday. This problem isn't going to go away. I'd like to get to know Josh better. How about it, Josh? Can we retire to my office?"

  Josh wanted to get to know this man. By understanding Donald Kittredge, he could better understand Lexa. "Sure." He stood and pushed his chair back. The look he gave Lexa said, "Don't worry."

  Dani poked her sister. "We can go bother Anna."

  "We can help Anna," Lexa corrected, a wary eye on her father as the two men departed.

  Donald Kittredge's office smelled of wood and leather. Shelves lined two walls, an immense mahogany desk was set against one wall and two burgundy leather chairs with ottomans faced a red brick fireplace.

  After Josh examined the shelves and the puzzles shaped like a cube, a chocolate kiss, a ball within a square, Donald invited him to sit in front of the fireplace. He began with a pointed question. "Are you and Lexa seriously involved?"

  "Yes, we are."

  "Do you believe Lexa knows what she's doing in adopting this child?"

  "With due respect, Mr. Kittredge, I think you should ask Lexa that."

  Donald Kittredge's brows drew together. "Lexa and I have trouble talking to each other. She gets very defensive, especially where Dani is concerned."

  "From what Lexa has told me, that seems only natural."

  He acknowledged the observation with a nod. "She's probably told you more than she's told me. First of all, I'm worried about both of them. This situation is sticky, very sticky. Lexa always knows her own mind, but Dani doesn't. My youngest daughter tends to be impulsive and likes to take the easy way out."

  "It's not easy to carry a child to term and then give it up," Josh offered. "She's made a mature decision wanting to put the child's welfare first."

  "Maybe. Personally, I think she would like nothing better than to marry Rob and settle down. That's not possible so she's going to have the child, let Lexa have custody, yet she can be Aunt Dani and enjoy playing with the baby, visiting when she wants."

  Josh had been so caught up in Lexa's excitement about the child that he hadn't thought about the complications. "Lexa feels the child will be hers. She'll be the mother, not Dani."

  "Legally perhaps. But we can't legalize our emotions. I feel Dani should keep the baby. I'll give her whatever assistance she needs. You and Lexa need a solid relationship before you consider having children or adopting them. Dani's due in May. That doesn't give you and Lexa much time together alone."

  Josh bristled at Donald Kittredge's assessment of what he and Lexa needed, but for Lexa's sake and his own kept his temper in check. He was worried about the limited time they had together. Lexa was so involved. With a child she would be even more involved. Would she have time for him and their relationship? As much to himself as to Donald Kittredge, he said, "We can work it out."

  "You seem to be supportive of Lexa. But consider what I've said. She thinks she can save the world, but I'm not sure this is the time to save Dani. If Dani was forced to give this child up to a stranger, she wouldn't. She'd keep it."

  "You don't know that, Dad. You don't know that at all."

  Donald looked over the back of his chair when he heard Lexa's voice. "Lexa, I don't think you've given this enough thought."

  She came into the room and stood in front of the two men. "I've given this days and weeks of thought. This decision is right and I don't want you trying to talk Dani out of it. Let us solve this ourselves."

  Donald Kittredge's voice was firm, his eyes penetrating. "You're not solving it correctly. What happens if in a year or two Dani grows up and decides she wants the child back? Then what are you going to do?"

  "That won't happen," Lexa denied.

  Josh asked gently. "But what if it does?"

  "You're not taking his side, are you?"

  "I'm not taking anybody's side, but you'd better look at this from all the angles." Josh knew Lexa would be devastated if she gave all her love and then Dani wrenched the child away. Would she let Dani take the baby back? Everything he knew about Lexa told him she wouldn't think of herself first.

  "I have looked at this from all angles and that won't happen. You don't know Dani as I do. She'd never do that to me or the baby."

  Donald cut in. "I hope not. I sincerely hope she'd consider the welfare of her child rather than her own. But with Dani, it's hard to tell."

  Lexa gave a resigned sigh. "You don't know her, and you don't know me. You never took the time." Childhood hurts hadn't healed, might never heal. All Lexa could do was go on from this moment.

  A pained look crossed her father's face. "Let's not get into that now. What I'm telling you makes sense from an impartial observer's viewpoint. You think you can solve the world's problems. You think you can give and give and give more, and everything will change. And you think you can do it all by yourself. You can't, Lexa. You simply can't."

  "I can do it myself. After Mom died, I never had anyone to depend on. Not you. Certainly not Loretta. I've done fine without anybody's help." She had had no choice. That hurt more than she ever wanted to admit.

  "Whether or not you knew it, you had my help," Donald defended himself. "You don't think I know what's going on. Of course, I do. How do you think you got the loan to set up your business?"

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Lexa felt as if she'd been hit over the head. "What?"

  "I have always been concerned about you and Dani. I've always tried to help," Donald Kittredge insisted.

  "What about the loan? I'm the one who went to the banks. I'm the one who filled out the applications. You had nothing to do with it."

  "Lexa, you have to stop thinking I don't care. I do. I always have. You had no collateral. I made a phone call to the bank."

  "I don't believe this. Why did you do that? You knew I wanted to succeed on my own. How could you interfere that way?"

  "I was trying to help you get started. Is that so terrible?" her father questioned with serious lines creasing his brow.

  "Yes. Because I told you I wanted to make it on my own. Why couldn't you let me?"

  "No bank was going to loan you money without collateral," Donald said matter-of-factly.

  "I would have gotten it somehow. If necessary I would have worked for someone else to get a down payment. All you ever gave me was money. I can't believe you interfered that way. Dad, stay out of this situation with me and Dani. Let us decide what's best for us."

  "Dani might not know what that is."

  "And I don't, either? If only you knew--" She stoppe
d.

  Donald Kittredge stood up and looked straight at Josh. "Maybe you can talk some sense into her. She hasn't listened to me in years. I think you realize this is much more complicated than either of them understand."

  With a last look at Lexa, he left her and Josh alone.

  Josh spoke first. "What's between you and your dad?"

  Lexa sighed, the hurt from years gone by still real and alive. "He's always thought money can fix anything. He bought us things instead of giving us his time."

  "He's obviously concerned about you and Dani."

  Lexa plopped down in the chair next to Josh. "Maybe you think so."

  "Lexa..."

  "You don't understand. He wasn't around when I needed him so I decided not to need him. And that included his money. I decided I was going to succeed on my own with no one's help."

  "You have succeeded on your own."

  "Not if he bankrolled me."

  Exasperated, Josh sat on the edge of the leather cushion and turned toward her. "For Pete's sake, Lexa. He didn't bankroll you. He merely offered collateral. You paid back the loan, didn't you?"

  "Yes, but I wouldn't have gotten it--"

  He impatiently slapped his hand on the arm of the chair. "You would have. Eventually. You said so yourself. Your father simply made it easier for you to follow your dream sooner."

  Why wasn't Josh supporting her, not her father? "I can't believe you're taking his side."

  "I'm not taking sides. Lexa, think about it. You can't tell me you wouldn't do the same for your son or daughter."

  "I wouldn't. Not if I knew how important their desire was to be independent."

  Josh studied her for a moment. "What's really at the bottom of this, Lexa? Can't you accept the fact that despite past mistakes, your father does love you?"

  A weariness settled over her. "You don't know what you're talking about. How do you know he loves me? For that matter, how do I know? He was always working. If I wanted his attention, I had to get it by being outstanding. I had to get the top grades in my class, win the swim meet, earn the blue ribbon. And then if I got anything, it was a pat on the head, his attention for five minutes. So don't you tell me how much my father loves me because you know nothing about it. Nothing at all!" she ended, her voice vibrating with emotion.