Fighting with Shadows

by Beryl Matthews

  ‘Don’t go to sleep again, or we’ll miss the cows.’

  She chuckled. ‘Just another half an hour and we’ll get up, have breakfast, and go to see the animals.’

  They sat like that until the alarm clock went off at five. Danny was immediately tugging at her.

  ‘It’s time now, Auntie!’

  As they washed and dressed, a wonderful smell of cooking wafted upstairs, making Angie realize just how hungry she was. They tumbled into the kitchen, eager to start the day.

  Hetty was by the large wood-burning stove, tending to various pans on the top. She turned, a broad smile on her face. ‘Good morning, my darlings. You made it on time, then.’

  Angie nodded. ‘Danny made sure I didn’t oversleep.’

  Hetty looked at them both with such love in her eyes that it brought a lump to Angie’s throat. The Sawyers had thought the world of them, especially Jane, who had stayed with them the longest. What a wrench it must have been for them to see her go.

  ‘Sit yourselves down. Egg and bacon, Angie?’

  ‘Yes, please.’

  ‘And what about you, young man? How about a nice boiled egg with home-made bread cut into soldiers?’

  He smiled and nodded just as John came in the kitchen and sat at the table with them.

  ‘I got up,’ he told John proudly, before John had had a chance to say even good morning. ‘I don’t want to miss the cows.’

  ‘I should think not.’ John dived into his huge plate of breakfast as soon as it was put in front of him.

  ‘When we’ve had this, you can help me get them into the milking shed.’

  Danny could hardly contain his excitement and treated everyone to a bright smile.

  ‘Ah, he’s a bonny boy,’ Hetty said quietly to her husband.

  John stopped eating for a moment and studied Danny, who was completely absorbed in dunking the bread soldiers in his egg. ‘But he was bound to be: he’s Jane’s son.’

  When the plates were empty, John stood up. ‘Time to get the cows in.’

  Danny nearly fell off the chair in his haste.

  By the back door was a covered porch with all the wellingtons lined up. Angie had made sure to pack theirs, knowing how important they were around the farm. She helped Danny into his and slipped on her own. Then they were in the yard, with the excited child running after John, who was making for the field. The large cows walked towards the gate as soon as he called them.

  ‘They’re coming on their own,’ Danny squealed as Angie caught up with him. ‘Look, Auntie. They’re whopping.’

  John swung the gate open and the cows ambled towards the shed, casting them stares with velvet brown eyes.

  ‘Ow!’ Danny wriggled in awe as the large animals passed within four feet of them. ‘What are the two dogs doing?’

  ‘They’re making sure that none of them stray.’

  ‘Are they?’ He looked up at her, his little face glowing. ‘But they’re just sitting there.’

  ‘I know, but see how they are watching carefully. If a cow doesn’t go where it’s supposed to, they’ll spring into action and guide it in the right direction. They do the same with sheep.’ It was all coming back to Angie now. She and Jane had been as interested as Danny.

  ‘They must be clever dogs.’

  ‘They are, darling, but you mustn’t pet them unless Mr Sawyer says so, because they are working dogs, not pets.’

  The morning sped by as Danny collected eggs, saw the pigs, sheep and horses. He went into raptures about the donkey, crying out with delight when John sat him on the animal. He seemed to spend the entire morning running; not once did Angie see him walk anywhere. He was so determined not to miss anything.

  By the time they finished lunch he was nearly asleep at the table and had to sleep for a couple of hours in the afternoon.

  The next morning there was a fine drizzle falling, but it didn’t deter Danny. He was out as soon as breakfast was over, getting in everyone’s way in his eagerness to help. Angie kept a sharp eye on him from a distance, giving him the freedom to run and roam that he had never had at home. She chuckled when she saw him clambering on to the fence so that he could look at the huge black and white pigs in the pigsty. He didn’t show any fear, no matter how big the animals were.

  Bob drove up, got out of the car and, after a quick wave to her, made straight for the boy. ‘You’re in a fine mess, young man.’

  Danny swivelled his head round and gazed up at the tall man in army uniform, and jiggled excitedly. ‘Come and look at these. They’re ever so big and they’ve got little ones – all pink! Ain’t they great!’

  Bob glanced into the pigsty, nodded and said drily, ‘Very nice. Would you and your auntie like to come for a ride this afternoon?’

  ‘In the big car?’

  ‘Yes.’

  This was even more exciting than the pigs. He slithered off the fence and stood in front of Bob, saluting him.

  Bob sprang to attention, making Danny laugh out loud. ‘Where we going?’

  ‘For a ride through the hills, and, if we’re lucky, we might find a teashop selling real cream cakes. Would you like that?’

  ‘Yes, please.’

  Danny was standing in a patch of sticky mud, so Bob lifted him up and placed him on a dry piece of ground. ‘You must ask your auntie if it’s all right first. She might not want to come.’

  ‘’Course she will.’ Danny spun round and, seeing her close by, took off, shouting excitedly. ‘Auntie Angel, can we go out with the Major? We’re gonna have real cream cakes!’

  When she smiled and nodded, he jumped up and down, giving a whoop of delight.

  ‘Hello, Bob.’ Hetty joined them. ‘Will you stay to lunch?’

  ‘Thanks, Hetty, I’d like that.’

  ‘Let me get Danny cleaned up before we eat.’ Angie took his hand and shook her head in disbelief. ‘How on earth did you get in such a mess?’

  Danny looked down at his muddy boots and clothes; wiping his hands on his shirt, he left another streak of dirt across it. ‘Dunno, but it was easy.’

  When everyone laughed, he beamed all round.

  Angie was so happy she could have cried as she cleaned up Danny and put him in fresh clothes. He was a different boy already. The sparkle was back in his gorgeous eyes. He had slept better and eaten a good breakfast as well.

  ‘The Major said we’d have real cream cakes,’ he told her for the umpteenth time. ‘And we’re going in the big car again.’

  ‘That will be lovely, won’t it?’

  ‘Yeah, he’s nice.’ Danny had made an effort to dress himself and was sitting on the bed and frowning at his feet.

  Angie slipped off his shoes and put them back on the right feet. ‘I think you’ll do. Let’s go and eat now.’

  ‘I’m starving!’ He jumped off the bed and dashed out of the room, making for the kitchen with all speed.

  It was a pleasant lunch, and Angie watched Bob with interest as he talked. He was a likeable man, and she couldn’t help wishing that he had been Danny’s father. But there wasn’t the slightest resemblance between them. Bob had dark hair, Danny the opposite, with fair hair and pale grey eyes. In fact Danny didn’t look like Jane or anyone else in their family.

  As soon as the meal was over, they were on their way. Angie was looking forward to their drive as well. She sat in the front with Bob, and Danny in the back, so he could kneel on the seat and look out. The countryside was beautiful, and Angie sighed with pleasure. This would be a much better place to bring up Danny. London was noisy, crowded and held sad memories of what had happened to Jane.

  ‘Beautiful, isn’t it?’

  ‘Yes, I’m glad we came. I was at my wits’ end trying to comfort Danny, but he’s loving it here.’

  Bob gave her a sympathetic glance. ‘And I notice he isn’t clutching that toy as if his life depended on it.’

  ‘It’s sitting on his bedside table now, which is a good sign, because he took it everywhere with him.’ She changed t
he subject. ‘How long will you be stationed here?’

  ‘My job is to clear up, so the camp can be closed down. In two weeks I’ll be in Berlin.’

  ‘Isn’t there any need for the camp now?’

  ‘No.’ He shot her a puzzled look. ‘The prisoners have all been repatriated at last.’

  ‘Prisoners?’

  Bob pulled up by a café, turned off the engine and faced her. ‘German prisoners. Didn’t you know that was what the camp at Goathurst was?’

  ‘No, but I was only down here for about six months, and Jane never mentioned it.’

  ‘Is this where we’re gonna have cakes?’ Danny’s face appeared between them.

  Bob laughed, got out and opened the rear door, hoisting Danny into the air. ‘Come on, let’s see what they’ve got.’

  They had cream scones – a great treat and thoroughly enjoyed by all of them. When they had eaten their fill, they walked for a while. Danny was holding Bob’s hand, chatting away, and Angie’s heart squeezed with emotion. He needed a father. She hung back a little, watching the two of them. It would be no hardship to marry a man like Bob: he would make a wonderful father for Danny. She clamped down on that line of thought at once. It wouldn’t be right to marry someone just to provide a father for Danny. Anyway, Bob was most likely already married with a family of his own.

  ‘Come on, Auntie,’ Danny called, making Bob stop so she could catch up.

  Dismissing her foolish thoughts, she ran towards them, laughing. She loved Danny so much, and was quite capable of bringing him up on her own.

  6

  The next afternoon, much to Danny’s disappointment, the rain was torrential, confining him to indoors. After gazing out of the window for a while, he got fed up with that and curled up in an armchair to sleep.

  Hetty and Angie were talking when John walked into the front room, towelling his hair dry. ‘Filthy weather out there. I think I’ll give myself a couple of hours off.’ He grinned when he spotted Danny asleep in his chair. Tossing aside the towel, he sat on the settee with his wife. ‘The rain will stop by evening.’

  Angie didn’t question this statement, as John had an uncanny knack of predicting the weather, as did many who worked on the land.

  ‘The boy’s happy here.’ John gave Angie a thoughtful look. ‘Why don’t you come and live here?’

  ‘That thought has already crossed my mind, but …’ Angie shrugged. ‘I don’t know. London has always been my home.’

  ‘You’ve got Danny to think about now, though.’ Hetty’s expression was eager. ‘There’s a good school in the village, and he’d make lots of new friends.’

  Angie chewed her lip. ‘I suppose I could rent out my house; I don’t want to sell it. But where could we stay?’

  ‘Here!’ John and Hetty spoke at the same time.

  ‘Oh, I couldn’t do that. You’d never have a moment’s peace with Danny running around all the time.’

  ‘We wouldn’t mind.’ Hetty’s smile was tinged with sadness. ‘We loved you and Jane as daughters. Although you only stayed a few months with us, we came to know you well through Jane and your letters. You were the determined one, and we understood your need to return to London and do your bit for the war.’

  ‘That’s right,’ John said. ‘You and Jane were the children we never had. You’ve adopted Danny, so why not adopt us as his grandparents?’

  ‘We’d love that.’ There was longing in Hetty’s voice, her eyes lingering on the sleeping child.

  Tears burnt the back of Angie’s eyes. Making their home here would bless not only Danny but Hetty and John as well. Danny would grow up with a loving family around him. It would be a wrench to leave London, but she must do what was best for her lovely boy.

  She took a deep breath and made up her mind. ‘It’s kind of you to say we could live here, but I think it would be better if we had a small place of our own. Not far away from you, of course.’

  ‘What about the Douglas cottage, Hetty?’ John asked.

  ‘It’s on the edge of the village and only about a mile from here.’

  ‘Oh, that might do nicely. It’s been empty for some months, but it will need a good spruce up.’

  ‘We’ll soon do that. I’ll take you to have a look at it tomorrow, Angie, see what you think. The rent’s cheap.’

  ‘All right.’ Their enthusiasm was catching, and Angie felt as if this was meant to be; as if someone was saying, ‘This is the way, walk ye in it.’ That a few words from the Bible should come to her was a surprise. They had attended Sunday School as children, but she hadn’t been a regular churchgoer for some years. Still, she was happy to see where this idea might lead.

  While they had been talking, they hadn’t noticed Danny wake up and wander over to the piano in the corner of the room. When notes sounded, they all spun round. He was pushing down each key and listening intently to the sound, his head tipped to one side.

  John grinned and put his finger to his lips to stop Angie speaking.

  Danny was completely absorbed in the sounds, and after about half an hour Angie gasped when he began to pick out the tune of a nursery rhyme Jane used to sing to him.

  ‘He’s trying to play “Ba, Ba, Black Sheep”,’ she whispered in awe, watching his hands. He had long fingers for his age. Not a bit like Jane’s or hers, she thought, looking down at her square hands and short fingers.

  John and Hetty were staring at the child as he bent over the piano keys.

  Hetty gave John a questioning look but said nothing.

  Angie studied Danny, still experimenting with the notes and trying to make a tune. ‘How can he do that? None of our family have ever been able to play an instrument. We’re not that musical.’

  ‘Well, Danny obviously is.’ Hetty smiled brightly. ‘Look how quickly he’s sorting out the notes.’

  Just then a much clearer rendition of the nursery rhyme echoed round the room.

  ‘That’s bloody marvellous,’ John whispered. ‘When you’re settled here, you must take him along to Mrs Poulton for lessons.’

  ‘I’ll do that, but I still can’t believe he’s trying to play and making a tune. He’s never touched a piano before.’

  ‘The lad is musical. Haven’t you noticed how intently he listens to the wireless, never moving, drinking in each sound, especially classical music?’

  ‘Well, yes, you’re right, Hetty …’ Angie turned her attention back to Danny, who was oblivious to them.

  ‘Jane used to play records a lot. Sometimes I would find them both listening and didn’t dare make a sound until the record had ended. I’d forgotten that.’

  ‘Ah, Jane saw it, then.’ Hetty stood up rather too quickly, putting an end to the conversation. ‘I’ll start getting dinner now.’

  After Angie had put Danny to bed that evening, she came downstairs to find Bob had arrived and was talking to John and Hetty, their expressions serious. They stopped talking as soon as she appeared.

  ‘Hello, Angie.’ Bob smiled. ‘I was just hearing how Danny tried to play the piano. If he’s got some talent, it would be worth nurturing.’

  ‘I agree.’ She pursed her lips and studied their faces. You couldn’t tell anything from Bob’s expression, but Hetty and John looked uncomfortable, as if they’d been caught doing something they shouldn’t. From their strange reaction when she’d walked into the kitchen, she had a strong feeling that they didn’t want her to know what they had been talking about. Had they been discussing who Danny’s father might be? Did they know, or have a suspicion who it was?

  ‘What is it? Do you know something you’re not telling me?’ She held her hand up when John opened his mouth to speak. ‘Please don’t keep anything from me. If you know anything about Danny’s father, then I would rather hear the truth, because if I don’t I will start imagining all sorts of things. Like did he have two heads, for goodness sake?’

  They grinned at that and John shook his head. ‘We really don’t know, Angie. There were a great many casual worker
s on the farm during the war and just after. We might see some resemblance to one or two, but we couldn’t say for sure if one of them was Danny’s father.’

  They all sat around the kitchen table and Hetty poured cups of tea. ‘If we knew anything for certain, we’d tell you.’

  Angie sipped her tea. Of course they would. She was becoming paranoid about finding out who the man was. She must stop asking herself if, but, or might have been. She was fighting with shadows. Whatever had happened in the past, she couldn’t regret Danny’s being born; nor had Jane, even though his birth had shortened her life.

  After lunch the next day John and Hetty took them to see the cottage. Angie fell in love with it immediately. The roughcast outside was whitewashed, and with the dark grey slate roof it was a picture. The tiny garden in the front had been badly neglected, and the trellis by the front door was falling apart. The only thing holding it up was a climbing rose that had run wild. The front door opened straight into a small front room.

  ‘Oh, look at that.’ Angie sighed when she saw the stone fireplace with a large wooden surround.

  ‘Fine piece of work.’ John ran his hand over the mantelpiece. ‘Solid oak, that is.’

  The only other room on the ground floor was the kitchen. All it contained was an electric cooker, sink and one cupboard.

  ‘This will need some work.’ Hetty examined the room carefully. ‘The tiled floor will come up with a good scrub, but Angie will need more cupboards.’

  ‘That will be easily done.’ John opened a door and peered in. ‘There’s a larder here. And the water and electricity’s already laid on, so you won’t have to worry about that, Angie. Let’s have a look upstairs.’

  There were two bedrooms and a bathroom. The cottage was small, but Angie could see how cosy it would be for the two of them. From the back bedroom she could see a garden with open farmland as far as the eye could see.

  ‘What do you think, Danny?’ She held him up so he could look out. ‘Would you like us to live here?’