January Dreams

by Carrigan Richards

  “They all think I’m a traitor. What if something happens?” I hear the terror seep into my voice.

  He takes my face into his hands. “Please don’t worry. Nothing will happen, I assure you. There are several people who will protect you if something should happen.”

  “But the Elves. They could come back—”

  “Trust me, Megan. You will be safe.”

  I shake my head and cling onto him. I kiss him as though this is our last one and he responds as fervently. I feel my dress coming loose and I let it fall to the floor. He plants tiny kisses along my jaw as he removes my undergarments until I am left wearing nothing but the necklace.

  Vincent holds me close to his body and carries me to the bed. “I love you, Megan, with every beat of my heart.”

  “I love you, Vincent.”

  I refuse to let anything ruin this moment, this night with Vincent. He is mine and I am his.

  Everything is perfect. I do not think of anything else but him. We are meant to be forever.

  The next day, I gather in a parlor with a few other women and I peer out the window, watching men rush about. I look to my right and a woman named Sophie stands, holding a baby, with tears in her eyes.

  A few moments later, I feel a soft hand grab mine. I turn and face Vincent.

  Clad in a red coat with long tails, and black pants, he looks handsome. “It is time,” he says, and my chin immediately quivers, and I can’t hold back my tears. No matter how many times we’ve been through this, it never gets easy. Being immortal, we’ve shared many lives together. Having him go to war with those vile Elves all of the time, from a hatred that runs deep, I still fear his outcome. I fear the day he doesn’t return to me.

  He frowns and pulls me close. “I will miss you, mon trésor.”

  “I don’t want you to go,” I weep.

  He crushes his lips against mine. And in his seductive kiss, visions of us run rampant through my mind. Dancing, laughing, kissing, frolicking, almost every intimate moment we have ever shared, including last night. I am filled with an unparalleled love. This man makes me whole and I need him. When our lips part, he removes his black ring and slides it on my middle finger. “Please remember me.” He brushes my chin with his finger and walks out of the parlor.

  I watch though the window as he and several other soldiers mount horses and salute goodbyes. I run outside and as I get to the gravel; I stop to see them gallop away. My heart plunges into the depths of darkness.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  I wake in a sweat, my shirt clinging to me, my heart pounding. I think I finally broke my fever, but I still lack energy. Vincent is gone in my dreams. Is that true for my real life? I let the tears fall, soaking my pillow. I don’t think my body has much energy to cry, but I can’t stop. The overwhelming sadness I feel in my dream and how I felt after mine and Vincent’s fight makes it worse. I’m miserable, tired of being sick and tired of the weird dreams that make no sense.

  I grab my phone. It’s mid-morning but with how dark it is in my room from the stormy skies, it feels much later. I’d gotten two messages. One from Cherry and one from Casper.

  Cherry asks how I’m doing.

  Not well. Vincent and I had a fight last night.

  What? Why?

  I don’t even know. I let it slip that I’d been talking to Casper and he got mad.

  I told you it wasn’t a good idea to talk to Casper. On the other hand, Vincent seems like a jealous guy. You guys will make up though.

  I don’t know. He won’t talk to me. He said everything he did was wrong in my eyes. But that’s not true. I don’t even know what he’s talking about.

  Didn’t explain it?

  No.

  I’m sorry. I wish I could give u a hug. Want me to kick him in the balls tomorrow?

  I smile. No.

  I will. You say the word. When are u coming back to school? I’m miserable without u!

  Soon. Stop sending me so much homework.

  I can’t help it! U know it’s getting closer to exam time and they’re trying to squeeze in all this stuff before the end of the year. We miss u at work, too. Luke asks about you, too.

  I miss u so much.

  Me too! You’ve got to hurry up and get better for the prom! Anyway, I gotta get back to class, love. I can feel Mrs. Tanger’s third eye on me. Feel better and I’ll send you a message when I get out.

  I don’t even want to think about the prom now. I don’t read Casper’s message. I get out of bed and move to the living room to watch TV. Something to keep my mind off Vincent. I stay up for the rest of the day and briefly talk with my mom when she gets home from work. I eat something other than chicken noodle soup and I stay with my parents a few hours longer watching TV until they go to bed. Mom advises me I should do the same.

  I’m actually grateful for my illness because it masks my depression over Vincent so no one will ask what’s wrong. I shower and cry. Afterwards, I amble to my room. It’s the last place I want to be. I don’t check my phone because I fear the messages from Casper, and I don’t want to be let down when I don’t see Vincent’s name pop up. But I decide to woman up and send him a message, apologizing and asking to talk.

  I eventually fall asleep, waiting for his text that never comes. In the dream, I weep for Vincent. I miss him and I have no idea what to do. I stay in the parlor and peer out the window, watching for their return. I attempt to read a book, but I can’t concentrate.

  Florence enters and joins me at the table near the window. She flashes a beautiful smile. “You aren’t going to sit around all day pining for Vincent, are you?”

  I open my mouth to answer, but she waves her hand.

  “I won’t have it. Let’s go for a ride.” Her green eyes light up like a little girl on Christmas. “Sadie has missed you. No one’s ridden her in seven years since you…well, since they took you. But I’ve been keeping her company.”

  It sounds better than sitting around. Florence leads me outside and across a large field to the stables. Horses quietly stand in their respective stalls, looking bored, eager to roam, or to be free like me. Florence opens their stalls and lets them out to roam freely in their enormous meadow. She begins harnessing a grey and white speckled horse. “This is Ginger,” she says. “In case you forgot.”

  “I remember. I lost the last few years, but I can’t even recall Vincent proposing to me.”

  She hands me a saddle and I walk up to the tall solid white horse. Her large brown eyes watch me. I tenderly place my hand on her cheek and soothe her. Moving my hand down her neck to her withers, I heave the saddle onto her back. I grab the harness and place it over her head. I don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve ridden Sadie, but I missed her, and by the way she burrows her muzzle into me, I can tell she missed me too.

  Florence steadies the beautiful Sadie, while I pull myself up onto her back.

  Florence smiles. “I see you haven’t forgotten our secret way of riding.” She winks. My legs straddle the horse, like a man would ride. She hoists herself onto Ginger and leads the way. We move slowly at first, but soon we gallop through the woods, laughing and giggling the whole way. It’s a freeing experience. Invigorating. I feel my heart breaking free of the heartache and confusion. The cool air whips through my hair leaving me high.

  We ride for hours and soon find a quiet place that overlooks a beautiful sea from high above. It seems like a familiar place.

  “I wish you could remember something,” Florence says. “I want to know what it’s like with them.”

  “Why should you care what it’s like? They tortured me, Florence.”

  Florence wrinkles her face. “I don’t believe that.”

  “Why?”

  “I have never believed they were our enemies.”

  “Why are you saying this?” I begin to feel wary of her. Unsure of what she will do to me.

  “This is the only place we can truly tell each other what we’re thinking,” she says. “They’re constantly
watching us.” I know this, but I never worried because I never did anything wrong. Her eyes gaze off into the direction of the distant palace and she bites her lip. “He didn’t kidnap you, Megan. He didn’t manipulate you. You willingly left with him.”

  I gasp. “What? How dare you make up such stories? Why would you say such a thing? I thought we were friends.” I stand to leave.

  “Vincent left, like he did now,” she raises her voice and there’s a hard look in her eyes. “The Elves came, posing as Sprites, and you fell in love with one of them.”

  “No. That man charmed me into loving him.” I grab the reigns on Sadie.

  “His name was Casper. You told me all of this before you left.”

  I open my mouth to speak, but my mind clings to the name. Casper. My heart leaps at his name and my body freezes. How do I recognize that name? I have the same reaction that I did when I saw the blond color. Casper. I turn back to face her. “What did I tell you? What happened? Vincent told me you were with an Elf too, but he erased your memory.”

  “I lied. I had to so Vincent and his men wouldn’t erase my memory of Edmond.”

  Another name that I recognize. “What? Why would Vincent erase your memory?”

  Florence presses her lips together. “Same reason I presume he erased yours. So, you won’t remember the truth. That you fell in love with Casper.”

  Again, his name almost brings me to my knees, but I’m outraged by her allegations. “No.” I shake my head. “Vincent erased my memories of them because they tortured me. He would never hurt me. He loves me.”

  “I’m not sure I’d call it love. More like he’s possessive of you.”

  “You’re wrong.”

  “Why do you think he calls you his trésor?”

  “Stop! Why do you say such things? Did the Elves get to your head?”

  Florence stands and grabs me at arm’s length. “Listen to me, Megan. I can see part of you is arguing with yourself. When Vincent left last time, you met Casper and I met Edmond. You spent every day with Casper. They came to take back the Jewel, but when Casper met you, he stopped looking for it. You eventually tried to help him find it. When you caught word that Vincent was returning, you both decided to run away. You left in the middle of the night and when Vincent found out, he sent men after you. None of them ever came back. They started a war that lasted four years. But you were gone for seven years until Vincent found you.”

  My gaze shifts to the palace. I can’t believe what she’s telling me. Casper. Every time I hear his name, my heart swells and my body fills with a prickling sensation. “Vincent said Casper was trying to kill me. Why would we have been in love if he was trying to kill me?”

  “Of course, Vincent says that. He doesn’t want you near Casper. It’s a simple tale of star-crossed love. Now he erased your memory completely of Casper so you can’t remember anything.”

  “Why would I leave Vincent like that?”

  “Because you love Casper. He is more to you. From what you told me and from what I witnessed, you looked at Casper differently. You were truly in love.”

  I shake my head. “No. I love Vincent.”

  “You love both of them, but nothing compares to your love for Casper. Casper never manipulated you. Elves only fall in love once and it’s for good. You are Casper’s true love. I’m only repeating what you told me. But I saw it too, Megan. Casper made you feel alive and you were more yourself instead of this caged bird that Vincent forces you to be.”

  “He doesn’t make me feel like that, Florence.” But even as I say the words, somewhere deep inside me knows she is right. “Vincent said he was dead.”

  Florence widens her eyes and drops her jaw. “What?”

  “I remember a gunshot and a struggle.” I let out a frustrated sigh. “Everything is hazy. I can’t remember anything.”

  “He killed Casper?” She angrily spit.

  I don’t know the cause of her anger, but I see a single tear squeeze from her eye.

  “Now I know the cause of this war. The Elves are after us and the Jewel.”

  “But we’re safe from them, right? I mean, Casper and Edmond wouldn’t have us killed.”

  “That is if the Elves know of us. I wonder if you and Casper made it to his homeland. And Edmond.” She bows her head. “I don’t know his fate.”

  “This doesn’t sound like me at all. I love Vincent with all my heart.” But as I say the words, that immoral feeling washes over me. Casper. Is this true? Did I really fall in love with another man? An Elf no less? I must try to remember the truth.

  I want to scream. Throw something. I’m so sick of all the dreams and the confusion I feel for both Vincent and Casper.

  I pick up my phone from the nightstand and search for new messages. I want to talk to someone, but I know Cherry is asleep. Vincent hasn’t texted me back. I finally read Casper’s message from earlier.

  I miss u. I really do. I can’t find you in my dreams. The days at school are long, even though I only see you during one class. Hope ur well.

  I wonder if he’s awake. I shouldn’t be sending him messages if I want to work things out with Vincent, but Vincent made it clear he doesn’t want to talk. Besides, shouldn’t I be able to talk to whomever I want? Even if I’m in a relationship? Okay, so Casper isn’t perfect, but I believe him about not telling anyone that I stayed at his house. Maybe someone from school overheard my argument with Vincent in the store parking lot. Casper saved my life. That counts for something right? I argue with myself for a while before I finally send a message to Casper. I know he won’t respond until the morning.

  Hi Casper. Sorry it’s been a while. I hope you’re well.

  My heart is beating ridiculously fast as I close my eyes, holding my phone. When it beeps, my heart speeds up even more.

  I’m so glad u sent me a msg! I can’t sleep.

  Me either.

  How are you feeling?

  Not great.

  Still? Do you need to go back to the doctor?

  My illness is getting better. Vincent and I had a fight.

  Why?!

  Because I told him I’d been talking to you.

  I’m really sorry. We can stop talking of you want.

  The thing is I don’t want to stop. As much as I hate to admit, you’ve become a friend. I wish he hadn’t gotten so upset.

  I hit send and I’m not sure where these thoughts and words come from. It’s as if I am listening to my dreams more than I should be. They are dreams. They mean nothing. But I keep telling myself they have to mean something if I share them with Casper. What if he’s some mythological creature manipulating me into love? I shake my head. That’s ridiculous.

  My phone rings and it’s Casper calling. I answer in a low voice so no one can hear me.

  “I’m sorry, Megan. I really am.” I hear the genuine sympathy in his smooth voice. I love his voice. It calms me and I know he cares for me deeply.

  “It’s okay. Hopefully we can patch things up. He’s been busy with family things.”

  “I wish I could do something.”

  “Is there something between you two that you haven’t mentioned?”

  “No. I never liked him.”

  “Why?”

  “He just gives off a weird vibe. I don’t know.”

  “I wish I knew why you both hate each other. It can’t be because of me. There has to be something more.”

  “Why does there have to be more? You’re worth the fight.”

  My lips twitch with a smile. “I’m pretty sure you won’t have to worry about him starting a fight with you. I wish he would talk to me.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault.”

  He chuckles. “It kinda is.”

  “Let’s talk about something else. No dreams. No Vincent.”

  “Have you finished your homework?”

  “Seriously?” I laugh and he chuckles too. “I really wish I could get out of here. I hate it. Do you know how boring my r
oom is after two and a half weeks?”

  “Probably about as boring as mine. Except I started school this week.”

  “How’s that been?”

  “Okay, I guess. People are glad to see me. Amber constantly wants to help me or whatever.”

  “Does she flirt with you or still act like you’re going out?”

  “You jealous?”

  “No.” Warmth rushes to my cheeks. “Why would I be?”

  “No reason.” I can tell he’s smiling. “I told Amber to leave me alone and to stop messing with you.”

  “What?”

  “Had to be done.”

  “Thanks, I guess. Have you heard more about your accident?”

  “No. My parents are pushing the police with the investigation. It’s hard to figure anything out when there’s no evidence. And that I can’t remember anything.”

  “I’m sorry. How are you feeling?”

  “I’m fine. I guess memory loss helps with that. I wish I knew what happened. It’s killing me not knowing. I sit here trying to remember and sort through the chaos, but all I see is nothing.”

  We stay on the phone so long that my cell phone is warming my face. At one point, I peer at the clock on my nightstand and I can’t believe it’s already five in the morning. Have we seriously been talking for two hours? “Don’t you need to get some sleep tonight? You’ll be exhausted for school.”

  “I’m not worried. That’s what coffee is for.”

  “At least you get to leave your house.”

  “I’ll be thinking of you.”

  My pulse quickens. “I should get some rest.”

  “Feel better.”

  “Thanks. And thanks for talking with me.”

  “Anytime. Sleep well.”

  I hang up, and I can’t seem to calm my heart.

  My phone beeps and I click on Casper’s message.

  It was really nice to hear your voice. Sweet dreams.

  Ha-ha. I put my phone on my nightstand and roll over. It was nice to hear his voice and I realize I miss him. But what about Vincent? What am I going to do?