January Dreams

by Carrigan Richards

  “It’s kinda hard to when Mr. Burress put us together again.”

  “Ugh. I swear that man is a sadistic prick. Why does Casper think Vincent’s manipulative? Because he’s jealous and wants inside your pants?”

  I roll my eyes. “I told him Vincent doesn’t want me talking to him.”

  Cherry’s eyebrows furrow. “Vincent told you that?”

  I shrug. “It’s no big deal. He hates Casper.”

  “Well, who doesn’t? But still, he said that?”

  “It’s okay.”

  “Why don’t you talk to psycho Mr. Burress and ask him to switch partners?”

  Not that Mr. Burress would ever do it, but somewhere deep in my sick twisted mind, I don’t want a different partner. “No, it’s okay. We have a couple of weeks.”

  “Well, cheer up. We’re going to get you a prom dress.” Cherry flashes a huge smile. “And you and Vincent will be the happy couple.”

  I take a deep breath and try pushing Casper from my mind. I want a clear head.

  Cherry and I go to the mall and shop at random prom stores, but I can’t find anything. I’m beginning to lose all hope, but she drives to a specialty shop and I know when I see the dress, I’m going to buy it. I grab it and take it with me in the fitting room. I strip down to my underwear and unzip the dress and slide into it. The white chiffon is soft against my skin. It fits perfectly. It’s a slim, strapless, floor length dress. Its tube top is embellished with pleats and rhinestones trail the top and at the waist all around. The back is low, and my long hair covers the tiny scars left on my back. I open the door so Cherry can see, and she gasps.

  “It’s like it was made for you.”

  “I love it.”

  “Match made in heaven.” She smiles.

  I pay for the dress and we grab some dinner and some snacks for the movie later. When we return to her house, she pulls up a movie from the screen and I know it’s time for me to start talking.

  “Cherry.”

  She turns to me. “Yeah?”

  I play with her fuzzy pillow, twirling the long strands of fuzz around my finger. “When I tell you something, will you promise not to laugh or judge me or be mean?”

  She moves to the couch next to me and squeezes my hand. “Of course.”

  “I don’t know how to say it or even begin. Just hear me out through the end before saying a word. I need to get all of this off my chest before I explode.”

  “Okay.”

  “You know about my dreams. Well. Some of them. The dreams started in October and I’m still having them. It’s like this elaborate story has unfolded inside my head. They started to get more intense in January” I tell her every detail of the dreams from the beginning.

  “So, you and dream Vincent were together, and you left to go be with dream Casper, but dream Vincent thought Casper was torturing you?”

  “Yes. So, in his mind he was rescuing me and shot Casper dead.”

  “Wow. Those are intense.”

  “It gets worse. Casper and I share these dreams. We have the same exact dreams, except when they took me away, I started dreaming my own dreams and vice versa.”

  Her jaw hangs wide open, but she doesn’t say anything.

  I stand from the couch, wringing my hands, trying to loosen them up from gripping the pillow too hard. “That’s why I’ve been acting so weird about Casper. And that’s why he claims he likes me. But there’s more. Every time Vincent and I kiss, we see visions of ourselves from another time apparently. Last night, I saw a vision of him mourning for someone while he was staring over a cliff. The same cliff from my dreams.”

  Cherry gasps.

  “Vincent tells me he’s the one making me see these visions and now I’m thinking he can read my mind and see the dreams I’ve been having. Everything is so messed up and I love Vincent, but I can’t stop thinking about Casper. And these dreams are making me crazy.”

  Cherry gets up and wraps her arms around me while I cry. She rubs my back. “This is-I don’t know what to say, Megan. I mean, it’s like something is forcing you to be with Casper or something or the cosmic gods or.” She shakes her head. “I don’t know, Megan.”

  “I don’t know what to do because I find myself having feelings for both of them and each one makes me feel different, but the dreams are wreaking havoc and making me feel and think things that probably would never cross my mind.”

  We sit in silence for a while and I know she’s at a loss for words.

  “I know it all sounds so preposterous. But this is my life now. Vincent’s afraid that I’m going to leave him, and I have feelings for Casper.”

  “Okay, first of all, take a deep breath. Breathe in. Breathe out.”

  I do as she says.

  “Set aside the dreams and visions. Forget about them for a moment. Tell me how you feel about Vincent and Casper here in your real life.”

  I take a couple more breaths and close my eyes, focusing on each man. When I open my eyes, I nod, and Cherry and I return to the couch. “With Vincent, I feel like there’s a struggle between us because he never seems to trust me. He makes me feel loved. And protected. There’s this darkness about him that I’m drawn to, but it scares me a little. He’s always serious and brooding. But he’s kind and caring. But his jealousy is intense.

  “With Casper, it’s easy. I feel like I can be myself. He’s always been genuine and tells the truth, no matter what. He makes my insides twist with an ache and whenever we’ve hugged, it felt so natural. He makes me feel safe.”

  Cherry lets out a surrendering sigh. “As much as I hate to say this, you like Casper more.”

  “What?”

  “When you talked about Vincent, you gripped the pillow and you seemed like you were on edge, but with Casper you seemed relaxed. Casper challenges you. He makes you feel things you’ve never felt before and isn’t controlling. I was rooting for Vincent this whole time, but I was wrong. Vincent is a little controlling. He makes you skip school and work all the time.”

  “We’re teenagers. That’s what we’re supposed to do.”

  “Okay, but I noticed something change in you in January. You say the dreams intensified then, but so did your life. Maybe the dreams represent your life. Vincent doesn’t seem good for you.”

  “No, I’m not breaking up with Vincent. We’re in a weird patch right now.”

  “Okay. But Megan, don’t deny yourself what you deserve or want. Life’s too short to be with someone you’re not completely happy with. It may be good, but it’s not great. You’re fighting hard against something that it’s driving you insane. It’s stressing you out and the only way you’re going to find out is if you give it your all. People unfortunately get hurt, but you have to be selfish once in a while and do what makes you happy. And if Vincent is already telling you to stop talking to Casper, that’s a red flag. I would never tell Luke to stop talking to his friends, male or female. Sure, I may get jealous, but he’s with me. You have feelings for Casper, but you’ve ignored them this long. You’re not a cheater, and if Vincent can’t trust you, he never will.”

  I nod. It feels good to get all of it off my chest, but now I can’t stop thinking about what Cherry said. Is she right? Do I like Casper more? Does Vincent put me on edge that much? I never noticed it before.

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Throughout the following week, Casper and I work on our stupid project and I hate the tension around us. I haven’t told Vincent about us working together again and I don’t want to deal with a jealous controlling boyfriend right now. And I don’t want him to get sad again or think I’m going to leave him. We haven’t talked about that night with the visions and I’m sure I’m avoiding it because I don’t want to know how that cliff was in my dreams and his visions.

  My dreams are still rather uneventful, which is nice. I don’t need the added stress.

  I’m thankful it’s Friday, but we only have until Tuesday of next week to finish our project. I’m pretty sure no one’s going to
work on it over the weekend since it’s prom.

  Casper and I ask if we can go to the library to dig up more crap about Nathanial Hawthorne. Normally, I would be excited to work on such an assignment but being around a moody Casper doesn’t help. We sit across from each other at a table reading and researching.

  “Have you found anything yet?” I ask him.

  Casper sighs. “Not since the last time you asked me ten minutes ago. Maybe you should stop worrying about what I’m doing and focus on your own research.”

  I grit my teeth. “Why are you being such a jerk?”

  He looks up and meets my eyes. “Probably the same reason you’re being one.”

  I feel my jaw drop. I want to tell him that I hate him and that he hurt my feelings, but I don’t. I don’t hate him either. I look back down at the book, feeling the tears burning at the back of my eyes. If I can get through this class, I can cry in my car.

  A few minutes pass as we research in silence, except I’m so distracted by him sitting across from me and I find myself looking up and watching him every so often. The way he twirls his hair with his fingers or chews on his thumbnail. I want to take my hands and run them through his messy hair.

  He looks up, catching me staring at him. I immediately avert his eyes and feel the heat rush to my cheeks.

  “What?” he asks.

  “Nothing.”

  Several awkward seconds pass.

  “Are you going to the prom?” I ask, trying to make small talk for some reason.

  He flashes a wicked grin. I love it, but I hate it at the same time. “Why? Are you interested?”

  I kick him in the shin under the table. Complete knee-jerk reaction.

  “Ow!” he cries in a whisper as he rubs his leg. “What is your problem?”

  “I’m trying to be nice.”

  “Kicking me is your way of being nice?”

  “I was trying to have a civilized conversation.”

  Casper locks his eyes with mine and finally answers. “No. I’m not going.”

  I’m actually surprised by his answer. “Why?”

  “Because I don’t want to. Why do you care?”

  I shrug. “I find it odd that you’re not going.”

  “Why should I? So, I can see the girl I love kiss and hang on some other guy? No thanks.”

  My heart is pounding against my ribcage. “What did you say?”

  He shakes his head. “Nothing. I’ve gotta go make copies of this stuff,” he says without meeting my eyes. He gets up, taking a few books with him, and goes into the copy room. The door closes. He can’t be in love with me because we talked about this. What he feels for me isn’t real. It’s some side effect of the dreams. And I don’t feel the same no matter what I told Cherry. She was wrong.

  I get up and make my way to the copy room. I open the door and let it close. “Casper.” I put my hand on his arm.

  He turns and there’s a desperate yet painful look in his eyes that me makes my knees weak and I forget anything I thought about saying to him. His lips are on mine, his hands cradling my face. I should push him away, but my hands run through his blond hair and I’m drawing him closer. He kisses me with such a fervor that my back hits the wall with a thud. It’s the same passionate kiss as in my dreams and I’ve never felt anything like it. His lips move against mine, slower now, and I realize how much I love Casper Truitt.

  His hands slide down and he presses his body against mine. I’m flying high as little pricks of excitement rush throughout me. My heart is throbbing, and I feel it all the way to my feet.

  Casper pulls away and leans his forehead against mine. “Wow,” he breathes.

  We are both breathing hard and still cling onto each other.

  Then, it all comes crashing down on me. I kissed Casper. And I loved it. I cheated on Vincent. Tears prick in my eyes and I put my hands on Casper’s chest. He moves back.

  “I’m so sorry,” he says. “This wasn’t your fault. Oh god I’m so sorry.”

  “I-I.” I shake my head. I can’t seem to catch my breath as I dart for the door and run out, grabbing my things in the process. There’s an ache in my chest and I bury my face in my hands. What have I done? I promised Vincent that I am his. And he’s so afraid of something like this happening. What am I going to do?

  “Megan, please,” I hear Casper’s voice behind me as I reach my car. “Wait. I love you.”

  I freeze with my hand on the door handle. Did Casper Truitt say he loves me? I turn and meet his eyes. “How can you possibly love me when you know nothing about me?”

  “That’s not true. I know a lot about you.”

  “Like what?”

  “You have incredibly controlling parents and you don’t like coffee but like the smell of it. You’re not a morning person. You like the smell of rain because it reminds you of being happy and you hate fire because it gives you a bad feeling. You cry when you hear a song that moves you. You like running barefoot in the grass.”

  My heartbeat is so loud it’s throbbing in my ears. I can’t believe he knows all of this. How can he though?

  He moves closer, his eyes pin to mine, which only makes me grip the handle behind me. “And I know what makes you shiver,” he whispers in my ear, making me tremble. “I know your favorite place to be kissed is the tiny spot behind your ear.” My breath hitches and he pulls back slightly. “I know these things because I know you. Whether the dreams mean anything or not, you’re still the same, Megan.”

  I want to kiss him again and run my fingers through his hair. His eyes lure me closer, and I give in, pressing my lips to his. Heat reverberates throughout me. I am in love with him. His kiss is just as chaotic and passionate as mine. Months of tension between us release throughout our kiss.

  I have to get out of here. No matter how much I want to stay. “Casper, I-I have to go,” I say pulling away, and averting his heavy gaze.

  “Megan, I’m worried about you. Vincent is dangerous and you have to leave him. Not for me or anyone, but for yourself.”

  I open the car door, sink into the seat behind the wheel, and close it. I take a deep breath when I’m out of his sight, but my I touch my tingling lips.

  What am I doing? I’m a terrible person. I can’t tell Vincent about this. I want to cry and bury my face. Vincent doesn’t deserve me.

  But no matter what I do, I can’t stop thinking about that kiss. It moved me like nothing ever has. It felt real. Right. The cruel wanting that has plagued me for months was filled. For a fleeting moment, I wish I was going to the prom with Casper. I can’t hurt Vincent. I can’t do this to him. It would crush him.

  The night of the masquerade ball, I’m beginning to give up hope. I’ve been looking for the Jewel for six months and still, nothing. Even if I had the Jewel, how can I run back to the Elves? I have no idea where they are located. I will proudly die in their honor, but I have no Jewel to give them.

  The music plays and I push my way through the masked people. Gold, glittery masks, silver ones, green, purple, blue. Every color imaginable. The dresses are intricate designs and big and long. Mine is white with heavy black and silver beads covering it. My hair is pulled up save for three curls that lie against my collarbone and I’m wearing a light blue and silver half mask with an elaborate design made from crystals.

  Vincent has business to attend so I am left to wander around. He always has some kind of business lately and I fear another war will develop and he will leave me. I feel as if I don’t know these people, yet they are my kind. I’ve always been with them.

  I feel a hand softly take mine and I turn. A man with a gold mask that covers his entire face except for his lips looks down at me. I meet his brown eyes and his blond hair comes just over the top of the mask. He has an angular jaw.

  “May I have this dance?” he asks, kissing my hand. Something about his smooth voice is familiar to me. And his eyes…

  “Yes.”

  With a smile, he draws me close against his body and holds one hand
at the small of my back and the other holding my hand up. Flashes of color whirl all around us, but I am glued to the brown eyes in front of me. They look at me with such desire and passion that it makes my heart flutter and my breath hold in my lungs.

  We move rhythmically among the crowd, all while we gaze in each other’s eyes.

  “You seem familiar,” I tell him.

  He leans down and I feel his breath near my ear. I swallow hard. “I found you,” he whispers. “You’re safe, now.”

  I draw in a deep breath and my heart pounds beneath my chest. The music seems to fade. The mindless chatter is lost in the air. The dancing people appear to pause. Casper. I want to scream his name. Wrap my arms around him. Pull him closer to me and kiss him. Give him my all. How is this possible? All this time, I thought he was dead, but here he stands, holding me, touching me.

  Chapter Forty-Four

  “I should probably choose a different color if I’m wearing a red dress, huh?” Cherry asks, holding up a florescent pink nail polish bottle.

  “Sure.”

  We’re at the nail salon for the start of our girl’s primping day since prom is tonight. My mind is elsewhere. Thinking of Casper’s lips on mine. The dream. My heart hasn’t calmed down since yesterday.

  “Are you even listening to me?”

  I turn and look at her. “Sorry. You should get a French manicure,” I say, then wince. My dreams take place in France. Why did I have to say French?

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m good. Why?”

  She cocks an eyebrow. “You’re the worst liar.”

  We pick our colors and they set us up in the massage chairs. My phone buzzes in my pocket, but I can’t answer it. I don’t want to either. I don’t want it to be Casper, yet I do. I’m such a terrible person.

  “Are you gonna spill the beans? You’re about to chew a hole in your lip.”

  I stop biting my lip. “Sorry. I can’t believe we’re going to prom tonight.”

  “I know. I thought for sure I’d go to my senior prom, but junior? I always thought it was a pipe dream. But here we are.” She squeals. “I can’t believe our junior year is almost over.”