A Helluva Man

by Sable Hunter

  “What’s wrong with you, Tam?”

  Owen’s question took Tamara by surprise. She realized he wasn’t making polite conversation, he wanted to know why she was in the group. Looking from him to Jaxson, she answered the little boy’s question. “Well.” She pointed to her head. “My brain…hurt. Car hit – my bike.”

  With a knowing nod, Owen accepted her vague explanation. “Can you still ride your bike?”

  She shook her head no. “There’s a lot…of things. Can’t do. Anymore.”

  Jaxson scraped his sundae bowl clean. “I used to ride in the rodeo, but now I work with guys like you, Owen. We may not be able to do the same things we did in the past, but that doesn’t mean we can’t do something better.”

  Tamara knew he was addressing Owen, but he was really speaking to her. “Don’t think shoveling…manure beats tri.” Her tongue tangled around the word. “Tri.” She shook her head. “You say it!” she directed Jaxson with frustration.

  “Triathlete,” he said softly. “Tamara won a gold medal in the Olympics. She can run, swim, and ride a bike faster than almost anyone.”

  “Wow!” Owen was impressed.

  “Not…anymore.” Tamara stated what she thought was obvious.

  “You never know.” Owen shrugged. “That’s what my mom always says. You never know.”

  Tamara smiled but said nothing more.

  Once Tamara and Owen finished, Jaxson drove the little boy home. Before he climbed from the truck, Owen gave Jaxson and Tamara a hug. “See you later.”

  “Bye,” she whispered as he held her close. “Sweet boy.”

  After making sure he got safely inside, Jaxson waved at Owen’s mother before continuing on with their journey. They rode in silence for a while with the windows down. Tamara held her hand out, thinking how the black night looked like velvet. When they passed a bus stop, Tamara pointed. “You can…stop. Here.”

  “Nope. I’m taking you to your doorstep.”

  “You don’t – have to.”

  “I want to.” He glanced at her, thinking how pretty she looked in the moonlight. “You don’t drive?”

  “Not safe.” She tapped her forehead. “Reflexes…slow.”

  Jaxson nodded, hating so much that this had happened to her.

  “Per.” She stopped, then tried again. “Per.” She shook her head, knowing there was no way she was going to get the word peripheral out of her mouth. “Sideways vision…is off.” This, if nothing else, would keep her from ever competing again. “Other things.” She’d also suffered from motor problems right after coming out of the coma, her right arm and leg had been impaired. After months of rehab, they were improved. Not so noticeable unless she was tired. “When I’m tired. Worse.”

  “I understand. Maybe you’re working too hard.”

  “Maybe.”

  “Do you like your job?”

  His question reminded her of Royce, which wasn’t a pleasant thought. “Okay.”

  “Hill Country Stables sponsors trail rides, don’t they?”

  “Yes.”

  He smiled at her. “I have an idea. Let me pick your brain about something.”

  The phrase struck Tamara as funny and she giggled. “Not much brain…to pick.”

  “Didn’t I tell you not to say that?”

  She waved her hand. “Tell me about – trail ride.”

  Jaxson let it go, but he knew he wouldn’t forget it. “Well, I’m thinking about doing it for Owen and some of the other kids in the group. We have horses at Highlands, but your stable folks do this all the time. I bet they have horses that are good with kids.”

  “I’m sure. Yes. Talk to…Mr. Sykes.” She studied his handsome face, missing him so much her body ached. “You’re good – role model. Good with kids.”

  “Maybe.”

  One of the things she regretted the most was knowing she’d never have a family. She hadn’t given motherhood much thought before the accident. Her whole future lay before her, she always thought there was time.

  “Here we are,” he announced as he pulled into her driveway.

  She didn’t wait for him to come around and help her out. “Thank you.”

  “Hold on.” He jumped from the truck to walk alongside her. “You’re trying to get away too quickly.”

  “Long day.” They walked slowly up the steps. Not touching. But close. When they reached the door, she unlocked it, then looked up at him. “Good-night.”

  Jaxson took her hand. “I’m not ready for this night to end.” He rubbed his thumb over her palm. “I’m so glad you’re back in my life.”

  Before she knew what was happening, he leaned forward to cup her face, brushing his thumb across her cheek. The first touch of his lips to hers was electric.

  Holy fucking hell. Tamara’s whole body was on fire.

  His fingers slid into her hair and she couldn’t have resisted touching him to save her life. Sliding her hand up his chest, Tamara kissed him with all the pent-up longing she’d hidden in her heart for so long. When his tongue swept across hers, she went on tiptoes, deepening the kiss. She was eager. Greedy. She’d never get enough of him. Never.

  Her reaction surprised Jaxson and he gathered her close. He’d dreamed of this, of kissing her again. She tasted so fucking good. This woman turned him on like no other ever had. As her hands rubbed up and down his chest and across his shoulders, Jaxson crushed her to him, sucking on her bottom lip, then the top. Devouring her mouth like there was no tomorrow.

  Pressing herself against him, Tamara became aware of his arousal. Memories from the past bombarded her present. She knew where this was leading. The ending was inevitable. Ecstasy. Pleasure. Pure rapture awaited her. He was so familiar. So beloved. Everything was perfect, just the way she remembered.

  Except her.

  She wasn’t the same. With the deepest regret, she let him go. Relinquishing his lips with the greatest reluctance. Backing away, she looked to the ground. “I can’t.”

  “Yes, you can.” He sought her lips once more.

  “No.” She turned her head away. “Please don’t…tease. Hurts.”

  “Tamara, I’m not teasing you.”

  Turning from him, she opened the door, and slipped inside. “Things – aren’t the same. Can never be…same.”

  Jaxson let her go, but he didn’t agree.

  He touched his lips, his heart so full he thought it might burst. “Sure feels the same to me.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  “So, how’s the support group going?” Dr. Mathias asked on Friday afternoon as he studied Tamara’s chart. They’d just gone through his plan for her treatment and continued therapy.

  Tamara felt slightly overwhelmed. “Fine.”

  “Just fine?”

  “Yes.”

  “Jaxson McCoy is pretty impressive, isn’t he?”

  Understatement. “Yes.” She wasn’t about to tell him their history.

  “Make sure you go to the next meeting. Jaxson called with some questions and I recommended this guy from Los Angeles. He has some cutting-edge ideas. I want you to hear them from him first, then you and I will decide how best they could help you.”

  “All right.” She knew her enthusiasm level was low. Between dodging Royce at work and dreaming of Jaxson at night – she was exhausted.

  “Tamara. Tamara.” When Dr. Mathias repeated her name the second time, she glanced up. “Sir?”

  “Listen to me, you’ve made some progress. I have great hope for you. There’s no reason you can’t lead a fairly normal life, you just need to keep working at it.”

  His words seemed far-fetched like a fairy tale. “I will.”

  After submitting to several tests, Tamara was finally finished. When she returned to the waiting room, her mother was waiting for her. Sheila always insisted on accompanying Tamara to her doctor’s appointments.

  “How was it? What did he say?”

  Tamara painstakingly repeated most everything the doctor had told her, finishi
ng with the prognosis. “He says…I’m making good – progress. He has hope.”

  Sheila clapped her hands. “Wonderful! I knew it. I just knew it! One day soon, you’re going to be your old self.”

  Tamara wanted to discourage her mother, but she just didn’t have the heart.

  “Remember, you’re spending tomorrow with your father and me. He’s planning on a cook-out. It will be just like old times.”

  Instead of making Tamara feel better, she found her mother’s pronouncement depressing. She knew exactly how their day would go. Her mother would act like nothing had changed and her father would be too quiet. Frankly, he didn’t know how to act around Tamara. For years, their relationship had been defined by his ambitions for her athletic career. Now, that dream was gone – and so was what they had in common.

  * * *

  Unfortunately, Tamara had been right. The day spent with her parents was tedious and awkward. Her mother’s constant optimism and her father’s stoic silence made her so nervous, any progress she’d made flew out the window. Her speech was slower than usual, she even stumbled carrying her mother’s famous potato salad from the kitchen to the picnic table, turning it upside down on top of a rose bush. When it was time for her to leave, they seemed a bit relieved, leaving Tamara feeling even more lost than usual.

  Sunday wasn’t much better. Needing to be around people without expectations, she’d walked to the nearby Lutheran church, easing in during the opening prayer, then exiting the same way during the benediction. She enjoyed the music, but the sermon had left her feeling guilty. Essentially the message was a warning about self-pity. Did she feel sorry for herself?

  Yes, she did. Of course, she did.

  In her shoes, who wouldn’t?

  After eating a bowl of canned soup, Tamara straightened her house in anticipation of Myra’s visit. When she arrived, they took their coffee outside to enjoy on the front porch.

  “So, here we are.”

  Tamara nodded. Myra’s speech was a little better than hers, but not much. “Yes. Tell me…about your-self.”

  Their conversation was slow and stilted, but gradually they began to share. Soon, Myra was talking about her life quite freely. “After…stroke. I thought life was over. How could I be a good wife and mother?”

  “What…happened?”

  Myra smiled. “My husband is a saint. He helped me. He en…couraged me. My children were good too. My youngest boy is au…tistic, he clings to me.”

  “How old is he?”

  “Chris is twelve. Others are eight and fourteen. Two boys. One girl.”

  Her smile told Tamara how much she loved her family. “You are…lucky. I won’t ever – have those things,” Tamara told her.

  “Don’t give up. I just got my driver’s license…back,” Myra told her brightly. “Always hope.”

  “How long since…your stroke?”

  Myra held up two fingers. “Two years.”

  Tamara’s heart sank. The aphasia seemed like a life sentence. “More…coffee?”

  When they went inside, Myra looked around while Tamara poured them another cup.

  “Oh, look!”

  Tamara found Myra examining some framed photos and awards. When she spotted Tamara’s gold medal, the woman couldn’t contain her surprise. “This is you?”

  “Used…to be.”

  “You’re amazing.” Myra had to look at everything. When she found Tamara’s personal trainer certification, her eyes twinkled. “You help people…exercise?”

  “Not any-more.” No one would want to hire her now. “Too hard.” She patted her mouth.

  “Why?”

  Tamara gave Myra a look.

  “Would you help Chris? He…can’t function in gym.”

  “I don’t – know.” She wasn’t sure she was capable.

  “Try. Please. Once a week…to start?”

  Tamara wrinkled her nose and frowned – but relented. “Couldn’t charge.”

  “Even better!”

  After finishing their second cup of coffee, Myra took her leave and Tamara wondered what she’d gotten herself into.

  * * *

  “Hey, Jake.” Jaxson spoke to a neighbor as he opened the back door of his gooseneck trailer. The car wash was hopping today. Holding onto the rail with one hand and the water hose with the other, he pulled himself up inside and set to washing the calf poop from the floor. As he worked, he thought about the next support group meeting and the three therapists he’d invited to speak. Each professional had a specific specialty, so after introductions, they could divide the class up into appropriate groups.

  Yes, he could admit he’d done this with Tamara in mind. The first type of therapist he thought of inviting was one who worked with patients with brain trauma. He’d contacted her doctor and asked for recommendations. Dr. Mathias wasn’t aware of his and Tamara’s acquaintance, but he did volunteer how he would do his best to make sure Tamara came to the meeting. Jaxson hoped she would. He hadn’t seen her since the kiss.

  Jaxson groaned at the memory. That kiss had answered a lot of questions.

  For one thing, he definitely hadn’t lost interest in sex.

  For another, Tamara Grayson still turned him inside out.

  All he could think about was seeing her again. Kissing her again.

  As he worked, he relived that kiss over and over.

  “Something wrong, McCoy?”

  Jaxson jerked, looking around to see a neighbor. “Heinz Cochran. How you doing?”

  “I’m fine. What’s wrong with you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  Heinz snorted. “You were just standing there in a daze, holding that hose with water running out of the trailer. Are you training to be a statue in one of them fancy fountains?”

  “No.” Jaxson climbed down and turned off the hose, hanging it up for the next customer. “Just lost in thought.”

  Heinz gave him a thumbs-up. “She must be amazing.”

  Jaxson didn’t disagree. “See you, neighbor.”

  On the way home, his phone rang and Jaxson grabbed it, hoping for a moment that Tamara would be the one calling. When he saw Chelsea’s name, he felt bad for being disappointed. “Chelsea.”

  “Hey, cowboy. How’s it hanging?”

  He didn’t jump on the suggestive comment. “I’m good. How are you?”

  “I’d like to drop by and see you sometimes soon. Say in a couple of weeks or so?”

  “Sure. Just let me know. When you come to Austin, holler and we’ll meet up somewhere. Or come have dinner with the family, they’d love to see you.”

  “Sounds good. I’ll text Ryder and set something up. What’s new with you?”

  Feeling the need to talk, he told her a little of what was going on. “Tamara’s back.”

  “Oh, really?”

  “Yea, I’ve been seeing her.”

  “After we worked so hard to get rid of her?”

  Jaxson shut his eyes. “That was wrong. I was wrong.”

  “She stayed away a long time.”

  “Yea, I tried to call her several times, but she didn’t answer. I thought she didn’t want to talk to me.”

  “Who could blame her? You made it pretty clear you didn’t want to see her.”

  “You know why,” Jaxson admonished his friend. “I didn’t want to burden her.”

  Chelsea blew out a long breath. “You men are so dense. That woman was totally in love with you. She wanted you. Any way she could get you. One leg or two.”

  Jaxson’s voice dropped to a whisper. “She was in an accident.”

  “What?”

  “She was riding her bike and a car hit her. She suffered a brain injury. We met again when she came to one of my support group meetings.”

  “Oh, my God! How is she?”

  “She has aphasia. Trouble speaking. She’s still as bright and beautiful as ever, she just has trouble communicating.”

  “How awful. I couldn’t handle that. You know how I love to tal
k.”

  “I’m sure she feels the same way.”

  “So, you said you were seeing her?”

  Jaxson sighed. “Just at the meetings. So far.”

  “Do you think you’ll start things up with her again?”

  “I don’t know. I’m not sure… She says that everything’s changed. I’m not sure what that means.”

  “Not sure?” She laughed. “I don’t think this is funny, believe me. It’s almost poetic.”

  “Poetic?”

  “The tables are turned. The shoe’s on the other foot. Now, you’ll know how she felt, watching someone you care about go through the unthinkable.”

  “Oh.” Jaxson felt like someone had hit him on the head with a two-by-four. “I haven’t thought of that.”

  “You’re welcome.” There was a pause. “I’ve got to go. Call me if you need any further pearls of wisdom.”

  After hanging up with Chelsea, Jaxson felt too unsettled to go home and face his family. On a whim, he called Owen and invited him to go bowling. With his mother’s permission, he accepted gladly. “Great, I’ll be there in ten.”

  * * *

  After promising Dr. Mathias she’d go to the meeting, Tamara gritted her teeth and took off. Thankfully, the time on the bus calmed her down. There was a woman with a happy toddler sitting just two rows ahead. The baby made goo-goo eyes at her for half the trip and Tamara laughed as much as the baby. When she got off at the stop closest to Seton, she found herself walking in a haze of happiness.

  “Well, fancy meeting you here.”

  Tamara jumped at the sound of Royce’s voice. She started walking faster.

  “Hop in and I’ll give you a ride.”

  “No thanks.”

  “Oh, come on, baby. Don’t play hard to get.”

  To Tamara’s dismay, Royce pulled over just ahead of her, then got out of his car to block her path.

  …Whistling as he drove, Jaxson made his way through town. He felt pretty good about his day. For the most part, things seemed to be going his way. The ad he’d placed in Farm and Ranch for help at Belle Chasse had garnered several resumes. One of them looked promising. The cattle he’d taken to the sale barn brought a better price than he expected and the forecast predicted some badly needed showers in the next few days.