"What? Don't you like it?" he asked.
"I guess so. But, I kinda miss your Phish sweatshirts."
"In France I looked like such a slob compared to everyone else. So, I changed things up. I thought it was time to grow up."
"As long as you don't lose yourself in the process..." I said with a sigh. Silence lingered for several minutes.
"Sweet with a side of attitude...I missed you, you know," he whispered softly. His heart was pounding.
"Yeah, me too. You were so far away this year."
"No, I mean, I've missed you since, you know--"
"No, I don't," I said, sitting up a start. "Tell me."
"Since we broke up."
"Really, you did? Then why...?" I was unable to finish the sentence. I just sat, bewildered, staring into his green eyes, searching desperately for an answer.
"I don't know, Daph. For some reason, it didn't feel right and it was freaking me out. I thought I needed to be with my buddies and keep my head in the game. It didn't help that my parents had been on my case about how bad my grades got when we were dating. And then when I went home for spring break..."
"So you didn't stop loving me?" I inquired softly. I had convinced myself that he simply lost interest and that he didn't care. I couldn't believe I might have been wrong for two years.
"Well, to be honest, I thought I had. But missing you while I was gone...and seeing you tonight, it sort of, I don't know, brought back some really good memories. And I'm wondering why we ever broke up in the first place." He chuckled, pushing my hair out of my eyes. He rubbed the pad of his thumb on my earlobe, slowly moving his hands down to my neck. His caresses transported me back to a place that I had yearned for, hoped for, wished for.
"So what do we do now, Mayse?" Deep down, my conscience was screaming at me, knowing that taking this any further would be a terrible idea. He was definitely buzzed, and that was probably all this was. And I, well, I was unbelievably sensitive, and not quite ready to give up on my first love.
"Well now, I think we should just see what happens," he murmured, leaning in to kiss me. Kissing his lips felt inconceivable and still so much like home. Excited yet panicky, I couldn't let go. I couldn't pull away. This magnetic force between us was pulling me to him even though I knew I should be running from his apartment screaming.
You're graduating in two days...and going to separate states. This will not end well, Daphne!
"I've missed you, Sugar. Really missed you," he whispered into my ear, planting delicate kisses along the earlobe he'd just caressed a moment earlier. His hot breath trailed from my ear to my shoulder blade where he was slowly pulling the neckline of my blouse to the side. He nibbled at my pale skin.
I felt kisses placed on different points of my skin.
"What are you doing?" I whispered, my eyes closed tight.
"Finding all your freckles. They're cute."
Each kiss made goosebumps rise on my skin. He was driving me wild and he knew it.
He gripped my chin and I opened my eyes. He reached for the hem of my blouse while fixing his eyes on mine. Gripping the soft, cotton fabric, he rubbed the hem in between his fingers.
I was completely his, completely willing to do whatever he wished.
We made love for the first time, my very first time. It felt like it would be the most incredible yet most heart wrenching experience of my life. I knew that the morning light would bring disappointment and pain when I had to say goodbye to Mayson, possibly for the rest of our lives. As I drifted off to sleep, I convinced myself that this was all worth it. I had wanted Mayson to be my first for years. My wish had finally been granted. But I wasn't at all ready to let go of him.
The next morning, I woke up feeling unbelievably awkward. Mayson was snoring quietly beside me. I had no idea what to do. For several minutes, I lay stunned, hoping that he'd wake up, pull me into his arms, and make promises for the future, our future.
But something in the pit of my stomach told me that this wouldn't work out. Attempting to leave as quietly as possible, I rolled to the edge of the bed. The rusty springs in the mattress squeaked and Mayson let out a contented sigh. He was awake. Crap. I was terrified that he might not even remember I was here.
"Morning," he said, rubbing his eyes aggressively.
"Hi. Sorry to wake you." I said, trying to hide the relief in my voice. "I was trying to be quiet."
"Not a problem. Hey, how are you doing this morning, you know, with everything that happened? No regrets, I hope?"
"No, I don't think so. Last night was...nice. I just can't believe that we're both leaving campus after graduation tomorrow." I rambled, pushing my feelings deep down within myself.
"Thank God!" he declared, sitting up in bed, leaning against the wall. I hung my head in shame after hearing those words. Mayson obviously wasn't agonizing too much over saying goodbye to me.
He noticed the expression on my face and backpedaled. "No, Daphne, I didn't mean it that way. I'm just ready to start my career. After all this work, I need to have something to show for it, ya know?"
"Sure, I get it." My eyes searched the room for my shoes. I needed to keep them occupied so that tears wouldn't form.
"We'll be in touch, right?" he asked, running his fingers down my cheek. His gesture didn't match the cold tone of his words. It felt like a knife was piercing straight through my fragile heart. Last night had meant nothing more to him than two old flames rekindling a romance for old time's sake. Even though he had said those same words the night before, almost exactly, it was still a surprise to know that he really meant them. I had hoped for so much more. I'd hoped for the possibility of more.
"Yeah, I'd like that. Listen, I have to head home. I have so much packing to do before my parents arrive tomorrow. But I have your parents' phone number."
"And my email," he said with a smile.
Unfortunately, I already knew what it was like to have an email relationship with Mayson and I was in no hurry to revisit that scenario.
"Yep, that too." I leaned in to kiss him softly on the cheek, trying to hide the clear disappointment spread across my exhausted face. I stood up and walked to his front door, saying goodbye to the boy I loved, wondering if I'd ever see him again.
#
Chapter 11 (Present Day)
Wedding
"You're not serious." Mayson laughed, "You must be exaggerating!"
"I'm not, I promise," I said, shaking my head. We were driving to Phillip and Janna's wedding. It was gorgeous day, perfect for a wedding ceremony.
"Were you trying to catch every single bouquet? Am I going to find some crazy collection of dried out bouquets in your kitchen cabinets or something? I don't think I can handle that." He said as he pretended to shudder dramatically. He was cracking himself up. I, on the other hand, didn't find it nearly as funny as Mayson did.
"No, it's the strangest thing. Honestly, aside from the first few that I caught, I deliberately tried not to catch the damn things. It's like they had minds of their own."
"Or your friends are trying to mess with you." Mayson was such a conspiracy theorist. I had a feeling he wouldn't drop this conversation until he felt he'd reached a plausible explanation for my extraordinary talent.
"Well, considering I wasn't friends with every single bride, I don't know about that theory. It's just a curse. A very strange curse."
"Well, now I can't wait to watch the bride toss her bouquet. I have to see what happens. Maybe I can take bets, make some money," Mayson teased.
"Hmm, maybe I'll need to visit the ladies room when the DJ announces the toss," I pondered, smiling at the road in front of me.
"Oh no you don't!" Mayson tickled me on the leg. "I need to see this firsthand. I won't let you avoid it."
Sure enough, three hours later, Mayson and I were enjoying a couple glasses of wine when it was time for the garter and bouquet tosses. I groaned.
"Show time!" Mayson laughed, pulling me towards the dance floor.
&nbs
p; First was the garter toss. All the single men were asked to come to the dance floor. When Mayson didn't budge, I glared at him.
"What?" he asked incredulously.
"I'm not going to suffer alone," I teased. "Get your ass out there!"
"Oh right" he said, "I guess I'd better take one for the team."
Mayson strolled confidently towards the rest of the single men on the dance floor. He was cool, collected, and grinning like hell at me. Phillip seductively stripped Janna of her garter and tossed it over his shoulder. It landed right in Mayson's hands. I turned a hundred shades of pink. I could even feel my toes blushing.
Mayson twirled it in his fingers, gave me a naughty grin, and said, "I guess it's official. You're sharing your curse."
I stared at the dainty piece of fabric with an adorable blue charm. "Now get your sexy ass out there and see if you can avoid the bouquet," he said. "I've gotta say, though, I don't see that happening!" He was teasing me, so I decided to give it right back to him.
"What makes you think I'm going to avoid it this time? Maybe I want to catch it now." I was no longer the one blushing.
"I dare you," he said boldly, staring me straight in the eye. My knees felt weak. He'd called my bluff and I didn't expect that. Could it be that Mayson was falling as hard for me as I was for him? Was it possible that he wasn't afraid of a future with me? Or was he just being a royal, stubborn pain in the ass? I assumed it was the latter and headed towards the other single ladies congregating behind the bride. It was a big group this time and I secretly wished there was less competition to worry about.
At the last second, I decided to purposely avoid the bundle of flowers and took a couple of steps back, but I was pushed forward quickly by a couple of giggling teenage girls just dying to get the bouquet so they could marry the latest teen actor in all of the magazines.
Janna tossed the bouquet in the air. The woman in front of me jumped up like she was going to spike a volleyball, reaching as high as she could. The flowers sprang from her fingertips and tumbled down, bouncing off the shoulder of a bridesmaid. The air in my lungs escaped me as the bouquet finally landed perfectly in my hands. In shock, I had to grab the cluster of stems before it tumbled to the ground. I didn't want the teenagers to fight.
Not knowing whether to feel triumphant or sheepish, I walked towards my date holding the beautiful batch of hot pink gerbera daisies in my hands with a look that screamed 'I told you so' on my face. Mayson shook his head and chuckled.
"Wow," he said, "maybe the universe really is trying to tell you something, Daph. But, I should--"
Mayson wasn't able to finish his sentence as the DJ ushered us out into the center of the floor to take a picture with the bride and groom--Mayson with his garter, me with my bouquet. I was embarrassed but thrilled. Maybe the universe was speaking to me. And maybe it was time to listen.
Mayson and I spent the rest of the reception dancing closely to every song played. He gazed into my eyes and gave me soft kisses. Stroking my face with his hands, he pulled me to his chest and breathed in deeply.
"Thank you for bringing me," he said with a serious tone.
"I'm so happy you were able to come," I said, feeling uncomfortable with the look in his eyes.
"Me too. I feel like one day we may be looking back on this night. What about you?"
I wanted so desperately to tell him how I'd like nothing more than to look back on this night...the night we realized we were meant to be together. But I couldn't. I was still too terrified to believe that any of this was real. I was waiting for us to crash and burn, and as much as I knew that I needed to open myself up to loving Mayson again, I just couldn't. So I smiled awkwardly and said, "That would be nice."
Mayson breathed a heavy sigh and held me close as we swayed on the dance floor. I was falling in love with this man all over again. I hoped to one day be able to tell him how much I cared without feeling as if my emotions would swallow me whole, leaving me a lonely and bitter shell of a woman when he inevitably left me again. I hoped.... I hoped.
#
Chapter 12
Thanksgiving
Mayson and I had been seeing each other for four months. It hadn't been easy. Being halfway across the country from the man whose touch I yearned for was almost heartbreaking at times. We texted, we talked on the phone, but it was never quite enough. We'd only seen each other twice since Phillip's wedding. He was called back to campus to fix structural problems with the project he was running, and each time I was grateful that mistakes had been made. Each time, I dropped everything I was doing; lesson plans were put on hold, time with friends was postponed, and admittedly, I called in sick one Friday to drive three hours to see him.
Our visits had been rushed; there wasn't nearly enough time for us to spend together as Mayson balanced his relationship with me and the expectations given to him by his firm. I was fully aware that I needed to take a second seat. I'd accepted the role and I was no longer resentful. It had become my reality. And, in full disclosure, I was pleased to have whatever time I could get with Mayson. Despite my intentions, I was pining for him constantly. Thinking about him when I should've been working, daydreaming of a future together when I should've been planning my future as an educator. I was lost in him, happily taking whatever I could get from the relationship I had willingly accepted. This was a long distance situation, and at this point, it was too soon to be discussing relocation for either of us. And deep down I knew that if anyone would be uprooting their life, it would be me. Mayson had always wanted to live in Colorado, and his position was a highly coveted spot. He and I both knew that I could teach anywhere.
But a new school year had begun. It was November, and I was locked in until at least May of next year. Knowing this, I was able to relax and not put too much pressure on myself to make any decisions with Mayson regarding our future plans. We were able to move along at a snail's pace, which, for the most part was quite comfortable and fulfilling; flirty phone conversations, sensual text messages, and friendly email banter had become our norm.
The Thanksgiving holiday was quickly approaching and I was excited to have an entire week off of work during fall break. I knew where I wanted to be for Thanksgiving, I only hoped Mayson would feel the same.
I walked into my apartment, knowing my phone would ring shortly. Mayson called me from work almost daily, right around 4:00 every afternoon. The sound of the telephone ringing each afternoon was the highlight of my day. Just as I finished putting some fresh produce in my refrigerator, I heard it. Right on time.
"Hey, beautiful," Mayson said in a husky, sexy tone.
"Hi, stranger. How's work today?"
"Ah, same old, same old. Nothing too exciting. Just a few more hours and I'm going to go for a really long run to relax. Thanks for those new songs, by the way. They're a little crazy, but they keep me moving."
"I'm glad you like them." I smiled. "Beyonce grows on you, doesn't she?"
"Yeah, I guess she does." I could tell he was smirking on the other end of the line. He always thought I had crazy taste in music. Eclectic didn't even begin to describe me. Raised on the Beatles and Bruce Springsteen, I was a classic rock junkie. But when I was running, it was an entirely different story–I needed loud, seam-bursting music with ridiculous lyrics. Mayson had never heard of half the artists I listened to until one morning down on campus when he woke up early for a run. He had forgotten his iPod, so he borrowed mine. He said it was the best run he'd had in months. So, I continued to recommend songs to him. It felt good to influence his music choices.
"So, Mayson," I began, "I mentioned my fall break was coming up at the end of the month." I paused, hoping he'd say something, but there was only silence on the other end of the line. I was forced to continue. "I would love to spend Thanksgiving with you."
For a moment, there was nothing but more silence. Heartbreaking silence that sent uncomfortable flips through my abdomen. Finally, he spoke. "You know I would love that. But I sort of promised m
y parents that I would come to South Carolina for Thanksgiving, and they aren't quite, um, ready to meet anyone yet. My mom is big on family-only holidays. My older brother had a habit of bringing around a lot of different girls to family holidays and Mom finally drew the line. I'm really sorry."
His answer made me uncomfortable. Was he ashamed of me, ashamed of our relationship? Or was I just not important enough to fight for once again? Before allowing myself to get too upset, I remembered our conversation in New York.
You have to stop punishing me for what I did when we were in college.
Pulling myself together, I mustered up my strength and answered casually, "Oh, alright. That's fine. My mom can be picky about certain things, too. She'll probably be thrilled when she finds out I'll be here."
"Are you okay?" he asked. I could hear the concern in his voice.
"Yeah, don't worry. It's totally fine. Besides, I wouldn't want to miss my mom's sweet potato soufflé. It's really fantastic."
"Yum. I'd love to taste it someday," he said, sounding hopeful. I couldn't figure this man out. It felt like he was messing with my head.
"Listen, Daph, I had better run. I have a meeting with a potential client in a few minutes and I need to get my act together. I'll do my best to call tonight after my run, alright?"
"Of course. Good luck with your client."
"Thanks, babe."
As I hung up the phone, my heart sank, but I couldn't allow it to pull me under. I had to trust Mayson. We'd been together for months now, and aside from his admitted self-centered nature, he hadn't done anything to hurt me. No promises had been broken, no betrayal had taken place. We were simply finding our bearings and trudging through long distance as best we could. We were learning together.
#
Chapter 13
Knock
"Be careful! That ornament belonged to Grandma!" I hissed at Morgan as she carelessly lifted a fragile glass sphere from the plastic bin at her feet.
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