Fall From Grace

by Michelle Gross

  He looked at me with a soulful expression. “Bye, Grace.”

  “Bye, Noah.”

  I didn’t move from that spot as I watched him get in his Jeep. My phone beeped just as he started it up and left. It was a text from him.

  I want that pic of u and Gus

  He had to be talking about my home screen.

  just send me every picture of you. I want them all.

  I hugged the phone to my chest.

  Seven-year-old Noah tried to claim my treehouse as his own…

  Thirteen-year-old Noah stole my first kiss…

  Seventeen-year-old Noah stole my air to breathe and his right to exist in this world anywhere without me.

  “My, what a beautiful night we’re having tonight,” Mom chirped behind me.

  I coughed as I twisted around. “Why would you keep us separated for so long?”

  “Because was your night not full of surprises and new romance?” Mom waggled her brows and literally spun around on her toes. She looked at me and sighed. “Distance makes the heart grow fonder. With the two of you already pining over each other as kids, imagine what that could amount to when you get older.”

  I rolled my eyes and didn’t smile—even though she looked goofy. “Mom stop making this a joke. You played with your daughter’s feelings, how could you do that?”

  From her expression, I knew she had become serious about it. “I wanted to see what Noah would do… I refused to give him our number and told him to adjust to his surroundings and not to disappoint me, and of course, I told him to do all this without having contact with you.” Mom bunched up her shoulders as she walked across the porch and bent over the banister. “I told him to call me in a few years if he still wanted to get in touch with you, and of course, he called back. End of story.”

  “I don’t get it. Why’d you do it?”

  “Because, my darling daughter, you might not believe it but I’ve been rooting for Noah in my own way. I always will even though it doesn’t look like it. I want Noah to succeed in whatever he plans to do with his life. I just know that you are a huge part of that goal.” I frowned and she turned away with a smile. “I mean, you’re the reason that boy doesn’t know how to let anything get him down, he’s got a lot to prove from the looks of it. I wonder who he wants to prove himself to and who it is he’s doing it for?” She eyed the house then me before she started giggling like a kid. “I feel like I’m truly blessed to have gotten to see the two of you grow up together.”

  I shook my head and finally smiled. “I give up.” I climbed the porch steps and hugged her. “Thanks for sending me back to Noah, and thanks for believing in him like I do.”

  “I believe in you too.”

  21

  Grace age 16

  Noah age 17

  I’m giddy the whole drive home. I can’t stop smiling. It doesn’t matter that she’s with Dustin. She’s still the Grace I know. She’s still my Grace. She’ll come back to me.

  N.P.

  I called Dustin as I walked up the stairs but it went to voicemail. There was a good chance that he was ignoring my calls. I sent him a text.

  Can you call me?

  My phone beeped a few seconds later.

  I’m not callin just 4 u 2 break up w me

  I wasn’t going to feel bad for ending things with him. He had kept Noah’s whereabouts from me. He knew what Noah meant to me while he kept asking me out. Even though I said that, I still felt guilty. Maybe in his own way, Dustin really liked me or it could have just been because I never gave him attention like all the other girls… Maybe this was his way of being better than Noah, he had always been competitive with him.

  No matter, it was my feelings that were never going to change. I couldn’t keep seeing someone I wasn’t attracted to, and not after Noah finally stepped back into my life.

  Me: It is over, Dustin, we both know it. I’m sorry.

  Dustin: So that’s it, ur getting with Noah just like that?

  Me: Of course not! We didn’t even talk about getting together. I didn’t even tell him I was breaking up with you!!!

  Dustin: If you say so.

  I stared at the screen as I shut my bedroom door behind me and plopped down on the bed. I tapped on Noah’s text from earlier and started smiling. He saved his number under Noah, but I went in and added some heart and kisses faces next to it. Ah, much better.

  I wondered how long it took him to drive home and if he was still on the road? I wanted to text him but I was afraid he was still driving. I wouldn’t tell him I broke up with Dustin for now either. If I told him, I’d make it too obvious that I wanted to go back to what we were becoming to each other at thirteen. I understood his reason for listening to my mom more than anyone else that kept it from me, I knew Noah was someone that tried to respect and understand adults, especially my parents.

  I sent him the picture of Gus and me then sent him a text.

  If you’re still driving, text me when you make it home.

  After I hit send, I wondered if maybe I shouldn’t have sent anything and just waited for him to contact me. I fell back and placed the phone on my head and sighed. I had no patience when it came to him. I’d waited almost four years to finally hear from him again.

  I showered and blow dried my hair and came back to my room to see that I had a text from him. I hoped I didn’t destroy my phone charger when I yanked it off charge.

  I’m home.

  This is a good pic of u.

  I smiled as I climbed into bed.

  Me: You told me you’d tell me what I wanted to know.

  Noah: I did. What do u want to know?

  Me: I want to know about the couple that you’re living with, and I want to know what you’ve been doing the past few years.

  Noah: Their names are Dean and Janet. I already told u their boys are in the army… Dean owns a garage over here in Jewel CO. I’ve learned a lot of shit I didn’t know about cars while working there. They’re cool folk, Grace, stop worrying. They pay for my car insurance and everything, and wouldn’t even ask me to help out at the garage if I didn’t tell them I wanted to…for the Jeep, insurance, phone, and extra cash.

  Me: So now that Mom set us up to meet again…

  Noah: We can see each other whenever we want.

  He finished for me. My cheeks were hurting from smiling so much at the screen.

  Noah: Is Dustin upset w u?

  Me: Yeah.

  I didn’t text him what I really wanted to say: that I broke up with Dustin.

  Noah: Do u care if I call?

  Me: Go ahead.

  I coughed a few times and straightened out my voice before it started ringing. I answered immediately. “Hey,” I breathed.

  “Hey.” His voice sounded lively. “Seemed kinda pointless to text each other after going so long without hearing your voice.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “Don’t let Dustin be an ass about me taking you home.”

  “I’m not,” I told him.

  “You looked beautiful tonight… You were always my favorite thing to look at though,” his voice sounded like it had gotten deeper just now.

  “Noah.” I couldn’t stop smiling as I covered my face for the billionth time because my face was so warm.

  “I shouldn’t be saying that to you when you’re with Dustin, though,” he added. Did he not want me thinking there were more to his words?

  “Yeah, you shouldn’t be.”

  He chuckled softly before he blew into the phone. “This feels so good, Priss,” he admitted. “I’ve missed this so much, just being able to talk to you. I’ve missed you.”

  “I’ve missed you so much,” I told him back.

  “Finally, I feel like I’m finally getting somewhere. Life just makes sense to me when you’re in it.”

  I knew exactly what he meant.

  “I still can’t believe I’m talking to you,” I murmured.

  “I know, I was beginning to think your mom had just told me
to wait and was never actually going to give in … I’m glad she did though, I was at the end of my rope. I was about to come see you with or without her permission.” I moved off the bed and turned off my light before crawling underneath my covers. Then I ended up having to bend down and help Gus up on the bed. “What are you doing?” he asked.

  “I just turned off the lights and crawled underneath my covers,” I said as I got comfortable.

  “I was wondering why you got quiet on me.” His voice was softer now.

  “Keep talking,” I ordered him as I closed my eyes and waited for his words.

  He laughed. “Are you going to sleep?”

  “It’s just been so long since I’ve felt this comfortable,” I mumbled.

  “I feel like I can run a marathon after seeing you tonight, and I’m putting you to sleep? Just how boring am I?”

  “You’re not boring at all,” I promised.

  “Don’t go to sleep on me, Grace, I don’t want to let you go so soon.”

  “Mm.”

  He sighed. “Grace?”

  “Keep talking,” I whispered.

  “At least I’m the last person that gets to hear your voice tonight… It’s a start. Grace? You fell asleep for real, didn’t you…? I’ll never be able to sleep… and you’re blowing in my ear. That’s the best sound I’ve heard in a long time… Goodnight, Grace.”

  _____

  After falling asleep on Noah the night before, I was tempted to see if he wanted to hang out until I found out he was already at the garage working when I got up. I didn’t know what time he’d get off.

  I also had a bunch of text messages from Sara and Tiffany apologizing that they had done as my mom asked them to do. What was even more surprising was how the two were able to keep it from me since last football season. That was also why Sara tried to get me to come to the game, she knew he’d be there. I got it, I guess to them, me seeing Noah for the first time in that way would be a whole lot better than them telling me.

  Around noon, Noah sent a text saying he had a few minutes to talk while he was eating.

  “Hi, Noah,” I basked in the glory of getting to speak to him again.

  “What are you doing?” It was loud in the background where he was in the garage.

  “Lying here with Gus,” I told him. “How long are you going to be at the garage?”

  “I normally leave around six,” he said through bites of whatever he was eating. It would be too much trouble to ask him to come see me, especially when he lived in another county.

  “How long did it take you to get home last night?”

  “I think forty-five minutes? I don’t know, I didn’t pay attention.” More banging in the background. “You got plans tonight?”

  “Hold on,” I told him as I looked to see who just texted me. It was Tiffany. “I don’t have any plans but Tiffany just asked me to sleep over at her house today.”

  “You actually have sleepovers now.” He laughed. “Well, besides the ones with me.”

  “Yes,” I huffed. “You make me sound like a hermit or something.”

  “You never did any of those things when I lived there,” he pointed out.

  I bit my lip. Because I hadn’t wanted to share him with anyone. And even before I became possessive over him, I never thought I needed anyone else besides him to play with. Now I wanted to do a different kind of playing. I rubbed my eyes, listen to me.

  “I think it’s great,” he mentioned. “Tiffany and Sara are probably a lot more fun to hang out with than Dustin.”

  “Says the guy that was friends with him all through grade school,” I couldn’t help but say.

  “And the girl that couldn’t stand him in grade school is now dating him,” he countered back.

  I opened my mouth to say what I really, truly wanted to say, but I stopped. “You keep bringing up Dustin.”

  “He’s your boyfriend.”

  “That doesn’t mean you have to keep bringing him up.”

  “You’re right.”

  “I want to hear everything you’ve done.”

  I thought I heard him choking on something. “What?” he finally said.

  “I want to know everything you’ve done with another girl, and I want to know how many.”

  “Grace…” he said it like a swear. “I can’t have this conversation here and now.”

  “So, tonight then?”

  “That’s not what I meant,” he tripped over his words. “Isn’t it a little inappropriate for you to be asking me this question when you have a boyfriend?”

  I sighed. “You’re gonna tell me… I’m curious Noah, you’ve gone and touched and done it with other girls…,” and not me, “and I’m still stuck—” on you.

  I heard another male in the background. “I gotta go, Grace, I’ll call you tonight okay?”

  I frowned. “Okay…”

  The moment we hung up, I received a text message from him

  I’ll tell u whatever u want 2 know 2nite.

  I sent him a happy face emoji.

  Only I ended up staying the night at Tiffany’s where her and Sara overloaded me on chocolate so that I would forgive them. I kept my phone close and sighed all night, disappointed that I was missing out on the conversation I wanted to have with Noah.

  “After the show you gave everyone at the football game last night, everyone’s going to believe Dustin,” Tiffany bit into a piece of pizza as she spoke.

  “Hello, earth to Grace, don’t you care that Dustin’s most likely going to make you sound like the wicked witch of the west?” Sara threw a chip at me. What was with my friends and them throwing stuff?

  “Not really,” I mumbled, glancing at my phone.

  “Ugh!” Tiffany groaned.

  “You two helped him keep it a secret from me,” I mentioned and they both started smiling.

  “Here, would you like another piece of cake, my Grace?” Sara bowed her head at me and I tried not to smile. “I’ve been rooting for Noah all this time, but I also wanted to stay chummy with Dustin, do you understand what I’m saying? Help a girl out! You can’t have them both.”

  “I don’t want Dustin,” I told her.

  She crossed her arms. “Then why did you say yes after all this time?”

  My mouth fell open as I looked at her. “Because I wanted to…” They both started squealing and I rolled my eyes. “But I should have known I wouldn’t have felt that bottomless feeling in my stomach with Dustin.”

  “I know I would,” Sara said.

  Tiffany shook her head at her. “So, you and Noah aren’t together yet?”

  I shook my head. “I want to see him again already but I don’t know how to ask him. It’s been so long, I’m afraid that this time apart has let him slip through my fingers.”

  “Nah,” Tiffany and Sara both started saying the same thing. “He was looking for you on the field last year, and last night was the same way, besides what boy is gonna contact your mom’s work just to try and get in touch with you?”

  “I don’t want Noah as a friend though,” I muttered. “I want all of him, in every way and it’s making me want to breathe fire out of my mouth when I think of him being with another girl.”

  “It’s not a big deal, Grace, most of the guys at our school aren’t virgins. It was painful when I lost mine, I’m not gonna lie,” Sara said, giving me a pained expression.

  She didn’t understand how I felt, though, neither of them could. Noah and I would have been each other’s firsts, I could have shared that with him until life stripped it away from me.

  “Just imagine, he’s got the experience to make it feel better for you, for when you do finally,” Tiffany winked, “ya know.”

  “You’re so lame,” Sara told her.

  Noah already knew how to do those things before. I had already experienced a taste of what he could do to my body.

  22

  Grace age 16

  Noah age 17

  Every chance I get while I’m working at
the garage, I pull out my phone and stare at the picture she sent me the night before of her and Gus. She’s so damn beautiful I can’t stand it. I need to see her again so bad that it hurts. I think it’s worse now that I’ve finally seen her again. Now, I know what I’ve missed, how much she’s grown like I have over the years and it’s fucking depressing because I know without a doubt, Grace should have been my girl.

  Somehow, Dustin got her.

  Not for long.

  My future hasn’t changed. Grace is still the only thing I see.

  N.P.

  Sara said I looked a little too happy when she dropped me off at my house before going home herself. Noah left me alone last night so that I could hang out with the girls. After a fresh shower, Mom let me get some driving in today. I was going to call and make my appointment to take my test this week or next.

  I sent Noah a text when we got home.

  Me: I’m home & I still remember the conversation we’re supposed to have

  He texted back immediately.

  Noah: Like I could 4get how insistent and blunt you can be when it comes to… well, everything?

  I snorted and Dad looked up from his tablet. I moved from the couch and went to my room.

  Me: Good, as long as you know

  Noah: No hot date with Dustin 2nite?

  Me: Just me and Gus.

  I wondered how long I could keep from not telling him about me being boyfriend-less before I crawled onto his lap and let him figure it out on his own? Not that I had much to worry about, it didn’t look like it was going to be easy to see him.

  Noah: Sounds like a wiener to me.

  LOL get it?

  Winner.

  I should just stop now.

  I burst into giggles.

  Shit. That didn’t even make sense, did it?

  Grace?

  Dkjfkdfjgkfjkj

  After all the texts, he called and I swiped my finger across the screen but couldn’t answer because I was still laughing. “There you are,” he said when he heard me. “Was it that funny? Breathe Grace. You need to get out more if you think my lame jokes are funny.”

  I finally calmed down somewhat. “That was just so random,” I snorted and now he was the one laughing. “I don’t know, I guess I haven’t laughed like that in a while so it saw your lame text as a good outlet.”