Blissful Agony

by Rivers, Brandy L

  Clint didn’t make a sound as he welcomed death.

  Ava dumped gasoline near Gina’s body while the world went gray, then black. His last impression, the leaden-sweet scent that burned his nose.

  Smoke filled his lungs, snapping him back to reality. He rolled over with a coughing fit that splattered his hands with blood. The world spun in the flickering flames dancing over the walls and ceiling. All alone, no sign of life. He pushed to his hands and knees then crawled to the hidden trapdoor. It took most of his strength to throw it open, and he fell into the basement with a heavy thud.

  His vision threatened to gray out, but he pushed himself forward, to the cellar doors leading outside. With a burst of strength, he threw his shoulder into them and heard the crappy lock break.

  He pulled himself from the basement, onto the grass. The fire burned so hot his hair singed, but he managed to drag himself away, into the trees bordering the neighbor’s yard.

  The woman had passed away the week before. She wouldn’t need her old Lincoln. She’d been a hermit, and no one had done anything with her property. He wasn’t even sure anyone realized she was dead. The only reason he knew was because he’d caught a scent the other day and went to investigate.

  In a fog, he broke into the house, stole the keys to the car, and drove.

  “Clint!” Emily snapped. “Carry her inside. I need to see what I can do about her back.”

  His voice came out hollow. “It’s silver. They carved the word with a silver blade. It’s going to scar unless you cut away the surrounding skin.”

  He managed to stand, feeling shaky, but scooped Gina into his arms.

  Tears flowed down his face as he carried her to the couch.

  “Guest room,” Emily ordered. “She needs somewhere comfortable. Robert can take us to the clinic, but I called Slater first.”

  Clint nodded and headed upstairs. He was running on autopilot, following orders as the horror of that night spun through his head on repeat.

  * * * *

  The police cruiser plowed into Ava’s sedan at the exact angle to flip it end-over-end. She hit her head and consciousness wavered.

  Creaking pulled her eyes open, then she was yanked out of the car. Metal clicked over her wrists and ankles, sizzling her skin.

  A big hand tangled in her hair as she was lifted from the pavement. “I take it you’re Ava Fang?”

  “Yes,” she squeaked.

  “You’re a piece of shit,” the giant of an officer spat before throwing her in the cruiser’s back seat.

  The world went dark.

  She woke to bars clanging shut. Ava shot to her feet, ready to fight, but she saw the bright gleam of the bars and frowned. “Silver cells?”

  He nodded. “You aren’t the first wolf we’ve locked up. After what you did to that girl, you’re lucky to be alive. Doubt that lasts long.”

  “Better than going back.” Sighing, she sank onto the cot, careful not to touch the bars. No sense in doing more damage. Her head throbbed in time to her heartbeat.

  “Don’t tell me you aren’t second by choice. You’re as twisted as the fucker above you.”

  “Sometimes you follow orders because you’ve learned what happens to those who resist the madman,” she snapped back. “Do what you want. I’m doomed either way.”

  She flopped back on the mattress and threw her arms over her head. Out of options, she prayed for a quick death.

  * * * *

  Emily sat beside the bed holding the girl’s hand. Gina lay face down on the same bed she’d first used. The girl was malnourished, her back butchered and burned by silver, not to mention the fist-sized dent in her skull.

  She’d have to cut into the girl’s head to repair the damage. Based on what she could see, thermally and internally, the bone had shattered, and was embedded in her brain. Chances were she could remove the fragments and heal the wounds. There wasn’t much she could do about the burn around her throat, but Clint’s wrists had already healed from the silver cuffs so she wouldn’t scar from that. And if cutting out the tissue around the word helped, Gina’s skin would be whole.

  Her heart broke when Clint started to whisper, “I’m a monster,” over and over.

  She looked up to find him rocking in the corner, holding himself. Tears streamed down his face as he stared at Gina.

  “You didn’t do this. You weren’t in control,” Emily told him firmly.

  He didn’t respond. She was afraid to leave the girl’s side because she started to cry as soon as Emily let go of her hand, which she quickly took back.

  Thumping up the stairs pulled her attention. Waiting to see who appeared, Emily stroked her lower back.

  Slater burst through the door. His brow arched as he looked at the girl, then Clint, then Emily, and back at Clint again. “Shit. Is that Gina?”

  Emily nodded. “He won’t listen to me, and I can’t leave her side.”

  Slater nodded. “I’ll get through to him, but you may be impacted through your mate bond. I’ll have to use a command to force him back to the surface.”

  “Do it.”

  Slater gave her a curt nod before stepping in front of Clint and taking his shoulders. “Clint, listen to me.” His voice was firm.

  Clint nodded, his eyes glassy and dilated.

  “Relax. This isn’t your fault.”

  “I hurt her. I beat her. I killed her. She… she… won’t even talk.” He slid down the wall and clutched his knees to his chest as he buried his face.

  “Not your damned fault.” Slater pushed the alpha command into his words. As he’d warned, she felt the magic, but it had no effect on her, other than her body relaxing as Clint’s did. “They did this, to both of you.”

  Clint looked up at his alpha, shaking his head. “My hands, my teeth. Doesn’t matter who commanded it, I attacked her, Slater. I don’t think anything can push that fact from my conscience.”

  Frustrated, Slater scrubbed a hand over his face and turned to her. “I can’t rewrite what happened.”

  Emily nodded, understanding a simple command couldn’t erase the guilt. Though Clint had resurfaced, more cognizant than before.

  With a sigh, Slater moved beside her, and looked down at the girl. “She all right?”

  Emily shook her head. “Brain damage. I might be able to fix it, but I need my exam room. I’ll have to open her head to repair the damage.”

  “And her back?”

  She shrugged. “Clint says if I remove the poisoned tissue, she should heal without scarring. If that’s true, then yeah, I can fix that.”

  “You can. Will be an ugly process though.”

  “I’m a healer, but I’ve also been trained as a traditional doctor. There are injuries you have to see to repair, and in order to do that, you need medical knowledge.”

  Robert appeared next to her. He looked down at Gina and then to Emily. “Exam room?”

  A grateful smile filled her face. “I don’t know if bringing Clint is wise or not. Maybe his presence will help? She dove into his arms when she made eye contact, but she won’t talk. I don’t know if she can, or what she remembers, but she doesn’t fear him.”

  Slater looked at Clint and back to Emily. “We can bring him, maybe keep him on standby someplace near. Not sure how well he’ll do in the room. He’s shut himself in the dark place he was when he first got to Edenton. It might take time to pull him out again.”

  Emily looked over at Clint. “I have a feeling that once I help Gina, he’ll come back. Maybe not all the way, but I’ll drag him back to the surface no matter what I have to do.”

  Robert nodded. “Okay, I’ll take you two first. Slater, I’ll come back for you and Clint. Maybe I can talk to Clint while you help Emily with Gina.”

  “Of course.”

  * * * *

  Her head ached. It always ached. Her back was on fire. And her throat burned—the skin, not where she swallowed.

  Those green eyes made her feel safe. Brought her back—the girl who hid
in the shadows, the one who couldn’t quite come to the light. She knew him, wanted his touch. Needed to see his smile.

  He cried when he looked at her. Haunted, scared.

  “Gina?” a woman called. Pretty. Smells like the green-eyed man.

  She opened her eyes and found gentle brown ones staring back.

  “We’re going to put you to sleep. I need to do something like surgery. You’ll be better when I’m done. Okay?”

  She nodded, her voice deep down inside, where she couldn’t reach.

  The woman whispered words, and warmth blanketed her as darkness rolled in. Sleep was her escape. She liked sleep.

  * * * *

  Emily pushed Robert through the door, her brown eyes flashing molten bronze. Her voice vibrated with a deep power from within. “You say one harsh word to my mate and I will make sure you don’t walk away.”

  “Hey, Emily, I want you happy. That means Clint needs to get a grip. I want to help bring him back. I’ve been there. Forced to do things that still give me nightmares. Let me help him.”

  She nodded, a tear slipping down her face. “I need him back.”

  “I’ll bring him as far as I can, but you’ll have to pull him the rest of the way. I’ll get through to him. I promise.”

  Emily threw her arms around her brother and nodded against his chest. “Thank you.”

  “Anything for you.” Maybe this would help absolve some of his guilt for not realizing what was happening to her all those years.

  Emily stepped back and wiped at her eyes. “I mean it. Don’t make him worse.”

  He gave her a soft smile. “I won’t. You take care of Gina. That will help. I’ll pull him out of the memories.”

  She stepped through the door. He followed.

  Taking Clint’s hand, Emily pulled his gaze to hers. “Go with Robert. I’ll help Gina. Okay?”

  He nodded but didn’t move.

  Robert gently took Clint’s arm and pulled him to the door. “I’ll bring you back after we talk.” Slater told him what Clint had been forced to do. Lasting injuries, and he could imagine the guilt was heavy.

  Watching Clint with Emily proved the werewolf wasn’t a monster, and he would never choose to hurt an innocent. Clint was terrified of himself based on what he’d been forced to do.

  Robert led Clint to his office and Clint sat on the couch. In seconds, he resumed rocking back and forth with his arms tightly wrapped around his chest.

  He knew of one way to help him surface. The approach would be better done with Emily, but he wasn’t sure how she’d handle seeing his past in detail. He didn’t want Clint painted in the same light as her twisted twin.

  Robert took a seat next to Clint. “I need to see what you think you did. Do you trust me?”

  He didn’t respond. Nothing.

  Robert braced himself as he placed his hands on either side of Clint’s head.

  “Look what we have here,” a man sneered as Clint scrambled off a girl. His erection deflated. He stared in horror at his alpha.

  “She’s not involved in this,” Clint warned.

  “She’s about to be,” Ava answered, as she sauntered in with a sloshing gas tank.

  Clint launched himself at Axel, but a solid fist to his face sent him sprawling. “Punish her,” he shouted.

  “No!” Clint screamed.

  Axel’s hand wrapped around Clint’s throat, cutting off circulation as he lifted him from the ground. Clint fought, kicking, scratching, trying to break the alpha’s fingers.

  Clint’s vision darkened, his lungs burned, then he was thrown to the ground.

  “Beat her, now!” Axel snarled.

  Too close to suffocating, he was unable to fight the command in the alpha voice. His body responded automatically as he gasped for air. He crawled to the girl who backed toward the corner. “This isn’t you,” she whispered. “Fight. You would never do this. It’s not you. Come back to me,” she pleaded.

  Robert squeezed his eyes shut as he witnessed the beating. Clint’s cries as he tried to fight the command. Clint’s beast tried to rise, to push back the order, but it wasn’t enough.

  He fast-forwarded. Everything had gone silent except for Clint’s ragged breaths and whimpers. Clint slumped on his knees, his hands on the ground before Gina, her head dented, blood oozing from the wound, her body broken and bleeding.

  Robert watched the command for Clint to change, and then change her. Clint meant to kill her instead, choosing a mercy he knew Axel wouldn’t grant.

  He watched through the whole ordeal, all the way to Clint’s escape from the inferno.

  Robert opened his eyes, a tear tracking down his own face. He’d never realized the extent of the pain Clint carried, or the overwhelming guilt. How Clint had risen above his past, and fought to be a better man. He dealt with his pain in an unusual way, but it eased some of the guilt, at least temporarily.

  “Why did you push me and your sister together?” Clint cried. His face hidden behind his hands as his body shuddered with heavy sobs. “I’ll hurt her in the end. Just like Gina.”

  Robert drew a slow breath. “No, you won’t. You two are right for one another. You’re both broken, but together you’re whole. Her past is going to bubble to the surface sometimes, and like the other night, you’ll help her through. Same for you. She understands you didn’t do this.” He chuckled. “She threatened me not to cause you more pain.”

  “She doesn’t understand the monster lurking within me. How can she? You saw it. I did that to Gina. Me! I loved her, and I couldn’t stop myself. What happens when they break through and command me to do worse to Emily?”

  “You won’t. You’re stronger now. Plus, she’s your mate. I don’t believe it is physically possible for you to be forced to hurt her. Gina, you loved her, but it wasn’t the same and that monster had to bring you to the brink of unconsciousness for the command to take hold.”

  “I did love Gina. She was the one bright spot in a dark existence. Look what I did to her. How can I trust I won’t do the same to Emily?”

  “You didn’t mate Gina. There’s an extra level of protectiveness regarding your mate. And even then you fought, Clint. You didn’t immediately attack Gina. He had to strangle you until you couldn’t fight back. He knew how to override your natural dominance.”

  “Maybe. Doesn’t change the fact I tried to kill her. I never wanted her to suffer. She wouldn’t let me walk away after Ava changed me. Wouldn’t let me go. If I’d been strong and shut her out, this never would have happened.”

  “She loved you. She knew you couldn’t fight the compulsion. You weren’t in control. That it wasn’t you. Emily said you’re the one who calmed her down when Gina saw you. That she sought comfort in your arms. She doesn’t fear you, because she knows you.”

  Clint nodded, but didn’t answer. “I love your sister. I have for a while. I don’t ever want to hurt her. That’s why I don’t understand how you could push us together.”

  “You won’t hurt her. You have to forgive yourself.”

  Tears spilled down Clint’s face. “I’ve been trying for years. I’m not sure how.”

  “Start by accepting the fact you weren’t in control. That you were forced to do these acts, and you fought the best you could. You broke free of Axel’s hold and you’re here now.”

  “It’s not enough. What if I hurt Emily like I did Gina?”

  Robert squeezed his shoulder. “You won’t. Be strong for Emily. She deserves happiness and you’re the only one who can give it to her.”

  Chapter 14

  Emily looked across the exam table at Slater. She’d already carved out the burnt tissue and healed Gina’s back. Next, she shaved part of Gina’s head looking for the best place to open the girl’s skull. It took an hour to remove all the shards of bone from her brain. She’d healed the tissue as she went, and even regrew the missing patch of skull, before sealing the wound. Finally, she spent extra energy to grow the hair back.

  She didn’t know how
much of her memory the girl would regain. For years, the bone fragments had shifted, doing damage, possibly wiping out all memory permanently. Robert would be able to find out, but honestly, it might be better if she never remembered her past.

  “Robert may be able to uncover her memory. She wasn’t talking, and she clearly didn’t fear Clint as she might have. I can only guess she has amnesia.”

  Slater nodded. “Probably for the best, right?”

  “Maybe.” Emily went to the sink to scrub her hands. “I hope my brother went easy on him. I can’t imagine their conversation.”

  “He’s the one who pushed you two together. I’m sure he’s cutting him some slack.”

  “Can I ask you something?”

  He nodded.

  “If Gina is his first love, and Clint is mated to me, will he be drawn to her still? Am I going to have to compete with a broken woman and my mate’s guilt?” She winced at her own words, but she couldn’t let him go.

  Slater shook his head. “He’s not going to want her back. Once we find our mate, we can’t walk away. Not easily at least. Clint won’t abandon you.”

  “You’re sure?” she whispered.

  “Positive.”

  “That’s a relief. What about her though?”

  “Might take her time to accept, but she’s a wolf. Her beast will intuitively understand they were never mated. She’ll move on.”

  “I truly hope so.”

  Slater shrugged. “You did good work. Especially with the silver damage.”

  “Clint told me how to remove it. I might not have thought of that technique. Causing more damage isn’t a standard approach.”

  Slater grinned. “True, but you did it better than anyone I know. Took what you had to, then healed the wound beautifully.”