Blissful Agony

by Rivers, Brandy L

  * * * *

  Clint followed Robert through the halls. Part of him understood what Robert said. The other part was in disbelief that the mage trusted him.

  “Look,” Robert pulled him to a stop, “I’m aware you feel like you’re in the wrong. Please trust me when I say you aren’t. I was in your head. I saw it all. I felt the compulsion. You couldn’t control your actions.”

  “I still did it.”

  Robert drew a slow breath and motioned down the hall, away from the exam room. When they came to the window, he turned toward Clint. “Trust me, I understand. I’ve been there. So has Tremaine. A vampire forced us to do worse to Fallon. You can’t blame yourself any more than we can. It’s difficult sometimes, but you need to realize you weren’t in control.”

  Clint blinked rapidly, trying to figure that one out. “Why in the hell didn’t she blast your ass? I’ve seen you both cast. No offense, but you got nothing on her with the way her mind works.”

  Robert nodded, then shrugged. “She was drugged. Made it impossible for her to use her magic. And she did blast us, as soon as the sedative started to wear off.”

  “You don’t blame yourself?”

  “Most of the time, no. She’s right. It wasn’t my choice. She understood that reality long before either Tremaine or I did. And we’re all friends. It’s only a problem if someone brings it up around us. Otherwise, not much has changed.”

  “I’m trying to forgive myself. It was bad enough when I thought I’d killed her. But she’s alive, and was held captive for fourteen years. Shit, she’s been through hell.”

  “Yeah, but you went through hell too.”

  He let out a deep sigh.

  “One thing, do you love the girl the way you once did?”

  He shook his head. “No. Guilty, and sorry. Responsible for her present state, and wishing I could make it better somehow.”

  Robert relaxed visibly. “My sister will help you find your way.”

  Clint looked at the floor. “I hope I’m worth finding.”

  “You are. No matter what you think, you aren’t the monster you believe.”

  He nodded, and Robert pushed through the door.

  Clint followed and gave Emily a strained smile.

  “I know you,” Gina said. “I don’t remember why.” Her quiet voice had a strained rasp, as if she’d been silent too long. “Why?”

  A tear fell down his face. “Our alpha made me hurt you. I didn’t know you’d survived. I would have found a way to get you out of there.”

  “I don’t remember anything. Nothing solid at least. Just your eyes. And I remember a smile. Snuggling under the stars. Is that right?”

  “A long time ago.” He shook his head. “I’m not that boy anymore.”

  She smiled. “The pretty one has your heart.”

  He nodded. “Emily is everything.”

  “You made me smile once, but you aren’t mine.”

  Clint blinked, shaking his head. She sounded all wrong. Like the girl he knew, her spirit, had been beaten out of her.

  Emily gave him a half-hearted smile. “She doesn’t remember her life before. And she doesn’t recall much since the attack either. If her memories are there, Robert can help me unlock them, but there are risks. There’s also a good chance she has no memory left.”

  “Because of me.”

  Her hands gripped his face as she pulled his gaze to hers. “No. Because some monster forced you to do something. You’re stronger now. You’ll rise above and fight. Don’t you dare talk like that again.”

  He nodded, staring into her big brown eyes. “Love you,” he whispered.

  She rose up and kissed him softly. “Love you, too. Be strong. I’ll be here to lean on. You can do this.”

  He nodded, trying desperately to believe.

  * * * *

  Emily grabbed Robert’s sleeve and dragged him outside while Clint stared at the girl like he’d seen a ghost. She supposed he had in a way. She felt his distress. Less guilt, and more concern. That was positive, but she didn’t understand his reaction.

  Robert frowned at Emily. “She’s something more than werewolf. She’s sensing stuff, but I’m not sure what.”

  She bobbled her head. “You could ask Preston. He might know.”

  “Maybe. What do we do with her for now?”

  “Keep her here. Let the other healers take care of her overnight. She’s not scared. I need to focus on Clint. I’ve done what I can for her.”

  “Unless we go into her head and piece back her memories.”

  Emily shrugged. “I have a feeling that whatever her pack did is best forgotten.”

  “But will it stay forgotten?”

  “Excellent point. Can we sort this out in the morning? Clint’s worrying me.”

  “Em, he thought he killed his girlfriend fourteen years ago. They made him do it, and while he may accept that in his head, his heart doesn’t agree. It’s going to weigh heavily on him. That’s not something you can easily forget. Remember how I was after the Dales ten years ago?”

  “That’s why I need to take him home and show him he isn’t a monster.”

  Robert pulled her into a hug. “If anyone can get through to him, it’s you.”

  “Simone can take over with Gina.”

  “I’ll take you and Clint back.”

  “And Robert, thank you for pushing us together. I don’t feel broken with him.”

  “He needs you.”

  “And I need him.”

  “You’ll make him understand.”

  * * * *

  Gina’s big blue eyes were locked on his. Clint fought not to squirm under her silent scrutiny. Doubts swirled through his head and he tried to force them aside. She drifted off to sleep as he watched.

  Forever seemed to pass before the door opened again. Then Emily cooed, “Clint, hey, talk to me.”

  He blinked, focusing on the woman who’d stolen his heart. Her concern shadowed the love he found staring back. Shaking his head, he asked, “How can you look at me the same way?”

  “Because you’re the one I trust with my heart. If you were the monster you believe, you would never have coaxed me out of my shell and filled me with happiness. No matter what you think, you weren’t the one who hurt Gina. They used you, forced you to do things. You’re stronger now, better. Don’t fall down into that pit of despair. Stay with me. I’ll hold on with everything I’ve got.”

  Clint pulled her into his arms, needing her heart beating against his. Their connection wrapped around him, pushing away the fear. He sighed. “The nightmares. They’re going to get bad, Em.”

  She leaned back and caressed his face, staring into his eyes. “I’ll see you through. We’ll make it through this, Clint, together. And she’ll be all right. She doesn’t blame you anymore than I do.”

  His laugh was bitter. “She doesn’t remember. Of course she doesn’t blame me. When she does, she’ll be terrified. She trusted me and I nearly killed her. Hell, I wanted her to die so she wouldn’t suffer.”

  “Because you knew what they would do to her. You chose mercy, even if it wasn’t granted. You tried. That’s all you could do. You are a patient, kind, sexy man who has claimed my heart, Clint Armstrong.”

  “Hope you’re right. I don’t want you to lose faith in me.”

  “Never. Now let’s go home.”

  He nodded. Robert touched their shoulders, and they appeared in Clint’s living room. Slater waited for them.

  The alpha stepped back with a scowl. “I’ve got news. Ava’s in a cell at the precinct. Get some rest, and tomorrow, I want you to interview her with me. See if we can get some answers from the cold-hearted bitch.”

  “Of course.” Though fear trilled through him. The thought of being face-to-face, after trying to kill her and failing, sent a chill down his spine. The woman destroyed him, stole his future, and set him on a course completely different than what he’d planned. If he was being honest, he was in a better place than he’d imagined
, but it took going through hell to get here.

  Slater gave him a nod. “See you tomorrow.” He walked out the door.

  Robert gave him a tight smile. “You can’t blame yourself. You didn’t know she lived.”

  Clint nodded. The truth didn’t help. He’d beaten Gina, command or not—tried to kill her to save her the abuse, and failed. Fourteen years, and he could guess what Axel had done to her. His stomach churned.

  Robert disappeared and Emily took his hand. “What do you need?”

  He shrugged, his eyes closing as he tried to shut out the guilt.

  “Want to talk?”

  He shook his head, fear twisting through him. “Wish it would go away.”

  “How can I distract you?” she asked softly.

  “Would you mind me holding you?” He didn’t care that he was pleading.

  “Love it when you hold me. I’m safe in your arms.”

  “She was supposed to be safe in my arms.” His voice broke and he fought back tears. One escaped anyway. “I don’t deserve your trust, but I need you close.”

  She pulled him up the stairs and climbed into bed. “Come here.”

  He crawled in beside her and wrapped her in his arms. Emily snuggled against him, placing her head over his chest, and he finally started to relax. Her trust overwhelmed him. All he could do was sink into the mattress and close his eyes as she curled around him.

  Emily traced patterns under his shirt, the touch intimate, yet sweet. The fear fell away. “I never want to hurt you,” he whispered.

  “You won’t. Slater assured me you are definitely part of this pack. Not Elm Wood. You can’t fall under their sway again. You won’t hurt me, Clint.”

  He’d been told that many times. Didn’t make it easier to accept. With Emily, it may now be different. They were mated. He couldn’t recall a wolf who’d hurt their mate.

  Her hand flattened over his heart, and he covered hers with his.

  Clint pressed a kiss to her hair. “Thank you for doing what you could for her. I hate that something I did left permanent damage.”

  She rose up to look into his eyes. “She’ll be okay. Part of me wonders if the lack of memory is a blessing.”

  “Gina was barely eighteen. We celebrated her birthday the week before I attacked her.”

  Emily pushed him back with a glare. “Stop saying you did it.”

  He groaned. “My hands, Emily. No matter who gave the command, I saw through my own eyes as my body responded. Guilty or not, it’s hard to forgive yourself when you know your fists did the physical act.”

  She cuddled closer, laying her head back down. Clint combed his fingers through her soft locks, enjoying the silky strands. He wished he could forgive himself. He thought he had, but seeing Gina on the porch tore him apart.

  Emily met his gaze. “Even though I had sex, too many times to count over the years, I never considered it an intimate thing. James hurt me, used it as a means to control me, but he never touched me in a loving manner. I don’t feel guilty for what he forced me to do.”

  A tear leaked down his face. “You never had a choice.”

  “Neither did you, Clint. It’s the same thing. You weren’t in control. And you fought harder than I did because I was terrified.”

  “Sorry, Em. You’re right. I shouldn’t blame myself, but that’s easier said than done.”

  “At least you have me to help. It took me years to realize it wasn’t my fault because I’d never told anyone.”

  “I can’t believe your brother hurt you like that.”

  “You realize Christian is my son, right?”

  He nodded. “He’s a good man.”

  “And James being his father?”

  “Doesn’t change the fact Christian turned out a thoughtful, caring young man. Hopefully he doesn’t judge me too harshly.”

  She laughed. “No. In fact, he said I need you and vice versa. I agree. You make me braver, happy. I can’t remember ever smiling as much as I do with you.”

  He tipped her face up and kissed her softly.

  “Mmm,” she moaned. “Let me help you, let me wash away the memories.”

  He couldn’t resist a smile. “How do you plan to do that?”

  Emily pushed him to his back, looking into his eyes as she opened his jeans and pulled them down his legs. “Let me love you.”

  He nodded slowly but doubt wafted through him. What if he panicked? What if he flashed back? His whole world had been tipped upside down when he found Gina on his porch.

  Emily climbed off the bed and slowly removed her clothes, never breaking eye contact other than the few seconds it took to pull her shirt over her head. Then she climbed up beside him, pulling his shirt up. He rose, letting her take it off.

  Before he could lay back, she grabbed the back of his neck as she straddled his thighs. “Want our connection,” she whispered, licking her lips as she gripped his length before pressing down over him.

  He lost himself in the warm brown pools staring into his soul. Her body rocked over him slowly as her hands caressed his neck and shoulders.

  Winding his arms around her, he forgot everything but his mate and her love flowing through him. She built his pleasure gradually, moving up and down his shaft slowly.

  “You won’t hurt me,” she promised.

  In that moment, he believed her. She was his sun, shining light on his heart. From the very first time he laid eyes on her, he needed to see her smile.

  “Never hurt you, Sunshine,” he murmured before brushing his lips over hers.

  Her tongue delved into his mouth in a sweet caress. Her pace built gradually, pushing his pleasure higher. He needed her there and reached between them to thumb her slippery pearl.

  A moan rumbled from her lips as she held on tighter, her body rocking harder. He swallowed her cries as her walls pulsed around him, pulling her deeper as she pressed her forehead to his, staring into his eyes as he followed her into release.

  When their breathing slowed, she pressed her mouth to his again. He held her tight, welcoming her into his soul.

  “I’m never letting you go,” she whispered.

  “I’ll be everything for you,” he answered.

  “Already are.”

  He pulled her back, lying down beside her to wrap her in his arms. Peace rolled through him, carrying him into sleep.

  Chapter 15

  Axel paced the courtyard. Ava never returned from dropping off Clint’s gift. Her phone, with its GPS tracking, was either turned off or destroyed. He’d known she wanted out, but didn’t believe she was brave enough to attempt escape. Besides, Toby found her car flipped over in a ditch, her not in it.

  Blood boiled in his veins, anger washing through him. Rage threatened to take over. Toby, the first scout to make it back, hadn’t found Ava, Gina, the other scouts, or even Clint or Elias.

  Doubt settled in. Maybe sending the boy had been a mistake. Edenton had taken in that scrawny whelp, Clint. Of course they’d shelter a mistreated kid.

  Axel’s rule was sustained through the fear he instilled, and reinforced, into his pack. Members were too afraid to move against him because he would torture a child, an invalid, anyone. Nobody was safe or immune from his wrath.

  Even with his high dominance, he’d had trouble commanding Clint. He’d used a potion to lower the runt’s dominance. The more time he spent away hunting, the less effective it became. But keeping Clint in the compound would mean Ava could continue her obsession unchecked. He made the whelp an enforcer, and let him live outside, because it made Ava easier to manage.

  When he found out Ava often followed and watched Clint, he made his move. The shit needed to die after Axel destroyed his world. At the end, he had to resort to impeding Clint’s brain function by strangling him in order to force a simple command.

  Fucker nearly killed the girl to keep her from Axel. He watched Clint dying on the floor. When the girl sucked in a breath, he made a decision to use her since he couldn’t do worse to the
runt.

  Gina had become a useful tool, motivating the other wolves to fall in line. After her initial attack, she wasn’t much better than an animal.

  Now his plan seemed to be crumbling. Toby hadn’t found any sign of the wolves he’d sent. Not a single trace, and the way Edenton was locked down, he didn’t expect one.

  “You could call off the search,” Toby offered. “They have patrols running the woods. The police force is out searching for anything suspicious. I couldn’t even stop near Ava’s vehicle because I worried I would be questioned.”

  “We have to get our people back. Slater will turn them against us. Is that what you want?”

  “No. Though would they come back here? If they’re free—”

  “If they got free, we kill them. Slowly, in front of everyone. They will learn their place. Do you understand?”

  “Of course. I only mention it because Clint never looked for us. His pack had forgotten we existed. We’re tipping the balance by invading their territory. When the other wolves find out, they’ll try to escape.”

  “You didn’t.”

  “Because I’m better suited to second than Ava ever was. She was weak. Only following your orders because of some notion she was in love with you.”

  His grin turned cold. Perhaps he should have sealed his mate bond with her. From the moment he saw her, he wanted Ava. Strong, cold, and calculating, all things he admired. He feared she had more strength than him and attempted to break her down, force her into submission. Nothing he did broke her spirit.

  At least he made sure the other wolves would never touch her. If she came back, he would either claim her, or kill her. If she had simply been captured, and came back by choice, he would right his wrongs. If she’d tried to escape, he would break her down, and finally force her into submission. Then he’d kill her to end the craving that burned every time he laid eyes on her.

  “I’ll give them another night. We don’t know for sure what’s going on. They could have been captured.”

  “If so, they were stupid. Is that who you want on our side?”