Body Parts

by Jessica Kapp

  We pick up our pace when we reach the front door and head for the prettiest car in the lot. How does someone in scheduling afford such a fancy vehicle?

  Gavin opens the door for me to climb in the back, and I slide across the leather seat to sit in the middle.

  “Where to?” Kenny asks as Gavin gets in.

  “Our safe house,” Gavin says. My heart knocks against my chest like a warning. We can’t exactly blindfold the driver, but is it safe to bring him back to the barn?

  Kenny follows Gavin’s directions toward the main drag that connects with the highway. My stomach flips a little as he talks about the landmarks we pass; it’s as if he’s trying to memorize the route.

  “Ah, you’re out in the sticks,” Kenny says. “You must get terrible reception.”

  He looks in the rearview mirror and we lock eyes. When he winks, I look away.

  I try to convince myself that I’m jumping to conclusions about Kenny, that it’s just my anxiety about the day catching up with me—that Meghan’s death has coated my mind with vengeful thoughts. I don’t believe myself at all.

  • • •

  Mary and Sasha jump off the fence when we pull up, running toward the car with expressions of relief and surprise.

  “What happened?” Sasha asks, clinging to the side of the convertible as we roll to a stop. She uses her arm to keep Mary from coming too close. When Kenny turns off the ignition, Sasha drops her hand, and Mary leans over the side of the car to hug me before sprinting to the passenger door to greet Gavin.

  “Meghan was already in surgery,” says Gavin, climbing out. He lifts Mary up into an embrace. Mary is the best drug for both of us, it seems. When he puts her down, it’s as if he’s let go of some of his tension, but not all of it. His body is more rigid than usual as he moves toward Sasha. “We tried to get her out,” he tucks his chin, “but we couldn’t save them both.”

  Sasha nods, her face solemn. A teary-eyed Mary returns to Sasha’s side and grabs her hand.

  Kenny holds his seat forward for me to get out, and as I do, his hand grazes my hip. I jump forward, and he steps to the side, his expression blank. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

  “The hospital sent security after us,” Gavin says, careful not to meet my eyes when he glances around the group.

  I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat as I turn to Sasha. “Are Craig and Ry okay?”

  “Yeah. They bolted when workers tried to corner them. Craig wanted to get some air, but Ry’s inside with Paige.”

  I start for the barn door as Gavin introduces Kenny to Mary and Sasha. I don’t want Paige to wake up without a familiar face. My stomach coils when I think about how I’m going to tell her about Meghan. Your sister was murdered. We couldn’t save her. And thanks to me, we probably won’t be able to rescue anyone else. Welcome to your new life.

  As I climb down the ladder, a terrible thought enters my mind. I’m glad it wasn’t Paige. Guilt crushes my heart. What kind of person am I to choose favorites? I hate myself for thinking any less of Meghan and bury the notion in the recesses of my brain. I love them both, they’re family. Still…I don’t know what I’d do if I knew I’d never see Paige again.

  The basement smells vaguely like disinfectant and rubbing alcohol, scents from the hospital that must have traveled with her. When I round the corner into the main room, Paige is in Ry’s bed. He doesn’t see me approach.

  “How is she?” I ask.

  He looks up, startled. His eyes are heavy. I’ve never seen Ry so tired. Even in the low lights of the basement I can make out dark circles.

  “No Meghan?” He sounds like he might cry. I squat next to him, fighting back tears of my own. “I should have stayed focused…it’s all my fault…”

  I put my hand on his knee. “They switched Meghan’s surgery time. There’s no way we could have known.”

  Ry pinches the bridge of his nose and I sit, putting an arm around his waist. His emotions are contagious. My breath shudders, and I choke on a wave of tears.

  Meghan is gone forever.

  Every time I look at Paige, I’ll be reminded that PharmPerfect won. That my friend was taken. I want to break the mirror against the far wall so that Paige doesn’t have to be reminded too. For the rest of her life, she’ll see Meghan’s face staring back at her. And when she looks at us, she’ll remember no one could save her sister.

  We failed.

  My chest heaves and Ry pulls me into a hug. I cry into his shoulder, squeezing his frail frame. Every bone feels like it’s on display. When he releases me, I notice his pupils are slightly dilated. He must be coming down from whatever he took.

  He squeezes his eyes shut as if he knows what I’m thinking.

  “It was only half a pill,” he whispers. “I thought it would keep me calm, but I couldn’t focus. I shouldn’t have taken it…”

  “No. You shouldn’t have. But that’s not why she died, Ry. PharmPerfect did this.” I let go and he opens his eyes.

  “I wasn’t in the right mindset. It is my fault.” He wipes his face with the back of his hand. “Gavin asked me to call the hospital since my number wouldn’t look suspicious.”

  “Who were you supposed to call?”

  “Me,” says a voice an octave lower than Ry’s.

  Kenny walks toward us and Gavin and Sasha follow him like he’s their leader. There’s a stabbing pain in my chest, and I grit my teeth. The room seems darker as Kenny towers over us and his head blocks the kitchen light.

  I stand, scowling back at him. Ry pops up too.

  “Hey…” Ry’s voice is wrought with emotion. “I-I wasn’t sure if you’d pick up.” Then he practically falls into Kenny’s arms, his muffled sobs echoing in an otherwise quiet room. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  “Of course I would’ve answered.” Kenny pats his back, his arms stiff. “We all make mistakes. But hey, at least we got one of them out.” Kenny pushes Ry away, ruffling his hair when he notices me glaring. “It’s good to see you again.”

  Ry turns and the resemblance slaps me in the face. He’s younger, more delicate. A boy with a pinch of athleticism—more of a soccer player than a football star.

  Kenny is quite the opposite. He’s taller, thicker—more intimidating.

  “Is he…?” I point at Kenny. “Are you…?”

  “Brothers,” Ry says, his voice as weak as his smile.

  Gavin gives me an expectant nod, as if being related to Ry makes Kenny an instant member of the team. As if I should be excited about the revelation.

  Hardly.

  Paige stirs and I drop down to her side. I grab her hand and whisper her name, coaxing her to look at me. Her eyes flutter open a few seconds later.

  “Where am I?” she asks.

  Gavin kneels next to me. His body feels warm. There’s a bubble of safety whenever he’s around. It’s comforting, but it also terrifies me. I don’t like the idea of having to count on him, believe in him. I can’t even trust my own thoughts right now.

  I smooth Paige’s hair. Her head rolls and she scans my face. “Tabitha?” She musters a grin and reaches out, but her hand flops on the bed like it’s weighted. “What’s wrong with me?”

  My lip quivers. How do I start to explain what happened?

  “The—the Center…they took you t-to… it’s not what you think…”

  “There’s no foster family,” Gavin says, his hand finding mine. “The Center used you. And Tabitha helped you escape.”

  I nod at Paige. Her eyes widen as I explain how the Center trained us to keep our organs healthy and how PharmPerfect sold us for parts.

  She takes in a jerky breath. “What about Meghan?”

  I glance at Gavin. My throat suddenly aches like it’s been stuffed with rocks. I can barely force out the words: “She didn’t make it.”

  Paige wails something inaudible. She rolls to her side, away from the crowd, pulling her hand away as she does. Her chest heaves with sobs, and all I can do is rub her ba
ck until she cries herself to sleep.

  Eventually, the room empties. Only Gavin and I stay. We sit on the floor, our backs against the bed. Paige hasn’t asked for anything, even water, and it’s been more than an hour.

  Aside from the occasional throat clearing, Gavin and I have stayed quiet. I’m alone in my head. My body tenses as thoughts swirl. I need to talk to someone, even if Gavin is still mad at me for jeopardizing the mission.

  “I’m sorry for what happened back there. At the hospital.” I play with my shoelace. “And for elbowing you in the gut.”

  “I’m sorry for yelling at you. I freaked.” He nudges me with his knee. “But you got us out. And Paige is safe.”

  But not Meghan.

  My heart tightens. “You should go,” I say. “Get something to eat. Check on everyone. Make sure they’re okay. Ry seemed pretty upset.”

  He stares at me and I give him my best smile, which feels more like a broken frown. “Are you sure?” He looks unconvinced.

  “Yeah, I’m sure.” My emotions must be messing with my mind because I can’t help but tell him what’s really plaguing me. “Besides, someone should keep an eye on Kenny.”

  “You still don’t trust him? Come on, he’s Ry’s brother.” Gavin stands and extends a hand. “You should take a break too. Paige will need you to be strong when she wakes up.” I take his hand. He pulls me up fast and with enough force to bring me against his body. Our paper-thin scrubs do little to block the heat. I step back so I can think straight.

  I should let the issue of Kenny go. Part of me wants to go outside, clear my head, but my mouth disagrees. “He was at my screening. Ask him yourself.”

  Gavin smirks. Is he humoring me?

  My jaw tightens. “You don’t believe me?”

  “Of course I do. Before we came in to see Paige, Kenny told me.” He puts a hand on my shoulder. “You were right. He was in the room, but only so he could get information about what goes on when someone leaves the Center. He even thought about warning you then but didn’t want you to screw up our mission.”

  “You buy that? That Kenny’d be a one-man show, warning Center kids so they could what—climb the twenty foot wall and dive into the ocean?”

  “No, but I could see how he’d want to try.” Gavin pauses like he’s considering the idea. “It would have saved us the trouble of dealing with the hospital. When Kenny asked if he could help us—”

  “Wait. He came to you?”

  Gavin sighs. “He kept bugging Cherry about Ry, asking what he’d been up, who he was spending all his time with. Kenny claimed he wanted to turn his life around and do something good for a change. Cherry said she didn’t tell him much, but he put two and two together. Then he offered to work from the inside. He got us the information we needed to get you out, but he thought the security would be a problem. Don’t blame the guy for trying to rescue you on his own.”

  My arms are crossed and I hold myself tight. It’s the only thing I have to hold onto right now. I know Kenny’s lying. I can feel it in my core. I just can’t prove it. And Gavin has no interest in assumptions. Not when Kenny’s so valuable to our team.

  “He was only trying to help.” Gavin rubs my arm, but it feels like he’s placating me. I shrug him off and turn my attention back to Paige. “Take a break,” he says. “She needs you to be strong.”

  Paige hasn’t moved. Her breaths are slow, and she might be asleep, but I can’t be sure. Gavin’s hand slips over my shoulder, pulling gently.

  Maybe fresh air will help clear my head. Strengthen my crippled spirit.

  “I’ll be right back, Paige,” I say.

  She doesn’t stir. We walk toward the exit, and I glance back when we reach the hallway.

  “Don’t worry, I’m thinking the same thing,” Gavin says. “We’ll send Ry or Sasha in. I don’t want her left alone either.”

  It’s a small relief, but part of me feels like I’m abandoning her. He’s right though. I need to be strong for her. Strong for all of my friends at the Center. Stronger than I was for Meghan.

  Outside, Kenny and Craig are playing Frisbee. Kenny tosses it toward Gavin when we step out of the barn, and I walk away before they can pull me into the game.

  I head toward Ry and Sasha, who are talking by the fence. They appear to be alone until Mary’s head pops up in the field. She looks like a rabbit hopping through the tall grass.

  “She’s picking wildflowers for Paige,” Ry says as I walk over. “She thought they might cheer her up.”

  “I love that girl,” I say. “If anyone can make this day brighter, it’s Mary.”

  They nod.

  “How’s Paige?” Sasha asks.

  “Resting,” I say. “Hoping to wake up from a bad dream, I’m sure.”

  “Give me a minute, guys,” Gavin says, tossing the Frisbee to Craig before jogging toward us. “Ry, do you think you could keep an eye on Paige for a while?”

  “Sure thing.” Ry looks grateful to be on patient duty. There’s urgency in his eyes, like he has to right a wrong. He hustles to the barn and disappears down the hole.

  I see a disc fly at my face and deflect it with my forearm. When I glance in the direction it came, Craig’s arm still hangs in the air.

  “I told you,” says Kenny.

  Craig drops his throwing hand and shakes his head. “You were right.”

  “What’s the big idea?” I pick the Frisbee off the ground and launch it at Kenny. My aim is better this time, but not direct. Still, he’s able to catch it and in one motion toss it to Craig.

  “Kenny said you had mad reflexes, that’s all.” Craig shrugs and resumes his game.

  “Don’t take it personally,” Gavin says. “We review notes before every mission. It also said you had premium lungs.”

  The words jar a memory loose. I cringe, thinking about Ms. Preen filling out the form during my health screening, noting my lung capacity.

  “What’s 31 Processing mean?” I ask. “I saw it on some paperwork about me.”

  Gavin rubs his throat like it hurts. “Formula 31 is the base of most PharmPerfect drugs. It has to be diluted, though, otherwise it can cause liver failure.” He scans my face, my hair, my eyes, like he’s processing something too. “Your form had 31 on it?”

  I nod as Kenny and Craig trot over to us. I shift my body toward Sasha, but she puts an elbow out when I crowd her.

  “This is quite the setup you’ve got here,” says Kenny. His eyes are intense.

  “So does that mean you’re willing to help us?” Gavin asks.

  “I thought he already was?” I blurt out. I wish I hadn’t. Kenny puts an arm on my shoulder like we’re pals.

  “Even with my help, you’ll never make it past hospital security now. But I can get you in somewhere else.” Kenny’s eyes flicker with excitement. He looks like a madman with a devious plan. Everyone else smiles. “How about a rescue at the Flat House?”

  “What’s the Flat House?” I ask.

  “The Testing Facility. Locals call it the Flat House,” says Craig. “It’s where they send anyone who isn’t fostered out.”

  I nod as I remember the long, low building Gavin had pointed out on our way to Dairy Land. A face flashes in my head. “Parker.” All eyes turn to me. Kenny is the first to look away. His eyes dart toward Gavin, whose brow is creased. “He turns eighteen soon. He’ll be sent there for tests.”

  “Well then, I guess you’re going to need my help to get him out,” says Kenny, squeezing my shoulder. “Aren’t you glad I’m on the team now?”

  I feel sick all over. “I need some air.” I pull away from his grip and head for the trail. I hear footsteps behind me and start to run for the trees. Gavin calls out for me to stop, but I wait until we’re in the woods before I turn around.

  “What’s going on with you?” he asks.

  The words pour out—everything I’ve held back since I got here.

  “Imagine what it’s like to want a family. To dream of the perfect family. Not even
perfect, just a family who loves you.” My eyes well up, but I fight through it. “Then one day you wake up, and you learn no one wanted you. You were going to be cut up. And that your friends are next.” The dam breaks and hot tears roll down my cheeks. “And you want to know what’s going on with me? Why I don’t trust anyone?”

  I turn to leave, but he hooks my arm and pulls me close. My hands are sandwiched between our bodies. I don’t want to feel close to him. I don’t want to feel vulnerable. I don’t want to lose anyone else. I can’t. I don’t have the strength.

  “You can trust me.” He wraps his arms around me and rests his chin on my head. I struggle to break free, but Gavin won’t let go, holding me until I lose the energy to fight. He presses me deeper into his chest. I feel his breath, hear his heartbeat.

  I try to let go of my inhibitions. Of the fear.

  His voice is calm and confident. “You can push me away, but until you can look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t trust me, that you want me out of your life, I’m not going anywhere.”

  He pulls back and lifts my chin. I can’t look away. I’m lost in his eyes. In this moment. In this feeling. All I want to do is climb into his skin. To feel safe.

  “Do you want me to leave you alone?” he asks.

  My heart stalls as if it’s afraid I’ll betray it. I don’t. “No,” I say, holding his stare.

  He kisses me, slowly at first, and my arms wrap around his neck. He slides a hand down to the small of my back. A flood of warmth drowns the fear and pain inside of me. His kiss is like a drug, the only drug I need to keep from going mad.

  We’re interrupted by a cough.

  Gavin lets go and spins around and my body tightens when I see it’s Kenny.

  “Sorry.” He says, but his smile says he’s not. “Paige is asking for Tabitha.”

  I sprint away without another word, barreling through the barn door and down the hatch. Ry meets me at the entrance to the main room. His hands are up in defense. “Don’t be mad,” he says.

  “What’s going on?”

  “I gave her something to help her feel better.”

  I peek in. There’s a glass full of flowers by the bed, the ones Mary picked. Paige is sitting up. She has a smile on her face.