Body Parts

by Jessica Kapp

  I stifle a gasp. “You drugged her!”

  “It’s just to get her through today,” Ry says.

  “Euphorium?”

  He nods. “The pill’s supposed to help people with grief.” He averts his eyes. “It wasn’t just made to help people calm down. It numbs your pain.”

  “What about Gavin?” I ask. “Don’t you think he’ll be livid?”

  “I was hoping you wouldn’t tell him.”

  “Why wouldn’t I?”

  “Because you know what it’s like.”

  I have no words for Ry. For as careless as he is, he understands in a way no one else seems to. Her life will never be the same. She lost everything in a matter of hours. The Center she thought wanted the best for her is now the enemy, and the family she hoped for doesn’t exist. Worse than that, the family she did have, her flesh and blood, is gone.

  “Okay, Ry. You have my word,” I say. “But how do you expect no one to notice? Meghan is dead and she’s smiling.”

  “Yeah, I probably should’ve given her only half a pill.”

  “Or none at all.”

  I glance over as Paige giggles. She smells the flowers and lets them tickle her nose again like it’s the most amusing game in the world.

  “Good luck fooling Gavin,” I say.

  “She won’t be like this for long. I gave her a sleeping pill too.”

  I slap my forehead. “Ry!”

  “I didn’t know what else to do.” He squirms, his back bumping against the doorframe.

  “How much time do we have?”

  “Considering this is her first time taking anything, the sleeping pill will put her under in about ten minutes.”

  Paige rips off her blanket and stands when I cross the room, her hospital gown hanging off her shoulder haphazardly. We embrace and she hugs me hard, her nose buried in my neck as she rocks my body back and forth. Even if she’s high on Euphorium, she’s still Paige. And I’ve missed her.

  She plays with my hair when we let go.

  “What happened to the red?” She studies it, her eyes lost in wonder.

  “I had to change it.” I pull the strands out of her hands. “Speaking of changing, how about we get you into something more comfortable?”

  Paige looks down at the thin blue material as if she’s seeing it for the first time.

  “Okay!” She follows me to the supply closet. I don’t know what to say to her in the state she’s in, and she seems so entranced with the bland room, I wonder if she even remembers what we told her an hour ago. Her eyes look like they’ve been taped open, and the black takes over most of the brown. She’s in her own world right now. A happy, numb place that won’t last forever.

  I pull out a pair of shorts and a yellow T-shirt with a smiley face. As expected, Paige shrieks with glee. I figured a euphoric person would appreciate a happy shirt.

  Before I can stop her, she peels off her gown and crumples it into a tight ball.

  “Look away!” I say to Ry as Paige tosses the wad in the direction of the kitchen.

  Despite the snap in my voice, Ry’s eyes stay fixed on her body. Paige’s skin is a beautiful bronze. A natural pigment that I could never achieve no matter how much I baked in the sun. She’s wearing a pushup bra judging by how much her breasts protrude. I try to shield Paige with my body when Ry’s mouth falls open.

  “Are these my clothes?” she asks after she pulls up her shorts.

  “They are now.” I give her a wink. “Now let’s get you to the bed so you can lie down.”

  As we move, she keeps her eyes on the ground, trying not to step on a crack. The floor is riddled with them.

  “Paige?” I say.

  She looks up and her head sways. The sleeping pill must be kicking in.

  I tug on her arm. “I need you to move faster.”

  “Oh. Okay.”

  This time she keeps her eyes on me. We make it across the room, and I get her to the bed and under the covers.

  “I’ve missed you so much,” she says.

  “I’ve missed you too.” I brush back her hair.

  “Parker misses you the most. Do you miss him too? I bet you do.” Paige’s words slur as her eyelids droop.

  “Of course. I’ve missed all of you.”

  I hear voices. Gavin and the rest of the gang are in the basement. I look over my shoulder, glad to see Kenny’s not with them. I hope he’s gone for good.

  “He loves you, did you know that?” Paige says. “Maybe you can give him a chance now that you’re out?”

  Footsteps approach. “Shhhh…go to sleep Paige, we’ll talk in the morning.”

  “Sweethearts forever,” she says, her voice fading out. When I stand and turn, Gavin is right behind me.

  Chapter 15

  “What’d she say?” Gavin asks, as Paige starts to snore.

  “I’ll ask her when she wakes up. She needs to rest right now.” I distance myself from the bed and grab his forearm, pulling him away while I change the subject. “Did Kenny leave?”

  “Don’t get too excited. We’ll be working with him again, I’m sure.”

  “Oh, joy.”

  Gavin shoots me a look. “He’s doing damage control for us.”

  My pace slows as we head for the kitchen table. It feels like someone’s cut the blood supply to my heart. I screwed up. And who knows when we’ll be able to resume rescue missions? How many lives did I put in jeopardy? Lightheaded, I slump onto my crate.

  “Does this mean we can’t save the others?” I ask Gavin as he takes his seat. The table talk fades, and eyes shift in his direction, but Gavin doesn’t answer right away. The sound of paper towels being ripped in half echoes in the silence. Mary’s setting the table, oblivious to the mood. She hands Ry a thick section and gives Adrian the sliver that’s left.

  “Thanks, Mary,” Adrian says, tucking his napkin into his collar like a tie. A few chuckles follow and the tension breaks.

  “It’s risky, but there are other ways to stop surgeries,” Gavin finally says.

  Before I can ask what he means, Craig puts ground beef and mashed potatoes on the table. Hands immediately dart out. I keep mine in my lap and lock eyes with Gavin. Food can wait. Besides, I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep anything down tonight. Not with the impending blood on my hands.

  Gavin takes a spoonful of potatoes and nods at my dish. I hold it out and he loads my plate. It’s as if there’s an unspoken agreement that he’ll explain as long as I eat.

  “There’s always Plan B,” Gavin says, waiting for me to stuff a bite in my mouth. The potatoes are drowning in butter and my stomach tries to reject them. I count to five silently before I think it’s safe to open my mouth.

  “What’s Plan B?” I ask, taking a swig of water.

  “We rescue them before they get to the hospital,” Gavin says. “But it’s dangerous.”

  “We’ll need to know when the car leaves the Center, what route they’ll be driving,” Adrian chimes in. “Then we’ll have to stop the car.”

  “And hope the driver doesn’t have a gun,” Ry adds.

  “What if they do?” I ask.

  “They’ll shoot.” Adrian shrugs like it’s a no-brainer. “Technically, we’d be a threat and they’d have every right. They can just say we were trying to steal their car.”

  The conversation dies along with my hope. I wish I hadn’t gone into the operating room, hadn’t screamed. Now I have the image of Meghan’s bloody body in my head and a layer of guilt coating my heart. As hard as I try, I can’t finish my meal. After several minutes, I glance at Gavin’s plate and notice he can’t either. We exchange feeble smiles, and I gesture toward the garbage. He gives me an understanding nod. Today isn’t an easy day to digest anything.

  When the table clears, Sasha and Craig volunteer for dish duty. There’s still some laundry left, and I load up a duffel bag and put it on like a backpack. Gavin stands as I head out. I want to be alone right now and don’t look back to see if he follows. I need this lit
tle reprieve, a chance to collect my thoughts. Plan B sounds impossible. There must be a better way to get my friends out. At least we have access to the Flat House, but that means working with Kenny. And if we get Parker out, I face a different problem. I promised to give Parker a chance once we left the Center. We were young, and I didn’t think Parker would hold onto an old pact. Clearly I was wrong.

  Images of my kiss with Parker surface. We were on the track, and it was his sixteenth birthday. I let him beat me in a five-mile run. We were sweaty, and he leaned on me as we walked back to the gym. He put his hands on his knees, and we waited for everyone else to pass by. That was when he confessed he had a crush on me. I stood in shock, and he made his move, his lips brushing mine before I pushed him away. I’d made him tear up. It was the first of many rejections he would face. Girlfriend. Family. Health. I wince at the memory.

  I avoided him for a while, but it’s hard not to make amends when you live with someone day in and day out. I figured he’d move on, that his feelings for me would fade in my absence. According to Paige, that hasn’t happened.

  And now there’s Gavin.

  As thoughts of Gavin fill my brain, the duffle bag feels heavier and my body slows. There’s a rhythmic beat behind me, a steady pace that will catch up with me soon. But when Gavin closes the gap, he doesn’t stop.

  “Let’s go, slowpoke.” He flashes a smile as he passes me.

  The weight lifts and I chase after him, letting the fresh air tunnel down my throat. My mind calms when we reach the waterfall. Gavin throws his duffel in the meadow and helps me slip mine off. He tosses it aside and runs his fingers down my arms, bringing goose bumps to the surface. I turn slowly, and he cups my face, his thumbs caressing my cheeks as he leans to kiss me. He tastes like mint.

  He pulls my face back, his mouth still partly open. His eyes flit from side to side, like he’s searching for words. “I’m not giving up. We’ll do what we have to do to get your friends out.” His mouth settles in a spot behind my ear. Then he kisses my lobe and whispers, “I need you to trust me.”

  His mouth follows my jawline and his lips are so light against my cheek they tickle. Gavin’s hands move to my waist. I want to tell him I do, that the world doesn’t seem as dark with him in it, that my heart does backflips whenever he’s near me.

  “I’ll try,” I say before he kisses me again.

  The laundry can wait.

  I’ve never been in love with a boy. I don’t know if that’s what this is, but Gavin makes my heart work in ways I don’t understand, speeding up with just the brush of his arm or sound of his voice. I didn’t know a person could make me feel the exhilaration of running without setting foot on a track.

  We swim around, talking until I can barely see his features. My fingers have pruned, and I can’t feel my toes, but I don’t want to leave.

  “There’s no way I’d make it two minutes,” he says, “but I bet I can hold my breath for one.” He disappears below the surface, and I start to count. At thirty seconds, I feel a ripple underwater and a hand grabs my waist. I shriek with laughter when he emerges.

  “You weren’t even close,” I say, breathless because his hand is still on my waist.

  “Is this better?” He leans in until our mouths are inches apart. I nod, and he slides his hand to my back, pressing my body into his chest. His lips are warm, enough to melt me, and for a moment I forget about how cold I am, how awful the day was. But when we pull apart I shiver, and Gavin eyes the laundry bag.

  “We need to get you into some warm clothes.” He climbs out and pulls me onto the bank, wrapping an arm around me as my teeth chatter.

  He lets go to sift through the bag. “Here. This will warm you up.” He pulls out a sweatshirt that’s far too big. It smells like him, and I smile.

  “Is this yours?” I ask.

  “It’s my old high school sweatshirt.”

  I look closely at the yellow emblem, an eagle holding a bat in its talons. Memorabilia from his baseball days.

  “Do you ever miss your old life?”

  “Nah,” he says as we slip the dry clothes over our wet undergarments.

  We huddle close for the walk back to the barn, his arm sliding around my shoulder.

  “What about your dad? Do you miss him?”

  “He’s always working,” he says. “It’s hard to miss someone who was never there.” Gavin sighs and his feet slow. “He believed science was more important than sports. Still does.”

  “Does he work for PharmPerfect?”

  His arm tenses at my question.

  “Yes,” he says through a breath. “You can imagine we don’t see eye-to-eye on a lot of things.”

  I shiver again, and Gavin holds me closer.

  “He develops new drugs. He’s been working on finding the next big thing for years.” Gavin cracks off a branch that reaches into the trail, swatting the air with it. “Sometimes the family you have isn’t the family you want. As much as I loved my mom, she loved what drugs could do for her, how they would make her feel, more than she loved me. When I found out people were being killed for body parts, my parents didn’t believe me. My mom at least listened, but she was too scared to get involved.” The twig makes a whooshing noise as he cuts the dark space in front of us. “They didn’t want to help me, so I left home.”

  “That’s when you came here?”

  “Not initially.” Gavin slaps a fern with the twig. “At first, I moved in with my girlfriend.” He pauses for a second. “That was back when Cherry and I used to date.” Another whack at a fern and the awkward moment is gone. “Then my mom found out she was sick and needed a liver transplant. She died without trying to get a donor. That was her gift to me. She didn’t want to risk getting a part from someone at the Center. She wanted me to forgive her.”

  “Did you?”

  “I had to.” He tosses the stick into the brush. “But my dad didn’t. He was angry she didn’t use a donor, and he blamed me. Said I made my mom feel so guilty she chose death.”

  I’m glad it’s dark, because I don’t want to see Gavin’s face, which I’m sure is twisted in pain.

  “I moved back home with him for a while, but we fought the entire time. We both said some things that we probably shouldn’t have. Finally, I decided we needed to part ways.”

  “When’s the last time you saw him?”

  “About six months ago, but nothing’s changed. He’s too absorbed in his science.”

  I lean into him and close my eyes as he guides us. In my head, I watch the magazine clippings blow away. Maybe there isn’t such a thing as a perfect family after all.

  • • •

  I expect to have sweet dreams, ones with Gavin, preferably. But I don’t.

  My mom is trying to pry my little fingers off her leg. She’s strong, but I don’t want to let go. She finally manages to break my hands free and starts to run. The man from the SUV chases her. His tie flaps over his shoulder and I hurry after them.

  She turns down a side street, but he’s gaining on her, and soon they’re out of sight. I hear her scream as I try to catch up, crying and calling out for her. When I round the corner, she’s in the man’s arms, her body limp. She’s missing a shoe and her hair is over her face. The man looks up.

  “Stay where you are,” he says in a voice that tells me I’m in trouble. But he’s not my father, and my mom isn’t moving.

  Now I understand what she meant. I spin around, running toward my bike. My legs are short, but I run faster than I ever have. I reach my bike and glance back as I pick it up. He’s less than a block away, running with my mother in his arms. I’m so stunned it takes me a second to get going. The street colors blur as I pedal as fast as I can.

  • • •

  I sit up with a jolt and whack my head on the bunk above me. A male voice makes me jump again.

  “Are you okay?” Gavin asks in a whisper, his mouth just inches from my face. The lights are off and the silence is deafening. It must be the middle of the n
ight. He kneels next to the bed, stroking my hair back. I can feel the moisture pull away with the strands. Have I been crying?

  “Was I…talking in my sleep?”

  “A little.”

  “What did you hear?”

  “It sounded like you were trying to get away from someone. Was it the same dream?”

  “Slightly different. More like the second act.”

  “What happens in the next act?”

  “I don’t know, and I’m not sure I want to find out.”

  “Want to tell me about it this time?” He pulls his hand back and sits next to me.

  I shake my head.

  It’s hard to see his face, but his head drops a little. “Well if you change your mind…”

  “I won’t.” I just want to forget the fear.

  “Try to get some sleep,” he says, kissing my forehead.

  When he stands to leave, my voice squeaks out his name, but I’m too afraid to tell him I don’t want to be alone right now, and too proud to ask him to stay. My hands do the work for me, pulling back the covers and patting the mattress.

  “Are you sure?” he asks.

  I nod and shimmy over to make room.

  “Don’t try anything funny,” he says as he climbs in. I laugh and nuzzle my face against his T-shirt. I imagine his breath against my forehead blowing out the bad dreams. It feels safe here, wrapped in his arms, and when I fall asleep, the nightmare doesn’t return.

  • • •

  Gavin sits on the side of the bed with a cup in his hand. Steam rises and I recognize the smell of coffee. I prop myself up on an elbow.

  “Caffeine?” he asks, bending down to pick up a blue mug with snowflakes. “It’s the only substance I allow in my body.”

  I adjust myself so I can sit next to him, letting the coffee warm my face like a steam bath. It’s the closest I’ll get now that I don’t have access to one. The Center, of course, was all about detoxifying, making us as healthy as possible.

  Almost everyone is up. Mary is in the kitchen helping Sasha who looks over with an I-told-you-so smile.

  “Aren’t you going to drink that?” he asks.