What I Never Knew

by CL Collier

  I blow a kiss for her and my grandparents, then stand, holding her urn. I turn around to face my friends.

  “That was nice,” Krista says, her eyes red and watery.

  “I wasn’t sure what to say.” I wipe more tears from my eyes.

  “What you said was perfect,” Laura replies. I notice her face is also blotchy.

  I smile at my friends, then start walking back toward my car. “Let’s go back to town. I have some people to find.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Amanda

  The cemetery was a short drive outside the city limits, just as our waitress had said, so we’re driving back into Kernville just a few minutes later. I decide to drive farther into town, past the hotel where we’re staying. I want to see what else this town has to offer, as well as find the auto shop my mom’s ex-boyfriend worked at.

  “Where are we going?” Laura asks from the seat next to me.

  “Let me know if you see an auto shop,” I say. But just as I say the words, an auto shop comes into view. I slow down and prepare to turn into the parking lot.

  “Is that it?” Krista asks from behind me.

  I look at the sign and see the name of the place is Young’s Auto. That was her boyfriend’s last name, so I’m sure I’m at the right place. “Yep.”

  After parking the car, Laura, Krista, and I walk into the auto shop. We enter through the main door into the waiting room and reception area. It’s a drab place with just a few pea green metal chairs. A coffee table has a selection of magazines scattered across the top, and a few framed posters of cars hang on the wall. It smells of coffee and popcorn. I notice they have both available in the corner for customers to snack on while they wait. The sound of power tools wafts in from the shop area just to the left of this room. A receptionist sits behind the counter in front of us.

  “Can I help you?” she asks politely. She looks about our age and completely bored. There aren’t any other customers in the waiting area; we’re the only people here.

  “Hi,” I say as I approach the counter. I’m suddenly very nervous. Am I really about to do this? Laura and Krista walk along beside me—Laura to my left and Krista to my right. When I reach the receptionist’s counter, I take a deep breath to steady my nerves. It doesn’t help much, but I gather the courage to ask her anyway. I mean, when will I ever get the chance to do this again? “I’m looking for someone who used to work here,” I say to her in a quick breath.

  The receptionist—who I now know is Crystal, thanks to the name tag pinned to her shirt—looks at me curiously. “Who are you looking for?”

  I place my hands on the counter in front of me, clasping my hands together. Here goes nothing. “John Young.”

  Crystal raises her eyebrows. “Of course,” she says. “He’s back in his office. Would you like me to call him for you?”

  Holy shit. He’s here. I didn’t expect he would actually be here! For some reason, I thought I’d have to track him down in retirement.

  “Um, sure,” I say to Crystal, my heart beating faster in my chest. I swear she can probably hear it; it’s so loud.

  She picks up the phone in front of her, then asks, “Who shall I say is asking for him?”

  Crystal’s looking at me expectantly, waiting to hear who I am. I’m sure she’s more than curious. This is a small town, and she doesn’t know me, so I know she’s wondering who I could possibly be.

  “My name is Amanda. Tell him I’m Lydia Childers’s daughter.”

  Crystal gives me a slight smile, obviously still confused about who I am and why I’m asking for her boss, but then presses a button on the phone. After a beat, she speaks into the receiver. “Mr. Young, you have a visitor. Lydia Childers’s daughter, Amanda, is here to see you.” She hangs up a few seconds later, not saying another word to him. I wonder what he said to her?

  She places the receiver back into the phone’s cradle, then turns her attention back to me. “Mr. Young will be right out.”

  Not even a second after she says that, the door that leads to the shop area opens and an older man in his sixties wearing clean jeans and a blue polo shirt walks in. He’s good looking for an older man with salt and pepper hair and gentle blue eyes. His lips curved up in a slight smile. I can tell he must have been very attractive in his younger years. Lucky Mom.

  He looks at Krista, Laura, and me in anticipation. I don’t know what to say, but it occurs to me that I asked for him, so I need to talk.

  “Hello, Mr. Young. I’m Amanda,” I say as I stick my hand out for him to shake. “I’m Lydia’s daughter.” I’m surprised I don’t pass out right on the spot; I’m so nervous.

  He looks at me for a beat before his mouth turns up into a full grin. He puts his hand out too, taking mine to shake, but then he pulls me in for a hug. Surprised, I don’t know what to do. I settle on the obvious choice, which is to hug him back.

  After a moment, he pulls away and looks at me. “You look so much like your mom,” he says in awe. He is truly surprised. I do believe I have shocked the man.

  I smile at him and then look down before I meet his eyes again and reply, “I’ve always been told that.”

  “Please, have a seat,” John says, motioning toward the chairs.

  The four of us sit down. John is still looking at me in disbelief. He seems friendly, though, so that has helped to settle my nerves.

  “What are you doing here in Kernville?” he asks me.

  “Well,” I begin. “I come with bad news to share.” I take a deep breath and exhale before continuing because saying these words never seems to get easier. “My mom recently passed away.”

  John leans forward, placing his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Even though he hasn’t seen my mom in decades, my news obviously upset him. He must have really cared about her. He wipes his hands up and down his face a couple of times before replying. “I’m sorry to hear that. What happened?”

  “Cancer,” I state. I don’t want to go into the details right now.

  He shakes his head. “I’m so sorry. That’s terrible.”

  I nod in agreement. “My mom wrote me a journal before she died, and she told me about her relationship with you. I had no idea about you until just a couple of weeks ago.”

  “What brought you to Kernville?” he asks me.

  “She wanted me to spread some of her ashes at her parents’ grave.”

  “I see,” he says. “And what brought you here to my shop?”

  He doesn’t sound mad or anything; he sounds genuinely interested. “I wanted to meet my mom’s friends. You were an important part of her life, and her life was mostly a mystery to me before I read her journal. I want to talk to people who knew her before she was my mom.”

  John nods as if he understands what I’m saying. “I see.” He looks down at his hands as if he’s thinking. Finally, he looks back at me and talks again. “Well, Amanda, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Your mom played a major role in my younger years, and I’ve always wondered what happened to her. I’m glad you found me.”

  I smile at him, and he returns the smile.

  “Why don’t you come to my house tonight? You and your friends,” he says, looking at Krista and Laura. “I’d love to show you some old pictures and reminisce about the good times with your mom.”

  “That’s very kind of you,” I say, genuinely surprised by his offer. “What time shall we come over?”

  “Does seven o’clock work for you?”

  “Of course. Just give me directions to your house and we’ll be there!”

  John gives me his address, and I type it into my phone. Pulling it up on the map, I can see it’s not hard to find. His home is right in town.

  The door to the shop opens again, and we all turn to see who’s walking into the waiting room. It’s a very good-looking guy, about my age, with short dark brown hair and blue eyes. I realize he looks like a younger version of John, only taller. He must be over six feet.

  “This is my son, Dax,” John s
ays as the handsome guy approaches us.

  “Hey,” Dax says to me, then turns his attention back to his dad. He seems annoyed at something. “Can you come give me a hand for a second? I’m having an issue with the truck I’m working on.”

  John shakes his head and chuckles. “I’ll be right there.”

  Dax looks at me again and gives a subtle smile. He really is good looking. Okay, maybe he’s freakin’ hot. His blue eyes are distracting, and I’m finding it hard to pull my gaze away from him. Jesus, I need to get a grip. “It was nice to meet you,” he says before he turns and walks back out to the shop.

  “All right then,” John says to me, slapping his hands on his knees. “I’ll see you ladies tonight at seven. My wife, Susan, will be excited to meet you as well.”

  “Sounds great,” I say as I stand. Laura and Krista follow my lead and stand as well. We say goodbye to John, and then we leave.

  Once we’re back in my car, Krista says in a joking sort of tone, “Well, that was interesting.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask, looking over at her.

  “Um, yeah, it definitely was,” Laura says with a chuckle.

  I turn around and look at Laura. I’m confused. I don’t understand their reaction to what happened in there. “What are you guys talking about? John was so nice, and we’re going over to his house later to visit with him. What am I missing?”

  Krista shakes her head and smirks at me. “You didn’t notice?”

  I look at her, still confused, and replay everything in my mind that could have been “interesting.” I still think everything went great; better than I even anticipated.

  “Oh, my gosh!” Laura exclaims. “You didn’t notice the way his son, Dax, was looking at you?”

  “What?” I ask, practically shrieking. What are they talking about?

  “No offense, but no wonder you’re single,” Krista says, chuckling.

  I lightly punch her in the arm.

  “Ow,” she replies, still laughing. She rubs her arm where I hit her.

  Okay, maybe it wasn’t so lightly.

  “I’m single because I want to be, thank you very much. What the hell are you two talking about? Nothing happened in there! Dax was in the room for, what? Thirty seconds or less? How could anything have happened?”

  “It’s just the way he was looking at you,” Laura says. “He was checking you out, looking you up and down. You really didn’t notice?”

  I roll my eyes. “No! I didn’t notice!” Although in my head, I’m silently doing cartwheels. I was checking him out while trying not to check him out … It’s nice to know my friends noticed him checking me out, too. God, how could I have missed that?

  “He’s cute,” Krista adds. “Good looks, tall, broad shoulders. Not too shabby.”

  “You guys are crazy,” I say to them, still trying to play it off like it was nothing. Because it really wasn’t anything. Was it? I start my car, turn up the stereo to stop the conversation, and pull out of the parking space.

  Chapter Twelve

  Dax

  I should have said more to the beautiful stranger before I walked out of the room. I didn’t even get her name or find out why she was here. I consider returning to the waiting room and was disappointed in myself for acting like such an idiot. It’s been a long time since I’ve been interested in a woman or tried to flirt with or hit on one, but that was utterly pathetic. I used to have game. Actually, if I’m being honest, I didn’t really need to try. I never had trouble getting girls to notice me. That’s one of the reasons I decided to give up on dating, though. In this small town, all the decent women were taken a long time ago. I hate to say it, but anyone left is single for a reason. I got tired of the drama and decided I was happy enough by myself. I didn’t need a girlfriend to complicate things in my life.

  And they’re always complicated. God, I made the mistake of dating Crystal, our shop’s receptionist, a few years back. We always kept things professional at work, but there was a lot of awkwardness after we broke up. If she wasn’t such a good receptionist, I would have asked Dad to find a replacement. Luckily, we’ve both moved on from that now, so I know we can remain civil when I take over this shop after Dad retires. We’ve known each other since elementary school, but she’s happily married now and has a kid. I have absolutely no interest in her in that way anymore.

  Dad walks back into the shop and comes right over to me and the truck. “What do you need help with?” he asks, as if nothing out of the ordinary just happened in the waiting room.

  “Um, who were those women out there?” I ask him.

  Dad looks at me and smirks. “I knew you were going to ask. You could hardly keep your eyes off Amanda.”

  Amanda. So that’s her name. I still want to know why they were here, though. I ignore his teasing and ask again, “Who are they? Why were they here?”

  “I don’t blame you. She is really pretty, just like her mom was,” Dad says, not making eye contact with me when he says it. He looks lost in thought for a moment, and I’m still dying to know who the hell Amanda and her friends are! And who was her mom that Dad thought was so pretty?

  “Dad,” I say, getting his attention again. “Who are they?”

  Dad chuckles. “Amanda’s mom was my girlfriend back in high school. Do you remember ever hearing Mom and I discuss someone named Lydia?”

  I shake my head. Maybe I heard them discuss her before, but I really don’t recall.

  “Well, her mom and I were in a serious relationship before she moved away and never stepped foot in Kernville again.”

  “Okay …” I say, still confused. “So what were they doing here just now?”

  “Lydia recently passed away. She wrote a journal for Amanda and told her a bunch of stuff Amanda never knew about her life here in Kernville. She decided to take a road trip down here and meet some of her mom’s friends and relatives. I was one of the people her mom wrote about, so Amanda was looking for me.”

  Well, that explains things. How interesting, though. I knew Dad had other girlfriends before Mom, but I never knew he had other serious relationships. I wonder what his definition of serious is?

  Dad continues before I have a chance to ask him about his relationship with Amanda’s mom. “I invited them over to the house tonight to look at old pictures of her mom. Your mom knew her too, of course, so we can tell her all about her mom’s life growing up here.”

  “What time are they coming over?” I ask him. This is my chance to see her again and not act like a total jerk.

  Dad smiles. “Seven o’clock. Will we be expecting you, too?” he asks, his smile turning into a smirk.

  I shrug, trying not to sound too eager. “I don’t know. Maybe.” Although my answer is really hell yes, I’ll be there!

  “Okay, well what did you need help with over here, anyway?” Dad asks, looking at the piece of shit truck in front of us. That ends our conversation about Amanda, and we get to work.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Amanda

  We spend the rest of the day exploring Kernville. We browse through some cute little shops, and after getting coffee, we even take a walk along the river. It’s a beautiful, sunny day, which also means it’s really hot, so being by the river is refreshing. We see a few rafts full of people going downstream, which looks equal parts amusing and terrifying!

  Later, Laura opens up a bit more about her divorce. She tells us about Erik’s girlfriend and her worries about how Evan is going to react to his dad moving out while he’s gone at camp this week. Krista and I listen and offer advice when we can, as well as reassurance that everything is going to be okay. I remind her that my parents divorced when I was eight, and I turned out okay.

  Before we know it, it’s nearly four o’clock. While we had gotten some drinks at an espresso stand in town a couple of hours ago, we realize we haven’t eaten anything since breakfast. We decide to try a different restaurant for an early dinner, and we’re not disappointed. I’m surprised such a small tow
n has so many good places to eat.

  At seven o’clock on the dot, I pull my car into John’s driveway. His house is a cottage-style home, well taken care of and welcoming. The anticipation of learning more about my mom’s younger years has me feeling giddy, and I can’t wait to go inside.

  Krista, Laura, and I walk up to the front door, and I ring the doorbell. Almost immediately, the door opens.

  John smiles as he greets us. “So good to see you again! Come on in!” He steps aside to let us in the door.

  The inside of the house is also well kept. It’s a very welcoming home, and I immediately feel comfortable here. We walk into the living room, and John invites us to sit down. The three of us sit on the couch while John sits on the loveseat across from us. “I’m so glad you were able to come over,” he says. “Susan is gathering all our old yearbooks as well as a couple of photo albums we have with pictures of your mom in them. She’ll bring them all out in a minute.”

  “My mom mentioned Susan in her journal. She said you started dating her after she left for Vegas.”

  John nods his head. “That’s right. Your mom and I had been together for a long time, and we loved each other. What I didn’t know was that Susan had a crush on me for most of those years. After your mom left town, I was a mess. I missed her. I wanted nothing to do with anyone else, but Susan was a friend of mine, and she was there for me. She didn’t push me to be more than a friend; it just happened naturally after some time.”

  I smile at him. “That’s sweet. I’m glad you found happiness.”

  Just then, a blond woman walks into the room, her arms full of hardback books. She smiles at us and places all the books down on the coffee table in front of us. They’re all yearbooks and photo albums.