What I Never Knew

by CL Collier

  I sit up and notice that Krista’s not in her bed, but then I hear the shower turn on in the bathroom, so she must have gotten up a little while ago, too.

  “Welcome back,” I say to Laura as I stretch my arms overhead and yawn. I’m so tired. Not only did I go to bed late, but I couldn’t fall asleep right away, thanks to Dax. I couldn’t get him off my mind. His kindness. Our conversations. His good looks. His kisses.

  Oh, Lord. Those kisses.

  But, not only that, when I did finally fall asleep, I had another dream about my mom. This time, we were eating cinnamon rolls together at the diner next door, and she kept telling me how proud she was of me. Proud of me for becoming a teacher. Proud of me for buying my own townhouse. Proud of me for taking care of her when she was sick. Proud of me for taking her back to Kernville. And finally, proud of me for following my heart, which left me a little confused because following my heart could mean a lot of things. It woke me up at about four a.m. this morning, and I had a hard time falling back asleep again. I laid here, trying to decipher my dream, but I didn’t come to any conclusions.

  Laura sits down on the bed next to me. She’s smiling and looks happier than I’ve seen her in a long time. She must have had a good night.

  “Chris is such a nice guy,” she says, allowing her smile to spread across her face. I’m happy to see her so happy.

  “That’s good to hear,” I reply.

  “We have so much in common. He just got divorced a few months ago, and he has two daughters.”

  “Dax told me. I’m glad you had a good time. How were things?” I ask her, wiggling my eyebrows.

  She smiles again. “Things were good. Better than good. Like probably the best I’ve had. Erik and I never had sex like that. Or, at least, not that I remember,” she says, blushing, and then looks down at her hands in her lap.

  “Really?” That’s a huge statement to make. Not that she’s slept with a lot of guys in her life, but for her first time after being married for ten years to be the best? That’s quite a lucky choice she made!

  She looks back at me, still smiling. “I know that sounds crazy, but I’m being serious. We just had this ... connection.” She makes a face like she’s having trouble believing it herself. “I can’t explain it.”

  Hmmm … Maybe something’s in the water here in Kernville. I didn’t sleep with Dax, but we had an amazing connection, too. What is it about this place and the men who live here?

  “Anyway, we became Facebook friends. Maybe we’ll see each other again someday, maybe not. But enough about me, how did your night turn out? When I left the bar, you and Dax were nowhere to be found.”

  Now I’m the one who can’t stop the huge grin from spreading across my face. “It was a good night. We talked a lot and kissed a lot. We’re also going to keep in touch.” Then I remember what he told me last night and add, “Actually, I’m not supposed to leave town today without seeing him first.”

  Laura’s grin widens. “Oh my gosh, Amanda, I’m so happy for you! He seems like such a great guy. Chris only had the nicest things to say about him, too. So you said you only talked and kissed? You didn’t sleep together?”

  I shake my head. “We almost went back to his place, but he dropped me off here instead. He wants to wait until we see each other again.”

  “You’ll see him today,” she says, smirking at me.

  I laugh at her. “No, I mean in the future. Whenever we visit one another again, we’ll have something to look forward to.”

  “That is seriously one of the most romantic things I’ve ever heard,” she replies.

  Yes, yes, it is.

  Check out is at noon, and we make it down to the front desk, luggage in our hands, completely ready to go, without a minute to spare. After we turn in our keys and check out, we load up my car, then decide to go eat brunch at the diner next door. We’re all starving.

  I retold my whole story to Krista as we were getting ready, so she knows everything now, too. Laura also recounted her entire story about Chris. Krista’s happy for both of us.

  After we order our food, my phone buzzes with a text. I pull it out of my purse and see it’s from Dax.

  Dax: You haven’t left town without saying goodbye, have you?

  Me: No, we got a late start this morning. We’re eating brunch now. I was going to text you.

  “Is that Dax?” Krista asks as I’m typing my reply to him.

  I finish and hit send, then look up at her. “Yes. He wanted to make sure we didn’t leave town.”

  Then my phone buzzes again.

  Dax: Come over when you’re done. Laura should know how to get here. Chris would like to see her before you go, too.

  I smile at his response, then hand my phone over to Laura so she can read it. She smiles, too. Krista, sitting next to her, looks over to read it as well. “I guess we have a stop to make before we leave town.”

  We eat brunch, which is delicious, and plan out our day. We have a long drive ahead of us, so we can’t spend too much more time in Kernville. We promise ourselves not to stay at Dax’s house too long because we still need to make a quick stop at the grocery store to get a few things for our road trip, and then I want to stop at the cemetery one more time on our way out of town. With doing all those things, we probably won’t make it to Redding until late tonight.

  After we finish eating and paying our bill, we drive over to Dax’s house. Laura remembers the way and directs me where to go. When we arrive, I’m pleasantly surprised. His house is an older yellow Craftsman-style house with white trim. The yard is well manicured, and it looks well loved. Not what I expected for a bachelor pad.

  I park behind Dax’s truck in the driveway, then we walk up to the door. It opens before we can knock, and Dax is standing there, smiling at us, looking all hot and stuff. For some reason, every time I see him, he looks better than I remember.

  “Hi,” he says, moving aside to let us in the house.

  “Hi,” we all say as we walk in. His living room is neat and clean with black leather sofas, glass end tables, a matching coffee table, and one of the largest TVs I’ve ever seen. Okay, that makes it a bachelor pad for sure.

  Dax closes the door, and then Chris walks into the room and says hi, walking straight over to Laura and giving her a hug and a quick kiss on the lips.

  “Have a seat,” Dax says to Krista and me, basically ignoring Chris and Laura by walking around them and motioning toward the couch.

  Krista and I sit down on separate couches, and Dax asks if we’d like anything to drink. We politely decline, and then he sits on the loveseat next to me. I notice that Chris and Laura discreetly disappeared, presumably to Chris’ bedroom. Crazy kids.

  Dax, Krista, and I chat. We tell Dax our travel plans for today and tomorrow. Krista tells him how excited she is to get back to her family tomorrow night, and then he asks about her husband and kids. He finds it fascinating that her husband works for Boeing. As a mechanic himself, he’s interested in all things mechanical, and he says he’s always had an interest in learning about planes. Krista tells him he’ll have to come to Seattle sometime and meet Ben, and maybe he can take him on a tour of the Boeing plant where he works. Dax actually gets excited about the prospect of that, and I find it cute that he’s so interested, almost like a little kid.

  I like the prospect of Dax visiting Seattle someday.

  Krista looks at her watch and then gives me a look, letting me know it’s time to go. I don’t want to leave. I’m not ready to say goodbye to Dax yet. I didn’t expect to feel like this.

  “We should get going soon,” Krista says when she realizes I’m not going to be the one to say it.

  “So soon?” Dax says. “You just got here. And, um, I don’t know if Laura is ready to leave yet.” He chuckles, which also makes Krista and me laugh.

  Krista stands up from the couch and says, “I’ll leave you two alone for a minute. I’ll go wait in the car if you give me your keys so I can turn on the A/C.” She holds her h
and out toward me, and I fish around in my purse for them. After I hand the keys to her, she starts to walk out of the house and adds, “I’ll just start honking the horn if you don’t come out soon.” She winks at me, then walks outside, closing the front door behind her.

  Dax and I look at each other, and he moves his hand to my cheek, not wasting any time. “I’m going to miss you,” he says as he moves in closer and kisses me. I love the way his lips feel on mine. Soft but firm. I didn’t expect to get so emotional about leaving him, but as we continue to kiss and hold each other, I’m starting to feel sad. The rational side of my brain is telling me how ridiculous this is; I only met him four days ago. How can I miss someone so much who I just met? But the other half of my brain (I refuse to call it the irrational side) is reminding me how wonderful Dax is, and it doesn’t matter if we just met. He has wormed his way into my heart, and I can’t wait to see him again.

  He pulls away from me, and all I want is to kiss him again. He takes one of my hands in his and says, “I’m planning to come see you. I don’t know exactly when, but I’m hoping soon. It all depends if I can take time off work or not. Unfortunately, summer is our busiest season with all the tourists who visit for camping and rafting.”

  “I understand,” I say to him. “We’ll keep in touch. Facebook, texting ... we can even Skype and see each other.”

  “I didn’t expect to like you so much,” he says with a slight chuckle, “but I like you a lot, Amanda.”

  “I like you, too,” I say to him, and then I kiss him again.

  The sound of footsteps coming down the stairs next to the living room makes us stop and pull apart from each other. Chris and Laura walk into the room. With flushed cheeks, she’s trying to hide a grin on her face.

  “Is it time to go?” she asks me.

  I stand and pick up my purse, which I had set down on the floor next to me. “Yeah, we should if we want to get to Redding at a somewhat decent hour. Krista’s in the car waiting for us.”

  Dax and Chris walk us to the door. We each kiss our guys goodbye one more time, and then we head out. They stand on the porch, watching us go. I really didn’t expect this to be so hard. What I really want to do is tell Krista to drive herself home and stay here with Dax a little longer. But that would be very irrational, besides also making me the worst friend on the planet.

  As we pull away from Dax’s house, the guys wave to us from the porch, and we wave back at them. Before we leave Kernville, we stop at the grocery store for a few things to snack on during our drive, and I also get three white roses from the store’s floral department.

  Our next stop is the cemetery. I want to say goodbye to my grandparents, and the part of my mom I left there. I place a rose in front of each headstone and one in the middle for my mom. “I’m so glad I came here,” I say to them as if they’re there. “I met Polly and Lucy, Michelle, and John and Susan. They were all so kind to me and shared lots of stories and pictures of you. I feel like I got to know you so much better than I already did.” Tears start to form in my eyes, and I wipe them away. “I have to go back home now, but I wanted to stop by before I left and say goodbye to you one more time. I love you, and I will come back again someday.”

  I blow kisses to the three roses, then I stand and walk back to my car where Krista and Laura are waiting for me.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Amanda

  October

  Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Whoever coined that phrase must have met someone they really liked who lived over a thousand miles away, then had to leave them and missed them like crazy. I’m sure of it because that’s exactly how I’ve felt the past couple of months since I got back from Kernville.

  Dax and I text each other multiple times a day. We Skype every night, too. Not to mention, we’re friends on Facebook and see what each other is up to on there as well. I’ve got it bad. I haven’t felt this much like for a guy in so long, and it’s just my luck that he lives so far away.

  Laura and Chris have also kept in touch, though not quite as much as Dax and I have. They text each other every once in a while and are friends on Facebook, but they don’t Skype every night or talk as often as we do. I think things are different for them because they both have kids. When she has Evan every other week, she doesn’t want to be busy chatting with Chris, and it’s the same for him when he has his girls every other weekend. She actually told me she’s not sure how much longer she’s going to keep this up with Chris. They would always have a long-distance relationship because she’s not going to move down there, and he’s not going to leave his kids to move up here. The longer she’s away from Chris, the more she realizes he might have just been a good rebound for her to help get over Erik.

  Dax was originally hoping he would get to come visit me before I went back to work in August, but it didn’t happen. One of the other mechanics at the shop suddenly had to take time off when his wife went into premature labor and delivered their baby three months early. He had to stay near the hospital with his wife for quite a while in Bakersfield, where the nearest NICU unit is, so Dax had to work overtime, sometimes seven days a week, to help fill in for being one mechanic short during their busiest time of year. After that mechanic was finally able to come back to work, I was busy with school stuff, and even though Dax got his weekends off again, we still haven’t been able to make it work for a visit yet. If he was free, I had something going on, and when I was free, he was busy. So here we are, still waiting for the perfect time to visit one another.

  I can’t say I’m not disappointed. It’s the first week of October, and we still haven’t had a chance to visit. I really want to see him again, but I understand all the circumstances that have kept us apart.

  Lame, I know.

  It’s Sunday night, and I’m just lounging at my house, watching TV and scrolling through Facebook on my phone. One picture I see catches my attention, though. Dax has been tagged in a photo by Cat, the girl who was hitting on him that night at the bar and has had a crush on him since she was in middle school. Not only that, what I see in the picture immediately pisses me off.

  She’s standing right next to him—as in her arm is around his waist—and she’s practically snuggled into his side. They’re at the Spot, and a few other people are crowded around them posing for the picture, too. I do not like what I’m seeing. I can’t tell where his arm and hand are behind her. The caption for the picture says: “Great time at the Spot last night with great friends! Drinks, dancing, and fun!” She tagged a bunch of people who are in the picture, including Dax.

  Screw. Her.

  That’s my man.

  I click on the comments to read what they say. There are a few of them:

  Heidi: “I love our nights out! Can’t wait for next weekend!”

  Angela: “Cute pic!”

  Rachel: “You and Dax look so cute together!”

  What. The. Hell.

  They look cute together? What does this girl named Rachel mean by that? Why does Cat look so cozy up against him? I am oozing with anger and jealousy. I need to text Dax and see what’s going on.

  Me: What’s with the picture that Cat tagged you in on Facebook?

  Dax: I don’t know. Let me look at it …

  I wait a few minutes for a response, but instead of getting a text from him, I get an actual phone call.

  “Hi,” I say when I answer it, trying to sound calm.

  “Hi,” he says, sounding wary. “I saw the picture, and I want you to know that nothing is going on between Cat and me.”

  “Then why was she standing so close to you with her arm around your waist? Where’s your arm behind her? What’s up with the comment from some girl named Hannah who said you two looked cute together?”

  All the words come spewing out of my mouth without even thinking about it. It’s not until after I say it all that I realize I sound like a jealous teenager.

  “Whoa, slow down there,” Dax says to me calmly. “Cat is relentless. You saw her t
hat night when you were here. Let me explain what happened. She pulled me into the group picture, and I wasn’t even there with them. I had literally just walked into the bar, she said hi to me, and then pulled me in. Yes, her arm is around me, but I’m not touching her. My arm is resting on the barstool you can’t see behind her. That girl Hannah who made that comment is Cat’s best friend, and I think she’s just trying to stir things up. Absolutely nothing is going on between Cat and me.”

  I take a deep breath and exhale. I believe every word he says. I trust Dax. “Okay. I appreciate you explaining it all to me.”

  He chuckles. “It’s fine. My goodness, you sure got jealous!” He’s teasing me.

  “Well, I wasn’t expecting to see a picture of you with another girl,” I explain, trying to prove I’m not a psycho girlfriend.

  “You have nothing to worry about, baby.”

  I love it when he calls me that.

  “I know, I trust you. It’s just …” I don’t finish my sentence. I was about to say it’s just that you’re so far away, but I’m not sure if I want to go down that road with him right now. I’d just be stating the obvious and sound whiny.

  “It’s just what?” he prompts me to finish.

  “Nothing,” I reply. “I just miss you.”

  “I miss you, too. In fact, before you texted me about the picture, I was doing something to rectify that situation.”

  I perk up. “Were you looking at airfare to finally come up here?”

  “No, I just bought some football tickets,” he replies.

  Football tickets? What does that have to do with missing me? “Okay …” I say, letting the word hang in the air.

  He chuckles. “Yeah, I bought some football tickets ... to a game in Seattle.”