What I Never Knew

by CL Collier

“What?! When?” I practically screech into the phone, I’m so excited. I just hope I don’t have to wait too long for this game.

  “Next weekend,” he says. I can tell he’s smiling. “My team is playing your team. Want to go?”

  “Are you kidding me?! Of course, I do!”

  I am beyond excited! I’m finally going to get to see Dax after all this time! Part of me wonders how much he paid for these football tickets, since they’re practically last minute. Seahawks tickets are not easy to come by for cheap. I decide to let it go, though. I don’t need to know; all I know is that Dax wants to see me so badly, he’ll stop at no expense. Not that I want him to spend a lot of money; it just makes me feel good that nothing’s stopping him from seeing me now.

  “I got tickets for Chris and Laura, too,” he says, which surprises me.

  “You did?”

  “Yeah, I found a guy selling four tickets on a reputable website. Chris is actually texting Laura right now and asking if she wants to go. Do you think she’ll want to see him?”

  “I don’t know,” I answer him truthfully. “I guess we’ll find out.”

  Dax and I continue talking, planning our weekend together. He’s taking Friday off to fly up here, so I’ll pick him up from the airport right after I get off work. We’ll have all day Saturday together, the game on Sunday, and then he has to fly home on Monday. I decide to take a half-day of personal leave on Monday so I can take him to the airport. I’ll have to put in for a morning sub.

  I text Laura, and she tells me Chris is coming up with Dax this weekend, too. Apparently, it worked out perfectly because she has Evan this week, but he goes to his dad’s on Friday after school and won’t be back with her until the following Friday, so she’ll be kid-free while Chris visits.

  That night, my mom shows up in a dream again. She’s trying to get me to follow her, but this time, we’re on the main street in Kernville, and I’m dodging cars to chase her. She’s holding the journal she wrote me, and just before the dream ends, she disappears, leaving me there in the middle of the town by myself. I’m not sure what it’s supposed to mean. Maybe it’s not supposed to mean anything at all.

  The week seems to go by slower than normal. I can’t wait for Friday.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Amanda

  When the school bell rings at three thirty on Friday afternoon and I dismiss my class, I am practically bouncing with excitement. Dax is on a plane right now, and I’m going to see him in less than an hour!

  After I leave work, I drive directly to Laura’s house to pick her up. Her place is on the way to the airport, and she wanted to go with me to pick up Chris, too. The plan is for the four of us to go out to dinner after we pick the guys up, then I’ll drop Laura and Chris at her house before taking Dax home with me.

  Home with me. He’s going to spend the weekend with me. In my bed. We’re finally going to sleep together.

  I’ve anticipated sleeping with Dax ever since I left Kernville. I feel like it’s going to be my first time again; I’m so nervous and excited at the same time. It’s been so long since I’ve been with a man. Especially one I had such strong feelings for.

  Dax has told me how badly he wants to be with me. He hasn’t been shy over the phone at all, telling me he can’t wait to touch my body and to feel me touching him. How he can’t wait to make me feel things I’ve never felt before, and he wants to see my face when he makes me come. We haven’t had actual phone sex, but the man can talk dirty, and I like it.

  I drive to Laura’s house and pick her up, then we head to the airport. She’s just as excited to see Chris. I take this opportunity in the car to ask what’s going on between them.

  “I don’t know,” she says with a sigh. “It really does seem hopeless since I won’t ever move down there and he won’t ever move up here, but he’s such a nice guy and we had an amazing time together before. I guess we can just enjoy each other’s company.”

  I nod, and then she asks me if I’m excited to spend the night with Dax.

  “Excited might be an understatement,” I answer truthfully. “I’ve been waiting so long for this! If things are as good as when we were just kissing, I have a lot to look forward to.” I wink at her, and she laughs.

  We pull up to the arrivals area at the airport, both looking for the guys. I drive slowly through so we don’t miss them, but we don’t see them the first time around, so we have to circle around a second time. The anticipation is killing me. Laura gets a text from Chris as we’re starting the loop again, saying they just walked out and are standing by the Alaska sign. I see it ahead, so I drive up closer to it and pull over. There they are. I can’t believe Dax is finally here!

  I put the car in park, and Laura and I hop out to greet them. Dax and I practically crash into each other, squeezing each other to death. It feels so good to be in his arms again.

  “Hi,” he says as he rubs my back with his hands.

  “Hi,” I say, muffled because my head is buried in his chest. I almost forgot how much taller he is than I am. He smells good, too. I’d forgotten how much I liked his scent.

  I reluctantly pull myself away from him, knowing that we need to get moving and can’t just stand here, hugging at the airport. He looks down at me and smiles, then dips his head to kiss me. It’s a brief kiss, but I’ll take it.

  He grabs his suitcase, and we walk to the back of my car to put it in the trunk. Chris follows suit. Then Laura and Chris get in the back seat of my car, and Dax gets in the front. I drive us to Krista’s family’s restaurant, where we’re going to dinner.

  Krista insisted we go to dinner there so she could see the guys, too. She’s working tonight, but she’ll take a break when we arrive. She also convinced Ben to get a babysitter for their kids and meet us, too. That way the six of us can eat together. When I told Dax that yesterday, he got excited about finally getting to meet Krista’s husband.

  On our way there, Dax reaches over and takes my right hand, linking our fingers together. I like the fact he can’t keep his hands off me. I like feeling closer to him this way. The four of us make idle chitchat while I drive, talking about how our day was, what’s new with each of us, and how excited we are for the game on Sunday.

  We have an enjoyable dinner at the restaurant with everyone. Ben hits it off with Dax right away, as well as with Chris. The three of them get along and discuss “guy” stuff like they’re old friends, which makes me happy.

  After dinner, I drive to Laura’s house and drop her and Chris off. Then it’s time to take Dax to my place. He holds my hand in the car again as I drive, which helps me calm down a bit. My nerves are ramping up the closer we get to my townhome. I’m anxious for what’s going to happen once we get there.

  When I pull into my garage, Dax says, “I like your place. It looks cozy.”

  “You haven’t even been inside yet,” I reply.

  “No, but the outside is nice. I can’t wait to see where you live.”

  I shut my car off and look over at him. He moves in closer and kisses me, taking me by surprise. It’s our first real kiss tonight since we were with our friends earlier. When he pulls away, he smiles at me and says, “I’m so happy to be here.”

  “I’m happy you’re here, too,” I say to him. Then we get out of the car, get his suitcase, and go inside.

  Dax sets his suitcase down and looks around my small home. “It’s nice,” he says.

  “Thanks. I’ve lived here for about eight years now.”

  “Give me the full tour,” he says, smirking at me, looking adorable.

  So I do. I show him the rest of the main floor, which consists of the kitchen, dining room, and half bathroom. Then I show him upstairs. I end the tour in my bedroom.

  “This is my room,” I say, trying to stay calm. My heart is about to beat out of my chest, it’s pounding so hard. This is it. We’re finally going to sleep together, and I can hardly control myself. I’m nervous but excited and oh-so-ready to see Dax’s body and feel it aga
inst mine.

  Dax follows me into the room. When I stop, he stops right behind me this time, instead of next to me as he did in all the other rooms. I can feel him before he even touches me. A magnetic force pulses between us. When he puts his hands on the sides of my arms and gently rubs them up and down, his touch warms my skin, but I still feel goose bumps forming. He moves my hair to the side, and I feel his warm mouth on my neck. He kisses me softly, sending a shiver down that side of my body. I’m frozen in place, enjoying the way he’s touching me. I close my eyes and take it all in.

  Before I know it, he turns me around to face him and crashes his lips to mine, kissing me like I’m the air he needs to breathe. I kiss him back with the same intensity and wrap my arms around his neck. I want him so badly right now.

  He starts backing me up toward the bed, kissing me as we move. When the backs of my legs touch the mattress, he stops, then he reaches down and pulls my shirt up. We break our kiss to lift my shirt over my head. Then he drops it to the floor, looking down at me. “You’re so beautiful.” His fingers trail up my arms, across my chest, and up to my face. I’m like a moth to a flame as I pull his mouth back down to mine, kissing him again. His hands move up into my hair, tugging lightly on it. Then he lowers one hand down to my side and guides my body gently onto the bed.

  I grab the hem of his shirt and pull it over his head. When he lies down on top of me, I finally feel his warm skin against mine, turning me on even more. I want to feel him everywhere. He must have the same thought because he reaches behind my back to unhook my bra, pulling it off me and tossing it to the ground. I take a deep breath. This does feel like my first time all over again as I let him take the lead. I’m at his mercy. When he looks down at my breasts and kisses me there instead of on my mouth, I let out an appreciative moan. I have wanted to be with him for so long, and so far, this is exceeding all my expectations.

  We continue to undress each other and explore each other’s bodies. We spend time touching, kissing, and caressing one another. Soon, all that we have on is our underwear. Dax suddenly stands up, leaving me wanting more. He doesn’t go far, though. He picks up his jeans off the floor and takes a condom out of the pocket. Then he pulls down his boxer briefs, revealing his full package.

  I’m not complaining one bit. He’s more than meeting my expectations tonight.

  He approaches me again to drag my panties down, pulling them all the way off. Then he rips the condom package open and slides it onto his length. When he climbs back onto the bed, he hovers over me, his forehead against mine, and he huskily says, “We’ve waited way too long for this.”

  I bite my bottom lip and nod in agreement. I’m so anxious; I’m at a loss for words right now. My body is trembling as if I’m cold, but I’m not cold at all. I’m hot and ready for Dax to take me.

  Dax notices me trembling and asks, “Are you okay?” I can sense the concern in his voice.

  “Yes,” I reply. “I’ve just been looking forward to this for so long.”

  He smiles, then covers my mouth with his. I feel his tip at my entrance, and I spread my legs wider to help my body accept him easier. I’m so wet that he slides right in.

  I moan as he thrusts to the hilt and stills. I open my eyes to find him looking at me. “You’re so tight,” he says, his voice breathy. “You feel so fucking good.” Then he kisses me again as he slowly starts to move.

  Dax and I move together like we’ve been doing this forever. The way he touches my body in all the right places as he makes love to me is unlike any other man I’ve been with. He just knows what to do to make me feel good. My first orgasm comes out of nowhere and takes me by surprise. I’ve never come so fast before.

  “You’re so sexy,” Dax says as he rolls us over so I’m on top. “I want to watch you.”

  I sit up and ride him as he continues to caress my body. This is, by far, the best sex I’ve ever had. Dax is so attentive to my needs. I only hope it’s just as good for him.

  When his finger starts to work over my clit, I know my second orgasm is imminent. As my body starts to come undone, I throw my head back, moaning in pure ecstasy. I hear Dax too, and I know he’s coming. Before I know it, he sits up so we’re face to face. He takes my head in his hands and kisses me with fervor. I kiss him back with the same intensity.

  Dax and I clean up, then lie down and cuddle together. As I lie there, wrapped in his arms sated and content, I begin to think. I realize I’ve never actually experienced making love before. Sure, I’ve had more than a few sexual partners over the years, including a few serious boyfriends who I thought I had made love with, but after being with Dax, I realize that all those times were just sex in comparison.

  What I experienced with Dax tonight was so intense, so sweet and unhurried, so emotional. I’m afraid it ruined me for anyone else. What Dax and I have feels real, unlike any of my old relationships.

  Which scares the hell out of me for some reason.

  What exactly does this mean? Am I overreacting because it’s been such a long time since I was with a man? Dax and I definitely have something special; a connection unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. I wonder if he feels the same way? He seemed to enjoy it just as much, and our chemistry is obviously amazing, but what if it was nothing really special to him? Maybe it was just average sex in his opinion.

  I can’t obsess over this. I need to enjoy my time with him this weekend because, after he leaves, who knows how long it will be before we see each other again?

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Amanda

  We spend Saturday morning in bed together, and I discover that Dax can also be more playful and not as gentle during sex, but in a good way. Holy shit, was it good. So far, we’re four for four.

  Or maybe five for five. Between last night and this morning, I’ve lost count. He has successfully made me feel things I’ve never felt before, and I can’t get enough of him.

  There’s no way this can just be average run-of-the-mill sex for him. It just can’t.

  After showering together (making that either number five or six), getting dressed and ready for the day, and eating a light breakfast (even though it was almost lunchtime), I take him into the city. I want to do the tourist thing with him today since he has never been to Seattle. We go to the top of the Space Needle and take in the view. Even though it’s October, the weather is cooperating today. It’s not cloudy or raining, so we can see for miles around from up here. Dax is in awe, enjoying the view of Seattle and the surrounding areas from such a high vantage point. He takes a few pictures, including some selfies of the two of us together. When he saves one as his new profile picture on Facebook, I’m excited to know that he wants all his friends to see us together. I change my profile pic as well.

  After visiting the Space Needle, we ride the Monorail to Westlake Center, where we wander around the shops before walking down the hill to Pike Place Market. We’re having the best time together. Dax loves the beauty of Seattle, and I’m enjoying playing tour guide and showing him the city I’ve always loved. I haven’t stopped to enjoy the sights it has to offer in such a long time. It feels good to get out and do something fun for once.

  It occurs to me that I can’t remember the last time I went out and did something just for fun. In fact, the last time I went out and did something fun for myself was our last night in Kernville, and I can’t remember when the last time before that was. It was definitely before my mom was diagnosed with cancer. After that, caring for my mom consumed my life, which put having fun on the back burner. Spending time with Dax has reminded me that I need to take time for myself once in a while.

  Dax

  Later that evening, we return to Amanda’s townhouse and decide to order pizza for a late dinner while we watch a movie. As we’re settling down on the couch, I notice a brown leather journal sitting on the coffee table in front of us.

  “Is that the journal your mom wrote you?” I ask her.

  “Yep, that’s it.”


  “Did she actually fill the whole book?” I’m surprised at how thick it is.

  “Yes. She wrote a lot in there.” She leans forward to pick it up off the table, then hands it to me. I don’t take it, though. I thought this was something private her mom wrote her. I don’t want her to feel obligated to share it with me.

  “Are you sure? I wasn’t trying to pry.”

  She smiles kindly. “It’s okay. There’s nothing really secretive in it. Just stuff about my mom’s life in Kernville, but you already know a lot about that.” She offers the book to me again. “Go ahead, take a look.”

  I take the journal from her, still apprehensive because I feel like I’m snooping. I want to know as much about Amanda as I can, though, and she’s willing to let me read it. I start looking through the book but don’t stop and read every single page. I skim through and read various snippets of things her mom wrote to her. There’s a lot about her life in Kernville, like Amanda said, but there is also advice and some stories about Amanda growing up.

  I read a short story about how Amanda got car sick on the way to a soccer tournament one time and was afraid she wouldn’t be able to play, but she was resilient and pulled through. And another short story about the first time a boy picked Amanda up for a date, and her mom thought the poor boy would pass out from being so nervous. I skim through the pages and eventually get to a page that catches my attention. It’s a letter written to Amanda from her mom. I wonder if I should read this, but something in the back of my mind is telling me to. I can’t explain it, but I can’t stop myself from doing so.

  Amanda is sitting next to me, watching me read while she finishes eating her pizza. I know she can’t tell what page I’m on from where she’s sitting, and I’m kind of glad for that. As I read the letter that basically tells her to live her life and find someone special to share it with, I can’t help but think I was meant to read this page. Her mom wanted her to fall in love. With the way things are going this weekend, I can honestly say Amanda and I are on the road there. That’s how I feel anyway.