Leo's Desire

by Sundari Venkatraman

  Chaahat got up once again, carefully this time. She’d better not let him see that she was nervous. “I don’t really see the point to this conversation. And isn’t Dev paying you a salary to work for him? I’d better take myself off. Bye.” She walked away on long legs, her strides carrying her further and further away from Shaan who was still sitting at the table where they had shared breakfast.

  But the trouble was that even though she had left his physical presence, his words continued to work on Chaahat’s mind, disturbing her to no end. She had noticed a drop in her energy levels over the past months, when she had been confident that she would feel more energetic with the loss of the excess weight. But it hadn’t worked that way. And it wasn’t easy to keep away from all the food that she enjoyed so much. Chaahat groaned when she thought of missing out on her favourite mutton biryani and malai kofta.

  Right at that moment, Chaahat hated Shaan from the bottom of her heart. How dare he disturb her tranquillity?

  4

  It was past ten that night when Shaan got up to open his door to Chaahat. He wasn’t really surprised to see her there. She had avoided him the whole day after they had breakfasted together. “Hey! Come on in,” he invited, a smile on his face.

  “I hate you Shaan!” Chaahat declared vehemently, glaring at him.

  With a hand on her arm, Shaan drew her into his cottage before shutting the door firmly. Placing both his hands on her shoulders, he said, “Tell me something new.”

  Her grey eyes shimmered in the overhead light, making Shaan wonder if it was due to tears. He wasn’t too disturbed as he realised that his words were probably working on her mind. Good! That was exactly what he had intended.

  “Shaan, can you be serious for a minute here? You made some strong statements in the morning and then there was that story about your friend…”

  “That wasn’t a story, but the truth.” Shaan’s voice was firm. “Why don’t you come in and sit down? Will you have something to drink? I have coffee and beer.”

  “Beer!” Chaahat’s voice was bitter. “Are you trying to make me fat?”

  “Why would I do that?” He pushed her gently down on a sofa and sat down next to her.

  Chaahat broke down, covering her face in both her hands as tears burst forth, her slender frame trembling under the onslaught of emotions. She didn’t protest when Shaan pulled her into his arms, hugging her close, pressing her face into his shoulder. She continued to cry her heart out, the frustrations of the past ten plus years—since the time she had been a preteen and had begun to gain excess weight—making her lose control completely.

  After she left the dining room, her stomach full with the breakfast that she hadn’t meant to eat, Chaahat had directly gone to her room in Dev’s home, refusing to go down for lunch or dinner. She had been highly disturbed by the picture Shaan had painted of his friend’s life that had sounded so similar to her own. Then what the hell was the solution? Did that mean she could never be a model? That she could never have a slim body? Did that mean that she should take up a boring desk job in an MNC as her parents wanted her to? The thoughts had eaten into her the whole day, making her lose the degree of complacency she had acquired after losing weight.

  Shaan had asked her a question: how was she going to manage to maintain her weight? That had cut deep. Chaahat loved to eat. She hadn’t thought too far into the future and had presumed somewhere along the way that she would reach her ideal weight and then eat all her favourite foods. But she had sat the whole day thinking about everything and had rightly concluded that it wasn’t going to work that way. She had really begun to hate Shaan for his hard-hitting words.

  Shaan stroked Chaahat’s back soothingly, not uttering a word until her sobs reduced to hiccups. She recovered after a few minutes to move away from him, sitting back on the sofa, her back straight. She took the tissues Shaan handed her to wipe her face before facing him squarely. “You might think that you know it all, Shaan. But I do have a few aces up my sleeve. I’ve lost seventeen kilos in the past few months, after I stopped eating big meals and started smoking. Smoking has kept my appetite to the minimum. I just need to take out three more kilos and I’m good to go.” Her eyes were still a little too bright, appearing like molten steel, but were no less challenging as they gazed boldly into his honey gold ones.

  “At what cost?” His voice was soft, though equally challenging.

  “What an asshole! Did you even hear me?” Her eyes shot daggers at him.

  “Of course, I did. You have lost a lot of weight since you started smoking. Didn’t you say you wanted to be a fashion model? You…”

  “Exactly!” Chaahat had a triumphant note in her voice. “I’m glad that you finally got the point.” She got up. “I’ll be seeing you then. Goodnight.”

  “Chaahat, listen. Come back here. We aren’t done. I…”

  She stopped in her tracks to turn around and glare at him. “Shaan, I think this is getting a bit too much. Didn’t I just prove to you that I’m on the right track? Anyway,” she shrugged her slim shoulders, “Why the heck should I prove anything at all to you?” She bit hard on her trembling lips, the beseeching look on her face laying lie to her words.

  Shaan walked up to her to pull her down on the sofa, his touch gentle. “Modelling is not only about being slim. I have a close friend who runs an advertising agency. It’s a lot of hard work for the models who work long hours. They need an endless source of energy and stamina. Your smoking must be sapping you of both for sure.” He raised a hand when she would have protested. “Come on Chaahat. I’ve got eyes in my head. And I know you’re going to hate me for this. But your skin is aging. You…”

  “How dare you?” Chaahat pounced on him, taking fistfuls of his t-shirt in her hands and shaking him. At least she tried to, only it left no impact on his hard, well-muscled frame. Her insecurity was born from what she had been seeing in the mirror. She hated to admit that he was right. Her skin seemed to have lost its moisture and she seemed to have aged by at least ten years in the past few months. And then there was her hair. It had lost its sheen.

  It wasn’t as if Chaahat was unaware of all this. But then, she was sure that the right treatments and makeup should take care of all that. She had it all planned out in phases. She would lose weight first. Then she would go to the right beauty salon and get all the treatments necessary to make her look perfect. Why the hell couldn’t Shaan mind his own business? She asked him exactly that. “Why don’t you MYOB? Did I ask you for your free advice?”

  Shaan placed his hands over her clenched fists clutching his t-shirt, his touch soothing. “No, you didn’t. But I plan to give it anyway. I can’t see you wasting away your good health. I…”

  Chaahat tried to wrench her hands from under his. But the slight hold he had had over them was stealthy since his grip turned steely the moment she fought it. “Let me go.”

  “In a minute. Listen, I know you must have worked hard at losing weight. But there are healthier ways to do it and then keep it down.” Even as he spoke, he held both her fists in one hand while his other snaked around her back to pull her close to his body. “Smoking is not the solution in the long run. Nor is starving yourself. Tell me something. What did you have after breakfast?” He looked into her eyes, his gaze shrewd and penetrating.

  Chaahat, who had been glaring at him until then, lowered her gaze, not wanting him to see the truth in them. “I thought I just told you to mind your own business.” But the defiance left her body as her stomach growled in protest, giving him his answer.

  Shaan flung her from him and got up, his stance angry as he ran his hands over his hair. “Oh God! Can’t you see what you’re doing to yourself? Chaahat, you’re wilfully spoiling your health. I…”

  “This is exactly why I hate you.” Chaahat sprang to her feet once again, her body tense with anguish. While she didn’t like what he said, her brain seemed to notice the logic in his words. But that only made her despise him all the more.

 
He went and stood in front of her. “Okay. You don’t need to take my word for it. Would you at least talk to this friend of mine? Listen to what she underwent? That might convince you. Or we can do something else. I did a research on health farms in Maharashtra. We can visit one and find out what they can do for you. You…”

  “Are you suggesting I have a health issue?” Sparks flew from Chaahat’s eyes as she glowered at him, not sure if she wanted to knife him or throttle him.

  “I’m not just suggesting it Chaahat. It’s the truth. As I said, let’s go find out if you need proof from an expert.”

  “I’m leaving. And don’t stop me.” She said the word with extra emphasis. “I have but one request. Just stay out of my life.”

  Chaahat pulled his door open to step into the night, not stopping to look back. She had had enough of Shaan and his idiotic opinions. She walked home in a half run to go up the stairs and settled down in her room. She refused to acknowledge her growling stomach as she stayed up the whole night, confident that she was right.

  Chaahat felt awfully weak in the morning as she went down for coffee. The aroma of freshly made dal pakwan tore at her innards. Giving in to temptation and her fiercely disapproving stomach, Chaahat joined the rest of the family to eat her way through one whole pakwan and a full bowl of dal. She rubbed a hand over her heaving stomach as she sipped on her coffee even as her head whirled in protest.

  Dev got up to catch Chaahat just before she hit the floor in a dead faint, as her abused body refused to take it anymore.

  5

  Shaan pushed open the door to the two-bed nursing home on Wadhwa Farm where Chaahat was being given IV drips. “Hello Suvarna, good evening. How’s Chaahat?” He greeted the nurse in charge. The nursing home was a basic set up with a consultation and two rooms. Dr. Nathan held a weekly clinic on every Thursday. He also was on call when there was an emergency. Suvarna and Kajal were wives of farm workers who had opted to train as professional nurses at Dev’s behest. Dev Wadhwa had done his best to make his operation self-sufficient, while his wife Anya held evening school for the uneducated workers.

  “Hello Shaan.” Suvarna gave the farm manager a sweet smile. “Chaahat is awake, though weak. Anya ma’am is with her.”

  Shaan gave her a thumbs-up before stepping to a door on the right. He knocked before pushing it open a few inches.

  Anya looked up from her laptop and smiled when she saw Shaan. She gestured for him to come in. “Hey, are you done for the day?” she asked.

  “Yep. I can babysit the patient. Why don’t you take a break?” Shaan offered solicitously, looking at Anya’s tired face.

  Anya got up immediately, shutting her laptop with a wide smile on her face. “That’s an offer I won’t refuse. Thanks, Shaan.”

  Even though they spoke in whispers, Chaahat heard them. She opened her eyes a slit to stare at her tormentor. Had he come to gloat? She gritted her teeth, her head buzzing with irritation and the feeling of sickness. She had thrown up her breakfast after she woke up from her dizzy spell, not once but many times. The doctor had diagnosed that she was suffering from dehydration and malnutrition, putting her on intravenous fluids immediately. Chaahat desperately hoped that Shaan wasn’t aware of what Dr. Nathan had said. Just now, she didn’t want to hear the words, ‘I told you so,’ from him.

  Anya walked up to Chaahat and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. “I’ll see you later, Chaahat. Shaan has offered to sit with you for a while.”

  Chaahat nodded to her sister-in-law even as she protested, “I don’t need someone to sit with me. I should be up soon. Please Anya…”

  Dev had sat with his sister from morning till four in the evening when Anya had relieved him. Anya had had to put up with her sister-in-law’s complaints since she had woken up by then and had gone on and off till Shaan had walked in just now. Truth be told, she was only too glad to get away.

  “Shh…listen. You’re still too weak. And the doctor insists that you’ll have to spend the night here. Just relax and get well fast. I’ll see you later. Ta ta!” Anya breezed out, not waiting for Chaahat’s reply, not keen to get into an argument with the patient. She gave Shaan a wink on her way out, making him grin.

  Fuming at the wide grin on his face, Chaahat said, “Are you happy now? I’ve taken ill, just as you predicted.” Even while her voice was weak, the anger and frustration came across clearly.

  Shaan lifted a chair and placed it close to the bed head and settled down on it, shaking his head at her. “No, I’m not happy.” He spoke softly, his voice a whisper in her ear. “It’s not as if I wished you ill.” He reached out a hand to brush back the strands of hair that had fallen over her forehead, his touch gentle. She looked so pale and wan, even worse than what he had expected. It was an effort to hold back the expression of shock from showing on his face.

  Chaahat grimaced. “I just hate my life.”

  He took her right hand in both of his, willing her to calm down. He could see that she was highly perturbed. Now wasn’t the right time to broach the subject of the health farm. He decided to keep quiet about it and said instead, “Go to sleep, Chaahat.”

  She opened her half-closed eyes widely at that, in a completely contradictory mood. “Will you stop telling me what to do?” she bit out at him.

  “I’m sorry.” He touched a finger to her cheek. “I won’t.”

  No, she didn’t like his pacifying words either. All Chaahat wanted to do now was throw a tantrum, shout at Shaan. And she so wanted to see that aura of calmness shattered. It simply drove her mad even as she seethed with temper. “Damn it all!” she swore. “Why the hell do I have to have this IV?” She glared at the plastic bottle hanging upside down from the metal stand, the drip flowing in in tiny drops. “I’ve been at it since morning.”

  Shaan didn’t reply to that, only too aware that she was out to provoke him. He lifted her hand and pressed his lips to the back of it, continuing to look at her quietly.

  “Will you ask the doctor to stop this now?” Chaahat’s voice was pleading for a change. She was ready to do anything. She had tried with Anya too. Her sister-in-law may appear slight, but she seemed to possess an iron will. She had refused to oblige Chaahat in the matter. Oh, how she hoped Shaan was more malleable!

  “I can. But I have a couple of conditions.” Shaan looked at her, a dark eyebrow raised in challenge.

  “Anything. I’ll do anything if you can have this torture stopped.”

  “Anything? I won’t let you go back on your word.”

  And how the hell did he plan to make her toe the line? Chaahat’s mind danced with glee. She had no qualms about breaking promises. After all, what was he to her? She planned to escape the moment the needle was removed from her hand. And she’d make sure that Shaan never laid eyes on her ever again.

  “Yeah, I’ll do anything.” Chaahat continued to give him a wide-eyed gaze, doing her best to look innocent.

  Shaan almost laughed out loud. It was so obvious that she didn’t plan to keep her word. Not that he was really bothered about it. The Leo was confident that he would have his way. He nodded to her before taking his cell phone out of his jeans pocket and speed-dialling the doctor. “Hello, Dr. Nathan.”

  Shaan got up to walk as far away from Chaahat’s bed as he could, while he chatted with the doctor like a long-lost friend, making her grit her teeth in frustration as she wondered if he’d ever get to the point. It was a while before Shaan said, “Well, doctor, do you think it’ll be alright if we take Chaahat off the drips?” He listened for a few seconds before continuing, “Oh yeah, she’s raring to go actually. What? You want her to stay in bed all of tomorrow too? Okay. I’ll ensure that she does that. And you’ll come over to check her up tomorrow. Perfect. Then let me wish you ‘good night’ doc. Will see you tomorrow.”

  “Am I going to be free of this damn thing or no?” Chaahat snapped at Shaan when he turned to walk back towards her.

  “Did the doctor check your blood pressure?” asked Shaan coo
lly. “I’m sure it’s higher than normal people. You know how BP is connected with bad temper.”

  “Why the fuck didn’t you become a doctor yourself? Was it because you didn’t do well enough at school?” Chaahat asked him, her voice heavy with sarcasm.

  “That’s neither here nor there. So, what do you want me to do? Shall I just walk out of this room and leave you alone?” Shaan’s honey gold eyes pierced her gaze as he lost all patience with her attitude.

  Chaahat looked at him pathetically. She didn’t really have to pretend. She felt like death warmed over and, at that moment, hated, not just her life, but herself too. “I suppose I was rude. I…I am…” Her throat choked up, not letting her speak further. Her body had taken an awful battering. It looked like now it was her ego’s turn. “I am…”

  Two long strides and Shaan was standing next to her, placing his index finger against her lips. “That’s okay,” he said quickly, relieving her of her misery. “Dr. Nathan said that you don’t need more drips after this bottle gets done. You can even go home tonight. But,” he raised a hand, stopping Chaahat from interrupting him, “he insisted on bed rest all through tomorrow. You do remember that you promised to fulfil my conditions?” He gave her a keen look, a dark eyebrow rising to touch the thick lock of hair that had fallen on his forehead.