What If You Are a Horse in Human Form

by Jason the Horse

  I lay on my bed to make myself comfortable, and Linda Kohanov described to me how to contact the Horse Ancestors (one of several ways). She suggested that I close my eyes and breathe deeply into my solar plexus while visualizing light coming from the universe above, entering my head, and flowing down to my solar plexus. She then asked me to imagine standing on the Earth and drawing energy up from the Earth, and sending the energy back down into the Earth with each exhalation. Next, she asked me to visualize a ball of golden light in my solar plexus (the light being the timeless and wise part of my higher self), and then she asked me to connect via a verbal request with the creative force (God, or whatever one chooses to call it [I think God is a being with thoughts and a personality, not an impersonal force]). She asked me to visualize the golden light spreading throughout my body.

  Having done this, she then instructed me to ask to connect with the Horse Ancestors. With my eyes still closed, I asked to connect with them. I saw a pink streak across my field of vision, but nothing else at this point. I began to slide into the equine form of consciousness that I remember having in my natural equine form and when I was a child in this human form (and even now, whenever I let the human-conditioned patterns of thought slip away). Instead of concentrating all of my attention on one thing at a time as humans do, I became acutely aware of all of my senses and even my internal organs. I felt my consciousness spreading throughout my body. I had a “wrap-around” awareness of every pressure point on my body, every scent, every sound, and every air current in the room that flowed over my skin.

  This is how horses perceive the world, since we are prey animals who must always be on the watch for predators. We must also remain alert for signals from our herdmates to flee. A predator who fails to catch a prey animal today will live to hunt again tomorrow, but a prey animal’s first mistake while trying to avoid or run away from a predator is often his or her last. Thankfully, most of us horses are now domesticated and no longer have to live in fear of predators, but we still have the instincts and reactions of the prey animals that we are.

  Moments later, I had to get up to relieve my bladder. When I returned, I had some difficulty getting comfortable again due to my back pain. I remarked to Linda about “How our bodies betray us.” She instantly countered that our bodies NEVER betray us, but that pains have deeper messages for us. She said that this was a human conclusion based on the mistaken belief that the mind rules the body (or should). I also mentioned to her at this juncture that my back pain resulted from when Copper had dragged me many years before. She asked me not to adjust my back to stop the pain, but instead to “breathe into” the pain, mentally “re-live” riding Copper that day and falling off his back, and describe any thoughts or impressions that came into my mind.

  I had felt anger, which prompted me to violently jerk the reins as Copper dragged me. This suddenly pulled his neck far around, injuring it. I also felt sorry for having hurt him. Linda asked me to connect with Copper and to tell him I was sorry for having hurt him. I saw a dim white spot of light behind my closed eyelids as I did this, and then I faintly felt Copper’s presence and his calm, quiet acceptance of my apology. At that very instant my back pain stopped, and Linda immediately asked me what had happened to my back pain.

  Then she revealed to me that the Horse Ancestors had told her that my back injury was intentional—it had been inflicted on me so that I would continue to feel and perceive with my whole body (the sympathetic, parasympathetic, and enteric nervous systems) as horses do, rather than exclusively through my mind as humans typically do. In other words, it has kept me grounded in “equine sensory mode.”

  I also mentioned the discomfort I was feeling in my neck, and Linda asked me to “breathe into” it and ask Copper for any messages it held. I “heard” a thought that I had held his reins too short before I fell off his back, which constricted his neck. I did this because I had felt a fear-based need to control him. He had tried to throw me several times, which had made me think he was trying to hurt me. Linda said, “No, he was trying to send you a message to ease up, but you weren’t getting it. When you fell off, he was trying to get away from you, not hurt you, which is why he dragged you.”

  At this point thoughts spontaneously popped up in my mind, thoughts of being constricted by my mind’s own thoughts themselves. Pre-conceived ideas limited my ability to think freely, and I always worried about the many ways that any given situation could go wrong. I also felt strong worries about not being able to care properly for the horses that I planned to get (at that time, before I became disabled) or sense any illnesses they might contract. Linda made the point that the mind should “ride” the body as a rider rides a horse in partnership (in other words, the mind should work in concert with the sympathetic, parasympathetic, and enteric nervous systems that are responsible for “gut feelings”). Instead, most humans think of the mind as ruling the body and ignore gut feelings, just as they often try to control horses rather than work in partnership with them. After I acknowledged my understanding of this, the discomfort in my neck significantly decreased.

  After this I mentioned how close I had been with Lucy, the Arabian cross mare I had known in Georgia. I described my strong impressions that she was a guide of some kind, far older and wiser than the physically six-year old mare that I saw. Linda asked me to ask to connect with Lucy. The entire field of view behind my closed eyelids briefly lightened as I did this, and then I faintly felt Lucy’s presence. After I spoke the request to make contact Linda said, “I just saw an image that makes no sense to me, but maybe you would understand it. I just saw a mare with a horseshoe over her right eye. The horseshoe fell on her eye, and she showed me the horseshoe falling on her eye three times for emphasis.” I replied, “She lost her right eye when she was a filly. Another horse kicked her in her right eye.”

  I then told Linda about how I knew when Lucy had died in the summer of 2003 (seeing a mental image of her combined with a “jolt in the chest” feeling). I also described my impression that when my work in human form is complete, Lucy will come to me to take me back to the Horse Ancestors. As I said this, Linda broke in with a loud “Uh!” and said, “I just saw the mare again. She was vigorously nodding her head up and down.” Linda suggested that I could more easily connect with the Horse Ancestors by first contacting Lucy or Copper, who could serve as “conduits” to them. Since Lucy and I already have a bond, it would be easier to contact her first.

  After we finished the session, Linda told me that my ability to contact the Horse Ancestors would improve with practice. She said that it is not unlike fine-tuning a radio to pick up a desired station. It took her some practice to progress from just feeling the Horse Ancestors’ presence to seeing the monochromatic images that they send to her.

  Linda warned me that now that I was fully aware of what I am, I would be miserable if I did not have at least occasional contact with other horses. She also strongly encouraged me to proceed with my plans (which I had to abandon when I became disabled) to acquire two horses to live with me on a 3.7 acre rural lot that I once owned near my home. She said that “tuning in to the equine wavelength” to contact the Horse Ancestors is much easier to do in the presence of living horses.

  In January of 2004, I had an interesting dream that the Horse Ancestors sent to me. It began as a normal dream that soon turned into a lucid dream, in which I was consciously aware of what was happening and was able to interact with it. It was rather like watching a live-broadcast television program, one in which I was able to control the “camera angle” and “zoom distance” (within limits, as I will describe below).

  It began sometime during the decades of 2040 – 2060. I had arrived in London, England from the US with a traveling companion (who the “camera angle” and “microphone distance” never allowed me to see or audibly identify until the very end of the dream). We hired a touring car to take us out into the English countryside, to a location about 40 miles due west of London. Both London and the rural towns
we passed through still showed signs of recovering from some great, destructive episode that had taken place some years before our visit. I existed both in this future time and in January 2004, watching this “documentary.” I (my 2004 self) asked what was going on, and the Horse Ancestors (unseen but palpably present) said in a non-verbal thought: “Just Watch.”

  At one point our driver pulled off to the side of the road to look at a map. I looked at it and my 2004 self saw a blurry gray oval obscuring the area to which we were traveling. I (my 2004 self) asked why this happened, and the unseen Horse Ancestors again wordlessly told me to “just watch.” My future self could clearly see the map. My traveling companion mentioned the name of the village near our destination, and my 2004 self heard the name but instantly forgot it. Being unfamiliar with the area, our driver decided to travel on and ask a local for directions.

  A few miles down the road, we stopped at a rural gas station to get directions. While there, I saw a technological device that doesn’t exist today. Even though I didn’t see it being used, I (both my 2004 self and my future self) knew what it was. The “camera” zoomed in on it. It was a telephone, but it was unlike any telephone of today. It was a flat, molded plastic square device about 8 inches wide, 8 inches long, and 1.5 inches thick. It was an attractive lavender color with raised yellow Chinese characters molded into the top. The top was a thin lid (hinged at the rear) that could be lifted to reveal a touch screen and a plastic stylus under it, with a speaker recessed into the inside of the lid and a built-in microphone in the top of the base. (I never saw the top opened, but I knew the touch screen was under it.)

  It was a real-time Chinese/English translation telephone. (Although there were no scenes or conversations that revealed this, in the dream I was simply aware that in this future time China was a great and prosperous world power, with many of their tourists visiting Britain and other western nations.) A Chinese tourist could make a call to this telephone and its internal computer would instantly process the caller’s speech so that an English speaker would hear the tourist’s words in English and in the tourist’s own voice! It also worked in reverse (the tourist would hear the English speaker’s words in Chinese, in his or her own voice). The telephone could do this even with an ordinary telephone or cellular telephone on the other end of the call.

  The touch screen was for dialing, and the telephone could also be dialed by voice command. When connected to another telephone of this type during a call, the stylus could be used to write text or draw images (to illustrate road directions, for example) on the screen, which would also be displayed on the touch screen of the distant telephone. In addition, these telephones could translate Chinese characters written on the screen into English words, and vice-versa. Upon seeing the telephone I remarked to my traveling companion, “Gee, they even have those here now.”

  There was a calendar on the wall in the gas station, but when I (my 2004 self) looked at it, the date was obscured by a gray blur. My future self could see the date. My 2004 self asked why this happened and was again told by the Horse Ancestors to “just watch.” My traveling companion and I got back into the touring car with our driver, and we resumed our travel. We soon entered hilly farmland that was crisscrossed by stone walls, hedgerows, and country lanes, and there were heavily wooded areas here as well.

  We stopped at a field that was bordered by a wooden fence. There were three Shire draft horses in the field, standing about forty feet back from the fence. The one in the middle of the trio caught my attention because of what he was wearing, and the “camera” zoomed in on him. He was wearing a full plow harness and a collar that had ball-tipped hames. He caught my attention because a horse owner wouldn’t normally turn a horse loose in a pasture wearing such a harness (the horse might damage it or get it tangled up in a fence).

  This Shire slowly walked up to the fence. He was black with white feathering on his lower legs, and he had a broad white blaze down his face and a white muzzle. I could tell that he was middleaged because he had white hairs sprinkled on the black sides of his face, but he was otherwise in excellent physical condition with many vigorous years ahead of him. As I looked at him through the open car window, he turned his head to face me. As our eyes met, I suddenly felt the same twinge of recognition that you feel when you recognize yourself in a mirror. Simultaneously our mouths dropped open and we both jerked our heads back in astonishment. I was looking at myself!

  I turned to my right and finally saw who my traveling companion was—my (human) father in this life. He said, in a tone of voice not intended to dissuade me, “Are you sure you want to go back to being that?” I looked back out of the car window at the Shire, who was smiling. We looked at each other for a few seconds, and then I turned to Dad and said, “Yes, I am sure.” He nodded and quietly said, “Good luck,” and then I awakened.

  The author astride Lucy before their second wagon train excursion in the mountains of northern Georgia in 1980.

  An impressionist view of the author in his natural form. Artwork courtesy Sean Simmans.

  Herd Lessons

  On May 20th, 2004 I drove to Palmer, Alaska for a weeklong series of Equine Experiential Learning sessions with Jessica Paul (one of Linda Kohanov’s students) and her horses. We had agreed to meet briefly on the evening of the 20th, before beginning the first session the next day.

  As it turned out, Jessica and her then-husband Ed had been delayed in Anchorage, so they weren’t at home when I arrived. Having driven several miles from the motel where I was staying, I decided to use the opportunity to get acquainted with her horses.

  I was particularly drawn to five horses (three Quarter Horse mares and two yearling Shire/Thoroughbred/Arabian mix geldings, the twin sons of Jessica’s Shire/Thoroughbred cross mare) who were grazing in the largest of the four pastures on the property. The horses all walked up to the fence and sniffed me, and then they blew air out of their noses at me. (In equine language, this means “Who are you?”) I gently blew air at them through my mouth, saying (in equine language) “I am a friend.” Then I quieted my mind and wordlessly thought to them, “I am one of you, and one day I will have your form again.”

  At this, their eyes widened and they all backed away from me. They walked away as a group and then stood vocalizing and gesturing to each other, casting glances in my direction every few seconds. After a few minutes they walked back up to me, sniffed me again, and blew air at me with greater vigor than before. They repeated this activity (withdrawing and “palavering” among themselves, then walking back up to the fence to sniff me and blow air out of their nostrils at me) several times. (Horses only have to sniff you once to get your scent, and I wasn’t wearing any fragrances such as cologne that could have confused their sense of smell.)

  The mares were especially interested in me. One by one each mare came up to the fence, grasped my jacket in her teeth, and “groomed” it with her teeth as she would groom another horse, then turned her body broadside to the fence. I rubbed each mare’s withers, and then she stepped forward slowly so that I could rub her back and finally her rump without changing my position.

  After about 45 minutes, Trixie (Jessica’s Shire/Thoroughbred cross mare), who had been alternately grazing and watching the goings-on from her adjoining pasture, walked up to the fence. She walked right up to me and pushed her head over the fence, almost touching my chest with her nose, while looking at me with a slightly hostile expression. She blew air out of her nose at me forcefully. Without moving a muscle, I very gently blew air through my mouth at her. Startled at this, she jumped backward three feet and then trotted backward about 10 more feet, then stood there staring at me for several minutes.

  Trixie then turned around and stood with her rump toward me for several more minutes, after which she turned to face me again and came back up to the fence. She blew air out of her nose at me, and this time she didn’t flinch when I blew air through my mouth at her. She looked me up and down, then turned and walked about 20 feet away, and then
she walked back up to the fence and blew air at me. She “advanced and retreated” like this several more times.

  As I walked around the property to greet the other horses, the first five horses I had met kept running up to the fence. Each time they did this I walked up to them, and they enthusiastically sniffed me and blew air at me.

  The next day I met Jessica and Ed. She and I went over the written material (produced by Linda Kohanov), including an emotional message chart that explained the messages behind the often-strong emotions that are brought out in Equine Experiential Learning sessions. She also taught me how to perform body scans (as described in Linda Kohanov’s books). One stands quietly and breathes deeply and slowly while standing with eyes closed, feet spread apart, knees bent slightly forward, and arms hanging loosely.

  The body scan is simply a way of intentionally and systematically sensitizing oneself to receive and interpret “gut feelings,” which everyone experiences at one time or another. This body position, known in the martial arts as the “Horse Pose,” forces one to pay attention to the body because it involves putting the body slightly out of physical balance. While standing in the “Horse Pose,” one projects one’s consciousness into (or concentrates attention into) different parts of the body, usually starting with the top of the head and moving down.

  Jessica had a round pen for training and exercising horses and for use in Equine Experiential Learning sessions. I went into the round pen with Trixie, the Shire/Thoroughbred cross mare, while Jessica stood outside the pen. Before doing so I performed two body scans, the first one with my back toward Trixie and the second one while facing her. This served as a control. Any feelings (or more intense feelings) that I felt while facing Trixie would be from her, projected to me. If I experienced the same feelings while facing in both directions, then the feelings originated within me.