SOLACE: Behind The Shield (Beauty 0f Life Book 2)

by Laura Acton

  He quieted as he gathered his thoughts. “I never thought last Christmas would be our last. I’m thankful we got to be together though we went on a mission. We did well that day. We received a gift better than any material item we could’ve bought.”

  Recalling Christmas last year, Dan said, “You hated planes, but boy, did you love flying with gossamer wings. Parachuting provided us the freedom of floating so high above the earth … thrilling. HALO jumps are fun, and I miss them too sometimes. The one we did on Christmas went off without a hitch.

  “Man, I still cannot believe who we rescued. Fate allowed us to repay them for all their help years before. Abbess Mary Catherine and Sisters Esther and Maria seemed as surprised as us.

  “It helped that Sister Francine is the granddaughter of the former Prime Minister or we would’ve never been sent in. That would have been sad because they would’ve died for nothing in that stinking hell-hole. I wish they didn’t take such risks, but I guess nuns are a bit like us, they never shy away from helping those in need.

  “Finding out from the Abbess that all the kids we liberated from the bordello four years earlier had been reunited with their families was fantastic. I sometimes wonder what happened to all of them. I hope they all found ways to put their awful experiences behind them and enjoy their lives.

  “I need to work on that, buddy. It’s hard, but I might’ve found a place. There’s one guy on my new team. I told you about Bram before. He’s got a beautiful family, and he’s a great dad. Something neither of us had. He invited me into his home this year. His wife is thoughtful and kind. They have four lovely little girls.”

  Dan pulled his hands out of his pockets and stared at them. These hands killed to protect others. They are now covered in the blood of so many. Brody’s blood stained the deepest, and like the Shakespearean character, Lady Macbeth, he couldn’t wash it away. Guilt and remorse caused by a misplaced bullet needed to be incarcerated in the same locked box with his other failures.

  Feeling a hint of pressure like a gentle embrace, as he continued to stare at his bloody hands, the gore gradually faded to be replaced by cookie dough as the image of little Allie’s hands entered his mind. Earlier today he took her hands in his and helped wipe them clean as she giggled.

  A tiny flickering light warmed his heart. “Bram’s daughter, Allie, visited me in the wee hours of the morning. She’s so innocent. Her heart and soul are pure and full of light, and she reminds me a bit of Sara. She has such tiny hands and the sweetest smile. Brody, she snuck past my defenses the moment she tossed her teddy bear onto my stomach and climbed up on the bed. She wiggled her way into my heart.

  “She worried Santy Taws wouldn’t be able to find me since I’m staying at her home. I reassured her he would. I didn’t lie. You were my Santa, and you always found me.”

  Bram smiled when he overheard Dan talking about his daughter. It went both ways. Allie latched onto Dan too. He couldn’t figure out why. She had not done that with any of the other guys on the team. Bram began to believe his third daughter might be an empath. She possessed a unique quality. Ever since Allie started crawling, she sought him out when he became upset. Strange, but Bram always felt better after holding her and babbling nonsense to her. Bringing Dan home, and him meeting Allie may well be the turning point which forged a new path with Dan.

  Dan stared at Brody’s headstone for a long time. “I’ve been thinking about calling my mother. I know you believed she cared about me. I want her to care. I really do … she did once. I have not seen her or talked to her for over six years now.

  “When I arrived in Ottawa in July, I waited outside the general’s house to get a glimpse of her. I wanted to go to the door … wanted her to hold me like she did when I was six and tell me everything would be alright. But I couldn’t bring myself to knock on the door. If she rejected me again … don’t think I could fulfill my promise to you. Perhaps I’ll send her a card. It would be a small step like you always encouraged me to do.

  “I also thought about my cousins. That still stings. Why did they all quit writing me? I wrote to them often, but their correspondence dwindled and stopped. Not a single solitary letter, email, or postcard in the last three and a half years. I don’t know why they abandoned me, too.

  “Zach’s last letter might be the reason. He was pissed off at me for not coming home or visiting. He thought I lied when I tried to explain to him my constant presence in the field. I didn’t ignore them on purpose. I thought at least Scott would understand and send something. I had a deep connection with him though he is eight years older than me.

  “But he disowned me, too. Scott, Adam, Jeff, Zach, and Kyle should’ve all understood I was doing my duty. Duty First is ingrained in Broderick males from the cradle. Why does everyone abandon me? Am I such a horrible person? Help me understand, Brody.”

  Bram disliked eavesdropping, but he didn’t move. He decided anything he learned he would keep in the strictest confidence. It wouldn’t be right to share Dan’s private thoughts with the team.

  However, this gave him a peek behind the shield Dan effectively hid behind. From the sounds of it, Brody served as Dan’s confidant, showing his implicit trust as he was completely open with him. Or maybe it was easy to open your heart to someone who couldn’t blab what you told them to anyone else.

  Logging the data for potential future use, Bram already comprehended Dan had a terrible relationship with his father. Apparently, also estranged from his mother and the rest of his family. No wonder he didn’t want to call them. He listened more as Dan talked about trivial things to Brody. It reminded him of his exchanges with Jon. They spoke about nothing at all for hours, the bond with another person became the significant aspect not the content.

  Bram resolved to make small talk part of his chats with Dan. He had a hook now, too. He could talk about his girls, Allie in particular. Listening had been beneficial, Bram now possessed a way to build a solid connection with the rookie.

  Taking a deep breath and slowly exhaling, Dan wrapped up. “I gotta go, Brody. Bram was kind enough to drive me here, but I shouldn’t take him away from his wife and daughters for too long. Thanks for listening, brother. I’ll visit again soon.”

  Dan reached for his crutches and managed to stand somewhat gracefully then bent over to retrieve the plastic pad. Grateful Kellie insisted he take the pad. His butt stayed dry instead of being soaked through from the patches of snow on the ground. He gazed at the headstone again. “Merry Christmas, Brody.” Hobbling away, Dan felt lighter. When he reached Bram, Dan said, “Thank you, for everything. I appreciate it a lot.”

  Bram grinned as he stood. “Anytime.” As they made their way out of the cemetery, Bram said, “You’re gonna enjoy Kellie’s roast beef.”

  Dan shot Bram a smile. “If it’s anything like her beef stroganoff and pancakes, yes, I will.”

  Bram kept up the casual conversation with Dan all the way home, pleased when Dan joined in. There was hope now that Alpha Team could earn Dan’s trust and help him accept he was part of the team.

  Loki’s Home – Kitchen – 6:00 p.m.

  Loki smiled wistfully, as he scanned the people gathered around the kitchen table of his new place. Today was almost perfect. Ma and Sonia chatted about Sonia’s latest boyfriend. He noted Boss and Lexa deep in conversation about Lexa’s most recent home renovation. The only thing missing which would’ve made today perfect was Gina and her family. He understood when they decided to visit with her husband’s family since they spent Thanksgiving here.

  For the first time Loki could recall, Christmas didn’t include a drunken rant from his stepfather—make that ex-stepfather. His ma appeared happier than he had seen her in a very long time. Although the divorce shocked her, it turned out to be beneficial. Unfettered from the put-downs and the constant yelling, Ma blossomed. The sight warmed his heart and brought him joy.

  Glancing at Boss, Loki reached out for his wine glass. As he spun the deep maroon liquid in the crystal, he wonde
red what it would’ve been like to grow up with a father who loved and accepted him as Boss did. Would he be a different person?

  Perhaps. Then again, maybe not. Ma said she thanked God every day her boy took after his natural father, kind, loving, and intelligent. At first, Dante experienced a sense of rejection, insignificance, and insecurity not having been formally adopted by Narciso Ricigliano.

  Now he was thrilled he had no legal ties. Their names were different, and Ma reverted to using Baldovino too. Gina became Mrs. Soli when she married Erico. The only one with a connection to his ex-stepfather was Sonia. When she eventually married and changed her last name, Sonia would no longer have a link to the despicable man.

  Well, technically that was not quite right. Ricigliano was her natural father—no changing a fact of birth. Sonia understood Narciso had never been a real father to any of them. Though he doted on Sonia, she always hated how her father ignored Gina and verbally abused their ma. She was none too happy with how Narciso treated him, either—but being eight years his junior, Sonia was too young to remember most of it.

  Loki moved out when he was eighteen to escape the constant ridicule. He still visited with Ma—he would never abandon her. Living on his own, even in the hovel which served as his first apartment, was better than putting up with the daily verbal abuse and occasional drunken backhands from Narciso.

  Nick glanced at Loki and saw a faraway look in his eyes as he swirled his wine. “Cosa stai pensando così duro?”

  Not realizing his deep thoughts played on his face, Loki left the echoes of his past and smiled. “Just thinking how enjoyable Christmas is this year. I’m happy you and Lexa came today.”

  Lexa grinned. “Thanks for the invite. I’m gonna have to find a new friend to hang out with on holidays with Paula moving to Amsterdam for the next two years.”

  Grinning broadly, Loki said, “You’re always welcome here.” He launched into a conversation with Lexa about Paula’s opportunity.

  Nick enjoyed the day spent with the Baldovino’s, as he missed the comforts, the laughter, and most importantly the love of family. Memories of Janie and Martin still flittered in and caused pangs of loss. Martin would’ve been thirteen now. When he looked at Jon’s son, Kent, he imagined the two of them getting into all sorts of mischief together. Sadly, that was not to be.

  As he popped another delicious zeppola, filled with butter and honey, into his mouth, Nick counted his blessings. Although his wife and son were gone, he still had a family.

  His chosen brothers included Jon, Bram, and Ray. Lexa became the daughter of his heart. His gaze landed on Loki, who was kind and good-hearted like Martin. He viewed Loki as a son. Nick was so proud of how Loki took care of his mother and sisters. And how the young tech genius never allowed his abusive past to turn him into a cold and uncaring man.

  Nick’s mind settled on the team’s newest member. Dan appeared to be a complicated young man who suffered a terrible loss. He sincerely desired to help Dan come to terms with his grief and move forward. Nick still carried the guilt for not recognizing the wounded soul in their midst sooner. He wanted to embrace Dan and make him a member of his family.

  He revisited his questions about Gambrill’s relationship with Dan. It remained a quandary. Nick perceived something existed between them. Gambrill wouldn’t have bent over backwards trying to keep Dan on this team if there were not. He concluded Commander Gambrill wanted the rookie on his team because of their uniqueness.

  Sure, the other TRF teams maintained close ties. Putting your life in the hands of teammates tended to bring people together. But Alpha Team’s type of relationship was rare. They possessed deeper connections. More than just a team, they became family by choice. They cared about each other and supported one another as they coped with the dark side of humanity which they witnessed in their daily lives.

  Nick hoped Dan would accept being part of their family soon. He now understood the kid desperately needed a place to belong and people to care for him. And perhaps once Dan acknowledged he belonged, he would begin to value his life and stop taking unacceptable risks.

  Pulled out of his rumination as Mrs. Baldovino asked him if he wanted another zeppola, Nick smiled. “Sì, grazie.” Loki’s mother beamed and passed him the plate of zeppoles. He put several on his plate and joined in the conversation.

  Hope and Understanding

  17

  December 25

  Ottawa – General Broderick’s Home – Library – 8:00 p.m.

  To a casual observer, Yvonne Broderick appeared to be admiring the abundant lights and baubles as she stood by the tree. But her eyes searched for the ornament she cherished the most, the one from Sara’s last Christmas. She focused on the simple handmade ornament which held a special place in her heart. Always the first decoration she hung on the Christmas tree and the last one she removed each year.

  Her twin sister, Ann, helped the kids make it. Using a can opener which left the sides of the lid smooth the top of a soup can became a unique mat for the picture mounted in its center. Her sister captured a precious image of eight-year-old Danny, six-year-old Sara, and two-year-old Becca sitting together in front of their tree. Dan wore a Santa hat, Sara reindeer antlers, and Becca a pair of elf ears. Red and gold lace trimmed the edge with a finishing touch of green puffy paint evenly dotted outlining the photo.

  Yvonne glanced around the room to make sure she remained alone. A feat extremely hard to achieve during a Broderick invasion. Most of the extended family came home for Christmas. Her brother-in-law, Ryan, and her two nephews, Kyle and Jeff, were the only ones unable to get leave. Another nephew, Adam, almost didn’t make it, but he received authorization when a friend swapped with him, and he arrived in time for dinner. So, finding a moment alone in a house now teeming with people proved difficult, but for now, the library remained empty.

  Tears filled her emerald green eyes as she reached up and touched her favored ornament. Yvonne focused on Danny’s smiling face through the welling liquid. The one person she wanted most to be here was unaccounted for … hopefully not alone.

  Yvonne whispered the prayer she said every Christmas since Sara passed, “Lord, please return my Danny to me. Watch over him and keep him safe. Help my son heal and return the light to his eyes. Lift the veil from his mind and let him accept I love him, and I do not blame him for Sara’s death. He was only a little innocent boy. He has hurt too long for something out of his control. I maintain faith and hope one day You will grant my prayer. Amen.”

  She did possess hope, but Yvonne couldn’t stop the soft sobs as she held the precious ornament. Her intuition told her Dan’s hurt multiplied this year with the loss of Brody. The young man had been a partial answer to her prayers. Some light returned to Danny’s eyes after he befriended Brody.

  When Brody and Dan visited after Special Forces training, she met the remarkable man and wished she had the opportunity to speak more with him. She did talk to Brody once via video call. He kindly called her on Dan’s behalf when the rigors of therapy exhausted Dan, and he fell asleep before their call.

  Yvonne recalled gazing at her boy peacefully sleeping on his bunk as Brody shared Danny’s progress. He appeared so thin, but she expected that as he recuperated from being held captive for months. She desired to stroke his hair for real that day but seeing him sufficed.

  Fresh tears fell from her eyes. Dan had not contacted her after returning to Canada in July. No card, no call, … nothing. When Dan discharged from the military, she hoped he would come to visit, but he didn’t. Her heart broke as she contemplated the depth of her son’s despair. She wanted desperately to hold him and soothe his wounded soul, but sadly, Dan blocked her out of his life. Every single letter she sent to Danny went unanswered.

  He distanced himself from the entire family. For three and a half years now, none of the family received any form of communication from Danny. She understood and accepted long ago that William couldn’t provide her details on Danny’s whereabouts, and only co
nveyed Dan remained on active duty.

  Though she attempted to hide her heartache over the lack of contact, her family perceived her sorrow. In a misguided attempt to relieve her sadness, they did the same thing with Dan as they did after Sara died. Over the past few years, his name dwindled from conversations believing they would cause her more distress talking about him.

  Essentially, she lost two children one fateful summer afternoon, but she refused to give up hope of getting her son back. Yvonne couldn’t predict how or when, but a delicate voice kept whispering to her, “One day he will find his path home.” She must believe … it hurt too much to consider the alternative.

  Wiping away her tears, Yvonne lethargically moved to the closest chair as exhaustion overwhelmed her again. Darned CFS. Since August, she had been so fatigued she didn’t possess enough energy to rise from bed most days.

  William hired a nurse to help her because she didn’t want to be a burden on her sisters. They had enough to do with Scott’s wedding coming up … busy assisting the motherless bride-to-be plan the event because her father wanted his daughter to have the wedding of her dreams. Coordinating hundreds of guests and finding venues took up quite a lot of their time.

  Yvonne hated her Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. CFS stopped her from doing many things. Mostly she detested it because everyone treated her with kid gloves when she suffered from its disabling symptoms.

  She also despised CFS because it prevented her from being with Danny when he needed her most. Isolated and withdrawn from the family, her severely wounded boy needed help to heal. She hoped he would reach out to her at Christmas, but he had not. Grabbing a tissue, she dabbed at her eyes, attempting to dry her nonstop tears.

  Second Lieutenant Zachary Broderick stood at the threshold of the library watching his Aunt Yvonne cry. Anger rose in him as he silently backed out of the room unseen and closed the door to give her privacy.