Designing Hearts

by Robin Strachan

  “Jill,” he said with a touch of impatience, “it isn’t like you to be so stubborn and unforgiving, so unwilling to listen to me.”

  “I am listening, David,” she said with a sad shrug of her shoulders. “The more important issue is that now I’m also listening to what I think, what I want. You’re right. It isn’t like me not to concede to your wishes, not to give you whatever you want, whenever, wherever, however you want it. But things are different now. I wish I’d insisted that you come home every night, instead of blindly thinking I could trust you. Then you wouldn’t have had so many opportunities to cheat on me. And if I’d been less willing to give you so much of myself, I wouldn’t be wondering who in the hell I am without you ….” Her voice trailed off.

  “You don’t have to be without me, honey. Let me come home so we can go back to the way things used to be.”

  “How far back would we need to go?” she asked, feeling the need for clarity, wondering how many years he might have been dissatisfied with their relationship. “David, I just wish I understood.” She heard the long exhalation, but there was no response. “Whatever it is that caused you to turn your back on us can’t be fixed without me understanding what I want and need now in a relationship,” she told him. “Frankly, it’s high time I learned who I am on my own before I decide if we can be together again. I also don’t want you to pressure me or use our sons to gain a foothold over me. I’ll make this decision on my own and in my own time.”

  She heard another sigh before he said, “I guess I have no choice. But will you return to counseling with me?”

  Jill hesitated. “David, I think you need to continue seeing the counselor on your own so that you can better understand your actions and what motivates you. I’m in a process of looking very carefully at my own choices and actions. At this point, I’d rather not set an appointment for us to talk together with the counselor until I know why you behaved the way you did.”

  David was silent. “Very well,” he said crisply. “The ball is clearly in your court. Dr. Barry says I need to be patient with you. I guess I can try.”

  After the call, she continued to sit quietly on the sofa, reflecting on what was happening in her life. She now experienced the first gentle nudges of forward motion—a sense that even the feng shui class was happening for a reason. She realized that, in just the past few weeks, she had grown into a stronger person. Teaching a class, when she had always been so afraid of public speaking, was a giant leap forward. She was definitely becoming more assertive when it came to communication with David, and it seemed not only right, but easier than she might have thought. Whatever happened, communication in a relationship was crucial, and if she couldn’t communicate with David, how could she begin to rebuild trust?

  Fate may have dealt her a hard blow in the form of David’s betrayal. Yet she hoped she would be a good teacher for the nine students who wanted to learn about feng shui and how it could aid them in achieving their innermost desires. But Jill knew—even more than wanting to help these nine strangers resolve their challenges—that it was time to begin envisioning her own future, setting intentions for what she wanted most in life. Her desires had never wavered: a strong, loving relationship with a man, a happy family life, good health for herself and her loved ones, success in her life’s work, a good reputation, personally and professionally, and prosperity enough to feel secure and to allow her to be generous with those she loved. Now she planned to apply all the principles of feng shui that she had come to understand so well through her work to create the life she wanted, the life she now understood was entirely about her own needs, her own choices.

  “Let it begin,” she whispered, placing one hand over her heart.

  Chapter Eight

  Preparing to meet Denny MacBride on the job site the next morning, Jill selected a periwinkle-blue sheath dress with a hand-painted silk scarf and beige patent leather peep-toe pumps. Peering into the bathroom mirror, she carefully applied rosy matte lipstick and blotted it with a tissue. Then she donned pearl drop earrings and a slender silver bracelet with dark-blue sapphire stones that the twins had given her on her last birthday. The morning light caught the fire of the square-cut diamond wedding set on her left hand, and for a moment, her breath caught. She started to take off the rings but couldn’t bring herself to remove them yet.

  When Jill arrived at her clients’ sprawling home in Westport, she saw that Denny was already parked in the circular driveway, his truck windows open to let in the cool morning air. She heard the unmistakable sounds of a popular morning show on National Public Radio. He was busy dunking a teabag in a large steaming travel cup, but as she approached the car, he looked up.

  “Good mornin’,” he said with a smile that enhanced the laugh lines around his eyes.

  As she watched him step out of the truck, she took note of his gray dress slacks and blue pinstriped button-down shirt. He pulled an enormous leather briefcase from the passenger side. She wondered whether he had brought a change of work clothes.

  “I thought you said you were painting today,” Jill said, admiring his appearance.

  “I am.”

  “Aren’t you going to change clothes?”

  “No need to,” he said as he walked with her to the front porch. “These are walls, not ceilings. For ceilings, I dress down.” He grinned.

  Jill shrugged. If the man wanted to ruin his good clothing, that was his business. After visiting with the homeowners about the wall color, Denny returned to his truck and brought in a new can of paint. He opened his briefcase to select one of the expensive brushes lined up inside, pried off the lid of the paint can, and stirred the velvety contents. Then he dipped in his brush until it was saturated with paint and laid a fine, matte coat across one of the library walls. Jill was mesmerized at the fluid motion of his hand, which seemed to be one with the brush. Even with the smell of wet paint, she noticed the masculine scent of soap and spicy aftershave emanating from him as he moved near her. She watched as he finished the section with a flourish.

  “Thank you for suggesting this color. It’s perfect,” she said. Already, the wheels in her head were turning at the thought of using Denny as a color consultant.

  Having received the go-ahead on the color selection, Denny began painting in earnest with a roller. He had a large area of the wall covered within a few minutes. At this rate, he’d be finished with the library by early afternoon. Plastic sheeting covered the oak floors, but other than this standard precaution, Denny showed no concern about spills or drips. He apparently had no need for taping, either, as evidenced by his sure hand as he cut in around the woodwork. No wonder Tom had moved so quickly to hire him.

  But it was Denny’s confidence without arrogance that appealed to Jill. He had an effortless way with clients and had been able to gain the homeowners’ confidence in a matter of minutes. The man knew his business; there was little doubt about that. She also recognized that it was Denny’s competent manner and dry Scottish wit, coupled with his professionalism and remarkable skills that would turn clients into repeat customers. She preferred Denny’s manner over the firm’s other contract painters, who tended to bristle, particularly with more demanding clients.

  “I’m heading out now,” she told him. “I’ll check back with you later.” But her feet seemed to be glued to the floor as she watched him work.

  Her words caused him to pause in mid-brushstroke. As he turned to face her, something ancient and familiar inside Jill broke free. She stood silent before him, still not moving, until he broke the spell. “I’ll call when I’m finished with this room,” he said, tilting his head to study her expression.

  “Okay, thanks,” Jill answered and walked quickly to her car, breathing deeply to clear her head. What was it about this man that unsettled her so? For the rest of the day, she was shaken, unable to concentrate. She kept to herself as much as possible and barely spoke to anyone.

  “Earth to Jill. Come in, Jill,” Tom said, waving a hand in front of her f
ace as she stood at the copier. “Hey, are you okay?” he asked.

  “Just a little preoccupied. Nothing major,” she answered and drifted back to her office before he could ask for more details. She was beginning to feel that events of the past three weeks were somehow related—that David’s affair, their subsequent separation, and the meeting with Denny were inextricably linked. It was as if destiny had taken a strong hand in her life, catapulting her forward. In some unconscious way had she desired and compelled such radical change?’

  By the second week of class, Jill was more confident as she drove to campus. In fact, she almost looked forward to teaching. But when she entered the classroom at six thirty, the tension among her students was nearly palpable. At first no one spoke or made eye contact with her. After a few agonizing moments of silence, as she noticed the carefully averted eyes, Jill perched on the edge of the desk. “Is anything the matter?” she asked.

  Meredith was the first to speak up. “I think we’re all just realizing who you are, Jill. I didn’t make the connection last week that you’re married to David Hennessy. I hope this isn’t embarrassing or painful for you, but we can’t pretend forever that we don’t know who you are.”

  Jill’s face reddened. “It’s always better to get things out in the open,” she answered. “Difficult or not, it’s the truth. Better to clear the air.”

  “Are things okay for you?” Meredith continued gently. “I can’t imagine what you’ve been through the past several weeks.”

  “Everyone asks, but I’m not sure how to define ‘okay.’ I’m fine … today, at least. As for the day I learned what was going on and the past few weeks, well, that’s a whole other story. It’s one of the unfortunate realities of living with celebrities that when they stumble or fall, the whole world has front row seats. I used to think there was a veil of privacy over me, but I learned the hard way that isn’t the case.”

  She shrugged. “But enough about my unfortunate selection as heartbreak movie of the week; it’s good to be here with all of you. Tonight, I’d like to tell you about one of my favorite squares of the bagua, the one corresponding to health.” She rubbed her hands together eagerly and stood up. She was confident she could maintain a good flow of communication tonight. “All of us look great and appear to be in good health—aside from the occasional aches and pains of adulthood. Is that mostly true? Are all of the family members who live in our homes enjoying good health, I hope?”

  Joel cleared his throat. “My wife has breast cancer and is going through chemotherapy. Things have really been rough for her lately.”

  Jill’s heart sank. Joel looked dreadful tonight, his face a study in misery. Even his striking teal eyes were a less vibrant color. There was silence for a few moments before others turned to Joel, offering supportive comments.

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” Jill said, swallowing hard. “Now I understand why you’re interested in feng shui. Of course, you want your home to be conducive to your wife’s recovery. When someone is recovering, they deserve as much joy and as little stress as possible. That’s why it’s so important that whatever she sees each day is pleasant and brings her serenity and joy.”

  Joel nodded grimly. “We have a fifteen-month-old daughter. It’s tough enough on a baby to have her mom so sick, but she doesn’t understand why my wife is gone so much or why she doesn’t have the energy to play with her or pick her up.”

  Jill bit her lower lip as she considered how to respond. Then she had an idea. “Would it help if I provided you with an in-home consultation this week? Everyone gets one, but I think you need to be first.”

  “I’d really appreciate that,” Joel answered, raking his hands through his hair. “Even if I don’t completely understand feng shui, I’ll try anything if it helps Diana.”

  During their break at seven fifteen, Jill made arrangements with Joel to visit his home the next morning. There was little time to waste with Diana’s health situation, and she really wanted to help them. More than that, she wanted to do something concrete, and she had ultimate confidence in feng shui. By setting the intention to help Diana and using feng shui fixes, she believed that Joel would feel more hopeful, too.

  “Diana will be at the hospital getting her chemo, and she always feels lousy afterward,” Joel said. “It would be great to have something positive to tell her. Do I need to do anything to prepare for your visit?” He shifted from one foot to another, looking embarrassed. “I probably ought to clean the place, at least.”

  For the first time in a week, Jill felt strong and purposeful. “For now, just have faith in the process. We’ll create an environment of good health and serenity that will provide a strong foundation for Diana and support her journey toward good health.”

  “Thanks,” Joel said. He looked away, but Jill caught the anxiety that remained in his eyes.

  As the class returned to their seats, Jill went to the chalkboard. “Remember how I told you last week about the game Rock, Paper, Scissors? Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, and rock pounds scissors. Let’s review the five elements again: wood, metal, fire, earth, and water. When these elements are balanced in your home, all is well. We use the same elements either to prevent something from happening, to improve a situation, or to remedy something that isn’t so good.” She held up a pack of matches.

  “When there is a forest fire, trees burn. That’s destructive. However, the result is earth—dirt and ashes. That’s creative. Metals are mined from the earth—again, creative. A metal bucket or pipes hold and carry water. Water nourishes trees, and wood is a fuel used to light a fire. Those are the creative uses for these elements. More destructive examples are when fire melts metal, metal chops wood, wood uproots earth, earth blocks the flow of water, and water extinguishes fire.” She drew this cycle on the chalkboard. “All the elements are good; yet, they also can be destructive, depending on how we use them.”

  She held up a drawing of the nine-square bagua. “It’s important to understand this concept as you apply fixes in feng shui to areas of your home. Now let’s talk about the health area, which is found in the middle section of the bagua. This square is in the center of your home, balancing and touching all other areas. I think that’s because health is so central to our overall well-being. Now I want you to picture in your mind which area of your home corresponds to health.”

  Trish spoke up. “I bet the health area isn’t a good place for a toilet, either.” Everyone laughed.

  “We can work around this little toilet challenge, Trish,” Jill reassured her, joining in the laughter. “Let go of all your worries about toilets. You’ve got to have them somewhere. In fact, you may be relieved to learn that a bathroom is in the first floor health area of my home.”

  She drew a square on the chalkboard. “In my downstairs bathroom, I’ve created a sort of Santa Fe retreat for myself. Earthen materials are great in this area, so I thought it would be an ideal place to showcase my love of the Southwest. I have terra cotta tile floors, and the walls are painted a light adobe color. There is a yellow Native American sun symbol on the wall, and my accent colors for towels and rugs are in earthy colors—turquoise and greens. Since fire creates earth, I needed something red in that room, so I have a small pebble garden with a large red candle. It’s a bathroom, though, so there is definitely water in there from the sink, toilet, and shower. That’s a problem because we know that water douses fire.”

  “So how did you fix it?” Trish asked.

  “Very easily,” Jill said with a wink. “Metal comes from the earth, and metal creates and holds water. But in this case, the flow of good, represented by water, is being diminished. So just to be safe, I tied a fire symbol—a small strand of red yarn, which is a power color—around each outgoing pipe because, through my intention, that fixes the problem. Now the two elements are balanced with my intention. The most important thing is that the earthy elements are strategically and intentionally put there by me to enhance good health in my home. The only element I wou
ld want to actively avoid in the health area is wood, which uproots earth.”

  Joel had a quizzical look on his face. “We have a huge wooden staircase curving from the first floor to the second in our health area. That’s a problem, right?”

  “We’ll take care of that tomorrow,” she said. “Short of removing it, there are other options.”

  “I appreciate hearing that,” he said, and for the first time that evening Jill noticed a glimmer of hope and humor on his face.

  When class ended, Joel walked Jill to her car while they made final arrangements for the next day’s visit. “I don’t mean to seem negative, but I’m struggling to balance the science that I understand with what seems like play-acting,” he said as he held open the car door for her.

  “Feng shui tends to bring out interesting reactions from people until they figure out the fundamental concepts and how they work,” Jill agreed. “There’s no reason not to enjoy the creative process, and creativity is child-like, Joel. So, yes, feng shui can feel like play, and that’s a good thing.”

  “But I don’t want to be naïve about what could happen, when Diana’s doctor tells us to expect the best but prepare for the worst,” he said. “She’s still very ill, and the chemo hasn’t gotten the job done yet.”

  “Joel, do what the doctor says: expect the best. Believe that ancient Chinese wisdom has merit as you work with western medicine.”

  “Well, when you put it like that,” he said, “I guess there’s room for some hope.”

  “Look, I wouldn’t be teaching this class if I didn’t believe one hundred percent in feng shui. One of my most pessimistic design clients had large oak beams across her master bedroom ceiling. I took one look at the room and noticed immediately that one of those beams lined up over the bed, hitting her and her husband right about hip level. Not surprisingly, they were having difficulties conceiving. As part of redecorating for them, I suggested they simply reposition the bed to avoid that beam over their reproductive organs, and she was pregnant within a month. They now have two children, and she’s a believer.”