Designing Hearts

by Robin Strachan

  “I think that idea sounds divinely inspired. Please call us when you have time, and let us know how he’s doing.”

  “I will. Thanks, Mom.”

  By six o’clock, Tom was taken from recovery to his room. Jill waited outside while a nurse and the surgeon’s physician’s assistant settled him in his room. Finally she was allowed to enter.

  “Hey, you don’t look too bad,” she said as Tom turned his head toward her. “Your color is much better. Blue gray is not your best hue.”

  Tom grimaced and attempted to smile. He wasn’t able to move around much with so many tubes and wires in place, but he held out the free hand that wasn’t hooked to an intravenous line. She took it, warming it between hers. There were no words to describe the relief she felt at seeing him.

  “Jill, thanks for everything. You knew just what to do—the aspirin, I mean.”

  “I was so scared,” she said, tears welling up. “Don’t ever do that to me again. I mean it.”

  Tom smiled. “I’ll try not to.” He winced again.

  “We’ll all help you get healthy. No more fatty, greasy, salty foods, no matter how good they taste.”

  “I thought you were supposed to give me reasons to live.” He shifted slightly in the bed to face her. “Jill, I need to say something to you, and I want you to listen and not interrupt.”

  “Okay.” She settled on the edge of his bed, careful not to bump anything.

  “What happened between us … well, what I said was unfair,” he said. “I shouldn’t have been so selfish. You’ve got a lot going on in your life, and I added to your troubles. I’m sorry.”

  “Tom, this isn’t necessary.”

  “It is, Jill. I’ll feel better once I get it off my chest.” He smiled at his own unintended joke. “I care for you, and I always thought David was an idiot for not loving you the way you deserved. But I know what you mean when you say a relationship between us is risky. I wouldn’t want anything to come between us. Your friendship means too much to me.”

  “There’s no harm done, and anyway, I was flattered,” she said, blinking away tears. “All that matters is that you get better. We can have soup and salads for lunch and take a walk every day. It’ll be good for me, too.”

  She stood by his bed, watching the slow drip of the intravenous solution and watching the monitor that registered the steady thump of his heart, until his eyes began closing involuntarily.

  “I’ll be back tomorrow.” She kissed his forehead. “Don’t worry about anything at the office, either. We’ve pulled together a good team.”

  As Tom’s eyes closed again, she slipped silently from his room and decided to go straight home. Tom’s heart attack had shaken her to the core, and all she wanted was a hot bath to relieve her aching lower back muscles. When she arrived home, she slipped off her shoes and put her feet up on the coffee table for a moment while she read the day’s mail. Then she closed her eyes, resting her head against the back of the sofa until her cellphone rang.

  “Hello?” she said when she saw Denny’s name and number come up on the screen.

  “Hey, I just wanted to say hello. Are you, by any chance, thinking of stopping by first thing tomorrow on your way to work to see what’s been accomplished today?” Denny asked in a hopeful voice. “Our favorite client, Mona, was hoping to get your opinion on something. May I suggest that you not wait too long to see what she has in her mind, if ye know what I mean?”

  “I can make it late morning. There’s a lot going on.” She told him what had happened to Tom.

  “Man, I’m sorry to hear that. Please give him my best,” Denny said. “How are you holdin’ up?”

  “I’m more than a little shaken. Tom and I have been best friends since we were eighteen. I can’t believe what just happened to him. There’s something so surreal about having your friend keel over from a heart attack. It really brings the reality of middle age to your doorstep. He’ll be fine, according to his doctor, but we could have lost him today.”

  “Well, don’t worry about anything else, then. We can catch up later on the job site.”

  “Thanks. If you have some ideas for paint color to keep Mona from going too far over the edge, I’d appreciate it. I’ll call you tomorrow and let you know what time I can be there.”

  “No problem. I’ll handle Mona,” Denny said. “I’ll give her some color options and stall until you get here. See you tomorrow.”

  Jill ran water in the wide Jacuzzi tub and retreated fully into the comfort of her Santa Fe bathroom. She poured a glass of merlot, lit a jasmine candle, and undressed, stepping into the tub with a satisfied groan. Flipping the switch to start the motors, she reveled in the soothing hot blasts of water on her aching lower back muscles and reclined against the terrycloth bath cushion. Alone with her thoughts, she couldn’t help replaying in her mind what had happened to Tom and the fear she had experienced, not knowing if he would live. His words of apology in the hospital room had been comforting, too, and his courage in speaking them had set their friendship back on firm footing.

  She remembered back to the day four years ago when Tom’s wife, Janice, had died alone at home from a ruptured brain aneurysm. For over a year he had been inconsolable. Jill had grieved alongside him, for she and Janice were friends, too. Since Janice’s death, Tom had lived alone, spending most of his time working at the office or around his house. His only daughter, Meghan, who lived in San Diego, frequently asked him to consider moving there, but he had remained in Connecticut. For years, Jill believed it had been the business that kept him firmly rooted there. Now she wondered if Tom had remained in Connecticut to be close to her. It was an unsettling thought.

  Chapter Eighteen

  David called just after nine o’clock that evening as Jill was getting ready to crawl into bed. “Hey, I haven’t heard from you since Sunday evening,” he said without preamble. “I thought we might have a chance to talk again about, well, you know.”

  “I’m sorry,” she started to say, and stopped herself. She had no need to apologize for anything. It was her habit with David to begin most responses with an apology. “I’m afraid I’ve had other things on my mind today. Tom had a heart attack this afternoon.”

  David was silent, shocked, as Jill gave him the details. “He’ll be fine, but he’s got to make some serious lifestyle changes.”

  “I know we’re at an age where this stuff happens, but it still throws me when someone we’ve known for years has a life-threatening event,” David said.

  “It doesn’t seem like any time at all since we were in college,” Jill admitted. “But we are ‘at that age.’ I’m just grateful there were so many people around when it happened, and that he’s going to be okay.”

  “This is all the more reason to consider where we go from here,” David said. “We don’t know what twists and turns life will throw at us. We need to appreciate each day we have. It’s time to remember what brought us together.”

  She was silent, considering whether it might be possible that David had done some serious soul-searching. In time, could she really forgive him and forget the past? Could she learn to trust him again without waiting for the other shoe to drop? Would she ever get the image of David with another woman out of her head?

  “Honey, I want us to start over again,” David said. Let’s have dinner Saturday evening and get reacquainted. It can be just the two of us, just like the old days.”

  “Okay,” she said, vaguely considering the pros and cons. “I could come into the city.”

  She wanted to avoid the likelihood that David would insist on driving to Connecticut, which might result in him being too tired to drive home. The idea of making love with David was too painful to contemplate. She wanted to keep him at a safe distance until she figured out what to do next.

  “Why don’t you meet me at my apartment, and we can walk over to Anthony’s? You like that place,” David said. “We’ll have a nice dinner and see what happens after that. I’ll make reservations for se
ven fifteen.”

  Jill was fairly certain she had never been to Anthony’s, but chose not to comment. She also had a clear picture of what David intended to happen after dinner. She wasn’t sure that if things went well, she’d be able to resist his charms. Whatever happened next in their lives couldn’t be solved by sex. Of that she was quite sure.

  She paused for several seconds before answering, “Okay, I’ll see you around seven. But I’ll need to drive home, so let’s make it an early evening.”

  After lunch the next day, Jill met Denny at Dr. Mona Gagnon’s home in Greenwich. Mona, an attractive, vivacious flaxen-haired chiropractor with a lucrative practice, had decided to build another wing onto her home for a workout room and spa. To say that Mona’s vision was grandiose was putting it mildly. The project was estimated to cost $250,000, and constant add-ons were raising the price tag even higher.

  Jill’s heart jumped when she saw Denny standing by his truck in front of Mona’s home. Her chest thumped wildly at the sight of him as she brought her car to a stop in Mona’s wide driveway. She knew it was time to be honest with him about what was happening with David, but dreaded speaking the words. Stepping out of her car, she tried to smile and failed miserably.

  “Your face matches this cloudy mornin’, lass,” he observed. “Is everything okay with Tom?”

  “He’s fine. Thanks for asking. In fact, he should be released from the hospital on Sunday,” she said, steeling herself as he approached her. “Denny, I need to tell you something—not about Tom. I feel terrible that I waited until now, when I should have told you earlier this week.”

  “What’s the matter?” Denny’s expression was patient, his eyes kind. He looked worried, however.

  The words spilled out in a flood. “David unexpectedly showed up for dinner on Sunday evening. After the kids went home, he asked me to reconsider the divorce. I know I told you my marriage is over, and I still believe it is. It’s just so hard right now to figure out what’s best for everyone.” She pressed her fingers hard against her eyes. “We’re going into the final stages of the divorce, so it’s now or never.”

  “That’s a reasonable request, I’d say. You might have regrets, otherwise.”

  “Thank you for understanding. So much has happened so quickly.” Jill released the pressure of her fingers, causing wild colors to swirl across her field of vision. “I know it’s the right thing to do. I just wish I felt happier about it, or at least more hopeful.”

  “But it’s important to know for sure.”

  “I haven’t called my attorney to stop the divorce from moving forward.” Jill looked into Denny’s eyes, expecting conflict, but saw only acceptance. “I know I can’t go back to the way things were. Too much has happened. But I said I would have dinner with him this Saturday, which will give us a chance to talk. Maybe things will be clearer after that.”

  “And you need me to back off.” There was no bitterness in Denny’s voice. He shifted from one leg to the other.

  To Jill, the slight space he put between them was the same as if a wall had gone up. “Don’t say it like that. I’ve got to take these next few weeks to consider what’s best for everyone, not just me. It isn’t right for me to string you along and put your life on hold, too, while I figure out what comes next.”

  He was silent for a moment before clearing his throat. “Jill, you’re behaving as if it’s the end of the world. It’s no’ that bad. Do you honestly think I’m that shallow, that I wouldn’t understand? If my opinion matters, which it shouldn’t, I think you’re doing the right thing.” His face was full of compassion.

  She looked into his clear brown eyes as the moment lightened. “How can you be so understanding and rational about this?”

  Denny chuckled. “I knew the timing of meeting you wasn’t ideal,” he said, “and I’ve expected that I might need to hold back for a while. It’s okay. Do whatever your heart says to do,” he said quietly. “I’ll be here, if you still want me. If you choose David, we’ll still be the greatest of friends.”

  As she looked into his eyes, she saw that he meant what he said.

  Jill dressed carefully for dinner with David, selecting gray flannel slacks and a rose-colored cashmere twinset that brought out the natural color in her cheeks. She donned the amethyst pendant and earrings he had given her early in their marriage and then drove into Manhattan, arriving at his apartment a few minutes before seven o’clock. She thought that if he saw the jewelry he had given her, it might result in a deeper discussion between them. That pendant and earring set had been his housewarming gift to her. At the time, he had loved their big, new home.

  He answered the door in his bathrobe, giving her a quick peck on the lips. “Give me just a second to throw on some clothes,” he said as he towel-dried his hair. “I just went for a run in the park.”

  “No problem,” she said and plunked down on the sofa, picking up an Architectural Digest magazine and skimming through it quickly.

  The apartment was furnished with a woman’s touch, she decided immediately, noting the damask furniture, soft wool throws, tufted cushions on the sofa and chairs, and slightly kitschy accessories. There was a bookshelf filled with broadcasting journals, along with an impressive display of romance novels. She wondered about the identity of the woman who lived here. David had said he was subletting from a colleague.

  “You can come back here and talk to me,” he called out to her from the bedroom.

  Jill raised her eyebrows and picked up a food and wine magazine. “Take your time. I’ll pretend we’re back in college and I’m sitting here waiting for you. I never knew a man could take longer than a woman to get ready for a date.”

  She heard his quick laugh. “Oh, come on,” he retorted. “I wasn’t always late.”

  Yes, you were, she mouthed the words silently in an exaggerated fashion before commenting out loud, “You were fortunate that no one else in your fraternity cared about hygiene.”

  When he emerged about ten minutes later—record time for David—he looked as handsome as ever. Jill took in a quick, appreciative breath before reacting. “I guess you were worth the wait.”

  “Aren’t you the little smart aleck tonight?” he teased as he drew her to her feet and enveloped her in his arms.

  He smelled good, too. It had never taken much for Jill to respond to his attentions, but tonight, she preferred to keep a safe distance. Too many questions remained unanswered, and she wasn’t sure this evening was even a good idea.

  “I thought we had reservations for seven fifteen,” she said. “I don’t know about you, but I skipped lunch.”

  “Well, then, I guess we’d better get going.” He took her hand as they walked to Anthony’s, an elegant and expensive trattoria specializing in seafood and fresh pasta. As they walked, Jill decided to risk dampening the mood by asking the identity of the woman whose apartment David was subletting.

  “She has nice taste,” she said.

  “Who are we talking about?” he asked in a clipped, polite tone that told Jill he knew exactly what she wanted to know.

  “The woman whose apartment you’re subletting. I like what she’s done with the place.”

  “How do you know it’s a woman?” David’s eyes met hers.

  “Furniture style, romance novels, feminine design touches.” Jill shrugged. “No pool table in the dining room. No old couch with camouflage upholstery. No craft beer bottles as decoration.”

  David laughed out loud. “No guy I know would decorate like that. But yes, you’re very observant,” he said as they paused at a street corner for the crossing light. He kept his hand firmly on her elbow. “Her name is Andrea Colson. She’s on assignment in the UK, so I’m living there until she gets back.”

  Jill recognized the name of the correspondent, but could only vaguely recall seeing her on television. She wondered how well David knew Andrea, since she obviously was comfortable enough to sublet her apartment to him. They arrived at Anthony’s—a small, elegant restau
rant co-owned by two up-and-coming chefs who also happened to be married to each other.

  “Ah, Mr. Hennessy,” the maitre d’ said. “We’re happy to have you dining with us tonight. We’ve got your table in the back all ready for you. Good evening, Ma’am.” He smiled noncommittally in Jill’s direction and then averted his eyes discreetly. David obviously had been here before with other people.

  It was a reality of life with a celebrity that anonymity and privacy could never be guaranteed. She was reminded of this as they were ushered to their table in the rear of the restaurant behind a curtain. Other diners looked up as David passed, and there were whispered comments and curious stares in her direction.

  Jill sat down in the chair David held out for her before taking his own seat. He accepted the wine menu from the maitre d’ and flipped it open, studying it carefully. David prided himself on his knowledge of wines, a skill Jill had appreciated all these years.

  “I think a nice cabernet is in order, don’t you think?” he asked, glancing up at her and smiling.

  “Whatever you think,” she said out of habit, and then caught herself. She actually preferred cabernet sauvignon to other red wines, but was all too aware of her habit of acquiescing automatically to David’s wishes. This time she decided to let it go, thinking he might have suggested a cabernet because he remembered her preference for it. They ordered the house insalata prepared tableside as they chatted companionably about their jobs, Finn and Liam, and Missy’s pregnancy.

  “I’d like to give the kids nursery furniture for their big Christmas gift,” she told him. “Maybe you’ll go in on that with me.”

  “Let’s do it,” he agreed.

  “Brian and Liam could use a new desk for their office.”

  “Fine with me. I’m sure you know what they’d like—what would look good in their place.”

  It felt so natural to hear him respond this way. To her relief, the conversation flowed without much effort, and by the time their entrees arrived, Jill recognized that David was making more of an effort to engage her in conversation and to solicit her thoughts. Usually he listened passively, his attention elsewhere until she called him on it.