Designing Hearts

by Robin Strachan

  She told him about her feng shui class. “They’re such a great group of people. I can honestly say I’d choose any one of them for a friend.”

  “It surprises me that you’re teaching. You used to be so afraid of public speaking. Remember how you practiced over and over when you had to make a presentation in school until you’d memorized everything?”

  “I do remember.” She chuckled at the memory. “I was nervous the first two weeks of this class, but then I realized that I love talking about feng shui in design work, and the information just seems to flow. In fact, I’ve been thinking how nice it would be—don’t laugh—to have a television show about feng shui. Can you believe it’s me saying that?”

  David looked thoughtful. “Anything is possible, if you want it enough.”

  Jill smiled as their eyes met. “You should know, since you made all your dreams come true.”

  “How’s Tom?” David asked, changing the subject. “I can’t stop thinking about what happened this week.” He shuddered and took a gulp of wine.

  “He’s getting out of the hospital late tomorrow morning. I’m bringing him back to the house for a few days so I can keep an eye on him. He isn’t supposed to be alone, and he’s refusing home health care.”

  David raised his eyebrows, opened his mouth to speak, and stopped. His eyelid twitched—a sure sign that he was holding something back.

  “What?” Jill looked intently at David.

  “Nothing.”

  “What were you going to say?” Jill put down her salad fork.

  David chewed and swallowed. “One of your most endearing qualities is that you give a hundred percent of yourself, but you don’t always see the big picture.”

  “Which is?”

  “Tom has had a ‘thing’ for you as long as I’ve known him. Do you think having him stay at the house is such a good idea?”

  Jill quickly lost her appetite. She wasn’t about to tell David what had happened between her and Tom a few weeks earlier. Besides, since she and David were legally separated and in the process of divorcing, it was none of David’s business whether or not she allowed Tom to recover at her home, or for that matter, whether she and Tom carried on a torrid affair. For the sake of civility, she decided to keep her thoughts to herself.

  “The reality is that he can’t go home alone, David. He just had two stents put in. If you think we’re going to engage in wild, passionate sex, think again.” She laughed to soften her message.

  “He can’t like me very much these days,” David observed wryly, taking another sip of wine.

  “Well, you can certainly find out. He’ll be at the house for dinner tomorrow evening, if you’d care to join us.”

  David let out a long breath. “Jill, all I care about right now is getting our lives back on track as a married couple. I hope there won’t be other people with their own agendas who want to derail us. That’s all I’m saying.”

  Jill wondered what had happened to his earlier suggestion that they have a fun evening together and get reacquainted. If he was trying to win her heart, this was not the way. He was assuming they’d reconcile. He was even setting the terms.

  Indignation surged through her, but she contained herself, aware that the few other diners in their section seemed to be craning their heads to listen. “There are obviously people with strong opinions,” she said quietly. “We can’t insulate ourselves from everyone who has a thought about what happened. Those people who truly care about us will be in our lives supporting what is best for each of us.”

  As they finished the rest of their dinner, Jill realized that once again she was censoring herself. Just when she thought she couldn’t keep up the pretense any longer, the check came. As David paid the bill, she considered how best to tell him that she was not going back to the apartment.

  As they stood to leave, he took her arm. “Let’s walk a little,” he said. They covered several blocks within a few minutes, barely speaking except to comment on the aromas of New York City on a Saturday night—the smells of roasting meat, garlic, popcorn, and freshly ground coffee emanating from restaurants and storefronts. “It’s been too long since we did this kind of thing,” David observed. “We’re out of practice just hanging out together.”

  “It does seem like forever.” Jill thought for a moment and realized that it had been at least three years since the last time they’d spent a Saturday evening walking the streets of Manhattan. On the rare occasions they went out for dinner together, David insisted they stay in Connecticut.

  Rounding the corner, Jill noticed a sign for the gallery where Denny’s paintings were on exhibit. She kept her eyes focused ahead and quickened her step, but David slowed down to linger in front of several paintings arranged on brass easels. He studied them at length, commenting on the color and style.

  “This guy is good,” he said. “I’m no expert, but his water looks really wet.”

  “I’ve recommended this artist’s work to several clients. He also does specialty interior painting for us.” She pulled David along by the hand before he could make another comment.

  “Are you tired?” he asked after they covered another couple of blocks. “Would you like to head back to my place?”

  “I need to think about getting back to my car. It’s late.” Jill glanced at her watch.

  “You could spend the night.” He squeezed the back of her neck lightly, and she felt an involuntary shiver.

  David now had his arm possessively around her waist, his hand resting low on her back, in what she recognized as his customary proprietary hold. She knew he expected her to go along with the idea. To make matters worse, she still couldn’t get out of her mind the thought of him with Amber. The graphic mental image made her slightly ill. Again, she wondered what kind of relationship David had with Andrea that she allowed him to live in her apartment. But more than these troubling thoughts, it was Denny and their last kiss at his house that was foremost on her mind after seeing his paintings in the gallery window.

  “It’s not a good idea,” she said, and David’s eyes opened in surprise.

  When they reached her car, he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. “Jill, I love you,” he said. “I wish I could turn back the clock and make everything that happened go away.”

  “David, I will always love you for all the history we have and the fact that you and I made a family together,” she said, giving him a squeeze. She stepped back. “No matter what, you have to believe that.” She unlocked the car and got in. “I meant it when I said you should come by for dinner tomorrow night. That’s a good next step for the sake of everyone in our family.”

  David’s smile was noncommittal. “Sure,” he said.

  As she drove away from the curb, she caught sight of him in the rearview mirror. He looked drawn and uncertain, standing alone. There was a faint stirring in her heart—a fondness she knew could never be extinguished. But now in place of a deep connection, she felt little more than a vague sort of familiarity. More significantly, as she drove home to Connecticut, her thoughts were not on David.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Tom was released from the hospital late Sunday morning. He was embarrassed at so clearly needing the wheelchair the nurse brought to transport him from his room to the circle driveway. More concerning was his fragility. He was noticeably shaky as the nurse assisted him into Jill’s car.

  “I can do this myself,” he insisted in a subdued tone. Jill and the nurse exchanged glances.

  He was unusually quiet on the drive to his house to pack a small suitcase. While he went upstairs to pack, Jill cleaned out his refrigerator, grimacing at what passed for groceries in Tom’s mind: cheese brats, Danish, a few slices of congealed meat lovers’ pizza, and beer.

  “I’m sure I’ll be fine here at home,” Tom insisted again as he came into the kitchen. “I don’t want to be a bother.”

  “Tom, you are anything but a bother, and I have plenty of room. Let’s put it this way: you either stay with m
e, or your daughter will be on the first plane here. I will call her.”

  “Okay, you’re right. Meghan has a busy career. That would be tough on her.” He offered no further resistance.

  “Besides,” she added, “Saturday night is the annual Halloween party, and I could use your moral support.”

  “I’m surprised you’re still having the party, with everything that’s been happening.”

  “Tom, that party is tradition—not just because David and I gave it. It’s tradition because it brings the people I care most about together. That’s important to me now.”

  “Well, then, count on me as your bartender.”

  When they arrived at Jill’s home, she settled him into the downstairs guest room. “It won’t hurt you to chill out for a few days,” she said as she turned down the comforter and plumped the fat pillows. “Besides, you’ll be company for me. It’s too quiet around here these days.”

  “If we get on each other’s nerves, I’ll leave.”

  Jill laughed. “Tom, if we haven’t gotten on each other’s nerves in all these years of working together day in and day out, it’s not going to happen now. Besides, if I let you go home, you’ll find bad things to eat. I swear, my friend,” she said in her most threatening tone, “if you consume anything that isn’t heart-healthy and I find out about it, I’ll kick your ass.”

  “Just sticks and straw?”

  “Carrot and celery sticks and high-fiber cereal, yes,” she answered in a firm voice that allowed for no argument. “Nothing fried or high in sugar, Tom. I mean it. You’ll eat whole grains, vegetables, and fruit for dessert.” She patted his arm. “We have to get you well.”

  With his energy level at an unaccustomed low, Tom slept and caught up on his reading. By late afternoon, he sat at the kitchen island as Jill prepared dinner and set the table. “So you’re really letting him come home,” Tom said as he observed her setting a place for David at the head of the table.

  “I don’t know the answer to that, Tom. I want him to spend more time with Liam and Finn, no matter what. He’s still their dad.”

  “It’s not up to you to manage David’s relationship with his kids,” Tom pointed out. “If he wants to be close to them, he’ll have to make the effort on his own.”

  Jill had to acknowledge the truth in that statement. “In some ways, it would be easier if I let David come home. But to tell you the truth, it’s as if the door has been slammed shut and locked on that chapter of my life. I’m struggling to find the key to let him back in.”

  “For once in your life, don’t listen to the ‘shoulds’ or the ‘what ifs.’ If you make a decision because you think it’s in the best interests of anyone else, you’ll end up miserable,” Tom said. “A leopard can’t change his spots, and it seems to me you’ve earned the right to be happy.”

  “Dad will be here a little later, I guess,” Jill told Finn, Liam, and Missy as it neared six o’clock and there was still no sign of David. He had not responded to a phone call or text, either. A knowing glance passed between Liam and Finn. Jill was embarrassed, more for David than herself.

  She addressed the twins. “I want everyone to be on their best behavior. Tom doesn’t need more stress in his life right now.”

  “Then you shouldn’t have invited Dad,” Liam said.

  Brian flashed a look that silenced him. Missy and Finn joined Tom in the den in front of the evening news while Brian and Liam stayed in the kitchen with Jill. While she put the finishing touches on a pan of roasted salmon with lemon and fresh dill, Jill told them about Joni’s plan to have a death by chocolate party to bring the Weintraub family together.

  “It’s the Saturday after Thanksgiving, and you and Liam are invited since you know her mother, Brian.”

  Brian’s eyes lit up. “I wonder if Paget will let me play her piano.” He grinned and rubbed his hands together.

  “I wonder if Paget has any choice,” Liam teased. “I’ve never known you to pass a piano without an impromptu performance.”

  As she watched Brian pantomime stepping up to the plate and hitting a fly ball straight at Liam, Jill shook her head. “Joni is trying to bring harmony back to her family, and I’d like to help her,” she said. “Sometimes it takes the good intentions of several people to mend fences.” She hadn’t meant the remark as a reflection on what was happening with her own family, but the inference didn’t fall on deaf ears.

  “I know that’s what you’re trying to do with Dad,” Liam said. “I just don’t think he’s capable of that kind of change.”

  Jill gave him a pleading look. “No matter what has happened, I still have a long history with your dad and some good memories. He has asked me to reconsider, and I want no regrets later on.” She looked Liam straight in the eye. “Don’t turn your back on your father or you may end up with your own regrets.”

  Liam’s face turned stormy. “Unlike you, Mom, I have almost no fond memories,” he said, turning on his heel to leave the room.

  “Excuse me,” Jill said, exchanging looks with Brian as she left the kitchen, following Liam into the living room.

  He was sitting at the piano, plunking one key at a time, when she slid onto the bench beside him. “Hey, I realize that you’re upset, and I have a feeling that it’s as much about me as it is about your dad,” she said. “I know that you don’t want me to reconcile with him, and if I had to wager a bet, I’d say chances aren’t good. But he asked me to reconsider, and this is part of a healing process I need to move forward. I’m saying what I need to say to him now, whether he likes it or not.”

  “How’s that going?” he snorted.

  She ignored his sarcasm. “Not well. I won’t mince words. I doubt your dad and I can ever be happy together again. We’re very different people, and I won’t reconcile with him unless all of my concerns about his behavior—toward you, too, not just me—are addressed.”

  Liam turned to her. “I just don’t want you to be hurt again, Mom.” A lone tear dribbled down his cheek. She held him close to her, kissing away his tear, just as she had when he was a little boy.

  “Everything will work out as it should,” she said. “I promise you, Liam, that I will end this marriage if I’m not sure it’s what I want and what’s best for all of us.”

  “Okay,” he said in a barely audible voice. “I’m sorry for creating a scene with Tom here.”

  “Tom gets it. Don’t worry about that. Now let’s finish making dinner before the fish gets cold.”

  As they made their way back to the kitchen, their arms around each other, Jill thought again how much Liam was like his father—more than he would ever admit. He had a sensitive, stubborn nature that during high school and college often led him to retreat into moody silences. He was quick to carry a grudge and rarely apologized—very much like his father. She was thankful for Brian’s more mature, laid-back temperament—so much like Finn’s—and hoped that in time Liam would come around to a less angry point of view.

  “Jill, I’m sorry about Liam,” Brian said, squeezing her shoulder gently as she heaped salad onto plates. “He’s behaving badly tonight.”

  “He’s always been the one to chew on hurts and slights,” she said. “In this case, though, he’s got a misplaced sense that he’s trying to protect me.”

  As Jill finished preparing the main course and spooned vegetables into serving dishes, she began to feel disgusted. Where was David? Surely he wouldn’t miss this opportunity to show that he cared about family life. By six thirty, Jill knew that he would not be there and began serving.

  “How did dinner with David go last night?” Missy asked curiously, coming into the kitchen to help.

  “All things considered, I’d say it went better than expected,” she said. “It was a little tense at times, but overall, we had a nice meal. Then I drove home.”

  “But David still isn’t here for dinner tonight,” Missy pointed out, her small face serious and drawn.

  “No, he’s not.” Jill sighed.

&nbs
p; Shelly was waiting on her front porch when Jill arrived for her feng shui consultation. For the past week, Jill had dreaded this particular home visit, knowing that Shelly’s husband was being kept in the dark about Jill’s purpose in being there. When making feng shui fixes with positive intention, deception was never a good idea. Shelly looked nervous and was jumping from one foot to the other in her excitement. Jill’s anxiety increased as she viewed the exterior of the house, which had zero curb appeal. The house looked sterile. The irony of this thought wasn’t lost on her.

  “Joe got home early from work,” Shelly said in a whispered tone. “We’ll need to be careful what we say in front of him.”

  “I could come back another time.” Jill wanted nothing more than to leave.

  “Oh, no, you can’t go! I mean, I’ve looked forward to …. Please stay. I’ve been so excited about this, and Joe probably will be glued to the evening news.”

  Jill followed Shelly into the house, where she was introduced to Joe, Shelly’s husband of seven years. He didn’t look at all the way Jill had imagined him: a big, burly, loud man, overbearing in his mannerisms. Quite the opposite. Joe was of medium height, slightly built, his sandy hair already receding. He had a studious, almost mousy air about him. His eyes were the lightest shade of blue, yet cold and furtive. He resembled a rodent, she thought.

  “It’s nice to meet you,” he said in a soft, flat voice as he shook Jill’s hand. “Shelly certainly enjoys your interior design class—says she wants to make a few changes upstairs. I reminded her that she’s married to a working man, not some rich celebrity like you’re used to, Mrs. Hennessy.” His eyes bored into Jill’s, and she shivered.

  Jill cleared her throat, hoping her dislike of the man wasn’t written all over her face. “I’ll be glad to offer her some budget-friendly ideas.”