Designing Hearts

by Robin Strachan

  “I’ll be downstairs until you get dinner on the table,” Joe told Shelly, giving her a look that was nothing short of a direct order. Jill wondered what the consequences would be for Shelly if she displeased Joe.

  “I’ve got your favorite chicken casserole in the oven,” Shelly told him. “It’ll be about another hour until everything is ready. Jill and I will be done by then. Jill, can you stay for dinner?”

  “Oh, that’s nice of you, but I have a house guest this week. Maybe some other time.”

  Once they were on the upstairs stair landing, Shelly whispered, “Remember, he doesn’t know the class is about feng shui. I told him it was an introduction to interior design. If he knew the truth, he’d think it was evil.”

  Jill let out a soft laugh. “I still hear that occasionally. There are people who have the same beliefs about yoga and meditation. But fine, your secret is safe with me.”

  She followed Shelly into the creativity and children area upstairs, a guest bedroom Shelly planned to use as a nursery. It had medium blue walls, beige carpet, and cheap cream-colored drapes. A crucifix hung on the wall above the bed, which was covered in a white chenille spread. Other than the crucifix, there was no art on the walls. A round pillow in cream with The Lord’s Prayer in skillful needlepoint adorned the bed.

  “We need to look at the main floor area,” Jill reminded her. “It’s fine to feng shui the upstairs, but that’s the primary living space we need to enhance.”

  “I can’t make any changes downstairs,” Shelly said abruptly. “That’s Joe’s television area. He’d have a fit.”

  Jill’s eyes opened wide as she looked curiously at Shelly. This was way beyond controlling behavior, in her view. She wondered what would happen if Shelly asserted her wishes for the room’s décor. Surely, the man wouldn’t strike her.

  “He’s just opinionated,” Shelly said. “All the men in his family are like that. If I disagree, he gives me the silent treatment. If I argue with him, I always end up wishing I’d kept quiet. He’s the man of this house.”

  “Shelly, you’re a smart woman. You’re an office manager, right? You ought to be an equal partner in your relationship and in your own home.” Jill willed herself to stop talking as Shelly’s face turned stormy. “I know I have no right to tell you what I think, but what you want matters, too. Doesn’t it?”

  “I want a baby, and one way or another, I’ll have one. I don’t care what I have to do.”

  Jill’s stomach lurched. Fighting off an urge to tell Shelly exactly what she thought, she asked, “Do you have a support system, perhaps your minister?”

  Shelly snorted. “It’s useless to say anything to Reverend Don.” She drew out the name ‘Don’ with contempt. “He’s Joe’s older brother, and the entire family thinks it’s my fault we haven’t had a baby because I work outside the home.”

  Jill wanted to say something, but decided to let the comment go. She had wanted to sit down with Shelly the previous week and ask more personal questions, but there was something about the woman’s demeanor that stopped her. Despite the obvious issues with Shelly’s marriage, it was up to her to speak up to her husband or tell him what she expected. Jill knew this from personal experience.

  Shelly looked down at her own hands, turning them over. “My parents didn’t want me to marry Joe, so I just keep quiet. They don’t know everything that’s been happening.”

  “It’s a shame that your family isn’t able to be more supportive,” Jill said, placing her hands on Shelly’s thin shoulders and looking into her eyes. “Isn’t there anyone you can talk with?”

  Shelly was silent for a few moments before answering. “My sister, Jody, would understand. I don’t get to see her very much. Joe doesn’t want me to spend time with my family and friends, especially Jody. He can’t stand her because she divorced her husband a few years ago. Oh, and Jody doesn’t like Joe, either, and she lets him know it.”

  Closing the bedroom door so she wouldn’t be heard, Jill asked, “Would you and Joe really be that much happier if you had a child of your own?” She couldn’t imagine how that could be the case.

  “Oh, yes! A child would bring so much meaning to our relationship, and I think Joe would be nicer. He thinks women ought to be mothers.”

  Jill sighed. She no longer wanted to help Shelly enhance the creativity and children area of her home. Half-heartedly, she began her assessment of the room. “Metal is the power element for this area, and you’ve already got a brass daybed, so that’s a good start. The walls are blue, so I’d start with a soft yellow on these walls.”

  “Joe painted this room blue,” Shelly said. “He won’t like it if I change the color.”

  “Shelly, the fixes have to be made by you in order to work.” Jill shook her head and then decided to let it go. “Okay, then let’s strengthen the earth element in this room since earth is creative with metal. Find a round, terra cotta clay pot with some kind of yellow or white flowers. You could paint the pot yellow, too, which would get a stronger yellow element in here. There are some really cute daybed covers in yellow patchwork that would be pretty. Or at least put a yellow pillow on the bed.” Her voice trailed off. She wanted to suggest a white crib for the baby, but she kept quiet. She could hardly stand the thought of an infant in this home.

  Jill sat down on the bed, hoping to think of something else that would be helpful, but all she wanted to do was find a way to get through to Shelly. Perhaps she wasn’t the one to provide the help Shelly needed, but she would figure out who could. If Shelly was being abused, she needed help now. Jill couldn’t imagine how the situation could get better, given Joe’s personality.

  “How did you meet Joe, anyway? Was he like this from the first?”

  “We were introduced at church camp when I was in high school, and he was in college. He was my counselor. I’ve always been shy, and I had trouble making friends that summer. I didn’t fit in with the other kids, and I didn’t want to be there, either. He sort of took responsibility for making sure I wasn’t alone. After camp was over, he became my first boyfriend—my only boyfriend.” Shelly smiled grimly at the memory. “He had so much confidence. I felt special that he chose me. My family doesn’t like him much. When we got married, Joe said he didn’t enjoy being around them, so we only see them at Christmas.”

  Jill bit her tongue. “I wouldn’t know what to do if I weren’t so close to my parents.”

  Shelly looked down at the floor. “I’ve made my bed. Now I have to lie on it.”

  From an ethical standpoint, Jill knew that she was called to provide honest assistance, even though she believed strongly that feng shui fixes might not work in this case. The only positive to fixing the creativity and children area was that Shelly might decide she wanted more joy in her life with a man who could give her children, and eventually leave Joe. Perhaps the Women’s Help Center could get through to her in ways that Jill could not. She resolved to get the name and number of a counselor and give it to Shelly.

  Although Shelly’s situation was far more extreme than her own, Jill realized that she had bent to David’s wishes in much the way that Shelly did with her husband’s demands. Jill didn’t believe in coincidence—random events happening for no reason. Rather, she thought each life event brought new lessons to be learned and shared. Now that she understood better how injurious this kind of relationship could be—not just to the survival of a marriage, but to the individual’s self-esteem—she had a sense of destiny. She and Shelly had been brought together so that a lesson could be shared.

  Chapter Twenty

  Halloween week started out with heavy rain and strong winds. Jill was glad to have a reason to work from home as she served tea and toast with cinnamon and honey to Tom in front of the fireplace. Although he had been a courteous, undemanding patient the past two days, he insisted that he would feel less stressed if he could go into the office for just a few hours every day. Reluctantly, Jill agreed, but told him they would work a half-day and return home fo
r lunch so that he could have an afternoon nap. So far, it had worked out well, and Tom said he felt much better. He certainly looked better.

  As she reviewed costs for a new home project design that afternoon, she received a text from Denny. Mona has chosen new colors for the spa and exercise room in honor of the holiday. I hope black and orange are good colors in feng shui.

  Very funny; not budging until tomorrow, she texted back, but added an emoticon wink.

  That evening, while she and Tom ate dinner at the kitchen table, she nudged him with her foot. “Why don’t you come with me to feng shui class tomorrow night? You’ve never seen me in action, and the subject is prosperity. Who doesn’t love hearing how to make more money? Plus, you’ll get a kick out of my students.”

  “If you insist,” he said blandly, but looked interested nonetheless. “Can I do a short spiel about the company? Or maybe I could give them a pop quiz?”

  “Can you say, ‘This is Jill’s class’?” she asked, giving him a stern glance.

  “Sorry. I promise to be on my best behavior.”

  David called that evening as Jill did the dishes. “Answer that, will you?” she asked Tom. “My hands are wet.”

  She heard Tom say, “I’m doing much better, buddy. Thanks for asking. And you?” He listened for a moment before saying, “I’m giving you to Jill now.” There was no expression on Tom’s face as he handed her the phone.

  She took the phone into the laundry room and shut the door. “Hey, what happened to you last night?” she asked. “I expected you for dinner.”

  “I got hung up doing some reading,” he said, before launching into the reason for his call. “This Saturday I thought we could head over to Block Island,” he said. “We’ll stay at that little inn you like so much.”

  “It’s a lovely idea, but Tom is still here, and in case you’ve forgotten, it’s Halloween. I sent you an email invitation to the party, in case you haven’t seen it in your inbox yet.”

  There was silence on the other end of the line. “I didn’t think you’d want to have a party this year,” he said, “considering what’s been going on.”

  “The Halloween party is tradition,” she said. “I wish you had talked with me first.”

  “I wanted to surprise you.”

  “I appreciate that, but even so—”

  “Jill, I’m making an effort here.”

  “Are you? Sunday dinner was a chance for us to spend time together with our sons and daughter-in-law.”

  “Let’s not forget about Tom. He’s in the picture now, too. I guess I just didn’t feel like competing.”

  She paused and bit her upper lip before saying, “Tom is not your competition.”

  On Tuesday evening, Tom insisted on driving Jill to the community college. She knew he was restless, even though he had been to the office a few hours that day and the day before. He scooped the keys up off the kitchen counter before Jill could reach them.

  “I feel fine. I’m getting edgy from being cooped up so much.”

  Jill rolled her eyes. “First, you aren’t really supposed to be driving yet. Second, considering that we’ve been to the office two days in a row, I don’t think that qualifies as being cooped up.”

  Tom grinned. “Good thing you already fed me dinner. Otherwise, there’s no telling what kind of fast food I’d crave on the way over there.”

  Jill gave him a stern look. “I assume you have reasons to live.”

  When they got to the classroom, Jill was elated to see that all of her students were present. She especially was glad to see Joel back again. He stood up to greet her.

  “Hey, there,” she said, giving him a hug. “Glad to see you in class. This must mean Diana is doing better.”

  “Two of her best friends came over this evening to hang out with her.” He gave a casual shrug, but the delighted look on his face told her that everything was better than fine. “She said I should come back to class and see what else I can learn.”

  “That’s a good sign.” Jill made introductions all around. She suggested that Tom take a seat beside Trish.

  “Tonight, we’re going to discuss the prosperity square of the bagua,” Jill said. She pointed to the square in the upper left-hand side. “If you want more money circulating in your life, as well as an overall feeling of abundance and well-being, this is a very important square. Remember that abundance isn’t just about money, though. You can be wealthy and still not have happiness or health or loving relationships. All the areas work together. I feel prosperous because I have so many wonderful friends.”

  She pointed to the square and on the blackboard wrote a list of the colors best for this area in chalk. “I like to use purple, green, red, and gold in this corner because they’re power colors symbolic of wealth and energy.”

  “I get why you use green and red, but why purple?” Shelly asked.

  “Purple is the color of royalty. Kings and queens wore purple robes,” she said. “But it’s also a very spiritual color in any tradition. It’s our faith in something higher that allows us to believe in the flow of abundance. For that reason, I like to keep a huge amethyst geode in my prosperity area. The wall color in that area of my house is lavender—very subtle. I needed to use purple, since that room is a laundry area and I didn’t want to paint it green or red. Of course, I also have green plants hanging in the window. For the red element, I bought a red washer and dryer. To tie all the colors together, I found a Navaho cloth with purple, red, and green stripes that I draped across the top of the appliances. The whole effect is quite striking.”

  Trish raised her hand. “What about a red candle?”

  “Great question,” Jill said. “A symbol of fire isn’t a good idea in this area because it can symbolize that your resources are going up in flames. Water is the important element in this area because prosperity flows. However, if you’re using a fountain to symbolize the flow of resources, make sure to change the water regularly.”

  “I’m still worried that my prosperity area is located in my bathroom,” Trish said. “I could be flushing away all of my resources.” She and Tom exchanged shy smiles.

  “I’ll be seeing you later this week, Trish, and we’ll make sure we add enough positive elements to counteract any negatives from the toilet. You’re right, though. A toilet is definitely not good to have in the prosperity area because of the symbolic flushing-away aspect.”

  On break, Tom and Trish continued talking in the classroom. After a few minutes they left and walked down the hall toward the cafeteria, still engaged in animated conversation. Jill watched them as they walked together, stopping now and then to look at each other as they talked. She hoped that Tom was having a good time.

  “Trish has a new friend,” Kristen observed with a grin. “I hope he’s single and available.”

  “Very.” Jill watched as Tom and Trish turned a corner and disappeared out of sight. “He’s a widower. I’d love to see him settled down with someone as sweet and grounded as Trish.”

  After class, Jill reminded everyone about the Halloween party at her home that weekend. “Come in costume, if you want. You don’t need to bring anything, except your appetite. Our very own Meredith will be catering the festivities.”

  Meredith smiled, and her cheeks colored as the other students reacted to the news. “Thank you again, Jill,” she said. “I’ll make it a feast!”

  “Will you be there?” Tom asked Trish, whose eyes lit up in response to the question.

  “I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she said.

  By five thirty on Thursday, Jill was on her way to meet Trish at her apartment in an older section of town. Before leaving the house, she’d prepared a plate of steamed vegetables and broiled lemon tilapia for Tom to heat up for dinner, promising not to be late. She got the distinct impression that Tom wanted to tag along, but she needed Trish’s undivided attention as they applied fixes to her bathroom.

  “I won’t be late,” she promised. “Why don’t you call your d
aughter and let her know how you’re doing?”

  “I already did that,” he said. “She had some big news of her own: she’s pregnant, due in June.”

  “Tom, that’s fantastic!” Jill said. “Both of us are going to be grandparents next spring.”

  “The times, they are a changing,” Tom answered quietly. “A heart attack and now news of a grandchild make me realize that while I wasn’t paying attention, the next phase of my life began.”

  “That goes for both of us,” she said and watched as Tom’s eyes grew distant. As she got into her car, she wondered specifically which thoughts about his future were now going through Tom’s mind.

  Trish’s apartment was on the third floor of a rehabilitated motel badly in need of more renovation. Beige paint on steel beams and supports was peeling, the orange brick needed tuck-pointing, and the black metal railings were rusty and splashed with bird droppings. As she climbed the concrete steps to the third floor, Jill noticed cigarette butts and trash in corners. Strong, unpleasant cooking odors wafted into the air from apartments along the way. Her heart went out to Trish, who had taken great pride in her home before being forced out of it. This place was the pits. She rapped lightly on the door of 3-B.

  Trish answered promptly, a huge smile on her face. “Jill!” she exclaimed, enveloping her in a warm hug. “Please come in.”

  When Jill entered the apartment, she was struck by the imaginative style and creativity Trish had taken with what could have been a lackluster rental space. Although the walls were neutral and the carpet bland and threadbare in places, Trish had covered areas of the floor with attractive patterned rugs. Her furniture was tasteful and expensive, and she had added bright splashes of jewel-tone colors. There were lush, healthy plants arranged in decorative, hand-painted pots, whimsical hand-blown glass figurines, and tasteful paintings to enhance a space that otherwise would have been depressing.