Don't Try This at Home

by Ellee Hill

  “Mmmm, fuck,” Micah squealed into the crook of his arm. “More.”

  Jeesh, this guy was a fucking master. Micah would have never guessed a proclaimed straight guy could know so much about fingering another guy’s ass. Cole eased another finger inside him, and Micah saw stars twinkling in front of his eyes.

  More, more, more were the only sounds Micah’s mouth could make at the moment. He desperately needed Cole’s cock.

  “Are you ready?” Cole whispered.

  “Yes,” Micah whimpered, or he may have shouted it, because fuck, he needed it. He didn’t want gentle or sweet. Micah wanted to be pounded, punished for doing this to Jenna. But when Micah made a move to roll over on his stomach, Cole stopped him.

  “No, like this,” Cole whispered and kissed him. “Please. I want to see you.”

  When Cole said please, Micah may have swooned or, fuck, fallen in love with the guy. He swallowed and nodded, burying his face in Cole’s neck. Could this get any worse? Micah was not falling in love with Cole. He didn’t even know the guy. Just because he was a good fuck didn’t mean anything. Besides, he was screwing over his girlfriend by fucking her best friend. How good a guy could he be? Micah forgot all that stuff when he felt Cole’s hand settle on his hip and his dick nudge against his hole. Shit, this was really going to happen. A wave of guilt pounded over Micah, but it quickly receded when Cole pushed past the tight ring of muscle, entering him.

  “Holy shit,” Cole gasped and swooped in for a quick kiss before he slowly inched further in. Micah could barely stand it. Why wasn’t Cole slamming into him like a good straight boy? It was almost like Cole had done this before. Micah’s eyes snapped open, but he forgot what he was going to say when he saw Cole’s face. His eyes were closed, mouth wide open and panting, head thrown back and hair a delightful mess. It still looked longer than normal, but everything was blurry, so Micah couldn’t be sure of anything.

  “Tell me when I can move,” Cole said quietly.

  “Really?” What a stupid thing to say, but Micah was floored. Maybe Cole wasn’t exactly as straight as Jenna claimed. Well, that was a pretty brilliant thought, since Cole was buried balls-deep in Micah’s ass. Not exactly what a straight guy would normally do.

  “Move,” he heard himself say, and Cole followed his directions nicely, quickly settling into a lovely rhythm, but Micah needed more. “Harder.” The word came out as a long whine.

  Cole moved a little faster, but not enough. Micah wanted punishment, but instead he got a lovely, fluid motion where Cole’s cock nudged his prostate every time he slid out and back in. Micah turned into a blithering, drooling fool, panting and squealing until his balls were burning and his cock was dripping all over his stomach.

  “Are you close?” Cole panted.

  Micah made some sort of weird garbled noise and made a half-hearted attempt to grab his cock. Cole found it first, smearing the pre-come all over his shaft. Micah’s entire body tensed. He tried to bat Cole’s hand off his cock, but the heat and movement of Cole’s hand was enough to draw out his orgasm.

  “Fuck,” Micah gasped, and his dick pulsed, spraying come all over his chest like a garden hose.

  “Christ,” Cole grunted as his movements became jerky and out of sync. He shoved hard into Micah, gripping his calves and shouting one long string of curses when he came. Micah’s eyes fluttered and fell shut. This was it for him, his last happy moment. He was going to fall asleep with a smile on his face, because when tomorrow arrived, there would be no more smiles.

  “Micah?”

  Micah raised his hand and let his fingers roam over that fucking magical tattoo. “To sleep, perchance to dream,” he mumbled.

  Maybe this was all just a wonderful dream created by his imagination and fueled by all the liquor coursing through his body. He would wake up tomorrow, sadly alone, but with his life still intact. Cole would still be Jenna’s boyfriend and spend his days and nights torturing the fuck out of Micah, but it would be okay. Micah could fall back on this dream. Jenna would laugh when he told her he’d never met Chris. She would call him; he’d come to the house and turn out to be this gorgeous, funny guy who Micah would fall head over heels for.

  Yes, to sleep, perchance to dream. The room went black.

  MICAH was thirsty. He was pretty sure he’d eaten cat litter or carpet. His eyes were glued shut, and his teeth had moss growing on them. He also needed to take a piss, but he didn’t think his legs knew how to work anymore. If he wet his bed, Jenna would never let him live it down. And my God, he was hotter than hell, like someone had stuck a heater against his side and turned it on high.

  “Hmmmm.” Someone groaned and snuggled into his side. No wonder Micah was hot; there was a human body plastered against him. He turned his brain on and let it wander back to the events of last evening.

  “Oh Jesus, fuck, I’m a dead man,” Micah said. Maybe if he opened his eyes really fast, the dream would pop and reality would take over. Micah frowned and pried his eyes open. Sunlight filtered through the half-open blinds. It would have to be a nice day. It should be grey and gloomy, because murder was always better in the fog.

  “Hi,” Cole muttered into his pillow.

  “You can’t be here.”

  “Why?” Cole mumbled.

  Was this guy for real? Jenna was going to come shooting in here and murder them both before they could come up with an excuse for this. What the hell was this? Micah groaned and covered his head with his pillow. Maybe he would suffocate.

  And then Micah heard the click of his doorknob, and it sounded like a fucking cannon going off. Everything slowed down or sped up, because Micah had no idea how he even moved. But he did, because Cole ended up on the floor with all the blankets from his bed piled on top of him. Like Jenna wouldn’t notice a huge moaning lump next to his bed.

  The moment Jenna stepped into his bedroom, Micah forgot how to take in oxygen. His chest constricted, and his heart banged so hard against his ribs he thought it might break them apart. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t lie to her. She was his best friend, and he had betrayed her in the worst way.

  The lump of blankets moved and swore loudly. Jenna smirked and bit her lip. Micah knew she was holding in a giggle, but when she figured out who was under those blankets, she wouldn’t be fucking laughing. She’d be running to the kitchen to get the sharpest and largest knife to castrate him. Micah moved a hand to protect his penis, which was stupid, because not only would he lose his dick, he would also lose his hand now.

  “Hi,” Jenna said. “Did you have a nice night?”

  The lump moved again, and Micah saw a lock of brown hair poke out. Fuck. He dangled his leg over the edge and kicked the lump. He frantically searched for a way out of the room. He could barrel right through Jenna or jump out his window. He wouldn’t have time to open the window, so the glass would really cut him up, which would totally suck. He could crawl under the bed, but Jenna was strong and would just yank him out by his leg. Another option would be to run into his closet, but Jenna would wait him out. She was a patient girl when it came to exacting revenge. Panic was setting in, and he was starting to hyperventilate.

  “You don’t look well, darling,” Jenna said. “You probably need some food. Cole was gone when I woke up, so I’m assuming he went to get us all some breakfast.”

  Micah stared at her. His fucking heart hurt. Cole didn’t go get breakfast. Cole was on his floor, naked and covered with a pile of blankets. Micah suddenly realized he was naked and all his blankets were on the floor, which meant he was on display. Jenna snickered and tossed his boxers in his face.

  The lump moved again, and Micah felt the walls of his room closing in on him. His breath was coming in short gasps, making him dizzy. This whole thing had never felt like a good idea, but now it felt like the worst thing he had ever done.

  “Micah?” Jenna said.

  “I feel sick,” he mumbled at the same time Jenna’s phone rang in the other room.

  “Uh, I’m expe
cting a call from work. Will you be okay?” Jenna asked.

  Micah grunted. Jenna closed the door, and he flopped back on the bed just as Cole tossed the blankets off and sat up, staring at him with those stupid blue eyes.

  “What was that all about?” Cole asked.

  Micah’s stomach rolled. He leaped off the bed, racing down the hall to the bathroom so he could empty the contents of his stomach. What the fuck was he going to do? He knew he needed to man up and just tell Jenna. He should have left the blankets off Cole and let him deal with Jenna. What the hell was Cole going to tell her? He was supposed to be Jenna’s boyfriend. Maybe Micah could play the innocent bystander. As if that would work against Jenna. They were both dead men. Micah coughed again, resting his cheek on the cool porcelain of the toilet. Everything about this situation sucked.

  He stayed in the bathroom for another fifteen minutes. Taking a shower was tempting, but the roar of the water made his brain feel like it was going to burst out of his skull. He crept back to his bedroom, not knowing if he wanted Cole to be there or not.

  The door creaked open. His bed was a shambles but empty, so unless Cole was hiding in the closet, he was out roaming the halls. Micah let out a long breath and pulled on a pair of jeans. He spent a few minutes looking for a shirt, but when he spotted Cole’s blue shirt in a crumpled heap by his bed, he decided to leave his chest bare. He should probably dress in armor, but it would be a quicker death if he didn’t fight things. Being able to see the blood drain out of his body would also make Jenna happier.

  He limped down the hall, cringing with each step as the activities of last night became apparent. Usually, he enjoyed the ache associated with great sex, but not today. All it did today was make him feel like a total douchebag.

  When he walked into the kitchen, Jenna was talking on the phone, sitting on Cole’s lap.

  “Hi,” Cole said, nuzzling into Jenna’s neck until she was giggling and slapping at his hands. She apologized and hung up the phone, hissing in Cole’s ear.

  How the hell could Cole switch gears so quickly and be all over Jenna when he’d just spent the night all over Micah? He tried to back out of the kitchen unnoticed but bumped into the wall.

  “Hey, Micah. Get in here,” Jenna said. “I want to hear all the details.”

  Jenna kicked a chair toward him with her foot. He stumbled over his feet, grabbing for the chair, and quickly sat down.

  “Spill the details,” Jenna said.

  “Uh, details,” Micah choked out. He wasn’t about to offer her any stupid details. That was up to Cole, but Cole just kept trying to shove his hand up Jenna’s T-shirt and grab her boob. Jenna retaliated by shoving her hand up Cole’s shirt and twisting his nipple.

  “Ouch,” Cole shouted and pried her hand away from his chest. He lifted up his shirt and rubbed at his nipple. Where the hell was the tattoo that said This Above All ~ To Thine Own Self Be True? It had been there last night. He had touched it. Could it have been a temporary tattoo? That was just fucking stupid. Was last night real? Micah shifted in his seat and felt the dull ache in his ass. Someone had fucked him last night, but at the moment, he wasn’t sure who it had been.

  “What the hell is going on?” Micah shouted and stood up, almost knocking his chair over in the process. His hand flew to his mouth when he realized he spoke the words out loud.

  Both Cole and Jenna stared at him and then looked at each other.

  “You…” Micah stammered and pointed at Cole’s chest. “It was there last night.”

  “What was where last night?” Jenna and Cole both asked.

  Micah frowned and stared at Cole, who was shaking his head. “You’re strange.”

  “Me?” Micah was getting hysterical. How could Cole call him strange? He was the crazy one, sucking on Micah’s cock one moment and grabbing Jenna’s tits the next. “This whole thing is insane.”

  “What’s insane?” A voice came from behind him, and Micah froze. Arms slid around his waist, but he kept his eyes focused on Cole and Jenna, who were both grinning at him like he was a fucking idiot. What the hell was going on? He twisted around and came face to face with Cole—or someone who looked a hell of a lot like Cole.

  “Uh,” Micah stammered and felt the world go out from under his feet.

  His bed was cold and very hard. He groaned and heard Jenna exhale and press a kiss to his forehead. What the hell was Jenna doing in his bed, cradling his head in her hands?

  “Micah,” she said. “Are you okay?”

  She brushed his bangs away from his eyes, running her thumb across his cheekbone. All Micah could do was groan and roll over on his side.

  “Open your eyes,” Jenna coaxed. “You hit your head pretty hard.”

  Micah whimpered again when he figured out he was lying on the kitchen floor and tried to roll away from her touch. She was way too nice. He was just going to blurt out what happened, get it all out in the open, and move on from there. The pressure was killing him. He was seeing weird things, and if he didn’t tell Jenna, he was going to crack and she was going to have to ship him off to the crazy house.

  “Jenna,” Micah muttered and opened his eyes, meeting her stare. “I slept with….”

  “Shhh, darling,” she said, placing a finger over his lips. “It’s okay. I know.”

  “You know?” Micah shouted. He sat up so fast his head spun and he lost his balance, falling back. Gentle hands caught him before he crashed to the floor, holding him against a warm body. Cole peered around Jenna, resting his chin on her shoulder, and offered a genuine smile. Micah shivered and started to wonder how hard he hit his head. Maybe he was still drunk. He closed his eyes and leaned back into the embrace.

  “Let’s get you off the floor,” the voice whispered into his ear.

  Micah nodded, closed his eyes, and let himself be lifted and set into a chair. Jenna placed her hand on his, squeezing gently. “Open your eyes.”

  “No,” Micah said. “I’m still drunk. I’m seeing double. I need to go lie down or… fuck.”

  Jenna chuckled.

  “How can you laugh?” Micah asked.

  “I think you two need to have a little chat,” Jenna said, pointing at the guy who still had his arms tightly wrapped around Micah’s waist.

  Jenna grabbed Cole by the arm and ushered him out of the room. The guy released his hold on Micah and turned him around. Micah blinked. It was Cole, but it obviously wasn’t Cole. Fuck, he was never drinking so much again. It made his world turn over.

  “Who are you?” Micah asked, because he didn’t know what else to ask.

  The smile turned into a frown. “I thought you knew. Wait, you thought I was Cole?”

  “Well,” Micah sighed. “Maybe?” He sounded like an idiot.

  The guy stood up and frowned. “Was that the only reason you slept with me?”

  Oh fuck. Micah didn’t know how to answer that question. He hung his head. “That’s not a fair question. How the fuck was I supposed to know Cole had a twin? No one said anything to me.”

  “But Jenna told me you were interested in meeting me.”

  Micah huffed. “It seems she neglected to give me any details. All she told me was your name was Chris.”

  Chris folded his arms over his chest. “I’m confused.”

  Micah stared at the tattoo. “Fuck, you and me both. I thought I was losing my mind last night. Your shirts kept changing colors, and then that tattoo showed up on your chest.”

  “I think it would be best if we start over,” Chris said.

  “Oh, you mean like introduce ourselves and then go on a proper date,” Micah said. He rather liked where they’d ended up last night, but he could do a real date if necessary.

  “Let’s just skip the date and start with the good morning kiss,” Chris said.

  “I can do that too. I’m flexible,” Micah said. Chris leaned in and placed a kiss to the side of his mouth. Micah smiled.

  “Can I be relieved you aren’t Cole?”

  “Yes
,” Chris said. Micah smiled and deepened the kiss.

  Jenna cleared her throat. “I take it you straightened everything out?”

  “Mmm,” Chris and Micah said.

  “Oh, and Micah,” Jenna said. She gave his arm a quick pinch as she walked by to make sure he was paying attention.

  “Yeah,” he said, barely moving his mouth away from Chris’ lips.

  “If you value your balls, don’t ever look at my boyfriend again.”

  Micah gulped. “I can do that.” Chris smiled against his mouth and then shoved his tongue down his throat. Fuck, this was going to be good.

  When she’s not writing, TEEGAN LOY can be found at the movie theater, watching hockey, filling her iPod with music, or driving her daughter around town for various activities. Teegan likes to travel and hopes to keep writing stories about all the lovely boys who reside in her head.

  Twitter @drizzll

  Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/teegan.loy

  E-mail: teeganloy@gmail.com

  TYLER WANG HAS A BALL

  Kim Fielding

  HE was going to fucking kill Jordan Coelho.

  It’ll be fun! Jordan had said. Campy and fun. It’ll get you out of the city and out of your boring, single-guy rut. It’s a testicle festival, for Christ’s sake! How can you pass on that?

  Jordan was really hard to resist sometimes, when he quirked his pink lips and batted his long eyelashes and waggled his perfectly-shaped eyebrows. He wasn’t Tyler’s type, but he was still hard to resist. So Tyler had given in to Jordan’s cajoling, as he almost always did, and had agreed to meet his friend at the festival after Jordan was finished with some kind of Coelho family hoedown not far away. Tyler had traveled nearly two hours, deep into farm country—where people drove enormous pickup trucks adorned with Romney bumper stickers, where country music flowed through their open windows, where a church stood proudly on every corner. And where Jordan’s shiny blue Mini was nowhere in sight.