The Christmas He Loved Her

by Juliana Stone

  He took a moment and gathered his thoughts while his parents absorbed his words. When enough time had passed, he spoke softly.

  “I have another reason for not going to Texas. Lily called and Blake’s in a bad way. He was transferred to Boston last week and I promised her I’d be there for her.”

  “Oh God,” Marnie said, “her brother?”

  Jake nodded. “He’ll be lucky to survive the night.”

  He thought of Lily and the phone call he’d got this morning just after he walked outside the cottage into the cold Michigan morning. The scent of Raine was still in his nostrils and the feel of her was still on his skin.

  Damn, but it had been so easy being with her, loving her the way a man should love a woman, and Lord knows he wanted more. He wanted a hell of a lot more.

  But easy and Jake weren’t going to be friends anytime soon, and he knew deep down that until he dealt with his past, there was no future with Raine.

  He just didn’t know if he was man enough to do it. Even for her.

  Chapter 20

  Snow was falling, big fat flakes that melted almost as soon as they touched skin. Raine tugged her hat down a little more, and she wiped away a particularly large flake that teetered on the edge of her eyelash.

  She was parked downtown near the square, across from Mrs. Avery’s flower shop, where Mr. Avery and her son were trying their best to keep the sidewalk clean. The temperature was mild and the fluffy white stuff plentiful. It covered the ground, filling up the cleared spaces almost as fast as those hardy souls could get it shoveled.

  She took another step away from her parked car and paused. Definitely packing snow, every kid’s winter dream.

  It was nearly four in the afternoon, and evening was fast approaching. With only a few days until Christmas, downtown Crystal Lake was a hive of activity. She’d just come from the grocery store, having stocked up on a bunch of essentials: milk, eggs, bread, and chocolate—an entire bag of chocolate-covered almonds, to be exact. The cashier had raised an eyebrow, and Raine had given her a “don’t judge me” look before tossing in two bags of potato chips as well.

  With this one last stop under her belt, she’d hit the hardware store for some more Christmas lights and be on her way back home.

  Or rather, the place she’d been calling home, anyway.

  Her cell phone vibrated against her waist, and with her heart suddenly pounding, she tugged it from the pocket of her pea-green jacket. Was it Jake?

  He’d called several times over the last few days, but not to her cell—he’d left messages at her house, and since she hadn’t been staying there, she’d missed his call every time. The last message had been left two days ago, and he had told her that he was going to be home today, not sure what time, and that he missed her and needed to talk.

  Of course she had called him back, but both times his cell was off.

  God, she felt like an absolute shit.

  Marnie had filled her in on why he’d flown back to Boston—Lily’s brother had passed away. A lump formed at the back of her throat at the thought, and as much as she felt awful for the woman, she couldn’t help the thread of jealousy that ran through her. Jake cared enough about Lily to be there for something as awful as the death of her sibling, and yet—as much as she tried—she couldn’t forget that he hadn’t been there for Raine when she needed him the most.

  And it was unfair of her. He had no idea what she’d gone through, and Lord knows he was going through just as much, but still.

  But still, it would have been nice.

  She glanced at the number and sighed. It was her mother.

  Raine wandered over to the massive display of Christmas trees, searching for a balsam fir, or a Fraser, if there wasn’t one left. She supposed it wasn’t the most environmentally friendly thing to do, but for Raine, a fake tree didn’t signify Christmas. She had one at the carriage house, but this year it wouldn’t do.

  “Gloria,” she said as she cocked her head and studied several candidates. Picking a Christmas tree was tricky. It had to be right. The right shape and size.

  “Raine, where are you?”

  She leaned closer and inhaled deeply, a smile on her face when she stood back. The right Christmas tree also had to have the right smell. It needed to be sharp and fragrant. It needed to smell like Christmas.

  “I’m at Kris Kringle Trees, why?”

  She tried to keep the sharp tone from her voice, but it was hard. The woman had played at being an absentee parent for as long as she could remember, so now, having her here in Crystal Lake, butting in where she wasn’t exactly wanted, was hard to deal with.

  Though if she was honest, Raine would have to admit that Gloria Delgotto had managed to be a bit of a distraction this past week—even if Raine didn’t always appreciate it.

  “I’m just wondering if you’re still coming to the candlelight service at the church?”

  Friday. Christmas Eve.

  Four whole days away.

  “Uh, I don’t know. I might be busy.”

  I’ll take this one, she mouthed to the bored-looking teenager who was assisting the jovial Kris Kringle.

  “Seventy-five bucks,” the kid said, pushing his orange knit cap farther back on his head. His pinched nose was red from the cold, and the long hair that hung down to his neck was jet-black. He sported a nose ring and attitude that could fill the entire square.

  “Are you kidding me? That’s freaking robbery.”

  “Raine? Who are you talking to?” her mother asked.

  She ignored Gloria, her focus on the teen, who chewed a wad of gum as if it were the most precious thing in the world. The kid glanced toward his boss, but Kris Kringle was busy with another couple.

  “I’ll give you fifty bucks, and you’re going to tie this sucker to the top of my car, and I won’t tell the fat jolly man over there that you just tried to rip me off and pocket twenty-five bucks for yourself.”

  The kid scowled, muttered, “Whatever,” and went about securing the tree.

  “Raine, are you still there?”

  “Yeah, I’m still here. I’m trying to buy a damn Christmas tree, but I’m still here.”

  “Oh, do you need help setting it up?” The hopeful tone in her mother’s voice was too much. She needed to cut things off before Gloria got too comfortable.

  “No, I’m fine.”

  “I can come out to the house, I don’t mind.”

  “I’ve got this handled. It’s a Christmas tree.”

  Silence filled the phone, and for a moment Raine felt a tingle of something. Guilt, maybe?

  “Look, I just want to do this on my own. Okay? You don’t need to get all bent out of shape.”

  A sigh sounded in her ear. “All right. But please try to make it out to the candlelight service on Friday night.”

  Yeah, Raine thought. Like that’s going to happen. She hadn’t been inside a church since Jesse died and had no plans to start now.

  “Look, I gotta run.”

  “What are you doing Christmas Day?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I could make a turkey, or we could do ham, or—”

  Okay, she really needed to nip this in the bud.

  “Mom, it’s not going to happen. You need to stop pushing so hard. Have dinner with your church friends or your missionary buddies or whoever the hell you’ve spent every single freaking Christmas with for the last ten years. You can’t just expect us to bond and be like Gilmore Girls or something. That’s not the way life works.” She paused and inspected the tree, now hoisted and secured on top of her car. “It’s not the way I work.”

  “I’m not going anywhere, Raine. I’m here to stay.”

  “I’ve heard that before.”

  “But this time I mean it.”

  For a moment, Raine didn’t say anythin
g. What was there to say? She’d heard that line before too.

  “I have hope, because as much as you pretend not to care, you do. I know you do.”

  Raine rolled her eyes and frowned.

  “You just called me Mom, instead of Gloria.”

  She had nothing to say to that, so she remained silent.

  “I hope to see you Friday night, Raine, but if not…” Her mother’s voice wavered a bit, and dammit, hot tears suddenly sprang from the corner of Raine’s eyes. Angrily, she wiped them away and yanked on her car door.

  “If not,” her mother continued, “I wish you a merry Christmas and I hope that you find some kind of peace.”

  Raine sniffled. She blew out a long, hot breath. And then she pocketed her cell phone, carefully maneuvered her car out of its parking spot, and drove to the hardware store.

  She made it in and out in under an hour, her arms laden with purchases—new decorations for the tree and cottage. She also managed to get to her car without dropping anything, but once there, she stared down at the locked door and swore. Crap. Her keys were in her front pocket, but there was no way she could reach them without dropping her bags and—

  “Raine, what a surprise.”

  Marnie and Steven stopped a few inches away, hand in hand, warm smiles on their faces.

  “Oh my God, your timing is perfect. Can you help me out?”

  Steven grabbed her bags so that she could retrieve her keys, and once she had everything loaded inside, she turned to her in-laws.

  “Last-minute shopping?” she asked brightly, not asking the one question she really wanted to ask.

  What time is Jake coming home?

  “It’s so nice out tonight, we thought we’d walk to the park and see the light display. Do you want to come along? They’re serving hot apple cider and hot chocolate too,” Marnie said hopefully.

  “Oh, thanks for the invite, but I have a date with a tree and boxes and boxes of decorations.”

  Marnie glanced up at the large balsam on top of her small car and frowned. “I thought you had that lovely prelit tree.”

  “Oh, I did, but wanted the real deal this year.” Her in-laws had no clue that she had basically moved into the stone cottage at Wyndham, and for the moment she preferred to keep it that way. If they knew, it would lead to questions, and at the moment Raine wasn’t even sure what the answers to those questions would be.

  All she did know was that everything was finally starting to feel right. Wyndham felt right. Her new balsam fir felt right.

  Marnie took a step closer and cradled Raine’s cheeks between her gloved hands. “It’s so wonderful to see you out. You look lovely, honey.”

  Raine lowered her gaze and leaned into her mother-in-law’s touch. “I feel…I feel as if I’m waking up, you know, and…” She paused, unable to stop herself. “Have you heard from Jake?”

  Marnie gave her a quick kiss and smiled. “He called us from the airport. He and Lily will be home soon. As long as the roads are good, within the next few hours.”

  “Oh,” Raine replied, her heart sinking. “Lily’s spending Christmas with us?”

  “Jake invited her, and of course we couldn’t refuse. That poor girl, she needs us. She needs real family.” Marnie’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully. “I wonder if our original plan might still work.”

  “Plan?” Raine said dully.

  “Jake and Lily. He swears up and down that she’s just a friend but…I’m not sure I believe him.”

  “Marnie,” Steven said softly, “let the young ones work things out on their own.”

  She laughed. “I suppose I should keep my nose out of it. He is a big boy now.” She shrugged. “But it’s Christmas, and one never knows what kind of miracles can happen.”

  “One never knows,” Raine replied, moving toward her car. “All right, I’ll see the two of you Christmas Eve?”

  Marnie nodded. “Yes, we plan on attending candlelight service, and then we’ll be home by nine.”

  “Good, see you then.”

  Raine slipped into her car and watched Marnie and Steven meander down the sidewalk, holding hands, their bodies touching whenever they could—shoulders, elbows, cheeks.

  She couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like to have that kind of love. A love that grows with you. A love that is accepting and nurturing and forgiving.

  She thought of Jake, and that familiar heaviness twisted insider her chest. It was a sensation she’d grown accustomed to, one she’d had a lot over the last few days. She thought about their past and the secrets she’d kept from Jake. And for the first time in forever, it seemed, she thought about a future.

  And God help her, when she was alone, wrapped in the blanket they’d made love in only days ago—as she’d inhaled his scent and kept him close—she’d dreamed of a future with Jake.

  A car horn erupted into the night and pulled her from her thoughts, which was for the best. What was the point in wondering about a future with Jake, when Barbie doll was back in the picture?

  Twenty minutes later she pulled into the main driveway at Wyndham Place, which was in darkness, and followed it around to the cottage. Warm light flooded from the windows, and a feeling of lightness overcame her as she gazed at the simple stone structure.

  What was it about this place that made her feel so settled? So at peace?

  Her mother knew she’d been staying here and probably thought she was going through some sort of weird grieving stage, and who knows, maybe she was, but she didn’t care. At the moment all she cared about was that it felt right to be here. She would get the place up to muster and ready for Jake, and then she’d…well, then she would leave. It wasn’t as if this was a permanent sort of thing.

  “Whatever,” she muttered as she slipped from the car. She wouldn’t think about it now. She’d leave all that stuff for another day. At least she had tonight, and even if it meant she only had one more perfect evening here, then so be it. If this was to be her doll house to dress up, then she was going to make the most of it.

  It took nearly half an hour for Raine to empty her car of the groceries and decorations she’d bought. A new fridge and stove had been delivered a few days ago. At the time, she told herself she was doing it for Jake, making him a home to stay in while he worked on Wyndham Place.

  But that was a lie. She’d only been back to her house for clothes and a few essentials. She’d spent every night here, on the blanket by the fire, with Gibson for company. She’d cleaned the loft upstairs and had her old bed brought over from her mother’s. The main level was spotless—the floors gleamed, the walls shined—and now, as she placed a huge wooden nutcracker near the hearth, it was perfect.

  Gibson nipped at her toes, a bone in his mouth as he tried to get her to play fetch, but she was thinking of the tree.

  “How the hell am I going to get it in here without making a huge mess?”

  Gibson barked and she scratched him behind his ears, trudging back outside once more. She approached the car and decided the only way to get it done was to get it done.

  And so she did, totally unaware of the eyes that watched from the shadows. If she had been paying attention to the dog, she might have noticed that Gibson was sniffing around suspiciously. She might even have noticed a soft ssshhh. But as it was, Raine was much too focused on the tree. And after she cut the bindings and it fell over the side of the car, taking her out with it, she swore a mean streak, heaving the prickly balsam to the side as she scrambled to her feet.

  “Wow,” the male voice shot at her from the dark, and Raine froze. Her heart did that weird twisting thing and her stomach rolled.

  There go those damn butterflies again.

  “I haven’t heard you swear like that since the Pennyback wedding.” Jake strode into the light and she melted. Right there. Melted into a puddle of need.

  “The Penny
back wedding,” she managed to reply, her eyes hungrily taking him in.

  And then he was inches from her, his dark hair glistening from melted snowflakes, his handsome face half in shadow. He wore his leather jacket and a dark turtleneck, jeans, and boots. He was all male, all man, and her mouth went dry at the look in his eyes.

  “Yep.” He nodded. “The Pennyback wedding. Don’t you remember?”

  Vaguely.

  “Uh, sure.”

  “You were pissed because Paula Pennyback got married a week before you did, and she apparently stole your bridesmaid dresses or something stupid like that.”

  “Right.” She nodded slowly, flooded with the memory.

  She’d stormed out of the church, because as much as Raine wasn’t religious in any sense of the word, she could not swear in church. She’d barely made it outside when she let loose, and both Jake and Jesse had followed her out, watching in amazement as she marched up and down the sidewalk in front of St. Paul’s, cursing Paula Pennyback and every single member of her family, including her mother and her great-grandmother.

  For a moment she lost herself in Jake’s dark eyes, and then he reached for her, his hand wiping a snowflake from her cheek. She resisted the urge to lean into his touch and instead attempted a smile, but failed miserably.

  “What are you doing here, Raine?”

  A heartbeat passed. Then another.

  “I’m moving in.”

  Jake glanced at the house and then back to her, his dark eyes glistening, the look inside them intense. “Moving in,” he repeated slowly.

  “Yes,” she said softly and then nodded toward the Christmas tree. “You want to help?”

  Chapter 21

  They set the tree up just to the right of the fireplace. And it wasn’t the easiest thing to accomplish. Not with Gibson jumping and whining for Jake’s attention.

  Raine shook her head as she straightened and watched the puppy try his hardest to take Jake down. Gibson tugged on his jeans and nipped at his boots. He growled and tossed his bone. He licked Jake’s hands, his face, and then licked some more.