Exposed (Free Falling)

by Raven St. Pierre

  I only nodded in response.

  A few more guys flooded the room and shortly after that, Terrell had us line up. I was standing nearest to the door, waiting for the wedding coordinator to signal us to start when my phone went off in my pocket – Kira.

  It was a simple text that read, “I’m sorry and I love you. Make it up to you tonight…”

  A smile crossed my face as I tucked my cell away in my pocket again.

  “Ready?” The small woman in the hallway asked with a tight expression.

  *****

  All of the other guys had made it through the sanctuary doors while I stood by Terrell’s side trying to keep the ring bearer from fidgeting too much. Eventually I gave up when I realized he was moving around like crazy because he needed to use the bathroom. Pete, Terrell’s friend from high school, pranced down the aisle, making a big show of letting his female counterpart’s hand go when it was time for them to separate at the altar. The few people speculating from the pews laughed and I spotted Sam’s boyfriend sitting near the back alone.

  I zeroed in on him, wondering things I had no business wondering – how long they’d been together, what kind of guy he was, if he treats her well, how serious they are. Like I said, things I had no business wondering. It wasn’t until Terrell nudged me that I realized that the coordinator had been trying to get my attention. I met her persistent gaze as she motioned for me to come down from the altar to where she stood. Confused, I was on my way over to see what she wanted, only for her to hold up a hand for me to slow my pace some.

  What the…

  I made it to the center of the aisle with one arm bent behind my back like the feisty woman instructed and the doors of the church opened. My heart leapt to my throat, but I didn’t let it show as I stared at a very nervous, very shaken Sam. This wasn’t the plan.

  Sam

  One by one our line depleted and finally the girl before me stepped inside and the doors closed behind her. The coordinator’s assistant called me up to my mark, situated the plastic flowers that we practiced with in my hand, and then reminded me to smile. The next thing I know, the door creaked open and my heart sank to my stomach…and stayed there.

  A rush of emotion came over me all at once and I felt my legs trembling, threatening to give way beneath me. It was him, AJ, standing there waiting.

  Maisha said it wouldn’t be like this; I was supposed to be walking down the aisle alone.

  Clearly, either the plans had changed, or…we’d both been duped. I could feel my pulse thudding against my necklace and the assistant whispered and urgent, “GO!” She had no idea what she was asking me to do. The few onlookers who came to rehearsal, including Jason, slowly turned to stare as I stood there frozen in place. A.J. looked as surprised as I did. In that moment that our eyes locked, right after the shock wore off, I swear he smiled a little. Couldn’t have, though. He picked up on my apprehension and held his hand out, encouraging me to walk to him. Against my will, my feet began to move the rest of my body in his direction.

  As I approached him slowly, I couldn’t help but to, again, take in the changes he’d undergone. Those arms and shoulders were killing me. Staring, I sucked in a breath. He was always well-built, but now? His physique was obviously more defined, and I focused in on how the sleeves of the gray t-shirt that he wore hugged his solid biceps.

  Mmm mmm mmm…

  His face was the same, but there was an unfamiliar coldness in his eyes; however, something began to happen the closer I got to him – it was almost as if the ice surrounding his heart was beginning to melt. There we stood face to face, unable to run away, and I was expected to take his arm. His eyebrow shot up in a ‘well, here goes nothing’ sort of way as he turned to stand beside me.

  A current of electricity flowed all over me when my hand slipped slowly over the bare skin of his arm. I latched on and goose bumps seemed to cover every inch of my body. I did my best to play it cool as I followed his lead and we made the short walk toward the front of the church. Terrell was smiling like his bride was coming down the aisle as he stood there proud of the fine execution of his plan. This was a setup.

  From the corner of my eye, I watched AJ more than I watched where I was walking. It was so bizarre that he was beside me…touching me. Everything that I’d expected was void from his expression and body language now that our arms were locked. There was no anger, no bitterness, nothing but an intense charge that could’ve powered an entire city block. I tried to keep my expression blank so that Jason wouldn’t pick up on anything out of the ordinary.

  At the end of the aisle, the coordinator called out for us to stop briefly because that’s where the photographer would be taking a few shots of A.J. and I during the ceremony the next day. When given our next cue, A.J. continued to walk me to where the rest of the girls stood. He held on to my hand for a second longer than was necessary and I glanced back. My heart fluttered in my chest when I found him smiling to himself as he walked away to rejoin the guys, unaware that I’d noticed. Terrell was almost laughing aloud when A.J. passed by him. His, and maybe Maisha’s, plan was messy, but all I could do at this point was try not to smile.

  It wasn’t lost on me that the two of them felt torn when we broke up, feeling the sting of trying to compartmentalize their relationships with AJ and me for the sake of keeping the peace. For several months after I moved, Terrell made it his personal mission to mend the fence between AJ and me, hoping that one day we’d rekindle the white-hot flame that once burned between us back in the day. While I knew it wouldn’t get to that, maybe a friendship wasn’t as farfetched as I once thought. In the very least, his receptiveness made an apology on my part seem feasible.

  Next my eyes went to Jason to see if he’d noticed anything, but his nose was buried in his phone, letting me know that I was in the clear. Still, remembering that he was in the room sobered me up a bit, made the butterflies in my stomach settle back into their rightful place.

  I straightened my face and stared at the door as the flower girls entered the sanctuary. They smiled sweetly and pretended to drop petals onto the aisle, then came and stood in front of me just before the wedding march began. Per Maisha’s request, that part of the ceremony wouldn’t be rehearsed because she’d heard it was bad luck. So, with that, the coordinator instructed us on how we were to exit the sanctuary behind Terrell and Maisha the next day.

  “Meet here,” she said, pointing down to the spot where she stood between the two front pews. “Link up with your partner, wait until the couple in front of you is at that bow there in the middle, and then proceed straight out through the sanctuary doors and stand to the left so that you’re not crowding the foyer as the guests make their exit.”

  When she finished speaking, I glanced over at Terrell as he spoke, asking the woman for clarity on what his cue was to lead Maisha away from the altar at the end, but instead my eyes settled on AJ. He totally ignored the fact that anyone else was in the room as he stared in my direction. I wanted to look away, but couldn’t. Like, literally couldn’t! His eyes were so deep that I got lost in them just like I used to. Nervous, I chewed at my bottom lip, feeling a quivering breath leave my mouth when I did. We watched one another long enough that the coordinator snapped her fingers at us when it was time to exit. I was desperately trying to figure out what was going through AJ’s mind. This had to feel just as surreal to him as it did to me.

  Out in the foyer, we gazed at one another often, but said nothing. It was a relief when the coordinator made it out to address us. Hopefully we’d be dismissed and I could get out of there and away from these confusing feelings.

  “That was great! Just remember to smile tomorrow, and stop at the end of the aisle for a photo. If there aren’t any further questions, you’re all free to go,” she added with a smile.

  I breathed a sigh of relief and only had a few seconds to recover before Jason and the others who’d sat on the pews came out to join the bridal party. He caught me around my waist with his keys in han
d.

  “Ready? Or did you want to –“

  “We can go,” I cut in. I wouldn’t even look at AJ now, feeling the pressing need to distance myself. Being around him had me feeling a little off. I gave Jason an uneasy smile and he didn’t question me.

  I climbed into the car when he opened my door and sat in silence as we drove back to the hotel. Luckily, with the radio at a moderate volume, he didn’t pay my lack of conversation too much attention. My mind was reeling. Why didn’t it seem like AJ was mad at me like I thought he’d be? Like my conversations with Terrell and Deanna suggested? Did I misread their signs? Here I was thinking I’d be walking into the lion’s den, and AJ’s behavior and body language was anything but hostile. Dare I say there was a potential for us to actually be okay one day.

  Jason and I held hands as we walked to our room and he was still giving off that ‘can I get some?’ vibe, but I wasn’t exactly in the mood – as if I was ever in the mood, though. Let’s just say I wasn’t up for faking it tonight.

  “That went pretty smoothly. I don’t think I’ve been in a wedding where we didn’t have to go over everything at least twice.”

  My absentminded response tumbled out while I thought. “Yeah, I think that was a first for me too.” I kept an eye on Jason as he removed his shoes, belt, and watch.

  He crossed the room and disappeared inside the bathroom. While he was gone, I stepped out of my shorts, placing them over the back of the chair with the matching blazer. As I started unbuttoning my blouse, Jason reemerged and I could feel his eyes on me as I stood there in nothing covering my lower half except for my black panties.

  He cursed softly to himself as he gazed at my butt and I subdued an eye roll because I was sure he was watching my reflection in the mirror. Pressing his erection into my backside, I exhaled a sharp breath that he either missed or ignored.

  “Why don’t you let me get this?” He said, whispering against my neck after placing a kiss there. I reached behind me and ran my hand across the back of his neck.

  “I’m kinda tired, babe. Rain check, though?”

  Jason’s kisses persisted and I watched him undo the rest of the buttons on my blouse. “You won’t be tired for long,” was the response that he returned.

  Clearly there was no getting out of this.

  If I couldn’t stop it, the least I could do was make it quick. “Lemme get the lights,” I offered.

  Jason walked over to the bed and practically fell on top of it while pulling his pants down his thighs, kicking them off to the floor. Once it was dark, I unhooked my bra and tossed it. My panties followed.

  I crawled up the length of Jason’s body and straddled his waist. He was already panting and groping me as I accepted the sealed condom from his hand. Despite us having been together exclusively for two years, and aside from the fact that I’ve been on birth control since college, condoms were one of my many rules when it came to intimacy. Jason knew them all by heart and never complained openly about having to abide by them…although I was almost positive that he wanted to on occasion.

  Tossing the wrapper to the nightstand, I lifted my leg a little to ease him inside. Another steady stream of curse words left his mouth and I stared at the sliver of light on the headboard that filtered in past the closed curtain from the street lights outside the window. I stared at it and counted the minutes while I rode him, knowing that I would get absolutely no pleasure out of the act whatsoever. That wasn’t one of the rules – that was just a side effect of that infamous experience that had apparently changed the landscape of my sex life forever.

  The rules were: I had to be on top, condoms were a must because the idea of the skin on skin contact of making love without one freaked me out, and I reserved the right to stop no matter how far into the act we were. Aside from the fact that these restrictions made sex for me more of a chore than an escape, it made it hella boring and methodical. The element of surprise had completely been removed, but that was actually the whole point of having these rules in place, according to Dr. Gill.

  She assumed that I still bore quite a few emotional scars from Antonio – scars that heightened my anxiety when it came to sex. So, to quell the fear, I enacted boundaries that Jason and I never deviated from since the first time we’d had sex. Ever. For this reason I sometimes wondered if I’d never had an orgasm with him because I was bored, but deep down I knew that it was psychological. Either way, I was getting ready to fake it once more for the sake of not bruising his ego.

  I moaned and screamed like a pro, gripping and kneading his chest in my hands like I wasn’t in control of my limbs, grinding my hips into his pelvis. Thinking I was getting excited almost always made him cum, which was technically the reason why I put on such a good act. I wanted to get off of him, shower, and go to bed ASAP.

  He grunted and arched upward toward me a little when he climaxed, holding my waist tightly in his hands. The second I was sure he’d finished, I climbed off of him quickly and got to my feet. Jason slipped the condom down his length and disappeared in the bathroom to flush it down the toilet.

  “Want me to start the water for you?” He asked, knowing that showering immediately after was also part of the rigmarole.

  “Yeah, thanks,” I called out.

  Before he returned, I had on the white robe that the hotel provided and was slipping on a shower cap to keep my hair from getting wet and looking like hell for the wedding. When he passed by, Jason kissed my cheek and told me how good it was.

  Lies. But whatever.

  I closed the door to the bathroom and stepped inside the shower, letting the hot water roll down my back for a while before washing. Being intimate brought my issues to the forefront of my mind every time. Jason had no way of knowing this – because I’d never admit it – but that was precisely why I didn’t want him living with me. I could imagine it already. Every night I’d have anxiety about us sharing a bed. With him having his own quarters to retreat to at night, I had a little bit more control.

  I hated that I was so broken. More than that, I hated that Jason had to pay for it. Sometimes, I wondered why he even stayed. And then, as quickly as I’d ask the question, the answer would come to me – because he loved me.

  When I stepped back into the room, Jason was asleep and snoring heavily like I figured he’d be. I pulled on a pair of pajama shorts and an old t-shirt before slipping beneath the sheets. I eased in close to his naked body. If I could just have this, the body heat and Jason’s company without the sex, I’d move in with him in a heartbeat.

  Chapter Five

  Sam

  When morning came, Jason woke me with a kiss to the forehead.

  “I already went down and got us some food. It was like a zoo down there,” he added, referring to the crowd that must’ve gathered around the continental breakfast.

  With a smile, I accepted the plain bagel and two sausage links he’d managed to snag for me. “Thank you.”

  He sat on the edge of the bed beside me and sipped from the cup of coffee in his hand. I watched him and found myself thinking back to last night – how patient he’s been with me, how he doesn’t let my issues and hang-ups come between us.

  “You’re a good man, Jason Fenelus, you know that?”

  He turned his head to look at me with that same warmth in those beautiful eyes of his that stole my heart from day one. He leaned in to kiss me, tasting like cream and sugar.

  “Thanks, babe.”

  I nodded and held the side of his face, catching his lips once more before letting him back away. Jason was everything I could ask for – sexy, accomplished, loyal, giving, funny, kind, patient, and attentive. Sometimes I didn’t feel like a girl like me – a girl as flawed as me – deserved him. Yet and still, he stuck around through all of my ups and downs. When he caught me staring, he gave a thoughtful smile.

  “What you thinking?” He asked, sipping from his cup again.

  I shrugged and pulled the cover up my thighs to my hips. “About how much I love
you and how much it means that you came with me this weekend.”

  He shrugged like it was no big deal. “You’re my baby. Where else would I be?”

  I blushed and pulled a small piece off my bagel to eat.

  “I know you have a lot to do to get ready for the wedding, so I was thinking I’d get out of your hair for a while. Maybe take in a movie or hit the mall or something. What you think?”

  I nodded and then looked at the time – 9:02. I needed to be to the church by 3:00, which meant I should head out around 2:30. With another shower, hair, and makeup in my future, I could easily be at it from 11:00 until time to leave.

  “That’s cool. I have so much to do, I probably won’t even notice you’re gone,” I replied with a smile.

  “Ha-ha-ha…real cute. You know you’re gonna miss all this.” He leaned in and kissed me again. When he pitched his cup in the trash, he took his car keys and got ready to take off. “Need anything while I’m out?”

  I thought for a second. “Mmm…nope.”

  “Alright, well if you think of anything, just call. I have my phone on me.”

  “K,” I answered, watching Jason make his exit.

  The black-out curtains had our room looking like it was still nighttime. I climbed out of bed and pulled them back, scanning the lot from the sheer curtains that kept the outside world from being able to see in.

  With a sigh, I rested my hands on my hips and thought about the day ahead. I had a couple hours to kill so I thought I’d check out the gift shop down on the first floor. I could stand to spare thirty minutes and twenty bucks, so why not?

  I grabbed a pair of jeans from my bag and some flip flops. Pulling off the oversized t-shirt and exchanging it for a black tank top after putting on a bra. I ran a brush through my hair a few times and figured I looked good enough for the short journey downstairs.

  I rode the elevator down and followed the long hallway to the right where the sign for the shop protruded from the wall above the entrance – the flipping and flopping of my shoes echoing in the emptiness. The sound of my mother’s ringtone just as I stepped inside made me look down to feel my pockets for my phone. When I did, I wasn’t watching where I was going and ran smack-dab into a hard, wall-like chest. The arms that encircled me, keeping me from stumbling back, felt familiar before I even realized who they belonged to.