The Wild Heart

by Menon, David

  Ian and Mark were in the bath together. Ian leaned back between Mark’s open legs and groaned with pleasure as Mark gently massaged his shoulders with some baby oil.

  ‘ Ooh a man could get well used to being pampered like this’ said Ian.

  ‘ Your shoulders are all hard, big man. You had a bad day?’

  ‘ You could say that’ said Ian.

  ‘ Tell me about it?’

  ‘ I’m a man down’ said Ian, his eyes closed, revelling in his lover’s touch. ‘ Kevin rang in sick last Tuesday morning and the others were making noises today about having to work twice as hard without him. I don’t blame them. It’s a big job we’ve got on’.

  ‘ So what are you going to do?’ Mark asked.

  ‘ I’ll have to ring him tomorrow and see when he’s coming back and depending on what he says I might have to get a casual in to cover’.

  ‘ And you don’t like doing that?’

  ‘ Well no but … you see, it’s very unusual for Kevin to be sick. I’ve never known it before to tell you the truth and he’s been with me for ten years’.

  ‘ Everybody gets sick sometime’.

  ‘ They do but … no, not Kevin’.

  ‘ Do you think he might be swinging the leg?’

  ‘ No’ said Ian, although it had crossed his mind ‘ Well, I don’t know’.

  ‘ What?’

  ‘ Just something that’s nagging away at the back of my mind about Kevin. It’s probably nothing. It’s just that he’s been acting a bit odd lately’.

  ‘ How do you mean?’

  ‘ Like he had something to hide’.

  ‘ And he’s never let you down before?’

  ‘ No. I suppose there’s always a first time’.

  ‘ Do you think he might’ve run off with another woman? You know, making a clean break and all that. People do’

  ‘ Do they?’

  ‘ Well you read about it. They even think that some people who were missing after 9/11 actually survived but walked away so that they could get out of whatever situation their life was in at the time. They think they’ve gone off somewhere else and started again with a new identity’.

  Ian felt like somebody had walked over his grave. ‘ It takes a lot of guts to do that’.

  ‘ Hey? You sound like you know’.

  ‘ Me?’ said Ian, shaken by the realisation of just how close the conversation was getting. ‘ No, I was just … well you know, thinking aloud’.

  Natalie Patterson had been brought up to be a good girl. She was always polite to ladies and gentlemen. She never left the table before her plate was clean and she always asked if she could. She always got up from her seat to let an elderly person sit down on the bus. She always respected her elders and never gave her parents any cheek. She went to Sunday school and was a member of the school choir. She could’ve been a professional singer. Her music teacher said her voice had the sort of range he’d rarely heard before and he’d been desperate for her to develop her talent. But that wasn’t going to happen. Her Uncle put paid to that.

  She had three younger siblings, all boys. She was especially close to the eldest one, Jack, who was only a year younger than her. She missed him so much. He was at university in Birmingham and she rang him when she could because she couldn’t let him ring her. It wasn’t allowed. Jack had been the only one who’d believed her and was still the only one who did. That made him the only one in the world she could rely on.

  Natalie and her brothers grew up in North Down, the wealthiest part of Northern Ireland and known as being divided between the ‘haves’ and the ‘have-yachts’. Their father Richard was chief executive of the Belfast-based engineering firm that was not only one of the province’s biggest employers but was owned by his wife, Natalie’s mother Angela. It had been founded by Angela’s grandfather, passed through her father and inherited by Angela when her father died. Kerr Engineering had a solid reputation across the whole of Britain and Angela became the sole heir after her brother committed suicide a few years after Natalie had made sexual abuse allegations against him.

  When it started to happen she hadn’t known what to do. She ended up wanting to scream from the deepest place within her and when she couldn’t keep it in any longer she made her first mistake. She told her mother. Her mother had slapped her. She told her she was a liar. She told her she didn’t deserve anything good to happen to her ever again after what she’d said. Natalie had begged and pleaded for her mother to believe her but she wouldn’t. She appealed to her father but as with everything he took his wife’s side.

  She hadn’t seen either of her parents for a few years and was surprised to see her father standing there when she opened the door.

  ‘ What are you doing here?’

  ‘ I’ve come to talk, Natalie’ said Richard Patterson. ‘ I haven’t come to row’.

  The conciliatory tone of her father’s voice made Natalie stop for a moment and imagine that she could perhaps sit down and talk to him.

  ‘ Come in and say what you’ve got to say, Daddy’.

  She walked back into the flat and left the door open for him to come through. As soon as he was in the living room he waved the smoke from Natalie’s cigarette away with his arm and screwed up his face.

  ‘ Why do you poison yourself with those things?’

  ‘ Because I can and because you can’t stop me’ said Natalie, confidently. She took another drag and blew the smoke into the centre of the room where her father leaned back to avoid it as if it were a missile. It made Natalie laugh.

  ‘ What’s funny?’ asked Richard, sternly.

  ‘ You. I’d forgotten what a bloody joke you are’.

  ‘ Natalie’ said her father ‘ That’s no way to talk to me now, is it’.

  ‘ When you’re in my home I’ll talk to you how the hell I like and you’ll just have to deal with it’.

  Richard looked round and gave the flat the once over. He had to admit that his daughter kept the place clean and neat. She should do considering what it must’ve cost. The flat was in a new block on the quayside near Belfast harbour and was high enough up to give a view over to the hills of Antrim. But Richard wasn’t interested in the view.

  ‘ This place looks clean enough’ he said ‘ Smart even. It must’ve cost a bit’.

  ‘ Yeah, well’ said Natalie, looking down at her hands ‘ Shaun makes a lot. He’s independent of his father, making it on his own’.

  ‘ He’s not the only one making himself a stack of cash, is he Natalie?’ her father probed.

  ‘ Explain what you mean, Daddy’.

  ‘ You were seen dealing drugs outside the pub in the village, Natalie’ said Richard.

  ‘ Oh so that’s why you’re here. You don’t give a damn about me, you never have. You only get worried when things get a bit close to home. Did I spoil Mummy’s coffee morning? Has she lost her place in the parasite housewives club?’

  ‘ There’s no need for insolence against your mother, Natalie’.

  ‘ There’s no need for her to treat me like shit but she did’ said Natalie. She could feel herself getting emotional but was determined not to let her father see it. ‘You haven’t even asked me how I am since you got in here’.

  ‘ I don’t want it to be like this, Natalie’.

  ‘ Really? Well I didn’t want to suck my Uncle’s cock but I had to! But you didn’t believe me either, did you? And why not? Because if you challenge anything to do with her family it might tear up your meal ticket’.

  Richard stood up angrily ‘ Natalie, don’t you dare talk to me like that’.

  ‘ Why not? You didn’t protect me like you should’ve done’.

  Natalie was still consumed by all the anger, all the hurt, all the pain. Her Uncle had sexually abused her for years and her mother had known it was happening but had ignored it, choosing instead to accuse Natalie of lying. Her mother had let her suffer at the hands of a paedophile who’d taken away every last bit of self-respect she’d ever had.
And her father had backed her mother up. She resented them both.

  ‘ Natalie, please … ‘

  ‘ … he sent me to hell and you did nothing, you did nothing to help me and whatever I am today it’s because of him and it’s because of you! You should’ve listened to me, Daddy! You should’ve listened to me and stood up to her’. She stopped. She was out of breath. Her father touched her shoulder but she pushed him away. ‘ You should’ve listened to me, Daddy. You should’ve saved me from him and you should’ve saved me from her’.

  Friday was fish and chip day for Ian and the lads. They’d found a good one near to the site in Stretford that did chips just the way Ian liked them, thick and long, not dripping in fat. They all took their fish and chips back to the site and sat around eating whilst going over that weekend’s sport. United were playing a friendly against AC Milan and Colin, the site stud, said it presented him with a dilemma.

  ‘ Why does it?’ asked Ian.

  ‘ Well’ Colin began ‘ I’m seeing this bird from Yorkshire, right? Dead fit, curves in all the right places and not a bad shag’.

  ‘ And?’ Ronnie chirped in.

  ‘ Well the day of the match, Sunday, is the only time at the weekend she can get down and the match is live on sky sports so what do you do?’

  ‘ Record it?’ suggested Ian, feebly. He had to smile. Colin looked like he’d got the weight of the world on his shoulders.

  ‘ Can’t record sky on my telly, it won’t work for some reason’ said Colin. ‘ And I can’t have it on … you know, and concentrate on me bird’.

  The rest of them thought this was all hilarious. Marek offered to shag Colin’s bird for him so that he could watch the match but somehow Colin wasn’t too keen on the idea.

  ‘ I think you are the spoil sport’ Marek teased, his accented English sounding very funny when he came out with sayings like that.

  ‘ I think you’re right, Marek’ said Len, the foreman. ‘ He’s very much the spoil sport. Aren’t friends supposed to share stuff, Col?’

  Colin stuck two fingers up ‘ Yeah, yeah, you can all do one’.

  ‘ Well you won’t be doing one if the match is more important!’ said Ian.

  It was just after four when Ian finally got round to ringing Kevin at home to see if he’d be back next week. His wife Sandra answered.

  ‘ Sandra?’ said Ian.

  ‘ Yea, oh Hiya Ian. Sorry, I’ve just this minute walked in from picking the girls up from school. That’s why I sound all breathless. How are you?’

  ‘ Aye, fine, fine, thanks. Look Sandra, could I get a word with Kevin?’

  ‘ You’d have a job’.

  ‘ Why?’

  ‘ Well he isn’t here’

  ‘ Oh? Has he gone to the doctor’s? That’s why I was ringing. I wanted to know if he was going to be back at work next week’.

  ‘ Doctor’s? He’s not ill. Well not as far as I know but then why would he tell me? I’m only his wife’.

  Ian started to feel uncomfortable. ‘ Sandra, you’re not making sense, love. He rang in sick on Tuesday saying he had some kind of stomach bug’.

  There was silence at the other end.

  ‘ Sandra?’

  ‘ Yes, I’m still here. He told me you’d given him some time off’.

  ‘ You mean Kevin’s not sick?’

  ‘ I’m dropping my own husband in it but … he was in a right strange mood on Monday night after he’d been down to your yard to collect some stuff or other and he kept shouting at me and the girls when he got back. He kept looking at his watch and all, and his moby. He was acting strange, different. If it wasn’t Kevin I’d think he had another woman but he hasn’t got it in him. He tossed and turned all night and the next morning he looked like he’d seen a ghost’.

  Sandra’s story made Ian very nervous. ‘ Did you ask him what was wrong?’

  ‘ Of course not’ said Sandra ‘ I wasn’t interested. I just wanted him to stop acting evil with me and the girls’.

  A very typical Sandra answer, thought Ian. ‘ So what happened on Tuesday morning, Sandra?’

  ‘ He went off to work as usual. Or so I thought’.

  ‘ What do you mean?’ He didn’t want to get impatient with her but Jesus, she could drag it out so she could.

  Sandra sighed irritably ‘ He rang me from Manchester airport and said he was getting on a plane to Belfast. He said there was some sort of family emergency and that you’d given him time off to go and sort it’.

  ‘ What kind of family emergency?’

  ‘ How would I know? You know I don’t have anything to do with Kevin’s family over there’.

  Ian sucked in breath. She’d never met any of Kevin’s family ‘over there’ but had still decided she didn’t like them. And she’d never ‘let’ Kevin take their daughters to see his side of the family in Ireland. ‘ And when is he coming back, Sandra?’

  ‘ No idea, he didn’t say. I’m not altogether bothered to tell you the truth as long as the money keeps coming in but Ian, are you telling me he told you he was sick?’

  ‘ That’s right’ said Ian. He was furious with Kevin. ‘ Have you tried ringing him on his mobile?’

  ‘ Yes, a couple of times’.

  ‘ And?’

  ‘ Each time it’s been switched off’.

  ‘ I see. So why would he lie, Sandra? ’

  ‘ I don’t know but it isn’t my fault. Don’t blame me’.

  ‘ I’m not Sandra but I’ve got a business to run and Kevin has … well he’s left me in the lurch this week. Look, can you ring his Mum and Dad and ask them if they can get a message to him and ask him to ring me? I need to know what’s going on, Sandra’.

  When she rang back Sandra told Ian that according to Kevin’s Mum and Dad there was no family emergency and that Kevin wasn’t staying with any of his relatives. They didn’t even know he’d gone to Northern Ireland.

  ‘ Just answer me one question, Sandra. Has Kevin made a start on the guttering?’

  ‘ Guttering? He only did it last year’.

  Ian put down the phone and drove straight down to the yard and opened up. It was a mess. Everything was out of place and it didn’t take him long to see that certain items were missing. Pipes, nails, some disused glass bottles that Ian kept for storage, they were all gone. It was as if he’d taken the things himself and forgotten to account for them. But he hadn’t taken them himself and the last person to be there was Kevin.

  He scratched his head in disbelief. ‘ Jesus, Kevin!’ he exclaimed. ‘ If you fuck my life up now I’ll kill you!’

  Shaun Campbell knew that other men lusted after his girl. He was well used to it. But none of them would ever dare to cross the border of his territory. He’d nuke them if they did. Still they couldn’t help themselves. She gave them no choice.

  Natalie always had a happy valley thing going on. She didn’t possess a top that wasn’t made of lace and chiffon with two thin shoulder straps. Her breasts were more than ample and were like water behind a dam wall, always threatening to crash through. She wore her skirts so short she made the imagination pack up and go home. She knew how to use her legs to make men sweat. But she was Shaun’s girl and they had a fantastic sex life when Natalie wasn’t letting her head mangle the rest of her. She could be a moody cow.

  ‘ Do you want a drink?’ Natalie asked. They’d just returned from a meal at a new Spanish restaurant in the centre of Belfast.

  ‘ Yea’ said Shaun ‘ The usual, babe’.

  Natalie fixed herself a vodka and diet-coke and opened a beer for Shaun. They sat on the sofa and switched on the telly but there was nothing much on except for a mini-series starring Amanda Burton in which her character seemed to spend the entire ninety minutes walking around getting stroppy with people and looking down her nose at them whilst conveniently glossing over her own failings. Same actress, same character, different show, thought Natalie. Boring, boring, boring.

  Shaun started kissing her neck and she froze.
>
  ‘ Not tonight, babe’ she protested.

  ‘ Why not?’ Shaun asked as he slid his hand under her top and caressed her breast.

  ‘ Don’t, Shaun, please’. She tried to pull his hand away but she knew it was no good. It was a token gesture. His strength was no match for her.

  ‘ You know I can’t help myself, babe’ said Shaun. Christ, he hoped she wasn’t going into one again. He really wasn’t in the mood for that ‘ I want my beautiful girl’.

  ‘ No, Shaun, I said … ‘

  ‘ … you don’t make it easy for me, walking around dressed like that. I want you all the time but if all you’re doing it for is to tease me … ‘

  ‘ … no Shaun, it isn’t like that. It’s just … ‘

  ‘ … look, this is all wasting time. Go through to the bedroom and take your clothes off. Relax a bit and wait for me. I’ll finish my beer and when I come through I expect you to be ready’.

  Without saying anymore Natalie stood up, bit her lip, and did exactly as she’d been told. She got nothing from the act itself. It was just something she had to get through.

  Afterwards Shaun fell straight to sleep like he always did, leaving her to dream about the life she’d had before her Uncle had ripped it all away from her. The life of the little girl who liked to go to her bedroom with her records.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Graham drove up the hill to the cemetery that seemed to dominate the landscape for as far as the eye could see. He hadn’t been to this particular part of it for nearly twenty years.

  He turned left just inside the gates and walked further up the hill. He remembered the clump of trees that formed a natural boundary in the middle of the cemetery and they still looked ancient and proud. He remembered the chaos in his heart on the day of the funeral. He remembered that part of it more than any other.

  As his consciousness moved up through the years, he walked along the white gravel path. As he neared the place he was looking for he saw a woman tending the grave. She was dusting it down with a cloth and placing fresh flowers in the vase that was built into the headstone.

  DUNCAN ARTHUR LAURENCE

  BELOVED SON OF PATRICIA AND JAMES