The Wild Heart

by Menon, David

  LOVING BROTHER OF CLAIRE

  We shall always miss you.

  ‘ Can I help you?’ the woman asked when she saw Graham standing there.

  ‘ You don’t remember me do you, Mrs. Laurence?’

  ‘ Should I?’ asked Pat Laurence who stood up and wiped her hands on her jeans.

  ‘ I’m an old friend of your son Duncan’ said Graham ‘ Graham Armstrong? Remember me now?’

  Pat took a moment but then it all came back to her. She did remember Graham. He’d been at the house many times but that was all a very long time ago.

  ‘ I do remember’ she said ‘ But I doubt if Duncan will. I haven’t seen you at the grave before’.

  Graham knew he didn’t have any right to be but he couldn’t help but feel hurt at Pat’s reproachful tone. ‘ Sorry, Mrs. Laurence. I did always mean to come’.

  ‘ I’m sure you did’ said Pat, unconvinced. None of her son’s friends had visited his grave. She could never forgive them for that.

  ‘ How are you?’ Graham asked. She looked like someone who got by from day to day without too much thought. She was wearing a pair of jeans, trainers, and a white blouse that she hadn’t tucked in. She didn’t look scruffy exactly. She just didn’t look like she bothered with herself that much.

  ‘ Getting by. A mother doesn’t expect to bury her child’ she said, looking down at the grave of her son. ‘ It’s the wrong way round’.

  ‘ I understand they never found the other driver? The one who caused the accident?’

  ‘ No’ said Pat ‘ He got away Scot free and is probably still out there somewhere. They never let me see his body, you know? They said it was burned beyond recognition. He had to be identified by his dental records’. She broke down and began to cry. Graham placed his hand on her shoulder.

  ‘ It’s been twenty years, I know’ she blubbered ‘ But it doesn’t get any easier. There isn’t a day goes by without me thinking about him’.

  ‘ You wouldn’t be a mother if you didn’t’.

  ‘ I ache for my son, Graham. Even after all this time’.

  Graham wanted to tell Pat that the body lying in the grave wasn’t that of her son. He wanted to tell her that Duncan was alive and that he’d only played dead the last twenty years. But he couldn’t tell her. Not until he’d gone over to Manchester and checked it out for himself.

  ‘ I’ll leave you to it, Mrs. Laurence’ said Graham. ‘ I’ll be on my way’.

  ‘ Why did you come here today?’ she demanded.

  Graham hesitated. The look of hurt and pain in her eyes was killing him.

  ‘ I mean, why wait twenty years? You and Duncan were good mates and you’ve just wiped him off like he never existed at all’.

  Graham took a deep breath and then said ‘ It never seemed the right time, Mrs. Laurence’.

  ‘ Oh never seemed the right time’ she scoffed ‘ That’s what everybody says when they can’t be bothered’.

  ‘ It’s not like that, Mrs. Laurence. Really it isn’t. Duncan’s death had more of an impact on me that you’ll ever know’.

  ‘ I expect you’re married now’.

  ‘ Yes’.

  ‘ Children?’

  ‘ Three’.

  ‘ Aye, well’ said Pat ‘ My Duncan would’ve made a great father. His sister has two girls. They keep me going’.

  ‘ I’ve never forgotten about Duncan, Mrs. Laurence. Can you find it in your heart to believe that?’

  Pat looked into Graham’s eyes and said ‘ Yes, son. I think I can. I’m sorry about before’.

  ‘ There’s no need to be. I understand. Can I give you a lift anywhere?’

  ‘ No thanks’ she said ‘ I’ll be here a while longer yet and besides, I have my own car’.

  ‘ Are you still in the same house on Craigavon Road?’

  ‘ Yes, we never moved’.

  Ian pushed the team to their limits during the Sunday morning training session but it was less than a week to go before the deciding match of the season and everyone was feeling the tension. Even the owner of the club, local businessman and entrepreneur Mike Ratcliffe, had come down to watch Ian put the team through their paces. They knew they could do it. They could smell victory but there was still that match to get through next Saturday.

  Mark was staying for the weekend and when Ian got back he had a shower and changed into a pair of light brown shorts and a short-sleeved white cotton shirt before they headed out for lunch. They got down to Castlefield and found a pub by the canal. It was a hot day and the sun was blazing down. They sat outside, under the shadow of the viaduct that towered over the street, eating the special Sunday Roast lamb washed down with a bottle of Australian Shiraz. It was the perfect Sunday and after they’d finished their desserts of apple crumble and custard they strolled along the canalside, past all the old buildings that had been turned into swanky new flats, and before they knew it they were at the southern end of Manchester city centre. Mark stopped to pet a dog that had come up to him. The owners who were walking towards them called out that he wouldn’t bite and that he was just being friendly.

  ‘ I’d love a dog’ said Mark as he watched the black and white border collie continue his adventure sniffing the cracks in the pavement.

  ‘ What kind would you go for? One like that?’

  ‘ Possibly’ said Mark ‘ I’d really like an Alsatian though. They look so proud’.

  ‘ Fierce more like’.

  ‘ Is my big man saying he’s scared of a little dog?’

  ‘ Little dog? They’re like wolves’

  ‘ So now I know why you wouldn’t go near that one we saw outside the pub’.

  ‘ Too right’ said Ian. ‘ I mean, wouldn’t you prefer a dog with a nicer temperament like, say, a Labrador?’ He’d had a Labrador back home. She was called Sandy and he’d never forget the look on her face that morning he left his parents house for the last time.

  ‘ Only if it’s a black one. We could give it a really Irish name like … Guinness!’

  Ian laughed.‘ Guinness?’

  ‘ Yeah. Or what’s that other Irish beer? Murphy’.

  ‘ How about Bono and the Edge?’ Ian suggested. He’d always been a big U2 fan and had sung along to Sunday Bloody Sunday with the best of them.

  ‘ We’re going to have two then?’

  ‘ Why not? They’d be company for each other’.

  ‘ So when are we going to make these little additions to our family?’

  Ian turned and smiled enigmatically. ‘ Oh you know, one day’.

  They walked further up Deansgate and Mark couldn’t resist a stop at Waterstones where he made a beeline for his favourite section, the crime thrillers. He had everything by Val McDermid and decided to buy his favourite one of hers for Ian. It was called ' A Place of Execution' and he didn’t see Ian flinch at the title when he gave it to him.

  They came out of Waterstones and went into one of the bright coffee bars that had sprung up all over the city. They slumped themselves into two of the soft leather armchairs that were in the window and watched the world go by.

  ‘ I love Deansgate’ said Mark ‘ I’ve been to London, been to Oxford Street and liked that too but Deansgate does it for me. I love Manchester. I don’t think I could live anywhere else. It isn’t just a mini version of London anymore. It’s a proud city in its own right and look at it. Sunday afternoons used to be dead when I was little and now they’re so vibrant and full of life’. He turned to Ian ‘ Hello? Anybody in?’

  Ian licked his spoon dry of cappucino and looked into Mark’s eyes.

  ‘ Will you move in with me, Mark?’

  Mark was stunned. ‘ I beg your pardon?’

  ‘ I just don’t want you to go home’.

  ‘ I wasn’t expecting you to ask me that’.

  ‘ You think it’s a bad idea, I’ve gone over the top and made myself look desperate, I’m a complete idiot and … ‘

  ‘ … no, no, no, hang on’ said Mark, touching Ian’
s arm. ‘ I just wasn’t expecting you to ask me but yes, I will move in with you, Ian’.

  ‘ You will?’

  ‘ As soon as I’ve rented out the house’ said Mark ‘ Of course I’ll have to clear that with our Simon but he’ll be cool’.

  Ian smiled with relief that he hadn’t fucked things up with Mark. ‘ I told you I was unravelling and it’s been hard for me. I’m still unravelling but I don’t feel scared anymore. There’s a reason why’.

  ‘ And what is it?’

  ‘ You’ve given me the strength to let go of the past, Mark. It’s the past that you’re unravelling me from’.

  ‘ So is this the moment when you open up to me about your past?’

  Ian knew that Mark wasn’t stupid and that as time went on he’d be able to join up the dots for himself. He didn’t want to lie to Mark. He just didn’t want to tell him the whole truth yet. He couldn’t. He couldn’t give it all away yet.

  ‘ I’ll tell you about Kenny’ said Ian. He cleared his throat. ‘ Kenny was my first boyfriend back in Ireland. We got together when we were both sixteen and were together for two years. Neither of our families knew because being gay in Ulster back then was akin to being a terrorist, still is in certain communities. Anyway, it was a Saturday morning and Kenny wanted me to go into Belfast with him but I was knackered. I was an apprentice builder and only two weeks into the job and I wanted to stay in bed. Kenny was studying in the sixth form and had a place at Queens University in Belfast to read English. He was going to be a teacher and once he’d qualified we were going to move over here to the mainland and set up home together wherever Kenny could’ve got a job. I can take my trade anywhere and we knew that to up sticks and move was the only way that we could give ourselves a chance to be happy’.

  ‘ So what happened?’ Mark asked nervously.

  ‘ I told Kenny I’d see him later’ Ian went on. ‘ We’d planned to go to a pub that night that was gay friendly and where nobody asked any questions’. He swallowed hard. ‘ But I never saw him again because that was the day the IRA decided to bomb the main shopping street in Belfast. Kenny was in the actual shop where the bomb went off. They say he wouldn’t have known anything’.

  Mark’s heart broke for Ian. ‘ Ian, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry’.

  ‘ It was a long time ago’ said Ian. ‘ But it’s kept a hold on my life ever since’.

  ‘ And that’s why you couldn’t get involved with anyone’.

  ‘ I couldn’t let him go’ said Ian ‘ That is, not until now’.

  Natalie hadn’t been to the offices of the company where her father worked for years but it hadn’t changed much. It was still a two-storey square building from the seventies with the same high security wall all around it.

  ‘ Who is it you’re here to see?’ asked the guard at the gate.

  ‘ My father Richard Patterson’ Natalie answered ‘ He’s expecting me’.

  The guard, who was in his early fifties and had a build that made him look like he ate all his dinners, smiled as he looked her up and down like most men did. He should keep his filthy eyes to himself.

  ‘ Hello, Natalie’ said her father from his office door ‘ Come in, will you’. He stood back to let her through and said to his secretary ‘ No calls, Jane’.

  There was a large desk in Richard’s office but he led Natalie to the two lounge chairs where he held his more informal meetings. He sat down in one and Natalie took the other. She looked uncomfortable. She’d yet to look him in the eye. She was dressed up to the nines but she was his little girl and she looked so fragile and wanton.

  ‘ I’m so glad you came’ said Richard ‘ I wasn’t sure you would’.

  ‘ When you called I didn’t know what to do’ said Natalie ‘ I didn’t know if there was much point’.

  ‘ Natalie, I believe what you say about your Uncle Brian’.

  ‘ Have you always believed me?’

  ‘ Yes’ he said ‘ Yes, I have’.

  ‘ Then why didn’t you help me, Daddy?’

  She broke down and sobbed. It wasn’t loud, hysterical wailing. It was quieter and much more powerful than that and it broke her father’s heart. He threw his arms round her but she froze to his touch.

  ‘ Oh Natalie, Natalie. Can you ever forgive me?’

  ‘ Why didn’t you stick up for me at the time, Daddy?’

  ‘ I know I should’ve done, sweetheart. I know’.

  ‘ She wouldn’t let you, would she?’

  ‘ No’ he admitted ‘ No she wouldn’t’.

  ‘ Daddy, you’ve got to stand up to her. Look at me. I’m a bloody mess and it’s due to her and her precious brother’.

  ‘ And what about you, Natalie?’

  ‘ What about me?’

  ‘ When are you going to stand up to that boyfriend of yours?’

  ‘ I’m pregnant, Daddy’ Natalie announced.

  ‘ What?’

  ‘ I’m pregnant, Daddy. I’m going to have Shaun’s baby’.

  Ian switched on the radio in the van just in time to hear the local morning news.

  ‘ … P.C Stuart Wheeler who was attacked whilst on duty in the Ordsall district of Salford last Monday night died of his injuries in hospital earlier today. He’d never recovered from the coma he’d been found in and police are now launching a hunt for his murderer …’

  He indicated and pulled over to sit for a minute and think. Something was telling him that Kevin had something to do with this. He had no proof but he could sniff it in the air from a mile off. Kevin had gone AWOL the morning after a policeman was attacked just outside the yard where he’d been. The smell of shit rises far when it’s fresh.

  But how was Kevin involved? And why was Kevin involved? Trying to work that out was making him very nervous indeed.

  .

  CHAPTER NINE

  The next day Ian was commanded to another meeting with Alice in a car park. This time it was down on the southern fringes of the city centre, in the shadow of the new Hilton hotel which to Alice looked like a giant credit card sticking up on its side. It dominated the city skyline and could be seen for miles around. She’d seen it in the distance when she was driving up the M6. It couldn’t be missed.

  ‘ Kevin Matheson murdered that policeman, didn’t he’ said Ian.

  ‘ Yes’ Alice confirmed. ‘ He’s been working for Derek Campbell’.

  Ian slammed the dashboard with his fist. ‘ Shit! I knew it. Does that mean Campbell knows who I am and where I am?’

  ‘ Yes to both’.

  ‘ Fuck’s sake!’

  ‘ Stay calm, Ian. You can’t start losing it now’.

  ‘ So how did Kevin get involved with Campbell?’

  ‘ When he’s in Northern Ireland he drinks at the same pub as Freddie Burnside. Kevin got in with him and ended up showing him pictures of his kids. You were on one of them and Freddie recognised you straight away. He leaned on Kevin, promising him a piece of the big time if he co-operated. You know this Kevin better than I do but he seems like a bit of a halfwit who allowed himself to be seduced by men who saw him coming’.

  ‘ Stupid fucking idiot!’

  ‘ Then Freddie told Derek as soon as he came out of prison and introduced him to Kevin who was already at work for him’.

  ‘ Does Kevin know about me?’

  ‘ He knows that you’re known as the Judas but he doesn’t know why’.

  ‘ And where is he now?’

  ‘ Hiding in a house provided by Burnside and Campbell’.

  ‘ And you’re going for him?’

  ‘ Once we find out where the house is, yes’.

  ‘ And what else?’

  ‘ Campbell has made contact with a far-right group who’ve been involved in torching Asian-owned businesses around the northwest. We’ve known for a long time that there’ve been links between loyalist paramilitary groups in Northern Ireland and far-right groups here on the mainland and we’re hoping to pull them all in at the same time. When Freddie
Burnside found out about you he sent the group to take some pictures just to confirm that it was you’.

  Ian wished he could close his eyes and turn into somebody else. Just when he thought his life might be getting simpler it just got a whole lot more complicated.

  ‘ So was Kevin stealing stuff from me to make bombs with?’

  ‘ Looks that way’ said Alice ‘ Campbell wants to use the far-right group to plant the bombs for him in the hope that it will trick the IRA back into the armed struggle’.

  ‘ But somebody more powerful than him must be pulling his strings? He can’t just have walked out of prison and straight into all this on his own?’

  ‘ We’ve had our suspicions for some time about Peter Irvine, the unionist MP and his links with a woman called Angela Patterson. She used to be Angela Kerr?’

  ‘ Well, well, well, that’s a bolt from the past. Angela Kerr. I knew her a long time ago’.

  ‘ I know. Well we think she’s bankrolling the whole scheme and that she and Irvine are using Campbell to carry it out’.

  ‘ And finding me has given them a nice wee bonus’.

  ‘ We want you to eliminate Campbell, Ian. He’ll get to you and when he does we want you to deal with him’.

  ‘ And after that?’

  ‘ Just this one last mission, Ian, and then you’ll be free. I promise you that’.

  ‘ I’ve asked my lover to move in with me’.

  Alice couldn’t believe how naïve and stupid Ian was being. ‘ You’ve done what?’

  ‘ I’ve asked my lover to move in with me’ Ian repeated.

  ‘ Well you’ll just have to tell him you’ve changed your mind’.

  ‘ No way. He’s moving in with me and that’s final’.

  ‘ But Campbell could use him to get to you! Are you out of your mind?’

  Ian wouldn’t hear a bar of Alice’s objections. ‘ Look, after what you’ve told me today I’ve got a better chance of protecting him if he’s at my place than if he stays at his own’.

  Alice was exasperated with Ian and couldn’t say much more to him without them getting into a fight. So she handed him the file she’d brought for him. It was a dossier on Mark, everything about him from where he attended school to who all his friends were.