Before We Fall

by Courtney Cole

  Maddy must’ve interrupted, because Jacey abruptly stops and listens.

  “Yeah, I know that. I know I can’t control how other people act. I can only control myself. I know.”

  She sighs.

  “I’m falling for him, Mad. I tried not to. But I can’t help it. There’s something more to him. Something deep and hurt. Deep down, he’s a good guy. He’s just injured on the inside.”

  Pause.

  And then she protests. “No, it’s not like that. Mad, it’s like when you met Gabe. You knew he might not be good for you, but your gut told you that there was something really good inside him. And there was, Mad. I think Dom might be the same way.”

  Another pause, during which my tongue feels like a piece of lead.

  She’s falling for me?

  My heart runs away in my chest and I’m utterly frozen to the ground.

  I can’t be the person she wants me to be. I’m not good deep down, not like she thinks. No matter how much I like her or how much I like being around her, I don’t see the sense in continuing this when I know what the end result will be.

  I owe her that much. If she can’t protect herself from me, I’ll do it for her.

  I walk around the corner, and Jacey looks up from where she’s sitting on a locker room bench. Her eyes widen at the sight of me.

  “I’ve gotta go, Mad. I’ll call you later. Love you too.”

  She stands up and slips her phone in her pocket. As she turns toward me, her eyes so fucking soft and gentle, I have every intention of firmly ending things.

  Very firmly. So firmly that she won’t even try to change my mind.

  But then she speaks, and what she says takes me by surprise.

  “I’m sorry, Dominic,” she says simply, staring into my eyes. “About the other night, I mean. I shouldn’t have brought up an old girlfriend like that. Whatever happened with you and her… it’s not my business. We’re just having fun… and that was out of line. I’m sorry.”

  I’m shocked that she would apologize. I’m shocked she would say that we’re just having fun when I’d just heard her tell Maddy that she was falling for me.

  It’s so drastically different from the conversation that I thought I’d be having right now that all I can do is nod.

  I nod, because if she wants to pretend that we’re so fucking casual, if she wants to go on with the status quo and not acknowledge the feelings that might change everything, then I’m not going to stop her. Not yet.

  I’m too fucking selfish for that.

  So, nodding, I answer, “I’m sorry, too. I probably overreacted.”

  Jacey stares at me in shock, light gleaming in her eyes now. “Did you actually just apologize to me? Was that your first time? Did it hurt?”

  I roll my eyes. “I was thinking the same thing about you. But hey, I’m not going to question a girl who punches cougars in the face.”

  “Whatever.” She shoves my arm. “I didn’t punch it in the face. I threw a rock into its face.”

  “Same thing,” I tell her wryly, and with that, the tension between us is lifted.

  Just like that. We’re back to pretending again, our stupid little fantasy where we act like we’re got everything under control, that we’re nothing more than friends with benefits.

  That’s okay with me.

  I’m an actor. I can fucking act.

  The problem is, this isn’t a movie. Jacey and I are balancing on a very thin line between a façade and reality. We’re treading on very thin ice. In real life, when people walk on ice for too long, they finally break through.

  And when that happens, someone drowns.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Dominic

  Being the fucking actors that we are, Jacey and I pretend that everything is fine. We talk back and forth for the rest of the day about nonsense things, gossipy things, things that don’t fucking matter.

  When it’s almost time to go home, I’m getting ready to see if she wants to duck out with me and grab dinner when Jake, Tig, and two other boys come walking through the gym with about a million balloons, all of them pink.

  All of them say HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

  Surprised, I stare at Jacey and find her grinning wildly.

  “How did you know?” she squeals as she rushes up to hug them.

  “I might’ve said something,” a deep voice rumbles. The balloons part and a guy steps out. Big, dark haired, dark eyed. He’s got Jacey’s eyes and a tattoo on his bicep: DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR.

  “Gabe!” she shrieks, running at him in a dead sprint and leaping into his arms. “How are you… why are you…”

  Her voice dies off and he laughs, holding her easily in his heavily muscled arms. He and Brand were certainly cut from the same cloth.

  “I finally rendered you speechless?” He grins. “Well, that only took twenty-four years. And you think I’d miss your birthday? Really? I called Joe and asked if we could surprise you here. He roped the boys in on it too.”

  Jacey pulls away and looks at him. “But Maddy’s due soon. You shouldn’t have left her.”

  Gabe chuckles and sets his sister on the floor. “I’m only here for the evening, just to be on the safe side. I’ll fly back home tonight. But Maddy sends her birthday wishes—she’s going to call you tonight.”

  “She actually called me just now. She couldn’t wait. And she didn’t let it slip that you were here. Oh my gosh, I miss you guys so much!” Jacey cries, and her eyes actually do well up. Gabe glares at her mockingly.

  “Don’t cry on your birthday,” he instructs her with a grin. “You’re so dramatic.”

  She arches an eyebrow. “Dramatic? I haven’t seen you in months.”

  “Well, I’m here now,” he pacifies her. “I’m going to take you to eat, and I want to hear everything that’s going on. Brand’s picking us up.”

  They brush past me, and as they do, Jacey pauses, looking at me. “Gabe, this is Dominic Kinkaide.”

  “The actor,” Gabe points out, his eyebrow raised as he stares at me. I can actually see the thoughts in his eyes. The protective big-brother genes have stepped in, and he wants to know what I am to his sister.

  “Guilty,” I tell him, holding out my hand. Technically, I’m only addressing what he said out loud. But I’m also admitting guilt to the question in his eyes. Yes, I’ve done inappropriate things with his sister. No, I’m not sorry.

  And no, I’m not afraid of him. He probably sees all of that in my eyes, just like I see all of the questions in his.

  “Gabe Vincent,” he says politely, shaking my hand. “It’s nice to meet you. Brand’s told me all about you—and how you and Jacey wound up here together.”

  Fuck.

  But I keep my expression calm. “That was a messed-up night, and I’m sorry that Jacey was involved in it at all. Thankfully, we’ll be done with our community service soon and we can forget it ever happened.”

  Jacey stares at me, and there’s hurt in her eyes because it sounds like I’m saying that I want to forget about her, too. I feel a twinge of guilt about that, in addition to the fact that I didn’t even know it was her birthday. But I’m saying what her brother wants to hear. Gabe nods.

  “It’s good to meet you.”

  And they disappear through the door. I follow them so I can get to my own car and step outside just in time to hear Jacey squeal again.

  What the hell?

  Brand is driving up in a little red Honda Civic. He looks like Grape Ape in the thing with his head grazing the ceiling, but the situation is clear.

  Either Brand or Gabe bought Jacey a car for her birthday.

  She’s jumping around like a lunatic, hugging them both and shrieking like a kid.

  “Oh my god! I can’t believe you did this!” She’s crying and shrieking and Gabe laughs.

  “You thought I’d let you drive that piece-of-shit death trap around forever? Whatever. Happy birthday, sis.”

  She hugs him, then hugs Brand. When she stares up at Brand,
with her arms around his neck… the way she looks at him, like he’s a fucking hero or something, causes my stomach to clench.

  Jesus.

  His big hands hold her close, and Gabe catches me staring. I can see in his eyes that he sees what I see. Brand’s in love with his sister.

  Whether Jacey is still denying it is unclear.

  “Come on, Jace.” Gabe pulls her away from Brand. “Let’s get some dinner. I’ll buy you cupcakes for dessert.”

  They pile into Jacey’s new car and drive away.

  Joe stands behind me, watching them leave. “Those boys got medals for their time in Afghanistan. Jacey comes from good people, son.”

  I don’t bother reminding him that I’m not his son. It doesn’t bother me as much this time as it usually does. Not now that Joe actually seems to like me.

  “She does,” I agree as I start toward my car. Too bad one of them is in love with her.

  “Kinkaide, wait!” Joe calls. I pause, turning back toward him. “I know what you did.”

  “Pardon?” I ask, staring at him in confusion. I’m thinking that he’s figured out that Jacey and I are seeing each other, but no.

  “I know you paid my taxes,” Joe says firmly, staring at me. “Don’t bother denying it. It had to be you. You overheard me on the phone with the IRS.”

  “I’m not denying it,” I answer, just as firmly, my hand on my car door. “I didn’t want this place to have to close. I don’t do enough humanitarian things, so it was just as much for me as you.”

  “Well, I’m not a charity case,” Joe tells me proudly. “And I’ll pay you back every cent.”

  “You don’t need to do that,” I tell him quickly. “It was something I wanted to do.”

  “Yeah, I do need to,” Joe replies. “And I will. And I don’t want you thinking that you get special treatment around here. You’re still going to have to get here on time, and you can’t miss days. I won’t cut you any slack because of this, got it?”

  “Of course not,” I answer wryly. “I wouldn’t have dreamed of that.”

  And I wouldn’t have. Joe doesn’t play favorites, and he’s only just starting to like me. I climb into my car, but before I can close my door, Joe says my name again.

  I look up at him. “Yeah?”

  Joe stares at me with faded blue eyes. “Thanks.”

  I know it was hard for him to say, so I just nod and drive away without making a big deal of it. I’m surprised how good helping him has made me feel, though. I’m buoyed by a sense of moral goodness, and that’s something I rarely get the chance to feel. It’s a novel fucking feeling.

  I aimlessly drive for a while before I pick up a sandwich. I’m restless and I know why. I want to know what’s going on with Brand and Jacey.

  Is it my business?

  Hell no. Because I’m not supposed to care.

  But what the hell are they doing right now?

  I’m being pathetic, like a jealous teenager. At the same time, I feel like an ass because I hadn’t known about her birthday. The girl risked her life for me, for god’s sake. The least I can do is know when her birthday is.

  But better late than never.

  I scroll through my phone for the flower shop nearest to her house and make a call.

  After five minutes, I smile as I speak. “Great. That’s exactly what I want. Yes, I know it’s an unusual request. Yes, I’m sure people usually like the stems, too.”

  I head to the nearest bar and drink a couple of whiskeys before I drive for Jacey’s house. I haven’t texted her, so I have no idea when she’ll be home. All I know is, when she does come back, I’ll be waiting for her.

  Well, me and a yard full of flower petals.

  I stand at her gate, smiling as I stare at her tiny lawn. It’s completely blanketed by several inches of pink rose petals. I can smell the thick rose smell from here. The wind rustles them, spreading them across the sidewalk, carrying their scent on the breeze. It looks like something out of an abstract painting. Or a dream.

  Her dream.

  I sit on her porch and wait.

  I entertain myself by scrolling through my phone, and it’s almost dusk when I hear her talking. I pick my head up to find Brand walking Jacey along the sidewalk in front of the house.

  “You didn’t have to follow me home,” Jacey tells him, smiling up at him. My gut clenches yet again over the expression on her face. “I’ve watched my brother fly away a million other times when you guys were still in the Army. I’m fine.”

  “Well, I just wanted to make sure,” Brand says quietly. “I know it’s hard, Jace. I know you feel all alone here, but you’re not. I’m still here.”

  They stop in the middle of the sidewalk, and neither of them have noticed me yet. Jacey stands on her tiptoes and kisses Brand’s cheek. “I know,” she replies softly. “You always have been. Thank you for an amazing birthday, Brand.”

  “You’re welcome.” He stares down at her, and the moment suddenly seems painfully intimate. I can’t take it. I clear my throat and they both startle, staring at me in surprise.

  “Dominic!” Jacey exclaims, stepping away from Brand and peering into the darkness toward me. “I didn’t even see your car. What are you doing here?” And then she notices her yard.

  “Holy shit.” She breathes, her eyes widening. “Oh my god. Did you do this?”

  I nod. “I’m sorry that I didn’t know it was your birthday.”

  She stares at me, her eyes still wide. “And so you made my dream come true? You’re responsible for the death of a million roses now, but oh my god. It’s so beautiful.”

  I stare at her, trying to ignore the awe in her eyes. “I came to see if you wanted to hang out for a while. For your birthday. I didn’t know you’d still be tied up.”

  I glance at Brand and back at Jacey. She’s shaking her head. “Brand just followed me home. He was afraid I’d be upset over Gabe leaving. He keeps forgetting that I’m a big girl now.” She laughs, and Brand looks pained.

  I know that he’s actually very aware that she’s a big girl now, but I don’t say that.

  Instead, I quickly try to think of something that I can do with Jacey, somewhere to invite her that would seem like a date. I want to drive home to Brand that Jacey isn’t his.

  I smile as I get an idea. “I thought I’d take my car out to the track to blow off some steam. Would you like to come?”

  Jacey looks intrigued. “To a race track? Sure, that might be fun. I’ll try anything once. But only if I can drive too.”

  I roll my eyes. “As if you could handle it.” I’m pretending that Brand isn’t even here, but Jacey turns around to kiss him on the cheek again.

  “Thank you again, big bro,” she tells him. I swear to god I can see him flinch at that. I fight back a smirk. “I’ll talk to you later.” She turns back to me. “I’ve just got to run to the restroom and then I’ll be ready.”

  She darts into the house, leaving me with Brand. He stares at me, his gaze sharp and pointed and I sigh.

  I knew this was going to happen at some point, and it might as well be now. I turn to him.

  “Do you have a problem with me?” I ask him. I might as well just get it out there. Brand stares back at me, and Jesus, the guy is enormous. I don’t give a shit though. I’m not intimidated by anyone.

  “Why do you ask?” Brand asks, his lip twitching in amusement. I don’t find anything funny.

  “Because I can tell that you do,” I say calmly. “I can’t figure out why, since Jacey told me that you guys are just friends, that you’re a big brother to her.”

  I hit a nerve there, but I meant to. Something passes over his face, but he doesn’t acknowledge it.

  “I’ve known her for a long time,” he says instead. “And I watch her back. Keep that in mind, friend.”

  “We’re not friends,” I point out, like the asshole that I am. “We only just met.”