Searching

by Kelli Kimble

  “It doesn’t. Or, it didn’t. So, you’re right, okay?” I handed the empty nutrient bag back to him. “I’m getting back in bed. I’m not feeling so great.”

  He stood back and let me get into bed, then he helped me arrange the covers. I didn’t say anything more to him. My head was throbbing, and I closed my eyes. Sleep came blessedly fast.

  ◆◆◆

  Tennie, and another woman, Bridget, had the next shift. Tennie couldn’t stop fussing over me. “I was just so worried, Silver. I thought the worst when you didn’t come back on time,” she said.

  “I’m all right now,” I said.

  “Not really,” she said. “You should see your face. Does it hurt?”

  I reached a hand up to the bandage self-consciously. “A little,” I said.

  She poked Bridget in the ribs with her elbow. “I should think so; it’s killing me!”

  They dissolved into giggles, and I started to laugh a little, too—until I realized how much laughing hurt.

  “Oh, sorry,” Tennie said when she saw my expression. “I was just trying to cheer you up.”

  I smiled. “Thanks, that was nice.”

  Bridget edged around Tennie. “I just don’t get it,” she said. “Why did you do that?”

  Tennie rolled her eyes.

  “That’s the same thing everyone says,” I said. It plucked a chord of annoyance in me. “What’s so hard to understand about having a little ambition?”

  Bridget took a step back, a shocked expression on her face. “I don’t know,” she said.

  “That’s right. None of you know. None of us. Well, I can’t be part of that ‘us’. I have to find my greatness.”

  “Oh.” She chewed on the inside of her cheek and looked around the infirmary, instead of meeting my gaze.

  Tennie smiled, though. “You’ll still find it,” she said. “It’s out there.”

  “I know. I just have to retrace my steps and figure out where I took a wrong turn. Could you get me my tablet?” I asked.

  “No, not that. I meant you’d find your greatness, not that old building.”

  I sighed.

  “You can’t pursue that, Silver,” she reminded me. “Fiona forbade it.”

  I glanced at Bridget—who was still looking at everything but me—then back at Tennie. “We’ll talk about this later,” I said. “Maybe when I’m feeling better.”

  Tennie narrowed her eyes, but after I looked at Bridget again, she let it drop.

  Maestro came in a little later. “Night shift’s here. You ladies clear out,” he said.

  Tennie patted me on the arm. “You’ll be good,” she said. I couldn’t tell whether she meant that I would behave, or that I would survive Maestro’s endless judgment.

  She and Bridget left, and Maestro took up residence on the evaluation table. “I’m going to get some sleep,” he said. “I expect to find you right where I left you in the morning.”

  I didn’t answer. I rolled over towards the wall and tried to pretend that I was alone.

  ◆◆◆

  In the morning, he was gone, and nobody else replaced him. But, I did find my tablet on the chair. I spent the morning glued to it. I replayed the path I’d taken outside over and over, and each time, it led directly to the town hall location. Something just wasn’t quite right.

  It wasn’t until my finger slipped while I was trying to zoom in that I figured it out. A shimmering, three-dimensional image of the map suddenly popped out of the tablet, shining in the air above it. That’s when it was obvious that the town hall dot and my dot were in the same location, but the town hall dot was much lower than my dot.

  The town hall was buried.

  Of course! Just like in Egypt, where the shifting sands had masked some of the ruins. Over hundreds of years, soil could move around, too.

  Various siblings came and went all day long, but I paid them no attention. I spent the rest of the day learning how to engineer an archeological dig.

  ◆◆◆

  After about a week, the siblings stopped coming to guard me. It didn’t matter; I didn’t pay any attention to them anyway. Tennie or Leif brought me all my meals, but I barely even noticed them; I was so absorbed in the research.

  Finally, one day, Tennie had enough. “What’s so interesting that you can’t even stop to say hello?” she demanded.

  Leif grabbed the tablet from my hand when I looked up. “Let’s see,” he said. He paged through what I was looking at. “This is about those Egyptian pyramids. I thought you were over that.”

  “Why would you think that?” I asked, reaching for the tablet. He moved just beyond my reach.

  “Fiona said you weren’t allowed to go outside,” said Tennie. “So, you can’t pursue it.”

  “I’m an adult,” I said. “She can’t forbid me from going outside.”

  Tennie and Leif goggled at me.

  “We’re all adults,” I said, motioning to indicate all three of us. “We don’t have to do anything she says. She certainly wouldn’t follow our orders.”

  “But, she’s in charge,” said Tennie.

  “That’s beside the point,” said Leif. “You went where the tablet said the town hall was. I went there, too. It wasn’t there, Silver. There’s nothing to find.”

  “Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong,” I said. “I discovered something.” I brought up the map. “See the two dots? They are on top of each other when you look at the map from above.” I rotated the map to display the three-dimensional, hovering view. “But, see? The dots aren’t touching. The town hall is buried. We were at the town hall, but we were above it.”

  Tennie touched the town hall dot and zoomed in. “So, it’s lost for good,” she said.

  “No, not at all. That’s the beauty of this. The town hall is buried now, so all we have to do is dig it up. I want to do an archeological dig.”

  Tennie and Leif exchanged glances.

  “I’m right here,” I said, collapsing the map back into my tablet.

  “Sorry,” said Leif, looking away from Tennie. “We’re just concerned, is all.”

  “Well, you shouldn’t be. I’m ready to jumpstart my investigation, and I need you two to help. Fiona said that I couldn’t go outside alone; she never said that I couldn’t go with a group.”

  Tennie plunked down in the chair. “You want us to go with you?”

  “Yes. I think we can do it.” I paused and bit my lip. “It would mean a lot to me if you would help me. I shouldn’t have tried to do something on a scale like this alone. I know that now.”

  “I’m in,” said Leif. He punched me in the arm, which caused me to grimace. My bruises were still healing.

  “You are?” asked Tennie.

  He looked at her, and something seemed to pass between them. “Yeah,” he said.

  “I’ll think about it,” she said.

  “Tennie will be there, too. But, first, you have to get healed up. We aren’t going anywhere for a good couple of months,” Leif said.

  Inwardly, I drooped. But, it passed quickly. He was right; I couldn’t go running off and exerting myself in a dig before I was healed. “Great. I’ll get started on the plan,” I said.

  “I never said yes,” said Tennie.

  This time, Leif and I exchanged a look. “You didn’t have to,” I said, and winked at her.

  ◆◆◆

  I was excited to start planning the excavation. I researched the proper techniques, but we lacked many of the tools described. We wouldn’t have any mechanical assistance for digging, which meant that the dig could take a long time and require a lot of effort. It didn’t deter me in the least.

  The daily headaches ebbed some with rest, and I realized that it would have been stupid to run off again, even if Leif and Tennie came with me. I really needed to get over the concussion first.

  But, after two months passed, I started to get restless.

  Leif noticed my discomfort. “You’ve got to be patient, Silver,” he said.

 
“I know, but it’s been two months. I want to get out there and get moving. There’s so much work to be done.”

  “And you’re not in any condition to do that work. Tennie and I want to help, but we can’t just do it for you.”

  I smiled. “That would defeat the point, wouldn’t it?”

  Tennie came in. “What’s going on?” she asked.

  “I’m just trying to keep this one in line,” said Leif, jerking his thumb at me. “He’s getting impatient and wants to go.”

  “You aren’t healthy enough to go,” she said.

  “That’s what I said,” said Leif.

  “And I agreed! Geez, you two are relentless.”

  “I’m glad to hear that you’re open to reason,” said Tennie, “because I have something I want to propose.”

  “What’s that?” I asked.

  She chewed on her lip. “Promise you’ll think about it,” she said.

  “Of course; I’m always open to input from you two. You’re my team,” I said.

  She cleared her throat. “I think we should tell Fiona our—your—plans.”

  Leif’s eyes widened and shifted to me. Tennie looked down at the floor.

  “No,” I said. “We can’t tell her. She won’t be supportive, and she’ll only try to exert more control over us. She’d probably lock up you two, as well.”

  “I don’t like sneaking around. She should know. She deserves to know. She cared for us, Silver. She loves us.”

  “And I love her, but I can’t let her control me,” I said.

  “She’s only trying to protect you,” said Leif. “She’s afraid for you.”

  I closed my eyes and inhaled a deep breath.

  “I’m sorry to upset you,” said Tennie. “But, I really believe that she should know what you’re planning, and you said yourself—she never forbade you from going outside with others. Maybe she’ll listen to the plans and realize that you have thought this out.”

  I glanced at Leif. He nodded. “I agree with Tennie,” he said. “We probably should tell her.”

  I crossed my arms. “I suppose you two planned this,” I said. I tried to keep the bitter edge out of my voice.

  “No,” said Tennie.

  “We didn’t plan it,” said Leif.

  “All right. Let me get all of our plans together and prepare an argument. If we want her permission, we’re going to have to be organized.”

  “Thanks, Silver,” said Tennie. She squeezed my hand. “I know I’ll feel a lot better, and so will you.”

  I nodded. I would feel better, but only if Fiona agreed—and I didn’t think she was going to.

  ◆◆◆

  I spent three days preparing what I was going to present to Fiona. It did at least force me to properly outline everything that we were going to have to do, and all the supplies we’d need. Leif set up a meeting with Fiona. She was still a little moody with me, and I didn’t want to risk her saying no. Unfortunately, her anger with me was likely to color her reaction. I hoped that having Tennie and Leif present and involved in the plan would combat that.

  But, it didn’t.

  She didn’t even let me present the entire plan. As soon as she heard that I wanted to excavate the town hall, she exploded. “What! Are you crazy?” she demanded.

  “No, I—”

  But, she interrupted. “You nearly died. Died! Now, you want to go back there for an old building? For what? Just so you can say that history is real?”

  “No, that isn’t it at all,” I said. I stopped and checked my anger. “Okay, on the surface, that’s what I’m doing. I’m proving that the history records we have here are real. But, don’t you see? I can’t just putter around inside, just subsisting. I need to be great.”

  “You are great, Silver. All of you are, just by virtue of being alive. We’re all that’s left—all that will ever be.”

  Tennie gasped. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked.

  “It means all the cloning devices were destroyed long ago. Unless you all are planning to procreate the old-fashioned way with your siblings, we’re all there ever will be.”

  I saw, rather than felt, my hands shaking in my lap. We were the last?

  “Then, why fight so hard to keep us from doing things that we want to do?” asked Leif. “If we’re the last, then we don’t have to live in fear of destroying humanity. It’s already destroyed.”

  Fiona’s right eye twitched. “No. I couldn’t bear it if any of you were hurt or injured. I need you. I cared for you when there was no one else. The least you can do is take care of yourselves.”

  “I need to do this, Fiona. It’s important to me. We can’t hide away from death like cowards. We have to live.”

  She sighed. “No.” She shook her head. “Nothing you say will convince me. You’re to obey me and stay inside. All of you.” She pointed at each of us in turn. “You’re going to stay inside, and you’re going to forget about this archeological nonsense and live in the moment.” She didn’t wait for us to respond. She turned and slammed from the room. I heard the key turn in the lock.

  “That didn’t go so well,” I said. “Now, we’re all locked in.”

  “She’ll come around; I know it,” said Leif. “She just needs to get over her fear. That’s all.”

  “We’re the last,” mumbled Tennie, as she sank into a chair. “The last of the human race.”

  “That isn’t true,” I said. “We have all the data necessary to recreate the birthing lab. We’re smart enough to rebuild it.”

  “Yeah,” said Leif. “But, do we want to?”

  ◆◆◆

  I heard the lock sliding open, and I held my breath. Who was it going to be? If it was the right sibling, then maybe Tennie and Leif would be able to leave the room.

  But, it was Fiona.

  She came in and sat on the bed next to me. Leif and Tennie watched from their places on the chair and the analysis table. “I’ve come to apologize,” she said. “A long time ago, I felt similarly trapped. I was a slave, working from sunup to sundown in the fields outside. My own mother could have helped me, but she didn’t. So, I had to help myself. I decided that I didn’t want to be held down for the rest of my life, used-up for the purposes of fattening another. So, I led away the slaves who wanted to leave. It was hard. The hardest thing I’d ever done. But, it gave us a new start—and more importantly, it gave us freedom.”

  She took my hand in hers. “I realized that, by insisting you obey me, I took away your freedom. It isn’t my place to keep that from you. So, if the three of you want to go and do this excavation—if it will make you masters of your own story—then I will step aside. I shouldn’t have tried to stop you in the first place.”

  She stopped and wiped away tears. “I worry for you, is all. I lost your father before I had the chance to really be a mother to him, and I swore I would mother all of you in the way that I never did for him.”

  I put my arms around her. “You won’t stop being a mother to us, ever.”

  She sniffled into a tissue. “So, as soon as you have your supplies and preparations, you can go, and I hope that you find what you’re looking for.”

  She tapped my chest. “But, remember: What you’re looking for is in here, not underground.”

  She stood up, and Leif and Tennie each hugged her. Tennie murmured comforting words, her own mothering instincts coming to the surface.

  “You can return to your room now, Silver,” Fiona said. “You don’t need to be locked in anymore.” She put the room’s key fob on a counter by the door. Then, she left, closing the door softly behind her.

  The whoops of joy nearly split my aching head in two. But, it was worth it.

  Chapter 5

  Today was the day.

  At last, Fiona had agreed that I was healthy enough to resume normal life. I’d been working hard with Tennie and Leif to collect all the needed equipment and supplies for our dig, and finally, today, we were going to set out.

  We needed a lot
of equipment for digging: Shovels, axes, trowels, brushes, wheelbarrows, buckets, screens, guideposts, and gridlines. Not all of it was easy to come by, but we had something that could stand in for everything, plus tents, sleeping bags, food, water, and all our daily-living gear.

  It was too much to take in one trip. But, that wasn’t going to stop me. We planned to take all of our living gear out and establish camp, then return tomorrow for the rest of it.

  I was anxious to go before the sun got too high and hot overhead. But, all the siblings and Fiona were at the door, waiting to say goodbye. We moved through a gauntlet of hugs and kisses, and Fiona was at the end of it. “Now, I want you to know,” she said, “it doesn’t matter what you find out there. You can come home anytime.”

  “Thanks, Fiona,” I said. I hugged her and kissed her. Her hands clutched at the back of my shirt, and I thought, for a moment, that she wasn’t going to let go—that she’d changed her mind. My heartbeat quickened. But, she took a deep breath and released me.

  “Take care of each other,” she said.

  “We will,” I said, “and we’ll be back when we’ve found the town hall.”

  Fiona smiled with only half her mouth. “You need to check in once a week. For food, at the very least.”

  “Of course,” said Tennie, stepping in to smooth her over. “We’ll be back for food and to visit. We want to share our progress with you and hear what’s going on here.”

  “Good,” said Fiona. She opened her mouth, as if to say something else, but then she shut it and stepped back, allowing the three of us to pass through the doorway. Behind me, I heard one of the unnamed siblings ask to go outside and look around.

  “Give her a break, would you?” growled Maestro. “She hasn’t even caught her breath from these three yet.”

  I smiled to myself as, beside me, Leif jabbed me with his elbow and laughed. Had I inspired others to push beyond the colony walls? I hoped so.

  The door shut behind us as we emerged into the sunlight. That had been one of our preparation tasks—to install a handle that would allow us to reenter the colony whenever we wanted to. Fiona had insisted that we memorize a key code to unlock it, which I’d found somewhat odd. Why lock a door against nobody? But, it was a condition she’d set out, so we followed it.