The Holders

by Julianna Scott

  “How can it be me?” I asked, ignoring her. “I’m a girl. You said that–”

  “Yes, yes.” She stood and reached over my head, returning with a cup of something that smelled both sweet and sour. “Drink this.”

  “No! Tell me what happened! Why did–?”

  “I will tell you after you drink,” she said, with a look even a toddler would recognize as a “grandma loves you but she isn’t above spanking you” scowl.

  I tried again to sit up, but couldn’t quite manage it, so she held the cup to my lips. Once she was satisfied with the amount I’d managed to choke down, and my breathing and pulse had resumed their normal rhythm, she put the cup on the floor and sat back in her chair with a sigh.

  “Yes, you are a woman. And yes, it is true that throughout history, female Holders have never been blessed with the caliber of ability that men have been. I myself am extremely powerful for a woman, though I still could not compare to a male Alchemist, even if he were only half my age. But the fact that something has never happened before doesn’t make it impossible. You are the one we’ve been waiting for, that much is clear. And while we are sure of that, there is little else that we know for certain at this moment. Tomorrow, we are all to meet with Cormac, where he will read you and determine what it is you are actually capable of. For now, I have placed a charm on your Sciath that will block your ability entirely for everyone’s safety.”

  “You don’t know what my ability is? Can’t you see it in my, you know… whatever it’s called?”

  “Your saol? No. While it did change significantly the moment you touched the Iris, it shows me only that you are a Holder – an immensely powerful one, at that – but it does not show me your specific ability. That is where Cormac comes in. In truth,” she continued with a grimace, talking more to herself than to me, “we should have seen it. At the very least, that you were destined to become a Holder. All the signs were there, we simply weren’t paying attention.”

  “Signs like what?” I asked, wondering if they were the same things Alex had mentioned.

  “Your advanced placement in school, your maturity and protective nature, even your ability and willingness to accept and understand the idea of Holders in general.”

  “All that means I’m a Holder?”

  “No, but it should have let us see there was a strong possibility.”

  “But, if I’m a Holder,” I questioned, trying to put this all together, “shouldn’t I have had an Awakening? Alex said Holders should awaken in their early teens.”

  “Should, should,” Min sighed, shaking her head. “There is no ‘should’. Especially when it comes to you. Your abilities are only a few hours old, and already the strongest I’ve ever seen, even stronger than Jocelyn’s. In this way alone, already you are an exception, not even to mention your gender. Who’s to say what other ‘rules’ we will come to find that you break. Never listen to ‘should’, because in your case I predict that many ‘shoulds’ won’t be.”

  Her calm air and the fact that she seemed so unaffected by all this actually made me feel better. Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe it would all be OK. I did a quick check of my arms and legs and found that I was finally able to move them a bit, so I shifted on the couch readjusting myself into a reclined sit. Only after moving did I notice the odd weight on my right arm. Suddenly, Min’s words from a short while ago came back to me: “For now, I have placed a charm on your Sciath…”

  Oh no…

  I slowly lifted my arm out of the crevice between my body and the back of the couch, praying that I didn’t feel…

  …that it wasn’t…

  God damn it!

  “No, no way!” I moaned, staring down at the gigantic golden cuff that was locked to my arm. “You can’t possibly expect me to wear this thing!”

  The fact that Min actually had to get up and walk away to hide the fact that she was silently chuckling at my horror, wasn’t lost on me. “I will reset the stone for you, but it will take time,” Min said, fiddling with the stove, her smile still in her tone. “Until then, I’m afraid you have no choice.”

  “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me,” I groaned, rubbing my eyes.

  “Don’t worry,” Chloe said, timidly emerging from her corner, glancing over at Min as though she expected a reprimand. When none came, she slid in next to me again, kneeling down and taking a closer look at my new, one-arm shackle. “It’s not so bad,” she said, with the same pained smile one would use to tell a good friend that their botched nose job looked great.

  As I glared down at the horrid draping chains and deep-green gem, there was a soft knock on the door.

  “May I join you?” Mr Anderson asked, poking his head into the room.

  “Of course,” Min said, nodding. “How is everyone?”

  “All right, no cause for alarm,” he told her, then smiled at me before stooping down next to Chloe. “There’s the lass! Gave us a right good scare, you did!”

  “What do you mean, ‘how is everyone’?” I asked, suddenly acutely aware that Alex and Ryland were absent from this little party. “Where is Ryland?” I looked at Mr Anderson, then over to Min. “Is something wrong?”

  “No, of course not, don’t worry yourself. The lad’s in bed.”

  “In bed? What time is it?”

  “Just after five in the evening. You were out for almost three hours dear,” Chloe said, patting my arm.

  “Then why is he asleep so early? Is he OK?” I pressed.

  “He’ll be fine. He was a bit rattled of course, but it’s nothing to fear. Jocelyn will explain things to him tomorrow. For now, he took the lad over to his room and put him into a deep sleep. All’s well.”

  “Whoa, whoa! Put him to sleep? Like, screwed with his head?”

  “It’s perfectly safe,” Min assured me. “This way Ryland will sleep well, without being afraid or having nightmares.”

  “Nightmares? He’s not that fragile. Just tell him I passed out because I didn’t eat or something, he’d probably get a kick out of it,” I smirked, knowing that there were few things Ryland enjoyed more than having something embarrassing he could tease me about.

  “Passed out?” Min said, as both she and Mr Anderson looked at me like I was out of my mind. “Becca,” she asked, stepping closer, “what happened when you touched the Iris? What did you see?”

  “I don’t know, lots of colors and light. It was peaceful. Mostly, it made me tired.”

  “That wasn’t tired, that was your life energy draining away,” she said thoughtfully. “But was there nothing else? Could you see us? Anything around you?”

  “No, everything else disappeared. Why?” I asked, their shocked gazes confusing me.

  “That may have been all it was for you, but for the rest of us there was quite a bit more.”

  “What happened?” Chloe and I asked at the same time.

  “In a word: chaos. The moment your fingers touched the Iris, a blast of pure energy shot out from around you, throwing us all backwards, forcing us against the wall. The continuous stream of unrestrained power pouring out of you dominated us all, making it impossible for us to control our abilities. Reid had items of all sizes flying around the room, Alex began casting random images, this one,” she said, pointing at Mr Anderson, “was filling our heads with so much nonsensical chatter we couldn’t think straight, and Jocelyn had to use every ounce of his concentration to avoid warping and erasing our minds.”

  “Seriously?” I whispered, stunned. Everything had been so serene and tranquil for me that I never would have imagined there could have been such a commotion only a few feet away.

  “The only way to stop it was to take the Iris from you,” Min continued, “but we were all pinned to the wall by the sheer force of it, and unable to reach you. Finally, Reid was able to gather his wits enough to kinetically pull the Iris out of your hand, stopping the effects instantly.”

  “Wow,” Chloe breathed, giving my arm a squeeze.

  But I was more worried
than impressed. “And Ryland saw everything? My God, he must be terrified!”

  “For a bit, but we took care of him, don’t you worry,” Mr Anderson said with a smile.

  “As I said, Jocelyn has made sure he will sleep well tonight, and tomorrow he will have a talk with him.”

  “Will he tell him everything?”

  “Difficult to say. We will all discuss it at the meeting tomorrow morning.”

  “Aye,” said Mr Anderson, looking at Min. “Nine o’clock, in Jocelyn’s office, and that includes you too, lass,” he added, nodding to me. “Seeing as how you’re one of us now. Cormac will be there too, for the Reading.”

  “But are you sure–?”

  “Hush now,” Min said, as she helped me sit up. “No more of that. There is nothing anyone can do tonight. All that matters now is that you get a good rest.” Once I was soundly on my feet, she went to the table next to the stove and retrieved a small corked bottle filled with a gray-green liquid. “Here,” she said, handing me the bottle, “drink this.”

  I looked at the nasty color of the bottle’s contents and cringed.

  “Come on,” she waved. “I’ve got somewhere to go, and I’m not leaving until it’s gone.”

  I groaned and uncorked the bottle. It didn’t smell like anything, but I still didn’t trust it. I plugged my nose and downed the whole thing in two gulps.

  “Blah!” I coughed, handing her the empty bottle. “Here, gone.”

  “Good girl. Now get on up to bed, it won’t take long for that to begin working.”

  “What was it?” Though, as I had already drunk it, maybe I didn’t want to know.

  “You need a full night’s rest to finish healing. That will make sure you get it. Now go on. Chloe, take her arm and make sure she doesn’t trip. Anderson, go along will you? In case she can’t make it all the way?”

  “Certainly. You’re not coming?”

  “No, I need to go check on…” she hesitated, glancing toward Chloe and me, “someone.”

  “Oh, aye,” Mr Anderson said sadly. “Poor lad.”

  “You know about that?” Min asked him quietly.

  He nodded. “He told me last week.”

  My vision started to blur as I felt the bottle of – whatever it was – seep into my veins and make my head and limbs heavy. Chloe felt me slouch against her and began to lead me toward the door, but I was still straining to hear the quiet conversation happening across the room.

  “What does it mean?” Mr Anderson asked, his low voice becoming harder and harder to hear. “Was it a mistake? Will he be able to move past it?”

  “I’m not certain of anything at the moment,” Min answered.

  Their voices sounded miles away now, and my eyelids had started to droop. Chloe guided me through the door, and we made our way down the hall while my exhausted mind struggled to function. Who were they talking about? Move past what?

  17

  “So, how are you feeling?” Chloe asked me, as we sat in her room eating Pop Tarts the next morning.

  “Well, that was the best night’s sleep I’ve ever had, bar none. I don’t know what was in that bottle Min gave me, but sign me up!”

  “It certainly didn’t take long to work,” Chloe laughed. “You all but fell asleep on me in the hall! Mr Anderson had to carry you the rest of the way!”

  “Yeah, I was wondering how I ended up in bed.”

  “You slept like the dead, I’m sure, but that’s not what I meant. I meant how are you feeling with, you know…?” She left her sentence hanging, leaning forward excitedly.

  She was referring to my newfound Holderdom, I knew that. I’d known the first time she asked, but had avoided answering, because honestly, I didn’t know what to tell her. Especially considering that I knew she, of course, thought it was great. Chloe would have been thrilled to be in my shoes, finally getting a chance to play with the big boys, and couldn’t imagine why I’d be anything less than ecstatic.

  Deliberately avoiding the question again, I asked one of my own, “Have you seen Alex at all today?”

  “Alex? No, why?”

  “No reason. I just haven’t seen him since last night and was wondering if something might be wrong.”

  Worrying would have been closer to the truth, but as it wasn’t a feeling I thought I could do an adequate job of explaining, I didn’t elaborate. There was more than likely no need to worry. Everything was probably fine. Still though, much as I tried to shake it, something felt off.

  His disappearance alone wouldn’t have been enough to really concern me if it hadn’t been for the whispered conversation between Min and Mr Anderson I’d half-heard last night. I had no way to prove it, but something deep down told me they had been talking about Alex.

  “Hmm,” Chloe mused, pulling me out of my thought bubble, “now that you mention it, he didn’t look well when he got me out of class yesterday, and told me what had happened.”

  “Didn’t look well how?”

  “Well, he was more than a little shaken up, but knowing now what actually happened in there to you all, that part isn’t surprising. But beyond that, he was a bit pale, and tired-looking. Sick, maybe?”

  “Could be,” I supposed. Min had mentioned checking on him, and Mr Anderson had asked if he would be able to “move past it”, so I guess being sick made sense. Still, that wouldn’t explain the rest of the conversation, including the mention of a “mistake”. However, in all fairness, my eavesdropping had occurred while I was more than half-asleep and I could just as easily have misheard.

  In any event it didn’t matter because, sick or not, Alex was sure to be at the Order meeting later, where I could ask him myself if anything was wrong. Until then, I had enough to worry about without obsessing over something that would likely turn out to be nothing.

  “If you think I haven’t noticed that you’re not answering my question, you’re sadly mistaken, lady,” she said, cocking her eyebrows.

  “Sorry, what was it again?” I asked innocently.

  “How. Do. You. Feel?”

  “OK, I guess,” I admitted with a shrug, looking down at the gold cuff covering the majority of my lower arm – or my Sciath, as I supposed I would need to start calling it, though “embarrassing eyesore” was still more appropriate, as far as I was concerned.

  “Only OK? How can you say that? It’s fantastic!”

  “Yeah, except it’s really not,” I said, flicking at the chains hanging from my arm.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t know. What if I can’t do all the things everyone expects me to? What if I totally suck at this? You all have been waiting for this for hundreds of years, and everyone has such high hopes…” I dropped off, and rubbed my hands over my face. “I’m just not used to letting people down.”

  “Oh!” She jumped up, pulling me with her and wrapped her arms around my neck. “You won’t let anyone down! The fact that you have awakened the Iris alone is enough to keep most of them happy for the next fifty or so years,” she smiled. “Don’t worry, everything will be fine. You’re overwhelmed, that’s all. Just wait, you’ll feel worlds better when you find out exactly what your ability is – speaking of which, you need to get downstairs.”

  “And then there’s that,” I said, slipping on my shoes and shuffling to the door. “What if my ability turns out to be something horrible, like laser beams shooting out of my eyes or something?”

  “Laser beams?” she barked a laugh. “I think we need to take away your comic books! Should we call you Super Holder?”

  “Really?” I sniped. “Comic book jokes, from a girl who can walk through time!”

  “Yes,” she allowed, still laughing. “But it’s still a far cry from laser eyes.”

  “OK then, fine, it probably won’t be lasers. But I could still get stuck with something boring, like being able to predict the weather, or maybe some messed-up Midas syndrome where everything I touch turns to… I don’t know…”

  “Gold?” Chloe sugg
ested.

  “Yeah, but we both know I’d never get that lucky. It’d end up being aluminum.”

  “Listen to me,” Chloe said, taking both my hands in hers. “You are talking madness, and you know it. Everything will be fine, and even if it’s not, we all love you and won’t let anything bad happen to you. You know that, right?”

  I nodded, letting her words unwind me just a little. “Thanks, Chloe,” I said, hugging.

  “Of course! Now, go get ’em Super Holder!” she said, grinning and giving me a playful shove into the hall. “I’ll be here when you get out.” With that, she closed the door, giving me no choice but to leave.

  I made my way down the stairs and through the halls, walking as smoothly as I could, trying to prevent the chains on my Sciath from clanking against the hard metal cuff with every step I took. God-damned stupid thing! I felt like a cat wearing one of those bell-collars.

  As I reached the doors to the office I heard two familiar voices coming from the adjacent hall, and found Mr Anderson and Mr Reid walking toward me. I sighed with a smile, relieved that I wouldn’t have to walk into the meeting by myself.

  “There, now!” Mr Anderson called with a smile as he saw me.

  “Good morning.”

  “Oh, Becca,” Mr Reid said, placing a hand on my shoulder as he arrived next to me “How are you? I stopped by Min’s rooms last night to see you, but you’d already gone. Are you feeling better?”

  “Much, thank you,” I said, touched that he’d thought to come and check on me. The fact that Jocelyn had not bothered to do so – even though he’d had time to personally make sure that Ryland was taken care of – was not lost on me, but for the moment I chose to ignore it.

  “Now then,” Mr Anderson said as the three of us stepped up to the carved dark wood doors of Jocelyn’s office, “let’s see what our little lass has for us.” He winked at me as he held open the door, allowing us to pass.

  I hadn’t given any thought to what Jocelyn’s office might be like, but the moment I entered the room I realized that I should have, because I was in no way prepared for it. The look, the feel of it all, hit me as hard as the smell of a bakery would a starving man, and I was instantly transported back to my childhood. Back to the house in Maine where a little girl laid on the floor of her daddy’s office, coloring in her coloring books, while he sat at his desk grading term papers. The dark wood bookcases, the wine-red drapes, the large mahogany desk with the high-backed leather chair; it was all so familiar. Different, but somehow exactly the same. This office was of course much bigger, but was set up was just as I remembered – desk facing the room, bookshelves on the left, windows on the right. The drapes were the same color, but these I could see were velvet, not the thin cotton they had been at home, and there was now a fireplace against the far wall where, in Maine, a TV had been.