When I Wake Up

by Jessica Jarlvi

  He walks into the living room, deciding to play it by ear.

  “Hej,” he says jovially.

  She’s sitting up, cradling her knees.

  “What’s going on?” he asks. “Are you okay?”

  Is she upset about her mum leaving? At least she’s not crying but he sits down and hugs her. She hugs him back. That’s a good start. Then he kisses her cheek, her forehead, her lips. She doesn’t exactly kiss him back but she doesn’t pull away.

  “I’ve missed you,” he says.

  He strokes her back and moves his hands to the front, over her breasts. She closes her eyes so he pushes her down onto the bed, pulling at her knickers.

  “Wait, Erik,” she says, opening her eyes again and perhaps he’s moving a bit fast but at that moment his fingers reach her magic spot and it sounds as if she’s letting out a moan, which spurs him on. He rubs and circles for a few seconds before he yanks his trousers down.

  “Erik, I’m not…” she starts but he’s already hard, she’s his wife, and he’s waited patiently. Surely he can’t be expected to stop now? This will be good for her memory, it will bring them back to the beginning when they were newly married and couldn’t keep their hands off each other. He separates her legs and she doesn’t stop him, so he quickly pushes himself into her, moving in and out.

  “I’m your husband!” he pants but at that moment, she starts to bang her hands on his shoulders, begging him to stop.

  “Stop Erik, just STOP…”

  But he can’t. He’s so close, he just needs to…

  “Argh!”

  He comes hard, releasing his long-overdue spunk into her. He lies on top of her for a short while, realising that he’s heavy and she’s still in recovery; he should move. She lies underneath him like a dead person, completely motionless, when he pulls out of her and sits up.

  “I’ll get some tissues,” he says.

  He can’t look at her right now.

  When he comes back with a roll of toilet paper, Anna is sitting at the end of the bed, the wet spot gleaming in the sunlight. He wipes at the bed linen, grateful that his mum isn’t there to do the laundry.

  “Anna,” he says. “I’m sorry if that was too soon.”

  “You’ve missed me,” she says.

  He looks at her, surprised.

  “I have missed you,” he says.

  “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

  She’s got an apathetic look on her face and he tenses.

  “I need your help,” she says. “That boy, Da… David. He needs to go.”

  “Sure…”

  “He was here, Erik.” Her shoulders slump. “Just before you came home, he was here. He was looking at me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Didn’t David leave for school earlier? Had he come back?

  “I woke up and he was standing right in front of me, looking at me. I felt scared.”

  A protective instinct hits Erik but he also needs to defend David since he’s the one who brought him into their house.

  “He seems to think you’re the greatest teacher on earth,” Erik says. “He’s a fan. You have a lot of them, remember?”

  “I don’t care, Erik. It was creepy. I need him gone.”

  It bothers him that she’s ordering him around but perhaps he can let this one go.

  “Did you speak to Kent?” she asks.

  He shakes his head. “No, but I will do.”

  “When?” she demands.

  He sighs. “I guess, right now.”

  *

  Erik isn’t looking forward to seeing Kent after accusing him of being a bit too chummy with Anna, but he does need his help. Apart from Anna’s comments just now, he has to admit that David has overstepped the boundaries. He’s made himself a little too comfortable. The night before, he even gave Anna a kiss on the cheek before going to bed. Erik witnessed her recoil at his touch but assumed it was because she didn’t want anyone to touch her. Now he’s not sure. He just wanted to be seen to do the right thing.

  “Come on in, Erik.”

  Kent is always so sickeningly pleasant, it makes it hard to hate him.

  “Hi there, sorry to disturb you.”

  “No problem. How is Anna settling in at home? You must be ecstatic!”

  “I know, it’s just… she’s still recovering.”

  Kent shows him into the living room and they sit down. No coffee or whiskey like last time, Erik notes. Maybe that’s because Märta is absent, or he just wants Erik out of there as soon as possible.

  “When do you think she’ll be back at work?” Kent asks.

  That’s all you fucking care about, isn’t it? “Not for a while. Anyway, I came to talk to you about one of Anna’s students, David.” He realises he has no idea what David’s surname is. “He’s been helping me with the children, babysitting and stuff, but he’s, well…” It sounds so embarrassing. “… he ended up staying the night when his place was being fumigated and now he keeps delaying moving back home.”

  “Did you ask him to leave?”

  “Of course! He’s just… he’s a smooth operator, comes up with excuses.”

  “Erik, you’re the adult.”

  Erik stares at Kent with contempt. It takes all of his mental strength not to hit him. Through gritted teeth, Erik explains that he is aware of this.

  “Right,” Kent says. “So, what do you want from me?”

  He’s so different, Kent, when it’s just the two of them. Maybe he does secretly fancy Anna, or he just thinks that Erik is a piece of shit.

  “Do you know anything about him?” Erik says, swallowing his anger. “Where he lives? I might need to speak to his mother.”

  “David?” Kent leans back on the flower-patterned sofa. “I’m not sure I know who that is. I know most of Anna’s students, but not all of them of course.”

  Erik takes out his phone. “I took some photos last night when we were celebrating the boys’ birthday.”

  “Oh, are they six already? Please wish them a happy birthday from me. They must be thrilled to have their mum back.”

  Erik nods. That’s kind of obvious, don’t you think? “Here.” He moves across to the other side of the coffee table and sits next to Kent. He points to David.

  Kent looks at him, his eyes growing. “Erik, that boy’s name isn’t David. That’s Daniel, the boy who was giving Anna a difficult time at the beginning of the year.”

  “What?” Fuck. He’s been taken for a ride? “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, that’s definitely Daniel.”

  Chapter 76 – Daniel

  When Dan gets back to Anna’s house he knocks on the door but no one answers. He knocks again. Same result. Even though they have agreed not to ring the doorbell in case Anna is sleeping, he pushes the black button outside the main entrance just the same. But nothing. He knows she’s in there, so why isn’t she opening the door? Perhaps she’s in bed, unable to get up. He should have insisted on having his own key.

  He walks around the house and looks in through the windows. Anna is lying in her bed in the living room and Erik is sitting next to her, talking. He tries to open the patio door but someone has locked it since he left. Can they not see him? He bangs on the window.

  “Hello! Can you please let me in?”

  Erik looks up, then he looks at Anna and they nod to each other. What the hell was that about? Erik picks up his phone and talks to someone, and Dan automatically takes a step back. Should he walk away? Are they on to him? Did Anna understand what happened this morning and has she told Erik? Is that what this is about?

  Before Dan has made a decision about leaving, Erik looks at him, smiling and waving. Dan relaxes. Maybe Erik had to speak to the hospital about something urgent. Is Anna okay?

  Erik gets up and walks across the floor to the patio door. It feels like it takes him a million years. Dan places his hand on the handle, eager to get in.

  “What’s wrong?” he says when Erik opens the door. �
�How is Anna?”

  “She’s fine,” Erik says. “Just tired.”

  “I was ringing the doorbell. I thought you couldn’t hear me?”

  Erik doesn’t respond. Instead he says: “Are you hungry, David?”

  Dan looks over to Anna but she’s lying down now, facing away from him, the duvet covering her.

  “I could eat,” he says.

  They walk into the kitchen where Erik opens the fridge and pulls out leftovers from the previous night.

  He sits down while Erik puts lasagne on a plate and heats it in the microwave. Why is he doing this? Is he just being nice? His body language seems stiff. He gets the feeling he has upset Erik somehow.

  “So, you’re ready to teach me the guitar later?” he says.

  If he can get Erik into the basement, he should be able to overpower him there. Erik is fairly well built but so is Dan, plus he’s found a set of golf clubs in the wardrobe downstairs that he can use.

  “Maybe not today,” Erik says.

  “Oh, that’s a shame. I was looking forward to it.”

  He starts to hum ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go’ by The Clash, but quickly stops. The lyrics don’t feel appropriate: he’s not going anywhere.

  When the microwave pings, Erik puts the plate in front of Dan without a word. He hands him a knife and fork and a glass of water. It feels odd, being waited on like this, but perhaps that’s what normal families do? They feed their family and friends.

  “Where are Sebastian and Lukas?” Dan asks.

  “At a friend’s house.”

  “Right.”

  Erik keeps glancing towards the door. Is he expecting someone?

  “I think Anna had a visitor this morning,” Dan says.

  “Really?”

  Just then, the doorbell rings and Erik runs over, seemingly relieved. Who is it?

  With his mouth full of pasta, Dan looks up when two people approach him. It’s a woman and a man in police uniforms.

  “Daniel,” they say. “You better come with us.”

  *

  It’s all very confusing and it feels more serious this time. He’s allocated a lawyer of some sort and suddenly, Frida is in the room. She sobs hysterically, lashing out at the police from time to time. “It wasn’t him! You have it all wrong! Leave him alone!”

  It feels like an action movie or a deranged comic, where the innocent are captured and tortured. They have his notebook. That fucking stinks. It’s private. At first he just stares at it across the table.

  They expect him to talk, but so far it’s mostly Frida’s voice that can be heard. He can’t stand her pleading but eventually it becomes clear to her that nobody is taking any notice. She changes tack, predictable that she is, bringing out her round sad eyes and her smarmy voice: “I may be a bit stupid and not understand, so could you explain why we’re here exactly?”

  That’s what she said to Anna as well. “I don’t understand the stuff Dan is studying. It’s going to make me look stupid.” It’s such bullshit. He already knows she’s stupid. All she cares about is men who are prepared to fuck her. They always come first.

  “So here we are again,” they say.

  He doesn’t respond. What is it about this time?

  “We have found a bracelet of Anna’s amongst Daniel’s belongings. It has blood on it. She was wearing it the night of the attack. There are also a number of compromising statements about Anna in his notebook.” The policeman clears his throat and adds. “According to his own notes, Daniel has also associated himself with someone called Black Adam. It turns out that Anna received a large amount of emails from someone calling himself that very same name.”

  “Bah!” Frida exclaims. “Who cares about emails? Anyone can claim to be someone and send an email these days.”

  Dan straightens his back. It’s just occurred to him that Frida is defending him. He moves his chair closer to hers and she puts an arm around him. That feels good, not demanding but comforting.

  “It’s not just emails—” the policeman starts, but Frida interrupts him.

  “Look,” she says. “I think Dan has harboured some very loving feelings for Anna because, well, I probably haven’t been the best mother and she is very… I mean, I can see why he would like her.”

  Hearing Frida speak like that about Anna makes him feel even better. Maybe sitting here, in this room, isn’t so bad after all.

  “I love Anna,” he says, spurred on by Frida’s words. “She sees me, she acknowledges me and despite some stupid shit I have pulled on her, she hasn’t reported me to anyone.”

  Frida removes her arm. Maybe he got a bit carried away? Nevertheless, it saddens him that she lets her pride get in the way. She should be happy that someone has made her son feel this way. He can’t stop, however. They need to understand how wonderful he thinks Anna is; that he wouldn’t hurt her.

  “Anna isn’t like other teachers,” he says. “They take their phone out as soon as a class is over, but I’ve never even seen Anna with a phone. Her attention is always on the students, on me…” He stops and looks at Frida, but she’s avoiding eye contact. “We have moved a lot,” he continues. “I mean a lot! And I have tried everything from being the quiet student who makes no fuss to being a troublemaker. And guess what?” He looks directly at the policewoman sitting opposite him, whose eyes seem to care. “It makes no bloody difference! When you move, everyone forgets you. This time, I did want to draw attention to myself because I wanted Anna to notice me, and yes, I did email her and I did threaten her but I didn’t do anything. I love her.”

  “You threatened her?”

  He buries his head in his hands. He shouldn’t have said that. Now what? He’s not sure he wants to betray Anna and tell them about her and that woman, kissing. If she finds out he snitched, she will be upset with him.

  “I wanted to move in with her family,” he says.

  Frida bursts out crying and he glances at her pathetic form, make-up running down her face. He feels no compassion. This woman fed him crisps for breakfast and made him clean up the vomit of strangers; she made a fool out of him in front of his friends until he realised it wasn’t worth having any. He feels the rage accumulate at the memories of his failed childhood.

  “You can’t blame me,” he says. “I wanted a normal fucking family.”

  “I’m your mother!”

  “Don’t even start!” he shouts. He doesn’t care where he is; he can’t control himself any longer. “Since when do you act like a mother?”

  “Since now,” the policewoman interjects. “She’s here, isn’t she?”

  They both fall silent.

  “Tell me about this bracelet,” the policeman says, holding up a picture of a silver chain with two hearts on it.

  Dan recognises it. “Anna used to wear that every day.”

  “Not when she was brought to the hospital,” the policeman says.

  “Maybe she dropped it somewhere?” Dan suggests.

  “Or the attacker wanted a memory of her.”

  “It wasn’t me,” he says. “I didn’t take that bracelet.”

  “And yet we found it hidden in your notebook.”

  His brain explodes. Did he take that bracelet? He remembers being upset with Anna in the parking lot, how she pushed him off and he fell to the ground like a stupid little kid. All he wanted was to rip her clothes off but she wanted nothing to do with him. Yet she hugged him. She grabbed his arm in a loving way and pulled him close. Surely he didn’t misunderstand that?

  He closes his eyes and pictures Anna naked.

  Her expression is calm, her hair falling freely around her face. She smiles at him and stretches out a hand.

  He takes it and together they walk into the woods behind the school. She’s leaning against a tree and he lifts her up—

  “Daniel?”

  He looks at them.

  “I didn’t do it,” he says. “I wouldn’t hurt Anna.”

  The policewoman leans over the table.


  “Daniel, where were you the evening of March the eighth?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Maybe your mum knows?”

  Dan looks at Frida. Why would they trust her? She’s a mess.

  “He was at home doing his homework,” she says.

  Frida cries and Dan knows why. She was most likely too pissed to know where he was. The question is: will she still confirm it to save her son? Dan needs to get out of this joint. He has unfinished business he needs to take care of.

  Apparently Frida isn’t a watertight alibi. Did anyone else see him at home? Did they have a pizza delivered? Frida looks as if she’s thinking while Dan slowly feels the hope run out. It seems like he will have to stay here for a long time.

  Chapter 77 – Rolf

  Rolf is living every day as if it’s his last. Mistakes change your life. He’s learnt that the hard way. No more messy affairs, no more controversy, no more media attention. He would also like to say ‘no more women’ but that would be like cutting off his balls. There are limits.

  His bags are packed and the moving van in the courtyard is full.

  “Are you running away?” Karin asks over the phone.

  His daughter’s inherited directness always cheers him up.

  “I’m not running away from anything,” he says. “The police let me go, remember? It’s just time to sell the house and create a life elsewhere.”

  “What about my childhood memories?”

  “They’re documented in a photo album somewhere.”

  “Seriously, Dad? Don’t you think it’s mean to let me suffer just because the two of you fucked up?”

  “Hey,” he says. “You might be of age but we’re still your parents.”

  She laughs. “I’m just messing with you. Anyway, I would like to see you soon.”

  “Really? You don’t need money, do you?”

  She scoffs. “Since when do I ask for money? You know that I take care of myself.”

  He does. She has a monthly student grant, a generous loan that the state provides, and on top of that she works in a café on the weekends.

  “It’s just that I hear parents from your old class complain about their kids needing money.”