Black Beans & Vice

by J. B. Stanley

  “If we find him, how will we signal you?” Bennett asked. Lindy dug around in her purse and came up with a whistle. “Here. I always have one with me.”

  Before the groups moved off, James touched Lucy’s holster. She apparently kept a weapon stashed in her Jeep. “Do you think Kenneth is armed?”

  She shook her head. “I don’t, but be ready to swing those baseball bats just in case. Let’s go people, I don’t know much about Shakespeare, but it seemed like the play is nearing the final act.”

  Lucy was correct. As the two deputies and the supper club members spread out across the parking lot wielding flashlights and baseballs bats, a double wedding was taking place onstage. Before the cast raised their voices to belt out the final number, Luis Chavez jogged up to center stage, his hand gripping a cordless microphone.

  “Sorry to interrupt, folks, but the students have graciously allowed me a minor speaking part in the wonderful conclusion of this year’s stellar musical. Like Claudio and Benedick, I too need a partner to complete my scene.” He smiled at the crowd, unable to see clearly with the spotlight bathing his face. “Lindy Perez, would you join me onstage?”

  The student actors cast knowing glances at one another and an air of strident expectation filled the room. When Lindy didn’t appear, Luis shielded his eyes against the light and stared at the section where she’d been sitting minutes before. “Don’t be shy, Lindy. I’ve got a quick question to ask you.”

  “SHE’S GONE!” Luigi’s voice boomed out from the middle of the auditorium.

  Luis sagged, his buoyant face deflating, the sparkle in his eyes extinguished. Glancing at the diamond ring in his palm, he waved at the students to continue and managed to slink off stage right. He kept walking, numbly, past pieces of scenery and members of the chorus waiting for their moment to dance onstage. Music exploded around him and his precious students sang their hearts out, as though trying to erase their principal’s awkward moment.

  On any other night, Luis would have savored the experience, his chest swelling with pride. On any other night, he would have presented the pianist and the drama teacher with a bouquet of roses. Even now, the flowers were carefully tucked beneath his auditorium seat. On any other night, he would have shaken hands with every audience member and would have stayed until every last person had left the building. But tonight, the night he’d planned on proposing marriage, he could no longer be himself. He hadn’t realized until that long minute onstage that he’d waited far too long to ask for Lindy’s hand; that his mother’s approval wasn’t as significant as he’d thought; and that nothing mattered until he found the woman he’d taken for granted for years and dropped to his knees before her.

  With renewed purpose, Luis burst from the emergency exit at the back of the building, flinging open the heavy metal door with the passionate impatience of a man consumed with the desire to gaze upon the face of his lover. Unbeknownst to Luis, a person had chosen that unfortunate moment to try to gain access to the building. The door hit this stranger like a sledgehammer and he crumpled in a heap to the ground.

  “¡Dios Mio!” Luis shouted and sprang to the aid of the unconscious man. He reached into the man’s pockets in search of a cell phone in order to call for help, but found nothing but a handful of sticky black feathers.

  Luis dropped the feathers on the ground and stared at the blood on his fingers. Believing that he’d hit the man so hard that he was now bleeding from the impact, Luis yelled, “HELP!” at the top of his lungs.

  He was relieved to hear the echo of footsteps approaching. A woman with a camera slung over her shoulder dashed around the corner of the building and came to a sudden stop when she saw the body on the ground.

  “Do you have a cell phone?” Luis asked Murphy Alistair. “I smacked him with the door when I was coming out. I think I knocked him unconscious.”

  Murphy pulled a phone out of her purse. Reaching the emergency operator within seconds, she calmly requested an ambulance to meet them at the back of Blue Ridge High. After placing the call, Murphy scuttled around the man’s body to get a closer look at his face.

  “Kenneth Cooper! I’ll be damned.” She raised her camera and immediately began to take pictures of the unresponsive man and then took several close-ups of the black feathers scattered on the ground around him.

  Luis was initially startled into immobility by her actions, but as the light of the camera flash created a strobe over the unconscious man’s still form, he leapt up and put a hand in front of the lens. “What’s wrong with you? This man is injured!”

  Murphy lowered the camera. “Before you get too judgmental, allow me to introduce you to the person who’s been terrorizing James Henry and his family for the past month.” Shocked, Luis took a step away from Kenneth Cooper. “And that blood on your fingers?” Murphy continued. “That’s from the dead birds he killed and hung on James’ truck. I got some beautiful photos of that little artistic display. This guy is truly imbalanced. It’s a good thing you took him out.”

  Luis gaped at the slumped form in silence, but it wasn’t long before the sound of more footfalls caught his attention. Two groups converged on the scene. First came James and Bennett, panting from exertion, followed by Lucy and Jane. Jane looked frightened, but Lucy’s eyes glimmered as they alighted on Kenneth.

  “Nice work, Principal,” she praised Luis after he explained what had happened. She then called Sullie, who appeared shortly afterward with Lindy in tow. Lindy lagged behind in order to flag down the ambulance, and before Luis could even speak to her, the sound of boisterous applause emanating inside the building signaled the end of the play. Knowing that it was his duty to direct the flow of traffic away from the exit the ambulance would need to take, Luis asked Sullie for help and the two men hustled off, flashlights in hand.

  “I like a man with leadership qualities,” Murphy murmured to James as she stared after the two men. “Dark, handsome, and authoritative. I might have to schedule an exclusive interview with the charming Principal Chavez.”

  James scowled. “He’s spoken for and you know it. He and Lindy—”

  “Hey, there’s no ring on his finger,” Murphy said with a sly smile as she stepped aside to give the paramedics room. Turning to Lucy, she pointed at her camera. “Do you want a ride to the hospital? I’m going to try to get a comment from Kenneth as soon as he wakes up.”

  “Only after I’m done with him,” Lucy stated firmly.

  Murphy gave a little bow. “Naturally. On the way over, I thought we could discuss our strategy.”

  Lucy’s expression was inscrutable. “Our strategy?”

  “Yes. Kenneth and his lawyer buddies are going to argue that the evidence in this case is too circumstantial for a conviction. If you and Sullie can’t coerce him into making a confession, then I have another idea of how to rid ourselves of this menace to our town.”

  “In that case, I’m all ears,” Lucy said.

  Bennett watched the women walk away. “I wouldn’t trust that woman for all the donut holes in the bakery.”

  Gillian took his arm. “I believe Murphy is trying to make amends. Did you hear how she said ‘our’ town? I think we need to open our hearts to the possibility that she is truly capable of selfless acts of kindness.”

  “We’ll see when her next book comes out,” Bennett muttered. “Come on, woman. The long arm of the law has nabbed the bad guy and I’m right sure our newlyweds wanna get on home.” He pointed at James. “And don’t think you’ve wormed your way out of havin’ some kind of party. No friend of mine ties the knot without booze and a speech or two.”

  Gillian beamed at Bennett. “You are so right! At least let us throw you a little dinner party. Nothing fancy, just the supper club, the library staff, your parents, and Eliot. A nice vegetarian reception!”

  “That would be lovely, thank you.” Jane accepted and then sagged against James’ chest. “This has been quite an evening. Let’s go back to the house, relieve your folks, and spend the rest of the
night watching TV in our pajamas.”

  Holding hands, the married couple navigated the busy parking lot. They were both glad to be among the presence of the animated crowd, to have to maneuver around bumper-to-bumper traffic, and listen to half the town shout greetings to James or wave to him out of car windows.

  “Boy, I feel like the wife of a movie star,” Jane teased when they finally reached the Bronco.

  James sighed happily. “Thank goodness I’m just a small-town librarian. I’m so exhausted after all this drama that I can only hope to have enough strength to carry you over the threshold.”

  “I’ll settle for a piggyback ride,” Jane replied saucily, leaned back against the headrest, and closed her eyes. “Do you think we’ll live peacefully ever after now that Kenneth’s been caught?”

  Easing the truck into the stream of blazing red taillights, James shook his head. “There’s still a murderer at large in Quincy’s Gap.” Stalled in the knot of traffic, he gazed out the windshield, lifting his eyes to the dark shape of the mountains looming above. “We’ve got miles to go before we sleep.”

  _____

  The house was quiet when Jane and James tiptoed inside. Jackson was watching a television program on the most destructive car chases ever filmed while Milla embroidered Eliot’s Christmas stocking. She’d been working on the stocking since February and had already warned Jane that it would be a miracle if she had the project completed in time for Christmas Eve. When James saw the tiny stitches and the intricate pattern of Santa Claus removing toys from his sack, he marveled at Milla’s skill.

  “How was the play?” she asked James, easing a piece of silky thread from beneath one of Miss Pickles’ paws.

  James smirked. “Dramatic.” He told his parents every exciting detail while Jane went down the hall to peek in on Eliot. When he was finished, Jackson turned off the television and struggled to his feet.

  “If this Kenneth fellow comes ’round here again, you need to scare the tar outta him, son.” Jackson’s brows furrowed in anger. “I’d best loan you my shotgun.”

  James shook his head. He had no intention of keeping a gun in the house. “Thanks for the offer, Pop, but Lucy will deal with him.”

  “That is a comforting thought,” Milla said and patted James on the back. “You can have a nice, carefree summer now.” Gathering her things together, she paused at the front door. “Oh, I almost forgot! A lovely woman stopped by with some herbal iced tea. She said it would help with Eliot’s cold, but that you might want to taste it first to see if he’d find it too bitter.”

  “Roslyn Rhodes was here?”

  Milla nodded. “Yes, that was her name. I told her Eliot seemed right as rain and she said you’d probably given him some of her products already and that the tea would be good for you too. She said you must come in contact with all sorts of germs handling those library books and this tea would help rev up your defenses.”

  Slightly bewildered by the healer’s house call, James wished Jackson and Milla goodnight and crawled into bed, too tired to even open the fridge and investigate Roslyn’s gift.

  The next morning was Saturday. That meant cartoons, pajamas, coffee, and James’ famous pancake faces. He got up before the rest of the family and set about brewing coffee and making Eliot fresh-squeezed orange juice. He was just folding blueberries into the pancake batter when Eliot shuffled into the kitchen. The little boy rubbed sleep from his eyes and hugged his father. He then pulled a stool over to the counter and watched as James used a ladle to spoon the batter onto the hot skillet.

  “Can we have alien pancakes today?” Eliot asked.

  “Aliens with blue spots,” James agreed. He cooked one oval-shaped pancake and two silver-dollar-sized pancakes. The bigger pancake formed the alien’s face while the smaller ones served as his eyes. Strawberries cut into triangles formed a sinister mouth while half a banana cut lengthwise became the nose. James added two chocolate chip pupils and presented the plate to his son with a flourish.

  “Earth has been invaded by aliens with blue spots,” James announced in a robotic monotone. “Only one boy can save the day. Eliot Henry, will you rescue our planet by destroying the mean, spotty-faced aliens?”

  “I will!” Eliot shouted and stabbed the banana nose with his fork. James howled as though wounded and then they both laughed. Jane entered the kitchen and headed straight for the coffeepot. James knew better than to start a conversation with her until she’d had at least three sips, so he merely smiled at her and continued making pancakes.

  “I have the best husband in the world,” Jane declared. “Makes his pancakes light and his coffee strong.”

  Kissing Eliot on the top of his head, she took her cup out to the front door and retrieved the newspaper. The Henrys batted around proposals on how to spend the rest of the day. James had to mow the lawn while Jane needed to do laundry, work on her summer class syllabus, and get groceries at the farmer’s market.

  “I want to build a fairy house today!” Eliot announced and ran to his room. He returned with one of the dozen library books he’d checked out during the week. “See? This little girl makes one and the fairies love it. You have to use stuff you find outside. If you buy stuff that’s cheating.”

  James examined the illustrations of the small structures crafted from pinecones, twigs, and stones. “I think we can make time for this project,” James told his son. “It’s going to be hot today, so let’s take a walk in the woods after we get dressed. Maybe Snickers would like to come with us.”

  Hearing his name, the miniature schnauzer raced into the room, his tail wagging. Jane got ready first and then left for the farmer’s market. James and Eliot headed out back with both Snickers and Miss Pickles trailing after them. It was James’ job to carry the hemp bag that would hold the fairy house materials Eliot found.

  “Okay, bud. Enough rocks.” James protested as Eliot tried to add another heavy stone to the bag. “How about some nice, lightweight sticks?”

  It took another hour to construct the house and then Eliot sat back on his heels and brushed the dirt from his hands. “All done! When do you think they’ll move in?”

  James shrugged. “Fairies are very shy. They don’t usually let people see them.”

  Eliot pouted. “Then how will I know if they liked my house?”

  “Oh, they have a way of letting you know that they were here.” He thought frantically. “Um, they might make a heart using flower petals or leave you some other gift.”

  “Like what?” Eliot’s eyes shimmered.

  Now James really was stuck. He glanced around the yard, stroking Miss Pickles as he tried to come up with a plausible answer. “A lucky four-leaf clover or an empty robin’s egg. Something from nature.”

  “Cool.” Eliot seemed satisfied. “When should we look for presents?”

  Knowing he’d need time to sneak back to the fairy house and plant an item there, James waved Eliot away from the edge of the woods. “Tomorrow. We need to give them time to discover their new house. Plus, I heard they come out with the sun. Very early. Let’s go inside and see what Mom got from the market.”

  After a snack of celery sticks and peanut butter, Eliot went to his room to play with the train set Jackson had bought him. James donned a baseball cap and went back outside to mow the lawn.

  “Take your shoes off before you come back in!” Jane warned. “I’m going to vacuum and mop since neither of my men are underfoot.”

  The Henrys passed an industrious morning. James finished with the front and side yards and stopped the mower, his shirt soaked with sweat. He’d drained his water bottle and wanted a refill and a bite of lunch before attacking the large expanse of lawn behind the house. He also wanted to check in with Lucy and find out whether Kenneth Cooper had been charged with a crime or had spent the night in the hospital, making phone calls to his firm and practicing the statement he’d make to the authorities.

  Mindful of Jane’s request, he kicked off his sneakers on the front porch a
nd shook the grass from his socks. Frowning at the green tinge discoloring the ankle area of his white socks, James wiped his face with the old dishrag he used as a gym towel and stepped into the blissful cool.

  In the kitchen, he refilled his water bottle, noting that an unfamiliar plastic pitcher containing a brown liquid had been left out on the counter. A tumbler with what James assumed was the tea given to them by Roslyn sat next to the pitcher. He picked it up and gave it a sniff. Normally, he wouldn’t be suspicious of the holistic healer’s odd visit the night before. After all, he lived in the South and it was an everyday occurrence for the townsfolk to help one another out, but why would Roslyn stop by when James had already purchased the products needed to cure Eliot’s false cold?

  He found Eliot still in his room. Train tracks snaked across the floor while library books, wooden blocks, and Lincoln Logs formed a series of tunnels. “Just a few more minutes,” his son pleaded, assuming it was lunchtime.

  “Where’s Mom?” James asked, but Eliot just shrugged and continued to play.

  Peering into the bedroom, James recalled that laundry had been on Jane’s to-do list. He walked back down the hall to the tiny room next to the garage and found a pile of clean clothes partially folded on top of the dryer. The T-shirts had been placed neatly in the laundry basket, but the family’s socks and underwear were scattered on the floor. The sight of the freshly laundered clothing dumped on the tiles caused a stirring of anxiety in James. He quickly checked the garage and, finding it empty, hurried out to the deck.

  Jane was there, hunched over the railing, retching violently.