Pieces of You

by Kate Benson

  “You good?”

  “Yeah,” she nods, her lips curving into a small smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. “Will you just…”

  Her words trail off, evidence that she’s biting her tongue, something I’ve begged her not to do with me.

  “Will I just what?” I ask, taking a half step closer.

  “Nothing,” she shakes her head.

  “What is it?” I ask, watching her bite on her lower lip in deliberation before she finally shakes her head once more, keeping her words a secret from us both. “Baby, just say what you want to say,” I continue, taking another step when her eyes gesture toward Sam. I move even closer, taking a seat beside her and leaning forward. “What’s up?”

  “Nate! You’re up, man!” Nick calls out, making me extend my hand, silently telling him I’m on my way.

  “Baby, what’s going on?”

  “Nothing’s going on,” she lies, the mistruth hanging thick between us. Ava’s never lied to me. Not until now. “How many is that?” she asks, her eyes moving to my glass.

  “Two,” I admit quietly, my hand on her thigh slowing slightly. “Why?”

  “You just…” she trails off, making my eyebrows quirk up, hoping she’ll continue and finally tell me what’s going on with her. “You seem to be drinking it really fast.”

  “I’m not,” I shake my head. “Is that what’s been bothering you?”

  “Nothing’s bothering me, Nate. I just don’t like it when you guzzle alcohol like it’s water.”

  “Well, again, it’s the second one I’ve had,” I reply, trying hard to keep the edge of annoyance from my voice, but failing slightly. “I never go overboard and don’t plan on starting today, either. Okay?”

  “Okay,” she nods, her own frustration showing as I lift the glass to my lips and she sets her jaw. I lower it slightly, staring at her as aggravation settles into both our chests. I push out a low breath, eager to let it go as I silently try to gain her eyes.

  “Have I ever lied to you?” I ask, making her shake her head. “Ever put you in danger?”

  “No,” she admits, her voice lower, softer.

  “Not gonna happen today, either, baby,” I promise, quickly finishing what’s in my glass before I set it down and kiss her hair. “I won’t drink anymore tonight, okay?”

  “Okay,” she whispers, her lips finally curving up into a small smile. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome,” I reply, lifting her chin so I can look at her better before giving her a quick kiss. “I’ll be back over in a minute.”

  She nods, and I can feel her watching me as I make my way back over to Nick. It doesn’t take long for us to finish the game and when we head back toward the table, I’m hoping she’s in a better place than she’d been when I left her. When I see her leaning over the table, her low voice adamantly saying something to Sam, a streak of worry flares in my chest again.

  “It’s obviously bothering you, Ava,” Sam asserts, watching her as her features shift in disagreement.

  “It’s fine. I’m fine,” Ava counters, shaking her head vehemently. “Don’t worry about-”

  “We had a deal,” Sam cuts her off, her voice raising slightly as I approach the table. “I don’t back out on my word and I don’t think you’re the kind of person who does, either.”

  “I’m not, but…”

  “No buts,” she cuts her off again. “Either you tell him, or I will.”

  “Tell me what?” I ask, coming to a stop at the edge of the table.

  “Nothing,” Ava replies, a gentle shake in her voice for a moment. That’s twice. “Baby, it’s noth-”

  “It’s not nothing,” Sam insists, reaching across the table and pulling Ava’s phone from her hand, handing it to me.

  “What’s going on?” I ask, internally kicking myself when I can’t hide the shake in my voice. She says nothing for long enough that I start to feel a wave of unease settling into my chest. “Ava?”

  “Please drop it, Nate,” she whispers, her own voice wavering just slightly. “I don’t want to lie to you again.”

  “So, don’t.”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Nate

  “Nate…” she starts, her voice still low as she turns away from me, gently raking her palms over her face. “I… shit… I don’t know how to…”

  “Okay, that’s enough,” Sam cuts her off, Ava’s teary gaze lifting to hers, her eyes widening for a moment before they finally shift back to mine. “Nate, Eddie called Ava.”

  “What?” I ask, the anxiety in my chest shifting to anger immediately. “When? And why is Sam telling me?”

  “I didn’t want to worry you over nothing.”

  “This isn’t nothing, Ava!” I insist, my voice raising of its own accord, making her jump slightly. “When did he call you?”

  “Don’t yell at me, Nate,” she tries, her voice low and shaky with nerves that I hate knowing I put there.

  I blow out a low breath, doing what I can to calm my fury before I glance back up at her, my apologetic gaze silently willing her to continue.

  “Earlier at the restaurant and then he just texted her again while you were over there,” Sam answers for her.

  “Are you serious?” I ask, my eyes shifting toward Ava’s immediately. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Nate…” she starts, but her voice trails off again.

  “Are you going to make me be the asshole that goes through your phone or are you going to talk to me?”

  “I don’t…” she tries, shaking her head.

  “Come on,” Nick says, reaching for Sam. “Let’s give them some space.”

  Ava’s eyes move to Sam’s and I can’t help but notice the silent exchange between them. Once they’ve stepped away, I use my foot to slide the stool beside her out and take a seat, facing her completely. I wait as patiently as I can manage before finally, I release a long, low breath and lift her phone, reaching for her hand and using her fingerprint to unlock the screen.

  I open her texts, my stomach rolling with fury once more as I read the threatening words he’d sent her while I was standing only a few feet away. I clear my throat, biting my tongue and waiting for her to speak, but nothing comes. Finally, my impatience gets the better of me.

  “What did he say when he called you?” I ask, hating the way she stares ahead, saying nothing, but gently shaking her head. “Ava, you have to fucking talk to me.”

  “I don’t know what to say, Nate,” she admits, her voice soft and sad as she still refuses my gaze.

  “How about you just try telling me the truth?”

  “Why?” she asks, a humorless chuckle leaving her chest as she finally grants me her teary eyes. “So, you can get madder at me for not telling you in the first place?”

  “That’s really not fair, is it?” I ask, my eyebrows shooting up in surprise at her words. “I mean, you should have told me, Ava. I have a right to know if some lunatic is harassing my girlfriend.”

  “Well, if you want to turn it into that kind of argument, Nate…”

  “I’m not trying to turn it into any kind of argument.”

  “You did, though,” she counters. “And if you’re allowed to do that, then I guess I’m allowed to decide what I should or shouldn’t be burdening you with.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m talking about our lives right now, Nate,” she counters. “You know why I didn’t tell you? Because I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to tell you all this shit was going on because you’re already dealing with enough as it is.”

  “That doesn’t matter!” I counter, throwing my arms up in exasperation. “Ava, I’m a big boy. You should have fucking…”

  “I can’t do this,” she shakes her head, cutting me off. She stands and moves to grab her purse. “I’m going to have Sam drive me home. We can talk about this when we’ve both calmed d-”

  “No,” I shake my head, reaching for her arm. I grip her elbow, trying my best to get her t
o sit down, but when she glances down at my grip on her, I move my eyes to hers and see them go wide, my stomach falling. “Ava…”

  “Let go of me, Nate.”

  I release her instantly and watch her back away from me, her eyes tearing again slightly. This time, something different sits inside them than it had before.

  This time, she’s scared.

  “I’m sorry,” I say immediately, standing to go to her and hating the half step she takes away from me. “Baby, I didn’t mean to…”

  “I’m leaving, and I don’t want you to follow me,” she cuts me off, her voice strangled with emotion, same as mine.

  I watch her turn away from me and head for the front exit, shoving the door open wide and stepping outside. As the metal clanks almost silently against the frame, it feels like a huge weight falls onto my chest, the thought of us leaving things like this too much to bear.

  I stand and follow her, Nick’s voice breaking out over the low music overhead.

  “Man, you might want to give her a minute.”

  “No,” I shake my head, my steps not slowing in the slightest. “She doesn’t have to stay, and I’m not going to try and make her, but Sam’s been drinking and Ava’s not driving anywhere while she’s this upset.”

  He puts his hands up, silent understanding reaching his features before he returns to his seat. My hands touch the metal rail on the door and I push it open, surprised when I find her leaning beside one of the brick posts just outside.

  “Leave me alone,” she insists when she sees me, and I shake my head. “Nate, please just go back inside.”

  “No,” I reply, hating when she takes another step away from me. “Stop it, Ava. I know you’re upset and I’ve got you good and fucking mad right now, but don’t treat me like him.”

  “Then don’t act like him,” she spits, making me flinch.

  “Look, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing here, okay?” I admit. “I know I probably overreacted, said some shit I shouldn’t have said and did a few things that were pretty fucking thoughtless, but I would never fucking hurt you, Ava. You know that.” Her eyes move to mine and she swallows hard, finally giving me a small nod of agreement. “Okay, then,” I sigh, risking a step towards her, grateful when she doesn’t move away from me. “So, come and talk to me.”

  “I don’t want to,” she admits low, watching me as I glance down at her, shaking my head.

  “Well, you know something, baby? Tough shit,” I sigh, raking my palm over my jaw. “Because I might be mad as hell myself and I don’t really feel much like talking, either, but I’d rather do that than have you drive away, so please sit down.”

  She stares back at me for a moment as I take a seat on the small, unassuming bench right outside the main entrance to the bar. She’s still leaning against the wide, brick post, but eventually, she clears the distance slowly and takes a seat beside me. We sit in silence, both of us leaning forward on our knees, me staring over at her while she gets lost in her thoughts, her eyes still focused on her hands. Once she feels my eyes on her long enough, she glances in my direction and gives me a small shrug.

  “What?” she says, making my eyes widen slightly. “What do you want from me, Nate?”

  “I want you to talk to me.”

  “What the hell am I supposed to say?”

  “Anything!” I insist, unable to keep the unamused smirk from my lips despite the fact I know it’s only pissing her off even more. “Tell me how you feel, Ava. Tell me why you didn’t tell me about all this shit, baby. I don’t care what you say, just say something. Talk to me.”

  “I told you why I didn’t say anything.”

  “Because you thought it’d be too much stress on top of everything else, right?”

  “Yeah,” she admits.

  “Well, how’d that work out for you?” I counter. “Does this feel less stressful, sugar?”

  “No,” she admits.

  “So?” I shrug. “What have we learned from this?”

  “That you show your ass when you’re pissed off?”

  “Well, that’s not really what I was going for,” I admit, this time unable to keep the smirk from my lips, grateful when it moves to hers.

  “I just didn’t want to add to everything else.”

  “So, you thought it’d be better to keep it a secret from me?” She glances over, this time seeing the hurt that her mistruth has laid on my chest and her eyes soften in regret, making me shake my head. “I just… Ava, you should’ve come to me.”

  “Why?” she asks, making my eyes widen once more. “Okay, fine. You feel like I should’ve told you, but for what? Nothing else is going to happen…”

  “You don’t know that,” I shake my head.

  “And you don’t know I’m wrong, either, do you?”

  “Do you know that I am?” I counter. “Ava, can you look me in the eyes and say that there’s not a single part of you that isn’t scared shitless that he’s not going to walk into that house while I’m not there?”

  “No, I can’t, Nate. But I also-”

  “Then why the fuck would you keep that from me?” I insist, cutting her off. “No matter what else is going on, Ava, I had a right to know.”

  She says nothing, her eyes moving away from mine for a long while, long enough that I feel my nerves building in my chest once more and I have to push the feeling out with a long and deep sigh.

  “I can’t take it when you just shut down on me.”

  “Well, I don’t know how to talk to you when you act like this,” she admits.

  “Then don’t keep secrets from me. Especially when it’s putting you in danger, Ava,” I insist, glancing back over at her. “I mean, what the hell were you thinking, baby?” I ask, my voice low with the worry still seizing in my chest.

  “I was thinking my bullshit doesn’t really matter right now.”

  “Your abusive ex-husband gets out of jail and the first thing he does is call you with threats and you don’t think that matters?”

  “In the grand scheme of things? No,” she shakes her head, her words making my mouth fall open in shock. “Not right now, Nate. Not really.”

  “Are you insane?” I ask, the volume of my voice increasing despite my best efforts. “Baby, of course it matters!”

  “Why?” she demands.

  “Because I’m in love with you!” I shout, the words that I’ve had sitting in my chest finally slipping out and making us both stop in our tracks. I swallow hard and clear my throat, doing my best to keep my voice softer this time. “It matters because I’m crazy fucking in love with you,” I repeat, reaching for her hand, not missing the gentle shake as I take it in mine and find her eyes. “I get what you were trying to do. I know your heart was in the right place, but you’ve got to know where mine is, too,” I whisper, my emotions seeping through as my voice cracks, my eyes sting with tears at the thought of losing her. “If something were to happen to you, it would fucking kill me, Ava. I don’t know how I would live with mysel-”

  Her lips on mine cut me off and her gentle kiss takes us both somewhere else altogether. When she pulls away, her eyes flutter open slowly to find mine already locked on her, memorizing every feature.

  “I love you, too,” she whispers, her lips so close, they float like feathers over mine.

  I gently brush her hair away from her face before I raise her chin and press my lips to hers once more, taking another kiss before I pull her close, wrapping my arms around her small frame.

  “No more secrets, okay?” I say low, pulling away from her in time to find her giving me a subtle nod, her eyes finding mine and holding them captive. “If something comes up, I don’t care what it is or what we’re dealing with, I want you to come to me, okay?”

  “I’ll try,” she promises, her eyes lowering to where our hands are joined between us. “It’s just… it’s really hard, Nate,” she admits. “I was told for over ten years to shut up and if I didn’t…”

  “I know,” I offer, pulling
her close again and pressing my lips to her hair. “But you aren’t in that place anymore, Ava. You aren’t that girl anymore.”

  “I know, but…” she starts, her emotion stealing her breath for a moment before she braves another glance at me. “Nate, what if she’s all that’s left?”

  “I don’t believe that,” I shake my head immediately. “Not for a minute.” Her eyes begin to tear up and something about it makes my chest clench with heartache. “And I’m sorry I yelled at you. I just…” I shake my head, searching for words that I’m not even sure exist until they somehow slip out anyway. “Maybe I forget sometimes because you are so much more than that girl, Ava,” I promise, reaching to wipe the silent tears that stream down her cheeks. “I just want you to give me more than fragments… more than the little shards of your broken heart and the pieces of you that you think I want to see,” I continue. “And if it all comes crashing down somewhere down the line? Well, I guess there isn’t shit I can do about that,” I sigh, holding her eyes. “But it’s been a long time since I felt anything for anyone,” I admit. “If you’re the one that’s supposed to bring me back from the dead, then I don’t just want the sweet girl that moved in next door to my mom. I want your crazy, too,” I sigh, searching her eyes. “If you’re meant to be my end, I’m okay with that, Ava. I just want to go down knowing I gave you my best loving all of your worst.”

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Nate

  The next few months seem to pass in a blur, a perfect combination of overwhelming emotions, stand-still frustrations and finally, blessings beyond belief.

  After that day on the bench with Ava, something inside both of us irrevocably shifted. We found as quickly as we’d fallen for each other in the beginning, it was no match for how completely we’ve come to belong to one another now. Her thoughts, her emotions, the way she absentmindedly leaned into me when we spoke, it all mirrored me in ways that were so obvious from the outside looking in, it was impossible to miss. She’ll be the first to admit, getting into another relationship after everything that had happened in her marriage was the last thing on her to-do list. If I’m being honest, falling for someone who had a past as complicated as hers had proven to be wasn’t something I was interested in, either.