Heartfelt

by Danielle Allen

  Fuck Ashton.

  After a shower, I dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt. I hadn’t heard from Bianca yet, so I decided to check out the galleries near hers.

  By the time I’m done exploring, she should be ready for lunch, I reasoned as I grabbed a banana and told Amber goodbye.

  After a leisurely twenty minute walk, I reached Twenty-Fifth Street.

  “Nice,” I muttered, nodding appreciatively as I saw gallery after gallery.

  This is what Richmond needs.

  I opened the door to the John Wick Gallery and strolled in.

  “Hello, welcome,” a man in a suit greeted me. “Let me know if you have any questions while you look around.”

  “Okay, thank you.” I smiled and nodded, heading to the first painting.

  I’d been in the John Wick Gallery for over an hour when my phone vibrated in my pocket.

  “Hey, B,” I whispered, looking around although no one was in the gallery but me.

  “Hey.” She sounded funny.

  “What’s wrong?” My voice was loud, especially for the quiet setting. I exited the gallery.

  “I’m about to leave work. Just wanted you to know.”

  “What’s going on? Talk to me.”

  She was quiet. I made my way past three storefronts before I stood in front of Pho Gallery.

  She sighed and then lowered her voice. “I can’t talk about it right now. Hold on, I’m about to walk out the....”

  Bianca’s sentence trailed off as she opened the door and stepped onto the sidewalk. She stopped in her tracks. Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open. “You’re here,” she breathed.

  I hung up the phone and slipped it into my pocket. “For you? Always.”

  Wordlessly, she reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck.

  My hands pressed into the small of her back, pulling her into me. I closed my eyes and buried my nose in her hair. My heart expanded. I didn’t know what happened, but I knew I wanted to protect her.

  Tugging on her hair, Bianca’s head tilted upward. I searched her eyes and the longer I looked, the wetter they became. “What’s wrong, B?”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you, too. Now, what’s wrong?”

  Pulling out of my arms, Bianca intertwined our fingers. We fell into step with one another before she answered. “I got a complaint.”

  I glanced over at her. “What do you mean?”

  Bianca wiped the corner of her eyes. “Nina received a complaint about me.”

  I felt the corners of my mouth turn down in a frown. “How could anyone complain about you? What was said?”

  She shook her head and looked down at the sidewalk. “A man said that I was unprofessional with him while he was in the gallery.” She looked over at me and her lip quivered. “I was never unprofessional with anyone. I don’t know who it could even be or why they would lie. Nina said complaints like those could be devastating for my career and that being a sought-after curator is all about relationships. No one wants to work with anyone who is unprofessional. She even considered benching me for the event on Tuesday.”

  I let go of her hand so that I could tuck her under my arm. Dropping a few kisses against her forehead, I gave her body a squeeze. “I’m sorry that happened. Did Nina say what day the complaint came in? Maybe you could narrow down who you came in contact with that day.”

  “According to Nina, he said it was on Friday. I only remember two men coming in on Friday and I was pleasant to both of them.”

  How pleasant?

  As soon as I thought it, I felt like an asshole.

  B’s not like that.

  Navigating her around a corner, I stopped in front of a cool looking café.

  “Let’s get lunch,” I offered, opening the door for her.

  She nodded and gave me a tight smile.

  Once the waitress got us seated, I opened my menu. Glancing up, I noticed Bianca staring out of the window, eyes still watering.

  “What else happened?” I asked.

  “That’s it. She told me that I needed to make sure I wasn’t overly flirtatious with the visitors of the gallery. She told me we were selling art, not sex. It took everything in me not to cuss her the fuck out.”

  I felt my face turn down into a frown, eyebrows drawing together. “What exactly was the complaint?”

  Our eyes met and inexplicably, I felt nervous waiting for her to answer.

  The waitress appeared, interrupting the moment. “How can I help you, folks?”

  I cleared my throat. Looking down at the menu and then back at the waitress, I ordered a burger and fries. I looked at Bianca and she never opened her menu, just mimicked my order.

  The waitress smiled and shuffled off, leaving us in silence. We stared at each other until she looked out of the window again.

  “What exactly was the complaint?” I repeated.

  She shook her head. “The complaint was that I was hitting on the guy, flirting with him. But it’s not true. I swear to God, it’s not true. And now…”

  My gut told me she was telling the truth. But I felt my heart rattle in my chest. A distinct memory of being holed up in a hotel room after finding out the woman I loved cheated on me flashed in my mind.

  It’s not the same thing. B didn’t do that. B wouldn’t do that. B is nothing like Tia.

  “And now what?” I asked, my voice void of emotion.

  “And now Nina is questioning my professionalism. She said she believed me, but—” Shifting her gaze to me, she continued. “She was looking at me the same way you’re looking at me now.”

  My stomach plummeted. “B, I’m not questioning your professionalism.”

  “But you’re questioning if I flirted with another man,” she retorted, shaking her head incredulously.

  There was a lump in my throat. I tried swallowing around it, but I felt as though I was going to choke. Taking a deep breath, I opened my mouth and closed it.

  I knew she was right and I knew she knew she was right. Bianca was able to read me better than anyone.

  I ran my hands down my face while sighing. “I just want to know what happened.”

  “I told you what happened.” Her eyes narrowed and her voice became angrier as she spoke. “People come to the gallery. Some look around. Some want to buy. If they need someone to walk them through a piece, I do that. If they don’t want my assistance, I’m at my desk. That’s it! I don’t remember everyone who came in and out, but there were only a couple of men that came in on Friday. I don’t remember what they looked like because I wasn’t checking them out. I didn’t flirt with them because one, I have a boyfriend and two, I don’t need to flirt with anyone to do my job! If anything, I was distractedly watching the clock, counting the minutes until I could get off and get to you!”

  “So, you think someone mistook your friendliness for flirting? If that’s the case, who do you think sent you the rose?”

  I heard my tone as I said it and I was being an asshole.

  Shit! What the fuck am I doing?

  I was hurt by something I honestly didn’t even think she did, but the idea of it was causing me to lash out.

  Hurt and rage flashed across her face. “I thought it was you until you finally admitted that it wasn’t. But let me be clear, men flirt with me. Each and every time it happens, I shut it down. I let them know that I am unavailable and I love my boyfriend. Can you say the same? Because I don’t recall you saying anything to the flight attendant who was throwing herself at you.”

  “I don’t—”

  “You know what,” she interrupted loudly. “My career is in jeopardy because of some bullshit complaint and my boyfriend is so focused on the idea that he might get cheated on that he doesn’t see that he’s with someone who would never do that to him.”

  “Two burgers and two fries,” the waitress announced awkwardly, setting the baskets in front of us.

  “I’m not even hungry anymore,” Bianca muttered, standing. “I need to go for
a walk to clear my head. I’ll see you at home.”

  “B, wait!” I stood up to go after her.

  “Um sir, do you want these to go? And how will you be paying?”

  Pulling out my wallet, I yelled, “B!”

  She kept walking.

  “Shit,” I grumbled, seeing that I had no cash. I handed her my debit card. “Can I get these to go?”

  “Sure.”

  She took the food and my card and returned a few minutes later. Handing me a plastic bag with two Styrofoam containers and my card, she said, “You know, if things don’t work out with her, maybe we—”

  “Things will work out with her.” I put my card in my wallet and then grabbed the handle of the plastic bag. “Things will always work out with her.”

  Unless I pushed her too far this time.

  I left out of the restaurant and looked around for her. I didn’t see her anywhere. Sighing, I headed in the direction of Park Place.

  I fucked up. I don’t even know why…well no, I know why I did it, but it doesn’t make any sense. I trust her. I trust her.

  Lost in my thoughts, I almost didn’t register my phone vibrating in my pocket. Pulling it out, I noticed a missed call, a text message and an email.

  Hoping the call was from Bianca, I checked that first.

  Elizabeth. I’ll call her later.

  I checked my text message.

  Easy. I’ll text him back later.

  I checked my email and it was my lawyer, approving the contract and the investment.

  As I approached Park Place, I laughed to myself.

  I’m about to sign a contract to rent space in New York to be close to the woman I love and at the same fucking time, I’m pushing her away because some asshole, probably Ashton, sent her a rose. It’s not her fault Ashton is still hung up on her.

  I caught sight of Keisha as soon as I entered the building.

  “Hey, Keisha!” I called out, jogging over to her. “Do you have a minute?”

  “I have a few. Come on in.”

  I followed her. She took a seat while I paced in front of her desk.

  “That smells good,” she said, pointing to the bag in my hand. “What can I help you with?”

  “I’d like to sign the paperwork.”

  Keisha pulled out a folder and had me sign. Looking between the email my lawyer sent over and the rental and co-op agreements, I signed the year-long commitment.

  Now to see if B even still wants to be with me, let alone live with me, I thought as I said my goodbyes to Keisha.

  Getting on the elevator, it hit me.

  In less than two weeks, I’ll have a place here. In less than two weeks, I could possibly be living with B. In less than two weeks, everything will change.

  The elevator sounded, announcing its arrival on the ninth floor. I took a breath before I stepped out onto the floor.

  In less than two minutes, I’ll know how badly I fucked up.

  Using my key, I opened the door to Bianca’s apartment as quietly as possible. Closing the door behind me, I got halfway across the room before I heard Amber’s voice.

  “You fucked up.”

  Snapping my head toward her voice, my eyes landed on Amber as she put a couple of bottles in a diaper bag. “What?” I asked, not sure if I heard her correctly.

  Picking up the bag, she slung it over her shoulder. “I’m about to meet Jacob downstairs to get J.J. I don’t know what you did, but fix it. She wouldn’t even talk to me when she got home.”

  “That bad, huh?”

  Opening the door, Amber gave me a look. “Yeah. That bad.”

  “I’ll fix it.”

  She smiled. “I have no doubt.”

  Putting the food on the kitchen table, I made my way to Bianca’s room. Bracing myself, I opened the door. The creaking alerted her to my presence as she glanced over her shoulder at me. She finished pulling the dark denim jeans over her round ass before she looked at me again.

  “I’m sorry,” I apologized, breaking the silence. “I don’t know what came over me.”

  Bianca crossed her arms over her chest, rubbing her arms as if she were cold. “Probably the fact that you still don’t trust me. Not when it comes down to it.”

  “Yes, I do.” I moved my feet until I was right in front of her, never taking my eyes off of her. “I trust you. And I’m sorry I made you doubt that. I’m sorry I implied…” I trailed off, not sure how to even finish the sentence.

  I’m sorry I implied you were…inappropriate? A flirt? A cheater? I got scared. I got in my own head. I fucked up.

  Bianca looked down at the stretch of space between us before meeting my eyes again. They brimmed with tears. “I’m fucking pissed, Ro. Do you get that?” Shaking her head, she put her hands on the top of her head and started pacing. My eyes followed her as she moved. “I confided in you, like I’ve always confided in you. And instead of having my back like you used to do, instead of helping me figure out what to do like you used to do, you accuse me of cheating on you.”

  Her face was stone, eyes narrowed. Her full lips were pulled down into a frown. She paused, stopping right in front of me. Gesturing emphatically with her hands, she started pointing and poking me in my chest.

  I just wanted to kiss the hurt from her face, the pain out of her expression.

  “It all comes down to trust.” Her voice trembled. “I tell you my supervisor tells me that my career could take a hit based on lies and all you care about is feeding into those lies. You don’t trust me and you weren’t there for me! That’s why I’m so pissed.”

  Seeing her so upset gutted me. My chest felt tight and my heart drummed through the pain.

  This is worse than I thought it was going to be.

  I searched her face, waiting to see any semblance of the love she had for me. Beneath the scowl, it was there. Like a fire, it was there, burning. My steady heartbeat doubled in speed.

  “Bianca, I’m sorry. Listen to me.” I put my hands on her shoulders to keep her from moving away. Bringing her face close to mine, I looked into her eyes. “I’m an idiot when it comes to you. I don’t know why and I don’t know how to explain it, but I don’t always think clearly when it comes to you.”

  She closed her eyes for a few seconds and when she opened them, I saw a vulnerability that I recognized in myself.

  “You’re not the only person who’s been cheated on, Ro,” Bianca pointed out softly.

  The air left my lungs in a rush.

  She’s right.

  I was so caught up in my own head, I didn’t even think about that.

  Threading my hands through her hair, I rested my forehead against hers.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry, B. Forgive me. Please.”

  As the words left my mouth, I felt her body going slack.

  “Okay.” She nodded slightly, chewing on the corner of her lip.

  Relief flooded my system. “Thank you.”

  “Just…what happened?” she whispered. “What made you flip like that?”

  I have to tell her.

  “The idea of you with someone else drives me crazy. It takes me to a place in my past I never want to go to again. So when you were telling me about what happened, all I could think about was you with someone else.”

  “Listen to me. I feel the same way about you. But in my heart, I know you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. I want you to feel that way about me too.”

  “I do, B. I just let the thing with Ashton get to me and my imagination got the best of me.”

  “What thing with Ashton?”

  Might as well put it all out there now.

  “Before I spoke at VCU on Thursday, I ran into Ashton. He was running his mouth about you and him and us and…” I shook my head, pulling away from her fractionally. “I don’t know.”

  “What did he say exactly?” She put her hands on my chest.

  I used my thumbs to caress her cheeks. ”He’s convinced himself that I’m the reason you two didn’t work out and h
e says he’s going to get you back. Even though I know what we have, for whatever reason, I can’t shake what he said. I have a feeling that he’s coming for you. I was pissed, but it wasn’t until you got that rose that it really started getting to me. I hate that I’m not here to protect you.”

  “Even if he did try to get with me, it wouldn’t work. I’m with you. I love you. He has no chance.”

  God, I love her.

  I smirked. “I don’t want to mess this up.”

  “Then you’ll have to get out of your own head and start trusting me.”

  “I trust you. I’m just not used to feeling like this. This is…”

  I didn’t know the words to describe it. I could paint it, but I didn’t know if the right words existed.

  My lips hovered over hers. “I feel the same way about you as I do my art, B.”

  When our lips touched, I felt her body tremble.

  ----------

  Chapter Twelve

  Bianca and I stood on the sidewalk outside of her building early Tuesday morning. She had to go to work and I had to go to the airport so the sun was barely shining over the buildings. People had started the hustle and bustle of their day, but I barely registered other people when I was in her presence.

  “I don’t want you to go,” Bianca whined playfully as she wrapped her arms around my waist.

  “I don’t want to leave you.”

  Since we made up, it was the ninth time she’d given me the opening I needed to broach the subject of us moving in together. With my departure time approaching, I knew I had to go for it.

  Here goes nothing.

  Grabbing her face, I dropped a kiss on her upturned lips. “What would you say if I didn’t?”

  Her brows lifted and her long lashes fluttered as she gazed at me. “If you didn’t what?”

  “If I didn’t leave. What would you say…” I kissed her again. “If I stuck around for a while?”