Heartfelt

by Danielle Allen

  She pulled out of my arms and stared at me. “What are you saying? Are you thinking about pushing back your flight?”

  My heart hammered in my chest. “Remember last night when you were looking at the listings of people looking for roommates?”

  “Yes?”

  I couldn’t read the expression on her face so I felt the nerves holding me back again. I caved to the pressure.

  “I don’t think you should live with a random stranger.”

  She reached up, resting her hands on the side of my face. “I don’t have a choice right now.”

  “What if you did? What if you did have a choice?”

  She had a determined expression. “I’m not backing down from my parents. And even if Nina thinks the worst of me right now, it’ll pass. Because I didn’t do shit and just like you said last night, no bogus complaint can take away from the fact that I’m good at what I do. I’m going to go in and handle my business. I’m going to make it on my own. I’m going to show my parents and Nina that I don’t need anyone to make it. I can make it on my own!” Her brown eyes had so much light in them as she spoke.

  Her beauty was breathtaking, but that fire, that spirit she had was inspiring.

  She wants to do it on her own. I love that about her. I respect her for it.

  I kissed her to keep myself from saying anything more. Desire twisted in my gut as my lips overpowered hers. Her mouth opened and our tongues touched teasingly. Visions of the makeup sex we had flashed through my mind as I tasted her. The kiss sent shivers up and down my spine, waking my dick up with the rest of my body. I poured everything in me into that kiss. Before pulling away, I could feel her smiling, which made me smile too.

  “How am I supposed to let you go when you kiss me like that?” Bianca asked against my lips.

  “You don’t ever have to let me go.”

  She giggled, putting a hand to her chest dramatically. “Be still my heart.”

  I laughed.

  She ran her teeth across her bottom lip. “I wish I could spend the next couple of hours with you. If the bullshit that happened yesterday didn’t happen, I would go in late so I could go with you to the airport.”

  “I know. But we will be seeing each other in a few days. And you have to get ready for an exhibition today.”

  “Speaking of that, I guess I should go,” she sighed. “Call me the moment your plane lands.”

  “I will. Go to work and prove to Nina that you are irreplaceable. I’ll call you.”

  Giving me one last, heart stopping kiss, she pulled away from me. “I love you,” she said, walking backward in the direction of Pho Gallery.

  “I love you.”

  She gave me a little wave and then turned. My eyes roamed over the fitted black leather jacket she wore until landing on the way her red skirt hugged her curves. It was a flattering outfit, but I preferred her with no clothes. Nothing she wore compared to seeing her naked and spread out in front of me.

  And she’s mine.

  I watched her until I lost sight of her in the flow of bodies.

  Returning to the lobby of Park Place, I caught sight of Keisha as she was just about to unlock her door to begin her work day.

  “Keisha, can I talk to you for a minute?”

  Turning, she flashed me a pretty smile. “Of course, Roman. Come in and have a seat. Give me a few minutes to get settled.”

  I checked my watch while she unpacked her suitcase and logged into her computer.

  Come on, come on, come on, come on, I chanted silently as my knee bounced anxiously.

  “Now what can I help you with?” Keisha said, smoothing out her black pantsuit before taking a seat.

  Finally!

  “I need to sublet the apartment anonymously.” My words came out in a rush.

  Keisha’s pretty features collapsed. “What?”

  “Is that something I can do?”

  She shook her head profusely. “You can’t sublet the apartment without approval from the Board. The only reason you were fast tracked is because of your name and your association with the Baker family. No. Absolutely not.”

  I ran my hands down my face and sighed. “Listen, I want to sublet the apartment to Bianca, but I don’t want her to know that she’s renting from me. Not yet anyway.”

  Keisha gave me a look. “I may have overstepped my bounds by showing you that apartment without Bianca’s knowledge, but I don’t want to be involved in some sort of weird landlord situation. I just want to keep the Board and my tenants happy. Which is why I’m meeting with someone to service the gym in ten minutes.” She stood, attempting to end the conversation.

  “No, please listen,” I insisted, standing. “Bianca is already Board approved. I’m already Board approved. All I need you to do is let Bianca move in and don’t let her know I’ve covered the expenses. Just offer her the opportunity to sublet it from Mr. Webster for five hundred dollars—”

  Keisha laughed, putting her hands on her hips. “Five hundred to live here? Now that’s funny!”

  “Bianca wants to make it on her own. She wants to stay in this neighborhood, preferably in this building. I want her to move in and pay rent and do everything she would ordinarily do. I just don’t want her to know that I’m covering it. It’s important to her to be on her own right now so I want to help her do that.”

  “So why not let her get a roommate and move elsewhere?”

  It was my turn to laugh. “I don’t let Bianca do anything. Bianca does what she wants to do. But the idea of her living with a stranger is not setting well with me. I’ll do anything to protect her. I’ll do anything for her. And right now, I want her safe. I want her happy. And I want her here. Do we have a deal?”

  “So you want me to offer the apartment to Bianca for five hundred bucks and lead her to believe she’s subletting from Mr. Webster, but instead she’ll be subletting from you.”

  “Yes.”

  She was quiet as if she were thinking about it. We stared at each other and I willed her to say yes.

  “Please,” I added for good measure.

  Keisha pursed her lips.

  “All documentation will indicate that she is subletting from the renter. But if asked who the renter is, I will have to tell her.”

  I nodded.

  That’ll buy me some time to tell her myself.

  Shaking hands with Keisha, I thanked her and headed to the airport. I thought about my potential move to New York the entire time.

  Five hours later, I was back in Richmond, Virginia. Slipping my headphones off of my ears and around my neck, I opened the front door of my car and tossed everything into the passenger seat. Powering my phone back on, I sat in my car and listened to the voice messages that were left for me during the flight.

  Okay I need to call Charlotte Spence back about being included in an art show and I need to call Elizabeth back.

  Hitting the screen to call back the number, I waited while it rang.

  “Roman,” Elizabeth answered. The light and airy tone of her voice echoed through the phone, catching me off guard.

  “Hey, Elizabeth,” I replied slowly. “How are you?”

  “You know, I’m okay. I’ve been keeping busy. I was actually getting some things together to donate when you called this weekend.”

  “Yeah, Bianca and I were about to head to the Museum of Modern Art and I wanted to call and check on you.”

  “You’re a good son.”

  Am I?

  I didn’t reply. I paid the fee to get out of the airport parking deck and started the drive home.

  “I’ve been going through William’s things, packing his clothes and looking at pictures. Do you remember the first time he took you to paint?”

  “Yes.”

  It’s one of my favorite memories.

  “There’s a picture I want to send you of you two together. I know William would want you to have it.”

  “Thank you. I’d like that.” I hesitated. “Can I…ask you a question?”r />
  “Of course, Roman. What is it?”

  “When you called and told me about William, you didn’t sound shocked. You were sad, but not shocked. Did you know that William was going to die?”

  Elizabeth was quiet. “William was on different medications, yet he was still having difficulty. He had open heart surgery and it didn’t go well. He refused to do it again.”

  I could hear Elizabeth breathing on the other end of the line, but she had stopped talking. The only sound was my engine faintly purring in the background.

  “So when the doctor told him he’d need to go on a heart transplant list, we started preparing for the end.”

  “Why didn’t either of you say anything?”

  “He didn’t want anyone to know. Since you came to see us in July, he wanted to enjoy rebuilding the relationship you two had. He loved you so much Roman. He told me that he wanted to tell you, but he didn’t want to spend time focused on his heart when he could tell yours was broken. It wasn’t just you though. He didn’t tell anyone but me. We thought we had until the end of the year to tell everyone, to prepare everyone. We didn’t expect it to come as soon as it did, but we knew it was coming.”

  “I wish I would’ve known.” I felt the emotions stirring up inside me. “I would’ve come out to see him one last time.”

  “The last time you came was perfect. It was real. It wasn’t bogged down with death or your knowledge of his condition. He loved it. Your father didn’t want you looking at him with pity and sadness.”

  I swallowed thickly as my chest burned with sorrow.

  He was a good man.

  Clearing my throat, I navigated my car off of the highway with every intention to go home.

  “Now can I ask you something?” Elizabeth asked. She didn’t wait for my answer. “Benjamin isn’t taking the death well. He’s never handled many things well. I know you two don’t get along and although that breaks my heart, will you cut him a break for a little while? Grief does ugly things to people and I’m trying to get him some help.”

  Yeah, I’ll cut that asshole a break alright.

  “Uh huh,” I muttered, feeling myself getting angry all over again.

  “Roman, please.”

  “Do you know what he said to my girlfriend? He told her that she was going to end up like Tia.”

  Elizabeth gasped. “What?”

  “Exactly. That was the last straw for me. I know that’s your baby boy, but if I see him, I’m knocking him on his ass.”

  “I can’t believe he said that. That’s horrible! I’m so sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry. You didn’t raise him to be like this. I don’t know where he got it from, but if I see his ass, I’ll be sure to beat some sense into him.”

  “Roman, I… Please stop!”

  I took a deep breath. She didn’t need to hear what I planned to do to Benjamin if I saw him again. She had enough on her plate.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that to you.”

  “I know you’re angry. I’m angry. That’s a horrible thing to say. But right now, I can’t have this strong of a division between my two boys.”

  I pulled into the parking space at Art House. I didn’t want to make her even more upset, but I couldn’t pretend that there wasn’t bad blood between me and Benjamin.

  “I just got to the studio,” I told her, changing the subject. “What are you doing with the rest of your day?”

  “I want to finish packing William’s clothes and then I’m going to see my therapist.” She sighed. “Keeping busy helps.”

  “If you need a break and want to come out here, just let me know.”

  “Thank you, son. I love you.”

  “Love you, too.”

  After disconnecting the call, I got out of the car and made my way into the building. With a wave to Aniko, I crossed the otherwise empty room and took the elevator to my studio. As soon as I opened the door, I was able to breathe easy.

  Strolling into my studio, I took my time, relishing in the calming scent of my studio. The paint, linseed oil, solvent, and air freshener combination almost smelled better than fresh air. Dropping my bag on the ground, I shrugged out of my jacket and threw it over a chair.

  The anger I felt toward Benjamin mixed with the sadness I felt about losing William. And on top of all of that, I missed Bianca like crazy.

  Sending a text message to Bianca to let her know I made it safely, I was rewarded instantly with an ‘I miss you’ text message. I felt my face splitting open into a smile as I sat the phone on the desk.

  Making my way to the back of the studio, I picked up a blank canvas and positioned it on the easel. I set up my entire work station with different paints and materials I wanted to use. I needed to work out my feelings and the best way to do that was on canvas.

  Pulling my shirt off, I tossed it onto the couch. I removed my shoes and when I got to the table, I dropped my watch and my phone on the hard surface. I started to walk away when my phone vibrated aggressively.

  “Hello?”

  “Roman! I have some good news and some better news. Which would you like first?”

  Charlotte Spence didn’t have time for pleasantries. She always got straight to the point. I liked that about her.

  I plopped down in the chair and grabbed a pen. “Whichever you’d like to tell me first.”

  “Two more of your paintings have sold.” She waited a beat before clarifying. “Once I get those shipped, you’ll be sold out of your second series.”

  My eyebrows shot up. “Nice!” I tapped the pen against the paper.

  “Yes, it is. Now are you ready for the better news?” She didn’t wait for me to respond. “There’s been a request for your Heartache piece to be featured in not only a Canvas Magazine up-and-comers spread, but also in a six-week installation at the New York Museum of Contemporary Art.”

  “What?” I dropped the pen.

  “A curator at the museum named Jackson apparently was on a date at your showcase last month. When something fell through with one of the pieces that was originally supposed to be featured, he said he remembered you and Heartache.” Charlotte’s clipped tone almost sounded excited for me.

  I released the air from my lungs slowly.

  Holy shit.

  “So my work is going to be in a museum?” My mouth hung open in disbelief.

  “If you say yes, then yes, Heartache will be hanging in a museum.”

  It didn’t matter that my work would be in a temporary installation. It didn’t matter that my work was a backup plan to an already established collection. It didn’t matter that Heartache was my most personal piece.

  My work is going to be in a motherfucking museum!

  “Yes. I say yes. Whatever needs to be signed, I’ll sign it.”

  I could hear the amusement in Charlotte Spence’s voice when she responded, “I’ll have my assistant send over the paperwork. Are you still in New York?”

  “No, I actually left this morning.”

  “That’s a shame. We could’ve had this finalized in minutes. But it’ll be overnighted and you’ll have it first thing tomorrow. Now when would you like to schedule your sit-down with the magazine?”

  “I’ll be here this week and I should be going back to New York late next week.”

  We concluded the phone call and I staggered over to the couch and fell onto it. I was so overwhelmed; I couldn’t get my heart to stop beating so fast. I closed my eyes so I could get ahold of myself.

  This is insane. This year has been insane.

  I didn’t remember drifting off to sleep, but the sound of the phone vibrating against my chest woke me up.

  “B,” I answered when I saw who was calling.

  “Ro!” The squeal in her voice as she called my name made me smile.

  “What’s going on?”

  “First and foremost, you sound sexy as hell, what are you doing?”

  I laughed. “I just woke up from a…” I looked at my phone. “From a two-h
our power nap. What are you doing?”

  “I’m freaking out!”

  “What’s going on?” I asked again, laughing at the noises she made on the other end of the line.

  “Well I went in this morning to help get things together for the event tonight and blew Nina’s mind. I secured a two-man band to play tonight and it just melded everything together so seamlessly that she apologized for yesterday’s conversation.”

  “That’s good! I told you. You are good at what you do. Nothing and no one can take away from that.”

  “Thanks, baby, but that’s not even the best part. I just came home to eat and change before heading back to Pho tonight. When I walked in, I had a message from the apartment manager, Keisha. I went downstairs and apparently, Keisha and Amber had been talking and long story short, I am moving into the apartment upstairs! They are letting me sublet for a fraction of what it costs!”

  My heart swelled at the sound of her voice and the excitement that laced each word.

  I smiled. “That’s great, B.”

  “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

  My breathing hitched. “What?” My voice came out in a quiet gust of air. I didn’t think she heard me until she answered after a moment of hesitation.

  “You encouraged me to think outside the box and you made me feel like I could go into work today and own shit. And that’s what I did. You helped me look for apartments and told me everything was going to work out. And it did. I move into the deluxe apartment this weekend. So thank you for always supporting me. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

  “I will always be here for you. Always.”

  ----------

  Chapter Thirteen

  I grabbed my favorite art knife and a mix of black and purple heavy body acrylic paint. Standing in front of the grey canvas, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. My fatigued muscles flexed and my tired body stirred with every breath I took.

  Mentally, I had shut down and my emotions were running the show. All of the warring emotions I felt mixed together in a toxic cocktail that prevented me from getting any sleep. I only stopped once and that was to eat and talk to Bianca after her event. Once she was in bed, we got off of the phone and I got back to it. Something within me drove me to keep pushing. After seventeen hours of painting, I stood in front of the large canvas where I had spilled my heart out.