Heartfelt

by Danielle Allen

  The music pulsed through the speakers and into my soul. I moved skillfully and automatically. The ache that always consumed me when I thought of my family, my life, my past and now my future, poured out of me in blackish-purple lines. The razor sharp edges were softened as I scraped excess paint from the surface. I needed to allow drying time, but each cut into the grey sucked me in deeper. I didn’t stop until the knife fell from my shaky hand.

  Breathing roughly, I took a few steps back, keeping my eyes trained on the work in front of me. My heart beat so loudly that the music became secondary to it. Putting my hand to my bare chest, I pushed into the spot over my heart. I had funneled every doubt, every fear, every ounce of hate and love onto a blank canvas and I stared at the end result.

  It was raw, flawed and uninhibited. It wasn’t commercial. It likely wouldn’t sell. And honestly, I didn’t think I would put it up for sale. But it was me. It was what I felt. And I needed to get it off of my chest.

  Turning on two fans to accelerate the drying process, I started to feel the weight of being awake for too long.

  6:57am.

  Bianca would be up soon and I needed to stay up so we could talk before she headed to work for the day.

  I took a quick shower and put on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. I looked at the clock again.

  Just forty-five more minutes and I’ll be able to talk to her. I just have to stay awake.

  Grabbing my stuff, I left Art House and made the drive to my house. When I pulled up, I got out of the car and checked the mailbox.

  Bill.

  Junk mail.

  Junk mail.

  Junk mail.

  Bill.

  I turned to walk back up the driveway when I heard the loud, rumbling noise of a bad engine.

  No fucking way.

  Slowing his car down to stop right in front of my driveway, Brad eased out of his car, slamming the door behind him.

  “It’s exactly what it looks like,” Brad admitted as we greeted each other with our signature handshake.

  I shook my head before I turned to walk toward the house. “Easy, tell me you didn’t.”

  “I wouldn’t lie to you, man. I did. Three times. And it was so good.” He slapped my back as he followed me to the front door. “I thought you were coming back yesterday.”

  “I did.” After I opened the front door, I continued. “I ended up at the studio and one thing led to another.”

  “One thing led to another, huh?” He laughed. “You talk about art like it’s a living, breathing woman.”

  I dropped my bags on the floor and headed into the kitchen. “No, we’re talking about you now.” I grabbed a bottle of water and tossed him one. “I thought you were dealing with the whole Mindy, Sophia thing. What happened? How did you end up with Hannah of all people?”

  “Well I was at Parachutes a few nights ago and she came in wearing this dress that made me remember why I didn’t mind that she was a little crazy.”

  From my post against the counter, I shook my head and took a sip of water. “Maybe you should stay away from Parachutes. Clearly, you’re getting caught up and shit is hitting the fan every time you walk in the door.”

  He laughed, running a hand through his blonde hair. “That’s the life of a rock star. I was destined to be a rolling stone.”

  “I hear you.” I took another sip of water. Brad sat at the kitchen table and something just seemed off. “So what happened next? I don’t understand how on Friday you were at Parachutes with Mindy, ran into Sophia, but went home with Hannah.”

  “Yeah it’s crazy.” He ran his hands through his hair again. “Like I told you Friday, Thursday night was a shit show. But what I didn’t mention because I didn’t think it was important was that I saw Hannah. Sophia left almost as soon as she confronted me. Mindy was mad, but she stayed so we had our date. It was a pretty good time, but while I was on the dance floor, I saw Hannah. I don’t know what the fuck she had on, but I could not stop thinking about her all night. And Mindy’s no slouch. Mindy had on some shit with her tits sitting up here and her ass looking right. But Hannah…” He closed his eyes for a second. “Hannah is probably the best fuck I’ve ever had. But she’s crazy as shit.”

  I laughed. “That’s why you stopped dating her over the summer. Why are you going back?”

  He dropped his head into his hands. “I went home with Mindy that night and I thought about Hannah the whole time. I thought about her all weekend too. And then for whatever reason, last night, she called me and we hooked up.”

  “Easy, just be careful, man.”

  He stood up and pushed his chair in. “I will.” He smirked. “I don’t know who’s worse: you or Malik.”

  “We just don’t want to see you get caught up. Especially since it seems like Hannah could give you a run for your money. And she’s crazy.”

  “Hannah and I were a one-time thing. A blast from the past.”

  “Okay, Easy,” I replied, unconvinced.

  As we said our goodbyes, my phone started vibrating in my pocket. I gave Brad a final wave.

  Right on time.

  “Good morning, Beautiful,” I answered, picking up Bianca’s call.

  “Good morning, Handsome,” she replied and I could tell she was smiling.

  Taking my bags upstairs, I dropped them in the corner. Lighting one of the candles that smelled like Bianca, I climbed into the middle of the bed. I listened as she talked to me about her dream.

  “So tell me exactly what Charlotte Spence said to you?” Bianca asked enthusiastically.

  I chuckled to myself and went through the conversation again with her, just like I had the night before.

  “You are going to be in a museum! I am so proud of you. This is huge, Ro. This is huge.”

  I could hear and feel the happiness in each of the words. It warmed me.

  We talked for thirty minutes before she made her way to work.

  After talking to Bianca, I felt the tension leave my body as I melted into the mattress. As soon as I closed my eyes they felt like they were permanently sealed. In the darkness, I pictured Bianca’s beautiful face.

  I was drifting and then the phone vibrated violently against the nightstand.

  I considered not answering it, but something in my gut told me to pick it up. “Hello?”

  “Ro.” Bianca’s voice trembled. My eyes flew open and I sat straight up in bed.

  “What’s wrong?” I demanded, dread running through my veins. “Why are you whispering?”

  “I’m at the gallery and there was a box on my desk when I got here. I opened it and it was a bunch of black rose petals. A note was taped to the bottom. I’m scared, Ro. No one has keys to Pho but me and Nina. There’s no way…I don’t know.” Her words were rushed and shaky. “The flower being delivered was one thing. This box being on my desk while I’m here alone. And that note…that’s something else entirely. I felt like I was being watched.”

  The fear in her voice gutted me. I was out of the bed and pacing before I said another word. “Where are you? Get out of the gallery.”

  “I am. I’m standing outside of the gallery waiting for Nina. She is supposed to be here in the next few minutes.”

  “Tell me everything that happened. Where’s the box? What did the note say?” I shot out questions as I pulled on clothes. “B, talk to me. What did the note say?”

  “Roses are red, these ones are black. I’ll stop at nothing to get you back.”

  ----------

  Chapter Fourteen

  A cold chill shot through my entire body. My breathing became irregular as I scrubbed my face with my hand.

  Why the hell did I leave? I should’ve stayed.

  “It’s okay. You’re going to be okay. I’m going to figure this out,” I uttered as I felt the panic seize me.

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine.” She exhaled into the phone. “I just freaked out when I saw the box on my desk. And being in the gallery alone when I read that note was really creepy, yo
u know?”

  I need to tell her about the box that was sent to me. But will that make this situation better or worse? If she knows I got one, she may not feel alone. But she may also think that we’re being targeted.

  And then it hit me.

  We are being targeted.

  The tension in my muscles made it difficult for me to tie my sneakers. I wanted to tell her, but I needed to make sure she was okay first. “I shouldn’t have left you. I’m sorry I’m not there.”

  “Oh no, Ro. Your job is to create art. Your studio is in Richmond. You had to go. Don’t be sorry.”

  The deep burn in my chest twisted fiercely.

  “I should be there with you,” I growled, continuing to pace. “Are you okay? Do you need anything? Do you want me to come back up there?”

  “I’m okay,” she assured me, sounding more like herself. “I’m fine. And that last question is not fair because I will always want you to be here with me.”

  I was quiet for a second, getting my thoughts together. “B, I have to tell you something. I didn’t think it was a big deal at first, but I’m telling you because I want you to just stay alert. Understand that I’m never going to let anything happen to you.”

  “You’re making me nervous. What’s going on?”

  “I received a box right before I went to New York.”

  “What? What kind of box?”

  “A box with black rose petals and a note.”

  She gasped. “Why didn’t you tell me this?”

  “Because I didn’t have enough information yet. I had a pretty good idea of who would do some shit like this though. And now I’m sure so I’m going to take care of it.”

  “Who do you think would do this? You don’t think it’s Meredith do you?”

  “No. It’s Ashton.”

  She made a noise. “Ashton? Seriously? Given what you told me, I guess that makes sense, but I can’t see him doing something this creepy. He can be a bit arrogant, but he’s never come off as creepy. The single rose was one thing. But this note is next level shit.”

  Jogging down the stairs, I grabbed my keys and jacket.

  His intention is to get you back.

  “I know it might be hard, but don’t worry. I’m taking care of it.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “Handling it. Don’t worry.”

  “Nina’s walking up now. I need to tell her what happened and then I’ll call you as soon as I can.”

  “Call me back.”

  “I will. I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  Slipping the phone into my pocket, I slammed the front door shut behind me. Taking off into a sprint, I jumped into my car and revved the engine.

  Ashton’s not getting away with this.

  Screeching the tires, I peeled out of the driveway and headed toward VCU. I had just missed the morning commute, but traffic around the University was always a little heavier. By the time I found a parking spot, thirty minutes had passed as I was probably more pissed than I was when I left.

  Attempting to keep my composure, I tried to walk calmly into the Arts Building. Taking the elevator to the third floor, I felt my anger boiling. My hands balled into fists and as the doors opened, I tried to calm myself down.

  If you beat his ass on sight, nothing good will come of it. Just make it into his office.

  I stepped into the brightly lit lobby. A student worker greeted me from the receptionist desk.

  “Hey,” he said, flipping his stringy bangs out of eyes. “How can I help you?”

  Through clenched teeth, I growled, “Ashton Blue. Is he in?”

  The kid’s eyebrows shot up as he looked up at me and then down at his computer.

  “Um, Mr. Blue, he uh, he doesn’t have office hours until this afternoon,” he stammered. “He’s teaching in, um, Room 130.”

  “Thanks,” I muttered.

  Turning on my heel, I jabbed the elevator button and waited. Staring straight ahead, all I could think about was Ashton.

  He thinks he can go after my girl? He wants to send bullshit threats to me. Fine. But he will not harass B. And I’ll make damn sure it doesn’t happen again.

  The elevator door opened and a woman who looked vaguely familiar was inside. I glanced at her, but was too wrapped up in what Ashton did to be polite.

  “Well hello to you too, Roman,” she joked with a familiarity that I didn’t understand.

  I glanced over my shoulder at her. “Hello.”

  From her dark wavy hair to her pretty features, she looked familiar, but I couldn’t place her.

  “You don’t remember me do you?”

  I couldn’t shake the feeling that I knew her from somewhere, but my mind was focused on confronting Ashton.

  “No, I don’t.”

  The elevator door opened and I held my arm out, gesturing for her to walk through the door first.

  “Of course you don’t. It’s been a long time, but imagine me with long, straight, red hair, a few extra pounds and a different nose.”

  I felt my eyebrows come together in confusion as she walked out of the elevator.

  The only person who fits that description is—

  I stepped off the elevator and she extended her hand. “Copeland Jenner.”

  Shit.

  Copeland Jenner graduated from VCU’s School of Art the same year I did. We weren’t really friends, but she was the first woman I slept with after Tia. And at that time, I didn’t want to talk about what happened; I wanted to fuck away my feelings. I wasn’t in the right mindset and I used her as a crutch. Our situation went on for months before I realized that Copeland was in love with me. The moment she said the words, I ended it and never spoke to her again. From that point forward, I was more careful about my intentions because I never wanted to break another woman’s heart.

  “Oh Copeland, hi. How are you? I have a lot on my mind and… I’m sorry.” I twisted my mouth into the best version of a smile I could muster.

  Copeland waved her hand in the air before extending it toward me again. “Don’t worry. Most people haven’t recognized me since I’ve been back. I don’t know if it’s the nose job or the hair that throws people off more.”

  I didn’t know what to say in response to that.

  Extending my hand to meet hers, I was caught off guard when she turned the shake into a hug.

  Ummm…

  Placing both hands on her shoulders, I gently moved her away from me. “How are you?” I repeated, creating space between us.

  “It’s so good to see you. I’m great!” She tucked her short, brown hair behind her ear and smiled at me. “Next semester, I’ll be starting my position here. I just moved back to the area.”

  “Oh, Congratulations! The program has grown since we graduated.” I darted my eyes in the direction of the main doors when I heard footsteps. “But I have some things I need to take care of so—”

  My sentence stopped short as I heard the sound of students rushing out of a classroom with papers in their hands. I couldn’t see which one they were exiting, but if it was Ashton’s class, I needed to find him.

  “Maybe we can get some coffee sometime?”

  I heard her ask the question at the exact same moment that I spotted Ashton at the end of the hallway. He was watching me, glaring at me. The adrenaline pumped through me and my hands curled into fists.

  Laughter and talking filled the hallway as students filtered around me heading to and from classes. A student bumped into Copeland, causing her to stumble closer to me. I only noticed when she touched my arm.

  “Roman?”

  I looked down at her and then back at Ashton who was smiling.

  Without taking my eyes off of Ashton, I started making my way toward him. “It was nice seeing you, Copeland. Good luck with the new position.”

  “Maybe I’ll see you around,” she called to my back.

  I didn’t bother to reply.

  As I headed to him, Ashton turned and scurried
in the direction from which the flood of students came rushing. I stormed into Room 130 to find Ashton sitting on the edge of the desk in the front of the classroom.

  “Roman, don’t tell me you need to take Art 101.” The condescension rolled off of him.

  “Ah. I guess it makes sense to have you teaching at your artistic level.”

  Ashton pushed himself off of the desk. “What did you say to me?”

  I pulled my hands out of my pockets and continued stalking toward him. My breath came out in huffs as I tried to reign in my anger. “You heard what I said. But I need you to hear this. Stay the fuck away from Bianca. If you have a problem with me, you take it up with me. You mess with her again and I’m beating your ass.”

  There was about three feet between us when we stopped. If I had gotten any closer to him, I wouldn’t have been able to stop my fist from connecting with his face.

  “So you’re threatened by a little competition, huh?” Ashton scoffed and it took every ounce of restraint not to launch myself at him.

  “There’s no competition. She doesn’t want you. You’re making her uncomfortable.”

  He smirked. “You wouldn’t be here if she wasn’t thinking about me.”

  I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down.

  This asshole has lost his mind.

  “Ashton, I’m doing my best not to knock that fucking smirk off your face, but you’re making it hard.”

  I was shaking. I took a step back and rolled my shoulders.

  Ashton glared at me, curling his lip in disgust. “You don’t control her. Bianca’s a big girl. She can decide for herself who she wants.”

  “This isn’t about who she wants. She’s already decided who she wants. It’s about you not making my girl uncomfortable. It’s about you leaving her the fuck alone,” I spat, starting to see red.

  He wasn’t getting it and I wanted to beat some sense into him. Most of my rage stemmed from Ashton’s disrespect and harassment of Bianca. But there was a part of me that was fuming because she was scared and I wasn’t there to protect her.