Uncle Gary's Campfire Stories: Bayou Zombie Werewolves

by Visada, J. L. M.

  “Screw you Bobby.” Colton said and then froze. Outside the church were hundreds of zombie werewolves that had been coming to save their pack leader before he died. “Oh we’re so fucked.”

  Johanna and her students were just some of the zombie werewolves in the crowd. They all were immediately aware when Danior had died. They felt the compulsion he’d been sending out just stop. Some of the werewolves were crying. They couldn’t handle what they did over the last few days, and they couldn’t accept that they still had urges to kill and eat. They knew what their bodies were telling them to do was wrong, but it felt so right. The internal struggle was pushing their already fragile minds over the edge. Just then a Blackhawk helicopters roared across the city. They turned their guns on the zombie werewolves, and opened fire.

  Thousands of bullets and tracers tore through the night air ripping into the werewolves. Across the city Helicopters were unloading on the thousands of zombies and zombie werewolves. The bullets tore the zombies apart leaving crippled up zombies crawling through the streets, but the bullets did little more than piss off the zombie werewolves. Soon the zombie werewolves were mounting a counter attack. They began climbing up buildings and leaping onto the low flying helicopters. Blackhawks were crashing all throughout the city.

  Even the zombies started figuring out how to bring the copters down. They started grabbing some of the infant and baby zombies and throwing them high into the sky. Many of them either hit the helicopter blades and were chopped up, or came hurtling down to earth and splatting on the ground, but some landed on or in the helicopter and within minutes the chopper was crashing.

  “Colton...MOVE YOUR GINGER ASS!” Bobby screamed, and both men ran for the car. With the zombie werewolves so distracted by the military, the two men were completely ignored. Colton started the car and threw it in gear. The car sped off towards the airport.

  “I can’t believe we made it!” Colton laughed as he buried the front of the car through three zombies.

  “We haven’t made it yet. Get us to the airport. Then we can talk.” Bobby answered before screaming as the car skidded around the corner. They reached I-10 and Colton accelerated. Zombies became a roving obstacle course. The car was making good time, even if it slammed into a body once in a while sending a spray of putrid flesh and blood everywhere.

  “Bobby, call Sarah and tell her were maybe ten to fifteen minutes out.” Colton said.

  “Okay.” Bobby dialed when Sarah picked up Bobby said, “We’re headed your way. We’ll be there in ten to fifteen, maybe sooner if Colton keep driving like a bat out of hell.”

  “Okay, you two be careful. The plane is ready. Just follow the instructions and it’ll lead you straight to the plane.” Sarah said nervously.

  “Where’d you guys get a plane?” Bobby asked.

  “You won’t believe it until you see it. Just hurry.” Sarah pleaded.

  “We’ll be there soon and…OH SHIT!” Bobby screamed.

  “What?” Sarah asked.

  Bobby’s wife Sue was standing in the center of the road just. She locked eyes with Bobby, and immediately fur began ripping through her skin.

  “Sue’s a werewolf!” Bobby said as he tried to hide under the dash.

  Colton steered right for Sue, “I never liked this bitch anyway.”

  *Thump*

  Colton looked over at his friend, “You can sit back up now chickenshit. I took care of the ex for you.”

  “Thank God.” Bobby sighed as he sat back up.

  Just then Sue’s clawed hand tore through the roof of the car. The two men screamed, and began dodging Sue’s claw as she tried to grab one of them and then the other. They were almost to the airport.

  “What do we do?” Colton screamed.

  “Keep driving!” Bobby ordered as he reached around looking for the candlestick.

  Sue reached in farther and was able to get ahold of Colton’s collar. As he weaved down the road she began slamming him face first into the steering wheel.

  *Honk-Honk-Honk-Honk*

  “Get this crazy bitch off me!” Colton hollered.

  Bobby found the candlestick and slapped it against Sue’s arm. It began cutting deep into the flesh, and then she her arm back out through the roof. Bobby watched for any sign that she might try to grab them again, but instead she leapt onto the hood. Sue was focused on Bobby. She snarled and growled as she began pounding on the windshield.

  Colton turned the wheel and the car drove into the airport. Sue punched through the glass and tried to grab Bobby. Meanwhile Bobby was swinging the candlestick back and forth in a desperate attempt to keep her claws away. Then they saw the plane. It was large, and pink, and given a paintjob to make it resemble a giant penis in the air. On the side in big letters it said Genitalia from Australia.

  “Aim for the giant flying cock!” Bobby ordered.

  “What? Why?” Colton asked.

  “We have airbags right?” Bobby asked.

  “Yeah, but again…why?” Colton said nervously.

  “Aim for that engine, and step on the gas.” Bobby grinned like madman.

  “We could be killed!”

  “Don’t puss out on me now. Kill this bitch for me and every ex-husband out there. If that doesn’t motivate you then do it for the Lollipop guild, and all the Oompa Loompas!”

  “Fuck you Coonass!” Colton growled as he pointed the car right at one of the plane’s engines. The baggage cart was parked right in front of it. The car accelerated to ninety. Bobby grinned one last time at Sue and then flipped her the bird. The car buried into the baggage cart and both airbags deployed. Sue however wasn’t so fortunate. The momentum sent her right into one of the plane’s engines. It chopped her into hundreds if not thousands of pieces before the engine stopped working. Bits of Sue had clogged up the engine, and the pilots had to cut power to the engine to avoid starting a fire.

  Bobby and Colton slowly climbed out of the car. Sarah and B.J. ran over to help them into the plane. The two men were bruised and sore. When they got on the plane Paul, Avery, Fish, and Chips came over to check them out and make sure they were okay. Then they found their seats and tried to ignore the shaking of the plane as the pilot flew them away. When they reached cruising altitude the pilot advised they could now move about the cabin, and only then did everyone start relaxing.

  “With only three engines we’ll only be able to make it to Georgia, but that’ll put some distance between us and everything out there.” Paul said.

  “Well it won’t be the long flight I hoped for, but you can still get to know us better.” Fish and Chips said as they hugged B.J.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing to my goddaughter?” Colton snapped. He struggled up to his feet.

  Fish and Chips tried to explain, but Colton was having none of it. He was just about to start unleashing his redneck-fu, when Sarah stepped in, “Relax boys. I know how to handle this. Colton Baby? Can you help me with something in the back of the plane?”

  “Not now…I need to keep an eye on these two. They look like they might try something.” Colton snapped.

  Sarah leaned down, “But maybe I want to try something…come on Big Red. Don’t you want to join the mile high club?”

  Colton eyed the two men standing beside B.J. and then looked back at his wife. He was conflicted, but then Sarah helped “straighten him out” by whispering all the things she had planned for him in the back of the plane. Colton didn’t even bother to say anything to the two men. Instead he just slapped his wife on the ass and laughed, “Well hell yeah! Let’s go!”

  Bobby watched as the short man walked towards the curtain separating the front and back of the plane, “Colton!” Bobby barked.

  Colton turned around, “What? Can’t you see I’m busy?”

  Bobby took out the two low fat low calorie twinkies and tossed them to the little redhead, “You earned them. Now get back there and show Sarah how to fly the friendly skies.”

  Colton grinned, “You really are a
good friend Bobby.”

  “Just remember…if you drop dead from all that good loving. I’ll be right there to console her.” Bobby smiled mischievously.

  “Then I’m just gonna have to live forever.” Colton laughed.

  Bobby smiled, “Boy…I hope so.”

  Chapter Fifty-Five

  Callie Hix arrived at the warehouse, “So where’s the contract, and who am I working with?”

  The director Hedwig “The Pig” Spielberg walked up, “Callie baby! We didn’t think you’d make it.”

  “Oh Heddy don’t be silly. As soon as my agent told me you were making this movie I said count me in. So what movie are we making anyway? Is it Backdoor Cumsluts Nine, Fist Me Motherfucker Eight, or Tranny Nun Gang Bang Twelve?” Callie asked.

  “Your manager didn’t tell you? We’re doing something new. We’re adapting a book.” Hedwig grinned as he readjusted the wig that barely covered his seventy year old head.

  “Book adaptation? What is it this time? Pride and Prejudice and Bukkake? Moby’s Dick? Charlie Pounds You In the Chocolate Factory? Please tell me it’s not going to be something about Winnie the Pooh…you know how I hate it when people shit on me.” Callie asked.

  “No…it’s some crappy urban fantasy series called The Midnight Squad, but don’t worry. We’re using some artistic license to improve it a bit. We’ll make it more to suit our viewers tastes.” Hedwig “The Pig” said with a smile.

  “How’d we get this steaming pile of crap?” Callie asked.

  “Well the author sold his rights to another company. Apparently they didn’t actually read the book. They just bought it because it was selling well. Then they took one look and saw all the sex and other crap going on and they couldn’t wait to get rid of the damn thing. We bought the rights for next to nothing. So we punched it up a little. We had to cut out a shitload of God and Jesus stuff, and we had to make a few creative decisions on casting, but we think it’ll make some great tranny porn. You might even win an AVN award for this one.” Hedwig said with genuine excitement.

  “So who am I playing?”

  Hedwig started explaining, “Well Callie, you’ll be playing Josephina Reaper, but most of the time people will be calling you Grim. So we thought we’d do one of the sex scenes first. It’s going to be you and Barack in bed together. He’ll be playing a ghost priest that is seducing you for the first time. You’re supposed to be thinking it’s all a dream so when he sticks the tube in your ass-“

  “Wait! What’s going into my ass?” Callie asked with genuine irritation.

  “We’re going to be inserting a tube into your ass. It’s all part of the fantasy.” Hedwig said matter-of-factly.

  “Why is there at tube going to be stuck in my ass?”

  “So he can insert the gerbil of course.” Hedwig answered.

  “Is that even legal?” Callie asked nervously.

  “Don’t worry…it’s a stunt gerbil. He’ll be completely fine.” Hedwig dismissed her concerns without a second thought. “So Barack is playing the ghost priest named Johnathan, and he’ll be inserting the gerbil into your ass. After the gerbil is inserted he’ll step around in front of you so that you can blow him. Now I know how much you hate when the men shoot on your face, so I already told Barack to shoot his load all over your tits.”

  Callie smiled, “Aw Heddy…thank you. That’s so sweet.”

  Hedwig brought Callie over to Barack “The Cock” Moreau. The muscular black man smiled, “It’s been awhile Callie.”

  “Fast and Furious Fuckers Two: This time it’s Anal. I can’t believe you remembered that.” Callie felt her face flush. She genuinely liked working with Barack “The Cock”. The man didn’t take liberties with his costars, he almost always remembered to use lube during anal, and whenever he forgot he was always very apologetic.

  “Remembered it…it was some of my best work. That triple penetration scene with you practically made my career. I still don’t know how you were able to fit all of us in there.” Barack grinned.

  Callie made her way over to the makeup woman. Heather Adams touched up a few things, and made sure to use a few makeup tricks to make Callie look more like the girl next door, and less like the girl walking the street. Callie began making small talk, “So why haven’t you made any of these movies? You’re definitely pretty enough?”

  “Oh no…I’m really more interested in directing.” Heather answered. The truth was that she’d have died of embarrassment if anyone knew she was making porn movies. Her parents still thought she was a florist, and her boyfriend was absolutely sure she was making money as a bartender somewhere. Heather was beautiful, bordering on gorgeous, which was good everywhere but in the movie business. She had red hair and breasts that made the average man want to stand up and applaud. The problem was that when a woman is as beautiful as she is then she is almost expected to work in front of the camera instead of behind it. No matter what movie she was working on, at some point either the director, or casting, or a producer would come over and find some way to get her in front of the camera either as an extra, or they’d give her some small line. Heather hated acting. From day one she’d wanted to direct, but nobody was willing to give her a chance in regular movies. That’s when she started making porn.

  She met Hedwig “The Pig” one day while assisting on a documentary about how pornography affects perceptions of women. The producer of the documentary talked about oppression of women by porn producers, and how pornography was belittling women. Hedwig was one of the people she interviewed, and she did her best to rattle the man. She insulted him, and treated him like the biggest scum on earth. The woman had actually demanded he apologize to women everywhere for how he portrayed women in his movies. Hedwig was kind, and genuinely polite to the rantings coming from the woman. Then afterwards he offered Heather a job working his cameras. It still made Heather laugh that for everything her former boss had said about sisterhood and uplifting women, she still hadn’t thought twice about not paying her. The woman actually had the gall to say Heather should be happy to work for free to help advance women’s caused.

  Working for Hedwig was always a unique experience. The old man was like a sweet but horny grandfather on Viagra. There were always women coming and going, mostly cumming, around the seventy year old man known as “The Pig”. His full name was Hedwig Stein, but he changed his last name to Spielberg in the late seventies just so he could put Spielberg on the cover of his movies. It actually did improve his sales as some people were actually fooled into thinking Steven Spielberg made a porn movie.

  When Heather first came to work for the man, she was nervous. She had suspicions about what working for a man nicknamed “The Pig” might be like. She was pleasantly surprised. Hedwig was actually a gentleman. He was thoughtful and tried to make everyone around him feel more at home. He got the nickname “The Pig” for the same reason bald people got called Curly, and tall people might get called Shorty. Before long Heather found herself happily working for “The Pig”. On big movies, he’d let her direct a few scenes. He was even starting to let her make her own movies under his name. On small movies then she helped out with makeup, or set design. In no time at all she’d quickly become Hedwig’s right hand woman, and in a lot of ways he thought of her like a daughter.

  Heather finished with the makeup and pointed Callie Hix towards the bed. Barack was already standing beside the bed while one of the new transsexual actresses was sucking on him to get him hard for the scene. Heather always tried not to laugh when she saw one of the “fluffers” doing their job on the set. Apparently it was an unwritten rule that all cocks had to be fully erect on camera. It was as if the people watching at home might be offended at the sight of a limp dick. Like somewhere at home a man furiously masturbating would just completely lose interest waiting that minute or two for the pornstar to get an erection.

  Callie climbed up in bed and pretended to be asleep. Heather then went over and picked up a second camera. With two cameras working, Hedwig
could later cut and splice the scene together to make it look like they were lasting much longer, and on top of that he could always make sure he had a good angle. Heather and Hedwig worked well together. They just instinctively knew how to stay out of one another’s shots.

  Barack leaned over and “woke” Callie. They began kissing and making out. It was all pretty straightforward stuff. Nothing unusual at all until Barack began lubing up the decorated PVC pipe. He pressed it against Callie’s butt cheeks and Heather zoomed in as Callie’s eyes bugged out the moment it began slipping inside.

  “Okay bring in the gerbil.” Hedwig ordered, and an assistant brought Barack the rodent.

  Heather zoomed in on the gerbil while it dangled over the pipe. Barack let the gerbil grab at the opening of the PVC pipe a few times before slipping him in. “Alright now step in front and let Callie suck you off.” Hedwig commanded. Barack stepped around and let his thick cock dangle down. Callie leaned up to take him in her mouth. She could feel the gerbil still skittering up the pipe. She opened her mouth and he slipped between her lips.

  There was gunfire outside that drew everyone’s attention. Barack pulled himself out of her mouth and hopped off the bed, “What the hell is going on.”

  Callie twisted and the PVC pipe hit the footboard causing it to jerk inside her. “Ow! Motherfucker!” Callie grunted in pain. “What’s going on?”

  Heather Adams ran to the window. “Oh my God! It looks like World War Three out there!”

  Outside Zombie Werewolves were leaping into the balconies to go after drunken tourists, zombies were marching through the streets ripping doors open and going after the people inside. Cars were being picked up and thrown through walls by the werewolves to get into the homes and businesses more easily. One of the krewes parading through the streets was trying desperately to get away from the gunfire raining down on them from the helicopters trying to destroy the undead. The parade leader was pumping away and still trying to perform for the onlookers. Meanwhile zombie werewolves closed in on all sides. They picked them off one at a time until the only survivors left were the parade leader, and the people smart enough to hide under the floats.