Embracing Love (Tainted Love Book 3)

by Lily Zante

  “You’re returning to Paris already?” He’d assumed too much. Disappointment clouded his thoughts and the appeal of going to San Francisco withered away.

  She nodded, equally as surprised at his news. “I didn’t know you were staying on.”

  “For a week.” Only he wasn’t looking forward to it anymore.

  Her face displayed her disappointment. “I have to go.” She looked at her watch. “We have a managers’ meeting with Michael soon.” The lack of enthusiasm in her voice was apparent.

  This was goodbye? No words could express the desolation he felt already. “When will I see you again?” he asked, his jaw tightening.

  “When you get back,” she replied.

  He wanted to hold her, to hug her and kiss her. He wanted to feel her again and almost reached out for her but saw her flinch, and understood. “You feel awkward, I understand.”

  “It’s not you.”

  “I know. It’s the situation.” He looked around them. “We can talk when I return.”

  “I’d like that.” She put out her hand. “I really must go.” He took her hand and held it, giving it more of a caress than a handshake.

  “I feel the need to kiss you. But I can’t.”

  “I want to be kissed by you. But—” They held on, until their hands slowly slipped apart. She filed past him into the dining area, and he walked in a minute after her.

  Chapter 28

  She felt wretched walking away from him. All she had wanted to do was to stay and talk. To find out how they were, to find out how things stood.

  But it wasn’t possible with everyone around, and she had to be careful.

  She walked into the breakfast area and looked around for a familiar face. Michael and Dorothy were deep in conversation at one end, and with relief she saw Ethan and Nadine at the other.

  She still had a little time before Michael’s final wrap-up meeting. Nadine waved her over and she waved back, pointing to the buffet table, and prayed that Gabriel wouldn’t follow suit so quickly.

  It was all so new, raw, yet-to-be-analyzed and she wasn’t sure she wanted anyone, least of all Nadine, to read any signs that something between them had taken place.

  Gabriel reached the buffet table soon after and Tanya managed to nod to him as casually as she could, before heading towards Ethan and Nadine.

  “Someone’s hungry,” commented Nadine, eyeing Tanya’s fully stacked plate of fruit. “I didn’t eat much at the barbeque,” murmured Tanya, sitting down beside them.

  “You missed a great evening,” said Ethan.

  “Really?” she tried to look disappointed. “What time did it end?”

  “I have no idea. We went up at two,” said Nadine, “but we could hear the noise from outside our bedroom window. Didn’t you hear it?” They were a few doors down from her.

  “I must have been totally wiped out.” She told them, before devouring her pineapple slices.

  “I thought I’d go to the gym for one last time,” Ethan said to Nadine, “while you’re in your meeting.”

  She nodded. “Go ahead. We should be done within the hour. I’ll wait for you here.”

  Ethan looked around. “I’ll ask Gabriel if he wants to join me.”

  “I think he said he’s going back to San Francisco with Russell,” said Tanya.

  “Yeah? Let me go ask him anyway.” He wandered over to where Gabriel sat.

  With Ethan out of earshot, Nadine asked her. “How is he?”

  “Who?” Tanya asked, again as vaguely as she could.

  “The Dalai Lama.”

  Tanya frowned. “How would I know how Gabriel is?”

  “Did you two get to talk, or clear the air?”

  “We didn’t really find the time.”

  “That’s too bad. It’s a shame you’re not staying on a while. He’s here for a week, you know.”

  “Oh, really?”

  Nadine eyed her suspiciously and Tanya had a sneaky feeling she’d gone overboard with her vagueness but she wasn’t yet ready to divulge anything when she herself didn’t know how things between her and Gabriel stood.

  “Hurry,” said Nadine, glancing at her watch. “You’ve got five minutes.”

  Tanya wolfed down her food as fast as she could, relieved that Nadine hadn’t asked too many questions.

  It was late afternoon when Tanya returned to her hotel room. Most of the Europeans were enjoying the hotel amenities and lounged around outside by the pool. The US staff had slowly begun to make their way back to San Francisco and she had just said goodbye to Ethan, Nadine and Melissa.

  Alone in her room, she wanted to call Gabriel but didn’t dare risk it. He would be with Russell now and it would be awkward for him. She also didn’t want to come across as being too eager. For now she would have to be patient and bide her time.

  Take it slow.

  Gauge his feelings.

  Damp down hers.

  She also wasn’t so sure that Gabriel was looking for a relationship, and even though she liked the idea of being with him, she was scared of getting hurt again. Scared of falling for someone who didn’t feel as strongly for her.

  Someone younger and prettier would catch his eye soon enough, and she’d be history.

  What then? More heartache. She wasn’t sure she could go through that all over again.

  But heated memories of last night seared her thoughts, and details of the night replayed once more in her mind. Her body started to respond in kind and she wished she had another day at least to spend with him.

  Even one more day would be something. She felt as though she’d slipped away after a few hours together and it simply wasn’t enough.

  Chapter 29

  “The bitch,” Gabriel hissed. “I should have seen this coming.”

  Spiral were suing Flight Europe for breach of contract, for awarding the business that should have been theirs to the Zimmerman group.

  Tanya didn’t know all of their history, business or romance wise, but it sounded as though Gabriel’s split with Vanessa hadn’t been amicable. He now thought that she was getting her revenge by hitting his company with a lawsuit.

  “I can’t talk for too long,” said Gabriel, on the one and only time he’d called her while he’d been in the US. “How have you been?” he whispered, his tone hushed.

  I’ve missed you, she wanted to say. “Good, busy.” She kept her answers short, just like his emails had been.

  She’d been hurt, and was still hurting, by his attitude which at best showed restraint and reserve. The man she had spent that passionate night with was all but a fading memory.

  She’d expected better from him.

  His voice lowered to a whisper, “I’ve been thinking of you.”

  “Yeah?” She felt a whimper of happiness.

  “I know you’re anxious about the campaign, and I’m sorry this has happened. We only just found out and I’m about to go into a meeting with Russell. I think this might impact our campaign. Unfortunately, we can’t go live until this whole mess with Spiral is resolved.”

  “Okay.” It was the campaign he’d been worried about.

  “I’ll be back sometime next week.” He told her.

  “Okay.”

  “But I wanted to alert you as soon as I found out.”

  “Sure.”

  “Look, I have to go. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to call much. It’s always so late here by the time we finish and Russell seems intent on taking me out each evening. We’re seeing a group of people from the Zimmerman Group later tonight. I’ll be meeting Ethan and Nadine.”

  “Tell them I said ‘hi’.”

  “I will. I’ll see you soon?” he asked, but she chose not to answer and hung up.

  Tanya pondered about the implications. This legal issue could take a long time to resolve. It wasn’t only bad news for Flight, but also for the Zimmerman Group, and for her.

  Yet hearing Gabriel talk just about business had been disheartening. For days after her return s
he’d waited to hear from him. She hungered for his words. Words that would tell her he thought about her, that he missed being with her, that he wanted to see her again, that he also remembered that night.

  That he also dreamed of another night like that.

  But his emails had been brief and mostly work related too: Had she arrived back ok? Were things moving along with the ad campaign?

  There had been no mention of the intimacy they had shared. And that had hurt her more.

  And so she dove straight into work matters which kept her mind from mulling too much over Gabriel.

  Things had cooled as suddenly as they had sprung up between them and she was left feeling out of sorts.

  Unsure of her status.

  She’d secretly hoped it might lead to something worth having. But as the reality of her days dawned upon her, she’d become disheartened, thinking that what they had shared didn’t mean anything to him.

  And yet she could think about nothing else but her time with him.

  Today when he’d called her, she’d forgiven him at ‘hello’. But he had only wanted to warn her about the legal action taken by Spiral. That had been the reason for his call.

  Maybe his intentions weren’t as noble as she wanted to believe. Maybe what they’d had was nothing more than a good time in bed.

  If she could only get used to enjoying the moment for what it was—great sex, and a connection—and not think about anything long-term, she would survive.

  He seemed busy enough. But her doubts plagued her further. Was he busy or was he distant? Was he already bored with her? Perhaps he regretted their brief fling? Whatever it was, she sensed his indifference.

  So she’d played it cool, too. Their time difference didn’t help, she knew that. But she and Nadine still managed to have a conversation.

  Why did Gabriel have such a problem?

  Or maybe she had now reached that age where it was time to let go of the future she’d envisioned for herself a few years ago. It was time to have more realistic expectations where romance was not a given and finding love with the perfect man was an impossibility.

  She’d been forced to abandon her hopes of having children. And she could also give up all hope of finding love, too. Maybe the way forward, in order to survive life, was to be thankful for these moments, some stolen, some secret, wherever and whenever she found them.

  “Suing Flight Europe?” asked Thierry.

  “Yes,” Tanya replied wearily when she relayed the news to him.

  “What does that have to do with us?” asked Thierry.

  “It means that Flight Europe are stuck and can’t move forward with the campaign we worked on together until they legally figure this mess out. It might mean that Flight will have to work with Spiral.”

  “That doesn’t sound right,” said Thierry. “Don’t you worry. It’s not your fault,” he said, trying to put her mind at rest.

  “That’s not how Michael will see it.”

  “I don’t see why. If Flight signed a contract with Spiral you weren’t part of that.”

  “Thanks, Thierry. I appreciate you trying to make me feel better.” But she didn’t feel better at all. Right now, she didn’t know if it was as much because of the legal wrangles with her client, or because her client wasn’t pining for her as much as she was for him.

  “How about we all go out this evening for a meal? Consider it a reward for surviving the first week back at work. Are you in?”

  She shook her head. She didn’t feel in the mood for company tonight, and rather preferred the idea of a quiet night in. Above all, she needed to think, to prepare herself for the eventuality of Gabriel’s return—and what then?

  “If you change your mind, call me.”

  “Thanks.” She told him and watched as he left the office. But her mind was already made up.

  “It’s not looking good,” agreed Nadine.

  Tanya poured herself another glass of wine. She’d been home a while now, and had been trying to unwind.

  But she kept thinking how a week ago today she had spent Friday night at the Roman Gardens with Gabriel.

  And if she wasn’t thinking of that then her mind became preoccupied with other moments with Gabriel, and then the legal wrangles which would impact the Zimmerman Group. This was the very thing she and Nadine now discussed.

  “How’s Michael taking it?” Tanya was more concerned about him.

  “He’s being cautious. He thinks Flight needs to wait. I think mention was made of a romantic liaison between Gabriel and the co-founder of Spiral. Did you know?” Nadine asked.

  “I guessed as much. But they’re not together anymore.”

  “Maybe this has got more to do with emotional issues rather than a valid business reason.”

  “I think so.” Agreed Tanya, and wondered whether to spill all to Nadine now.

  “Anyway, Gabriel is pretty annoyed by the whole thing. He told Michael—now that I come to think of it—”

  “Told Michael what?”

  “Now that I come to think of it,” continued Nadine slowly, ignoring her question, “he defended you the whole time.”

  “Did I need defending?”

  “Michael wondered if we might have moved faster with the campaign, but Gabriel didn’t think it had any bearing on the matter. He was the one who confessed about him and the woman at Spiral. He seemed to think there might be possible vengeful tactics behind her latest move.”

  “He stood up for me?” she asked, beginning to smile, “A little? Or a lot?”

  “He didn’t let Michael cast any doubt on anything you’d done.”

  This gave Tanya a feeling of hope.

  “Anyway,” Nadine continued, “they’ve got their legal team on it. But everything’s on hold for now.”

  “I know,” Tanya said, “and I’m sure Michael’s really annoyed about it all.”

  “I wouldn’t worry about it. You’ve got Gabriel fighting your corner.”

  “Interesting,” Tanya replied.

  “Why is Gabriel fighting your corner?” Nadine asked.

  A smile crept over Tanya’s lips. She sipped her wine, and let the cool Rosé glide down her throat.

  “He’s got a soft spot for you. Are you really so blind to the attraction?” Nadine asked.

  “I don’t see it,” replied Tanya, and she was lost in the memories of their passionate night. She would tell Nadine, but in time. Of course it all depended on whether there was anything worth telling.

  Chapter 30

  Gabriel stared out of his office window and considered the truckload of problems that had piled up for him while he’d been away.

  Spending a few days in London with Sébastien had settled him and renewed his hope.

  He had even been able to tolerate Francine and Henri without too much difficulty. This was something which surprised him given that these visits were strained at the best of times—not because of his son but because of the people who lived with him. He now felt better able to handle the sadness of his son leaving, and he apportioned this resurgence of new hope to meeting Tanya. He wasn’t sure how or why she played a part, only that he no longer felt abandoned, which, he now discovered, had been his fear all along.

  The whole trip, to Sacramento, then San Francisco, then London and back home had been tiring; full of ups and downs, but mostly good things. The only sour note in all that time had been the notion that Spiral deemed Flight to be in a breach of their contract.

  He’d come back from it all thinking that the only things that mattered in life were people—family and friends, relationships and love.

  Everything else was just business.

  And the thing that confirmed this to him the most—aside from spending time with Sébastien—had been finding Tanya.

  But having to spend time apart immediately after had been hard and it felt as though he was starting all over again, that he couldn’t just pick up the phone and call her.

  With the legal drama kicking off soon afte
r, things were getting complicated enough as it was. He’d been in meetings with his lawyers all of yesterday and they had instructed him to refrain from any communication with Spiral or the Zimmerman Group.

  It made it even more difficult to get back to things with Tanya—yet he ached to see her again. Tomorrow he would call her and explain everything.

  Maybe he’d suggest meeting away from his office and hers. As much as he wanted to see her and couldn’t, he still felt obliged to meet her even for a short while. Who knew how long it would take to clear this legal problem? A quick meeting, just to see her, and to explain it all face to face might be best.

  Having to tell Russell and his legal team about his and Vanessa’s complicated relationship had been trying. He had no desire to throw Tanya’s name into the mix.

  There was too much going on in his life right now but for once not all of it was bad. In time, he was sure, things with Tanya would continue. He was hopeful about things for them, and felt reassured that they both knew what lay ahead only because they had both come from the same hurtful past.

  Even though he still didn’t know much about her past.

  This woman was more guarded than the women he was used to and Tanya seemed to hide her feelings behind a foot-thick steel wall. She didn’t say what she felt and in order to find out what she was thinking, he sometimes felt he had to slowly coax it out of her.

  She was a closed book, and he looked forward to getting her to trust him enough to open up.

  Whatever happened he couldn’t put her career at risk, wouldn’t want to be the one who could be blamed for ruining things for her. He was aware of her fears about her career, and how important it was for her to get results.

  It would be remiss of him to let the news come out that he and she were involved. He had a feeling that Michael Zimmerman might not take to this news too well—though what it had to do with him Gabriel still failed to understand. In any case, he would keep it under wraps.

  None of this was Tanya’s fault, and yet he thought he got the point across to Michael Zimmerman but there was still talk of Nadine heading to Paris soon, to smooth things over. It was just as well that he’d been in San Francisco, to smooth things over as best as he could.