Lone Star Baby (McCabe Multiples Book 5)

by Cathy Gillen Thacker

  Bridgette continued feeding Ava. “He’s embarrassed, of course.”

  Realizing he had let his family down again—by not noticing how distressed Nicholas was, and so not doing anything to prevent his little brother’s rash actions—Gavin promised, “I’ll make time to see him. Give him the support he obviously needs.”

  “Wait a few days,” his sister advised, setting the bottle aside. “He needs time to deal with it on his own first.”

  Gavin watched as Bridgette placed Ava across her lap. “That’s not the way you burp her,” he told her.

  Bridgette looked at him with the expertise of an NICU nurse. “I think I know how to do this,” she said, gently patting Ava’s back. A loud burp sounded.

  Smiling victoriously, Bridgette shifted Ava and situated her to continue feeding her.

  Unable to help himself, Gavin hovered over them. “That’s not how she likes to be held, either,” he said.

  Bridgette sighed. Loudly.

  Ignoring his sister’s exasperation, Gavin gestured to demonstrate what he meant. “Her head should be just a little bit higher, nestled against your bicep rather than just above the crook of your elbow, when she takes her bottle.”

  Bridgette rolled her eyes. “I have fed her before.”

  “When she was in the hospital,” Gavin countered. “Things are different now.”

  His sister smiled tenderly at the little girl cuddled in her arms. “I should say they are.”

  Gavin frowned. “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “You have baby fever.” She winked. “Or should I say Ava fever?”

  Gavin paced nearby, not sure when he’d felt so at a loss. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Ava began to fuss, just a little bit. He itched to take the infant in his arms again.

  “Have you begun to reconsider your decision not to keep her?”

  Gavin shook his head. “Violet and I agreed what was best at the outset. All our reasoning still stands.”

  “With one exception,” Bridgette said, rising. She walked over to settle Ava in Gavin’s arms. “The love you both obviously feel in your hearts.”

  Love?

  He knew he loved Ava. Violet did, too. But wasn’t the point of love to ignore your own selfish wishes and do what was best for the person you cared for?

  After all, he loved his family dearly. But that didn’t naturally make him an effective parent. If it had, he would have known what to say to Nicholas after the accident. He would have realized immediately how traumatizing the rollover was, and insisted Nicholas not go back to college right away. But instead, he’d let him go. Not having a clue that his little bro was so upset he was about to drop out of school. Or worse, gamble what remained of his tuition money away.

  Bottom line, he had failed him. And thereby his whole family, again.

  He couldn’t fail Ava.

  He could love her as a godparent. Care for her, watch over her.

  But he could not be her parent.

  Not without letting her down.

  The question was, how would he explain this to Violet, in a way she would understand and accept. Gavin was still thinking about that long after Bridgette left.

  When Violet returned, she had the ultra-determined cheerfulness about her that always meant more was going on with her than she wanted to admit. Which made sense, since more was going on with him, too.

  Violet set down her keys and purse. She walked over to where he stood, a wide-awake Ava cradled in his arms.

  “I saw Mitzy as I was leaving the hospital.”

  Uh-oh. Gavin did not like the sound of that.

  Violet held out her hands.

  Realizing what she wanted and needed, he shifted the baby to her.

  Yet to burp, Ava blew out a tiny milk bubble between her rosebud lips. She turned her big eyes up to Violet.

  She smiled down at Ava with what could only be interpreted as a mother’s fierce and abiding love. Then turned back to Gavin, a hint of sadness in her eyes. “The visits between the first two sets of prospective parents are set up for ten o’clock tomorrow morning, in the visitation room at the family services center. Mitzy will be there the entire time, monitoring and recording the interactions for us to view later.”

  Aware she looked as anxious as he suddenly felt, Gavin reassured her, “I’m sure it will go smoothly.”

  “I know Mitzy will see that it does.” Violet swallowed. “You’re not working tonight, right?”

  Gavin shook his head. “I’m off until midnight tomorrow.”

  “So we’re both going to be here this evening?”

  “Looks like. Unless you have errands or something you want to do.”

  “No. I’d just like to stay and enjoy what little time we have left with Ava.”

  “Sounds good to me,” Gavin returned gruffly. It was the thought of her leaving, and of Violet maybe going away, too, as a consequence, that damn near broke his heart.

  For a man without a romantic bone in his body, who would have thought?

  * * *

  OVER THE COURSE of the next twenty-four hours, Gavin and Violet shared taking care of Ava, made love several times and even managed to watch a DVD movie both had been wanting to see. And yet, even as things proceeded perfectly, Gavin could sense Violet slipping away from him.

  It was as if to place Ava with another family, one much better suited to care for her than the two of them, she had to shut down part of her heart.

  And while Gavin understood—he was having to compartmentalize his emotions, too, to get by—he worried her distance wouldn’t end when this was over.

  And that would be a problem.

  For both of them.

  Violet, however, didn’t seem to realize that, as the morning of the prospective-family bonding sessions dawned.

  She rushed around, doing everything that needed to be done and a lot that did not. “We should make a list. Shouldn’t we make a list of her likes and dislikes?”

  Gavin nodded, holding the infant so she, too, could watch Violet gather everything for Ava’s very first tub bath. “Absolutely. These families shouldn’t go in blind. They should have every advantage when it comes to bonding with Ava.”

  Violet knotted her hair on top of her head, then paused to kiss the baby’s cheek. “That’s what I think, too.” Looking a lot more composed about the impending separation than he felt, Violet checked and then had him test the comfortably warm water in the baby bathtub that her sisters had loaned them, which was situated, along with several thick and fluffy bath towels, on the counter next to the kitchen sink.

  Although the temperature outside had gotten cool overnight, the morning was warming fast. To ensure that Ava would stay warm enough, though, they had turned on the heat.

  “What does the thermostat say?” Violet asked.

  “Seventy-three, inside.”

  “That’s good, don’t you think?”

  “Yep.” They did not want the infant getting chilled when it came time for her very first tub bath.

  With another quick efficient smile, Violet made sure she had everything ready. Gavin handed her over, staying close as Violet gently laid Ava on the towels and undressed her quickly.

  “Okay, sweetheart.” Violet cooed. “Here goes...” She cradled the baby’s small body in one hand, her head and neck in the other, and then lifted her gently into the bath.

  Ava’s eyes widened in surprise.

  Gavin wet a washcloth, as they had discussed, and placed it over the infant’s chest to keep their little darling warm and calm.

  And what do you know, Gavin mused, it worked. Violet smiled victoriously, too.

  Together, talking softly, soothing all the while, he and Violet massaged a small amount of lavender-scented bab
y wash over Ava’s hair and body, taking care to get the creases in her neck and arms and legs, and the area behind her ears.

  An equally gentle rinse and she was done.

  “Well, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Violet lifted the blinking infant out of the bathwater and into the thick, soft towel Gavin had waiting.

  Gavin exchanged triumphant glances with Violet. “I thought we did great.”

  Maybe they were parent material, after all.

  To the point they should be thinking about having one of their own one day.

  When he and Violet could offer an infant everything he or she needed in life.

  He snuggled Ava while Violet brought out the clothes.

  “The pink onesie or the yellow?”

  Contentment rushed through Gavin as he cradled Ava tenderly in his arms. “Pink.”

  The baby blinked up at him. And was that a smile?

  Violet was grinning happily now.

  “Pink it is,” she declared with the same tenderness Gavin was feeling.

  Keeping Ava’s top half covered, Violet diapered her, then removed the towel and slipped on an undershirt for extra warmth. The onesie followed. So did a cute little hat. And matching sweater. Unexpected tears misted Violet’s eyes. “She looks...beautiful, don’t you think?”

  “Best. Baby. Ever,” Gavin agreed hoarsely, barely able to get the words out.

  Luckily, he had composed himself by the time they settled Ava into her carrier. Not daring to look at Violet, for fear if she were feeling as oversentimental as he was it would send him over the edge, Gavin hoisted the diaper bag over his shoulder. Violet fell into step beside him. Then they were out the door, in the car and on their way.

  * * *

  VIOLET KNEW SHE was doing the right thing. But it still felt as if someone had reached into her chest and yanked her heart right out.

  “So what now?” Gavin asked after they had reluctantly handed Ava to the waiting social worker.

  Violet couldn’t help but note it seemed as though he was doing all he could to contain his emotions, too.

  But letting their conflicted feelings affect Ava’s future happiness would only make the situation all the more difficult when the time came to let her go. So, once again, Violet did what she had to do.

  Calmly thrusting her hands into the pockets of her suede jacket, she walked with Gavin to her SUV. “I have to go out to McCabe House to check on the progress.”

  His gaze on the distant horizon, he asked, “Want company?”

  More than he knew. “Sure,” she said as if it was no big deal, when to her it was a very big deal.

  Sterling had pushed her away when they had needed to be there for each other. It helped, having Gavin want her close instead.

  The estate was quiet. Devoid of any other vehicles. Gavin frowned as she parked outside the stable-house. “Shouldn’t the crews be here?”

  Violet shook her head. “There’s nothing for them to do right now. They’re waiting on county inspectors to approve the structural changes made to date. I still need to check on things, too. Make sure there are no other broken pipes, or whatever.”

  When they entered McCabe House, there was nothing but a big, carved-out space on each of the two floors. All the drywall had been removed, the wood framing reconfigured.

  Even the bathroom fixtures were gone. It was an open slate. And for Violet, who recalled visits to her grandparents when she was growing up, it was suddenly devastating to see.

  Without warning, she burst into tears.

  Alarmed, Gavin took her in his arms and held her close. “Hey,” he said, stroking her hair. “Are you okay?”

  No, she wasn’t, and she didn’t want to discuss why, so she offered the excuse that usually made men stop asking questions immediately. “Sorry. Hormones.”

  Maybe it was the fact he was a physician, or maybe it was the fact that he’d made love with her and slept with her wrapped in his arms, or spent hours taking care of a tiny little infant with her, but whatever it was that gave him superior knowledge about her, the end result was the same. Gavin wasn’t buying it.

  “You seemed fine this morning.”

  And last night, when they’d made love—twice—while Ava had slept. And cuddled after.

  She blinked fiercely, willing away the moisture in her eyes, then rubbed at them, as if she had gotten some dust in them. “I probably just haven’t had enough sleep.” She waited until she had composed herself, lifted her head from his chest and shot him a look. “Neither of us has.”

  He studied her, apparently still thinking it was something else. Like, maybe, Ava, causing her to cry.

  Not used to such scrutiny, Violet pushed away from him and strode out of the house. He followed her down the steps and across the yard to the stable-house. She walked inside, expecting to feel sanctuary.

  Instead, as she looked around at the glamping setup that had once held such romance and promise, she felt another sucker punch to the gut.

  Gavin curved a comforting hand over her shoulder. “What is it?”

  Although her initial impulse was to push him away—again—Violet knew she needed to unburden herself, and she knew she could talk to him frankly, that he wouldn’t judge her.

  She turned on the ceiling fan and walked around, opening up the windows to let out the stale air. “A few weeks ago, I thought I had it all figured out. I was excited about taking the time off and being out here on my own.” Whirling back toward him, she met his eyes and admitted, “I thought roughing it—”

  “If you can call all this roughing it,” he teased, working a laugh out of her despite her low mood.

  “Okay,” she corrected just as facetiously, “I thought glamping here would not only help my extended family and my grandparents’ legacy, but clear my mind, help me figure out what the next step of my life should be. Instead, I’ve barely been out here the past couple of weeks.”

  “With good reason, given you were seeing to Ava.”

  Violet pushed her hands through her hair. “I’ve also reneged on my promise not to get too close to her.”

  He nodded, not arguing that. “I think we both have.”

  A contemplative silence fell.

  “I no longer want the San Antonio job I worked so hard to get.”

  He shrugged, perching on the arm of the sofa. “So don’t take it.”

  Violet paced closer, knowing, like it or not, this had to be said. “And most damning of all, I started a fling with you at the worst possible time.”

  He caught her as she passed and pulled her onto his lap. “Why is it the worst possible time?”

  She splayed her hands across his hard chest. “Because I’m so confused!”

  He rubbed his thumb across her lower lip. “Are you?”

  She looked into his gray-blue eyes and saw the sexual intent. “What do you mean?”

  His grin widened as he led her to what always made them both feel better. “I don’t feel any confusion when you kiss me like this...”

  Violet moaned and melted into him. “Gavin.”

  He cupped her breast. “Or I touch you, like this...”

  Her nipple pearled against the center of his palm. Tingles of need swept through her.

  He trailed kisses along the shell of her ear, down the nape of her neck. “Or you snuggle in my arms all night. Times like this—” he lifted his head to kiss her hard and long “—I think you know exactly what you want. Which just so happens—” he unbuttoned her blouse “—to be exactly what I want.”

  Violet snuggled close, her promise not to be distracted fading as the passion between them escalated. “And what’s that?” she asked, cupping his face in both her hands.

  His eyes grew shadowed; his voice, sexy-rough. “Time. Alone with you. Time to m
ake love to you and hold you in my arms, and make love to you again and again and again.”

  So that’s what they did.

  Violet opened herself up to him, body and soul, and he took her with a masculine prowess that soon had her whimpering in pleasure. Blood rushed, hot and needy, through her veins. And then all was lost as they moved together toward a single goal, finding it, clinging to it, savoring the release. And in that instant Violet knew. She could really, really get used to having him in her life.

  He held her tenderly. “So...still confused?”

  The need on his face matched hers. “Not about wanting you,” she whispered.

  Rolling, so he was beneath her, she linked her arms around his neck. Kissed him sweetly. “I want you, too. In my bed, in my life.”

  And most of all, she thought wistfully, in my heart.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “So what do you think?” Mitzy asked later that afternoon, after they’d viewed the tapes.

  Glad to have their young charge back in her arms, Violet observed, “Both couples seemed to interact well with Ava.”

  Gavin sent a fond look at the infant. “I thought so, too.”

  Mitzy made a few notes. “Which family strikes you as the family for Ava, though?”

  Violet blinked, a little surprised by the pressure. “You expect us to make a decision now—based on one meeting?”

  Mitzy’s gaze narrowed with friendly rebuke. “It’s not good for anyone involved to drag it out longer than necessary.”

  Violet stiffened. “I don’t think we’re dragging it out.”

  “We just don’t have all the facts,” Gavin said.

  “Okay.” Mitzy rocked back in her desk chair. “What else would you like to know? You have the financial statements of both families, the background checks, the statistics on how long and happily the couples have been married. Both also have large extended families in the area who have promised to care for Ava should anything happen to the parents before Ava is grown and on her own. Both have also agreed to allow you to be godparents and to see her as much as you wish. What else could you need to approve them?”