Sade's Secret

by Sparkle

  “I know that's right. My mama and dad fight so much, I don't know why they are even together,” Crystal said.

  “At least you have both of your parents. I never got to know my dad.” I tried not to sound jealous as I pouted.

  “Sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad.”

  “Oh, girl. It's not your fault my dad's no longer here. I wish he was and maybe, just maybe, things would be different.”

  “You know Friday night; you mentioned you weren't a virgin. What's that all about?” Crystal asked.

  I squirmed in my seat. I didn't want to divulge why I'm no longer a virgin to Crystal. I didn't want her to think less of me. I know the relationship with Calvin was sick, but it's hard for me to bring myself to say anything to anyone about it; especially to Crystal or Dena.

  “I was a little tipsy. I don't know what I was talking about,” I lied.

  “Well, my mom says people say what they really mean when they are drunk so spill it. I want all the juicy details.”

  Since Crystal was not going to let up, I decided to give her the juicy details that she wanted. I picked up one of the romance books I had stolen from my mom's bookshelf and read a passage from it, giving Crystal a blow by blow of what happened. It sounded so believable; I almost believed the story myself.

  “Wow. So who was he? Is he one of the guys from the neighborhood? Why aren't you with him now?” Crystal asked question after question.

  “He was visiting his grandmother for the summer, but went back home. I haven't heard from him since, but it's cool.”

  “I would be freaking out. At least you got it over with. Me. I still haven't met a guy I love yet.”

  “If I were you, I would wait until you were married.”

  “But you didn't,” Crystal said.

  “I wish I could have.” If only Crystal knew the truth. If only I had a choice, but Calvin took my choice away.

  “You had a choice, but you chose to do it with that guy.”

  “I really didn't have a choice, but hey, let's change the subject. We need to start our group. We can sing and Dena can rap. We could be the new age Destiny's Child.”

  “I'm down. I'm sure Dena will be too,” Crystal responded.

  “Cool. Because I'm tired of living like this. There's a showcase coming up. I think we need to enter it. The only problem is how are going to come up with the two hundred and fifty dollar entry fee?”

  “Get Dena on three way,” Crystal said.

  A few seconds later, we were all on the same call. “Girl, you over there acting like you grown and things,” Dena teased me.

  “Might as well be. My mom barely has time for me. When she ain't working, she all up under him.” I just couldn't understand my mom sometimes. I mean she said she loved me, but she's been spending most of her free time with Calvin. Calvin's a grown man. I'm the one that needed her attention.

  “I still don't know why you don't like Mr. Calvin. He seems nice to me,” Dena said.

  Crystal said, “He seems creepy to me.”

  “I don't want to talk about Calvin. We have more important things to discuss.” I repeated to Dena our idea of entering the showcase.

  Crystal said, “What should we call ourselves?”

  “Something dealing with love,” Dena responded.

  “I got it.” I picked up my diary and turned to an entry where I talked about wanting my own singing group. I read the big bold letters aloud to Crystal and Dena. “Adore. Let's call ourselves, Adore.”

  “Adore,” Crystal repeated. “I don't know.”

  “I like it.” Dena repeated the words “Adore” repeatedly.

  Crystal sounded reluctant at first, but agreed. “We can go with Adore,” Crystal said.

  Dena responded, “I'm down. Oh and I got the money for the entry, but you all have to buy your own outfits.”

  Crystal said, “Where did you get that kind of money?”

  “My mama gave it to me,” Dena responded.

  “My mom's too busy giving all of her money to Calvin,” I blurted out, not caring about airing my family’s business.

  “Sade, get off that phone and come here,” Joyce yelled from the other side of my door.

  “Oops. She might have heard me. I got to go.” I hung up the phone without waiting on Crystal or Dena's response.

  I eased off the bed and opened the door. To my surprise, my mom wasn't outside my door. I did, however, locate her sitting in the living room on the couch. “Yes mom.”

  “Calvin and I had a talk. He told me that you've been sassing back at him. You know he's the only daddy you've had since your own father died, so you must show him a little more respect.”

  I had to blink my eyes a few times because why was my mom trying to check me about Calvin? “I don't say anything to Calvin, unless he says something to me, so I don't know what he's talking about.”

  “Well, I just want to make sure you don't be getting smart with him. You know you have a smart mouth.”

  “But...” I protested.

  “No buts. Calvin's been like a father to you and from now on, you need to make sure you act like it.”

  I blurted out, “He's not my father,” but really wanted to say, “No father of mine would do what he does.”

  “Watch your tone, young lady. I can still lay you out.”

  I couldn't look at my mom. “Mom, I'm sorry. I'll never think of Calvin like a father and there's nothing you can do to make me feel differently.”

  “Please try. For me.”

  “Mom. It's not going to happen. Can I be excused now?” I asked.

  “Sure. But just watch your mouth. At least show him that much respect.”

  “Whatever,” I mumbled as I walked away. I knew enough to say it low. If my mom heard me, I didn't want to chance her following through with her threat and hitting me. No indeed. I didn't need a knot upside my head.

  ~9~

  JOYCE

  Where's Sade?” I asked Calvin as I slipped in the bed beside him after another long twelve-hour shift at work.

  He rubbed his sleepy eyes. “She's not in her room? She was there when I went to bed.”

  As tired as I was, I got out of bed and went to Sade's room to check on her. Sade was not there. Where could she be? I asked myself as I rushed to get the phone so I could call her. I was pressing the last digit of her phone number when the front door swung open. Sade walked in like she didn't have a care in the world.

  “Where the hell have you been? I've been worried about you,” I yelled.

  “I was at Crystal’s. I fell asleep and her cousin Jada just dropped me off.”

  “You better not be out there with some nappy headed boy messing around. I'm telling you if you come up in here with a baby, you and that baby are on your own. You're my only child and the only one I plan on raising.”

  “I wasn't with a boy,” Sade tried to assure me. “I was with Crystal. If you don't believe me, call her.”

  “Next time, let somebody know where you're going.”

  “Yes ma'am.” Sade left me standing in the living room by myself.

  Relieved that Sade was safe and secure, I went to bed and slept throughout the night. The next morning, Calvin surprised me with breakfast in bed.

  “I knew you would be too tired to cook, so I cooked some of your favorites. Plus there's something I want to talk to you about.”

  Calvin handed me the tray. The plate was filled with sausage, scrambled eggs, grits, and toast. After eating the breakfast, I wouldn't be good for nothing, but going back to sleep.

  “Must be serious if you're cooking,” I teased, after taking a sip of orange juice.

  “You'll find out soon enough. But I'm not going to do it this morning. You're off today, so I want you to go get your hair and nails done and tonight, I'll take you and Sade out for dinner.”

  “With whose money? You know we can't afford to be going out,” I responded.

  Calvin placed two hundred dollars on top of the tray. “My odd j
obs have been paying off. Is there anything wrong with me wanting to do something for my baby?” Calvin asked.

  I thought about it. It would be great to be able to go to a salon to get my hair done. I'm tired of penny pinching and beyond tired of relaxing my own hair. “Do you have enough for Sade to get her hair done?” I asked.

  “No, baby. Well, here's twenty dollars. Get her a boxed perm. You can do it when you get the time.”

  Calvin peeled off twenty dollars from his money clip and placed it on the tray. He bent down, kissed me on the forehead, and left out of our bedroom.

  While Sade was in school and Calvin was out doing God knows what, I went straight to my favorite beauty salon and got my hair and nails done. With my fresh perm and new haircut, I felt like a million bucks. I don't know what kind of odd jobs Calvin's doing, but I'm happy he gave me the money. It's been awhile since he's given me extra money that didn't go towards any bills.

  Calvin had never had a steady job, but always had money, until the past year. All of his odd jobs lately barely paid him enough to buy groceries. He used his money to stock up on cigarettes and keep his cell phone on. I hate to admit it, but I've gotten used to being the breadwinner. I worked overtime if that's what it took to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. Rarely did I have extra money over to treat myself to get my hair and nails done. On occasion, I would sacrifice and get Sade's hair done. She got braids so that would only be once every three months.

  A part of me felt guilty for not sharing some of the money Calvin gave me with Sade. But today, I needed a pick me up. What woman didn't feel better after getting her hair done? I was looking good too. Now, maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have to worry about Calvin straying elsewhere. I eyed myself in the bathroom mirror again. I was confident that Calvin would love my new look.

  “Mama,” Sade yelled out.

  “I'm in the bathroom,” I responded. “I'll be out in a minute.”

  I walked in the living room.

  “I love your hair, mama,” Sade said as soon as she saw me. “It makes you look younger.”

  “You think so?” My hand automatically went up to stroking my black straight hair that had a lot of body.

  “You look good. Real good, mom.”

  I couldn't help but beam with pride. It had been a long time since I felt beautiful. I had Calvin to thank for that, I thought, but quickly pushed the thought out of my mind.

  “Dear, I wish I would have had enough to get your hair done, but Calvin only gave me enough for me. But when I get paid, I promise to get your hair done, okay, sweetie.” Guilt had me apologizing to Sade. I knew I was rambling.

  “Cool. Jada knows how to braid hair and she'll do it for seventy-five dollars if I just buy the hair,” Sade responded. “I'll need two bags of hair and that's about twenty-five dollars.”

  “Tell her, you want it done next weekend.”

  I hope I wasn't over extending myself, but I made a promise to Sade so even if I had to work overtime to make it up on the next check, I would. Maybe, Sade and my relationship could get back to where it used to be five years ago.

  ~10~

  SADE

  I was glad to see my mom in such a good mood. I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen my mom excited about anything. Ever since Calvin had been in our lives, I felt like I was losing my mom to him. Today, my mom's attitude reminded me of how things used to be. Pre-Calvin days.

  I looked in the mirror as I brushed my hair back and put it in a ponytail. I wished we were going to dinner by ourselves. I wished Calvin would disappear out of our lives. That would be perfect, but life hadn't been perfect for me for some time.

  “Dear, are you almost ready? Calvin and I are waiting?” my mom said from the other side of the bathroom door.

  “I'm coming,” I responded. A sharp pain shot through my stomach. I felt the food I had eaten earlier rise through my body. I barely made it to the toilet in time as it released itself splashing in the toilet.

  Every time I got up, more puke would rise. After about ten minutes, I got up, washed out my mouth, and exited the bathroom. “Sorry for taking so long. Maybe you two should go by yourselves. My stomach's hurting.”

  My mom walked up to me and placed the back of her hand on my forehead. “You don't feel like you have a fever. Maybe you're coming down with one of those twenty-four-hour viruses.” Joyce looked at Calvin. “Maybe we should order in and go out another time.”

  Calvin said, “Sade, do you think you're well enough to stay by yourself because I have something really important to talk to your mom about tonight?”

  I gritted my teeth. My mom looked so beautiful. I didn't want to spoil her night, so I responded, “I'll be fine, mom. Go and have a good time.”

  “You sure? Because Calvin and I can go out another time.”

  “I'm positive. I'll be fine. I'll just lay down for a bit and it'll probably go away,” I assured her.

  “Okay, baby girl,” my mom said as she hugged me.

  I watched them leave the apartment. My mind was on my body. Something strange was going on. It had been out of sorts ever since I drank at that party. I don't know what kind of drug was in it, but it had to be something, because every time I turned around, I was feeling bad.

  I could have told my mom, but then she would have asked me too many questions; besides dealing with Calvin was enough. I didn't need her worrying about me. I went back to my room and called Dena on the phone. “Dena, I need you to log on to the internet and find out what I have. I'll give you my symptoms and you tell me what it says on the internet.”

  Dena obliged by listening to me spurt out how I felt. Dena was unusually quiet, so I asked, “Dena, are you getting all of this?” just in case the call had dropped.

  Dena responded, “I don't need the internet to tell you what's wrong with you. I think I already know.”

  “Well, spill it because I need to get me some medicine 'cause I'm tired of feeling like this.”

  “Sade, my friend, you are pregnant.”

  “Preg--what!” I yelled. Good thing I was home alone because I yelled loud enough for anyone within the apartment to hear me.

  “From what you're telling me, you have the symptoms of being pregnant. When was your last menstrual cycle?”

  I scanned my memory bank and couldn't remember. In fact, it had been a couple of months since I recalled having a period. “Ugh. At least two months, I think.”

  “Oh my. Wait until Crystal finds this out. She told me you said you weren't a virgin anymore. Wow. Did you not think about protection?” Dena asked.

  I heard Dena talking, but my mind was stuck on the fact that I could be pregnant. This couldn't be happening to me. If I were pregnant, what would I do? There was no doubt that Calvin was the father. He was the only man I had been with in that way. Tears flowed down my face as I thought about how my life went from being bad to a living nightmare.

  “What am I going to do?” I repeated between tears.

  Dena said, “I'm on my way over there. I'll bring a pregnancy test, so we can confirm for sure.”

  I held the phone because I was in a state of shock. Pregnant. Me. At fifteen years old. I couldn't be. Or could I? Less than an hour later, Dena was knocking at the door carrying a bag. She grabbed my hand. “Come on so we can see if you're pregnant.”

  I followed Dena into the bathroom. She removed a stick from the plastic and handed it to me. “What am I supposed to do with this?” I held the stick and looked at it at several angles.

  “Pee on it. Then if it's blue and straight, you're not pregnant. If it comes back with a pink positive sign, you are.”

  “Fine. I don't think I am, but if you insist, I'll do it.”

  Dena left the bathroom and shut the door. I took the stick and held it under me as I peed on it. I placed it on top of the box, washed my hands, and opened the bathroom door.

  “It's done. Now how long do we have to wait?”

  “We should know something in a few minutes,”
Dena said.

  I started to ask Dena how she knew so much about taking a pregnancy test, but didn't. I was too scared of the results. My life could change within a matter of seconds. I picked up the stick, but closed my eyes. I handed it to Dena. “I can't look. You tell me.”

  Dena grabbed the stick and then looked at me. I could tell from her expression that it was positive. I took it from her and just as Dena suspected, I was indeed pregnant.

  I rocked back and forth. “Dena, what am I going to do? I can't be pregnant. I just can't be.”

  Dena wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “It's going to be okay, Sade. You have me. You have Crystal. We'll be here when you tell your mom, if you want us to be.”

  “I can't tell her. It's going to kill her.”

  Dena said, “You have to tell her. This is something you won't be able to hide for long.”

  “I don't know. Maybe, maybe I should get rid of it.” What Dena didn't know was that Calvin was my baby's daddy and having this baby could complicate things. Getting rid of it was something I would have to consider.

  “First, you need to talk to your mom. You need to talk to the father of the baby and see what he wants to do.”

  “Forget the father. This is my body and I'm going to be the one to decide whether or not I keep this baby.” I didn't mean to sound so harsh, but Dena didn't know the facts so her advice wasn't right for me.

  “I'm on your side, remember? Calm down.” Dena patted me on the back as an attempt to calm me down.

  Dena eventually left, leaving me alone to face the fact that I was pregnant with the devil's child. Should I abort it or keep it? So many questions went through my head. Would God forgive me if I aborted Calvin's baby? Regardless, one thing I know I must do is finally tell my mom about her beloved boyfriend. I made up my mind that I would do so tonight. Tonight would be the night my mom would find out what Calvin had been doing to me all of these years.

  ~11~

  JOYCE

  The ambiance of the restaurant set up the stage for a romantic and relaxing evening. I was sort of glad that Sade didn't come with us tonight. It gave Calvin and me a chance to be with one another outside of the apartment.