Lord, Change My Attitude: Before It's Too Late

by James MacDonald

  Thank You that Your Word has shone into my heart. Thank You for using it to reveal the price that I pay for my critical opinions. Forgive me for thinking so highly of myself. Forgive me for thinking that my perspective is always the right perspective. God, I recognize the arrogance in that. Give me graciousness, love, and forbearance with others. Thank You, God, that You have made us all different. Help me to celebrate our differences and not demand that all the world see things exactly as I do. Give me victory over a critical spirit. Make me quick to turn from that pattern of thinking so that I might know Your fullness in my life. I pray this in Jesus’ precious name. Amen.

  NOTES

  1. Michael P. Green, ed. , 2nd ed. Illustrations for Biblical Preaching (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1989), 87.

  2. Paul Lee Tan, Encyclopedia of 7,700 Illustrations: Signs of the Times (Rockville, Md.: Assurance, 1979), 294.

  CHAPTER 6:

  ...WITH AN ATTITUDE OF LOVE

  1 CORINTHIANS 13:1–8a

  SAY IT IN A SENTENCE:

  The only attitude big enough to replace a critical attitude is an attitude of love.

  A business traveler I’ll call Chris was waiting in a “Red Carpet Club”; you know, one of those frequent-flyer-perk places in airports where you can hang out during flight delays. Chris was just chilling on the phone and noticed that just across the aisle was Bill Gates, that guy from Microsoft. Not having enough class to just leave him alone, he walked over and asked, “Are you Bill Gates?”

  Bill looked up from behind his newspaper and said, “Yes.”

  “I’m so excited to meet you. I can’t believe I’m finally meeting a famous person. This has never happened to me before!” By then, he was babbling. Bill’s response was an unspoken smile that said, It’s happening now.

  So then the irritating guy says, “This is like such a big deal. I just can’t believe that I finally get to meet you. Here’s the thing. In a few minutes I’ve got a really big meeting here with some very important clients. I don’t know if I should ask you this or not, but I really want to impress these people. So, is there any way while I’m meeting with them—my name’s Chris, by the way—that you could come over and tap me on the shoulder and say, ‘Hey, Chris. How’s it going?’ or something like that? Because they would really be impressed if they thought that I knew you. And I’ll just play along or whatever.”

  Surprisingly, Bill Gates said, “OK.”

  So, a few minutes later, Chris was in this meeting with the clients he was trying to impress. Sure enough, he felt a tapping on his shoulder. He looked up as Bill Gates said, “Hey, Chris. How’s it going?”

  And he said, “Take a hike, Gates. Can’t you see I’m in a meeting?”

  A friend sent me that story by E-mail. (You can judge for yourself whether it is true.) When I heard the story, I thought, I know what that feels like. I know what it feels like to really try to help somebody or go out of your way for somebody, and all of a sudden they give you that “fingernails on a chalkboard feeling,” or worse! Most of our difficulties in life are the result of difficult people. And, more often than not, our reaction is negative and becomes the larger issue as it relates to our own attitudes and our desire to st not, but ut of the wilderness.

  We’re talking in this chapter about replacing a critical attitude. Sometimes, that’s really hard to do because people can be so irritating. Criticism, I think, more than any other wilderness attitude, is the one that can really trap us. When we allow the inevitable frustrations that come from others to make us critical, negative, and faultfinding, then we are headed for the wilderness for sure.

  WHAT TO DO

  Here’s how to get out. The attitude that replaces a critical one is love. Now if you have some people in your life you’re just dying to criticize, you’re probably like, “Beautiful. That’s it? I have to love everybody—even...?Do you know who you’re talking about—do you have any idea—you’re asking me to love them?” Yes, you can love that person—husband, boss, neighbor, or whoever—and the Bible tells you and me how.

  Open your Bible to 1 Corinthians 13. People call it “the Love Chapter.” Normally you don’t go there except if you’re at a wedding or wedding anniversary. First Corinthians 13 is like a flower that loses its beauty if you start dissecting it and pulling all the petals off. I want to make sure we don’t do that to 1 Corinthians 13. If you have only heard it in church and never studied it for yourself, then you may have missed the powerful transforming truth that is found there.

  The church in Corinth had many powerful traits going for it. The members did have real problems, but 1 Corinthians 1:7 says that they had spiritual gifts; and 11:2 points out that they had good solid doctrine. What was missing, however, was love; and Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, did not hesitate to tell them how much they were really missing.

  Let’s begin with this thought from 1 Corinthians 13:1–2: All truth and no love is brutality. Speaking only the raw truth and not loving others is a very brutal thing. First Corinthians 13:1 says, “If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.”

  The concept of love in the world is terribly distorted. Those distortions affect the way we hear God’s Word.

  LOVE IS A MANY-SPLENDORED THING

  As you may know, there are three Greek words in Scripture for the word love . I want to focus on the word agape , because that’s the word Paul used in this chapter. At the time the Scripture was written, almost two thousand years ago now, this agape love was very rare and seldom used in society. People used the more common terms eros , which refers to sensual love, or phileo , which describes a brotherly relationship. But the term they hardly ever used in New Testament times is the one we see most frequently in Scripture. Agape means a selfless love, giving love, you-before-me love. It describes love as an act of the will; a choice I make.

  However, what we often mean when we say “I love you” is not, “I’ve made a commitment to place your needs above my own.” Instead, we often mean, “I love what you do for me. You make me feel good. What you are doing right now is working for the person that I truly love most, which is me. ” What we’re really saying is, “I feel something.” Aren’t we saying, “You’re making me feel something that I really enjoy feeling”?

  Now that is not love. That is self-centeredness. If you build a relationship upon that, some very difficult days are ahead.

  ANGEL TALK

  In this specific passage of Scripture, we are challenged to make love complete. It says, “If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels.” Now there is no such thing in Scripture an angelic language. The angels don’t speak a different language. Anytime an angel appears in Scripture, the angel always speaks in a human language. Angels are messengers; they speak in the language of those to whom they are sent. What Paul is saying here is, “If I could be the most eloquent man...no, no, wait—if could be the most eloquent being...if I could be like one of those angelic messengers and speak so clearly and plainly for God that it made a difference in people’s lives, but I didn’t love the people whom I was talking to,” people wouldn’t hear the message over the ringing in their ears.

  That’s what verse 1 means. No matter how clearly you understand God’s truth or how capable you are of bringing truth to bear upon a person’s life, if you don’t love the people you’re talking to, if you don’t have a broken heart for the people that you’re trying to share truth with, you are wasting your time. Your words are just like a clanging in their ears. We find that our effort creates destruction in their lives instead of good things. When we present the truth aggressively or with a critical attitude, they are irritated by what we say rather than blessed and uplifted. We’re like clanging cymbals.

  ANOTHER BARRIER

  We could even have a great knowledge of God and a great faith in God and fail to communicate if we don’t have a loving attitude. Paul continued, “If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all myste
ries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love . . .” (verse 2). What if you understood every deep theological issue? What if you had your Ph.D. in God and the Bible? Doesn’t matter. And if you had “all faith” —such confidence in God that you could do what Jesus talked about and move mountains (see Matthew 17:20; 21:21); this phenomenal vertical thing with God—then could God use you? Not if you didn’t love people.

  If you don’t love the person that you are trying to reach, you could have A+ faith and still fail the test. No, it’s worse than failure. When you try to make a difference in someone’s life by bringing them truth, what does it say in the text? It’s, like, don’t even bother marking the test; just throw it in the trash. Give the guy zero, because he doesn’t love. All truth without love just causes damage. It’s brutal.

  Whether we exhibit great communication skills, knowledge, or faith, if it is not accompanied by a loving attitude, the message will fall flat. People care how we say it as much as what we say. If we have a critical attitude—toward the lost or even Christian brothers and sisters—those watching us will be unable to fully accept the message. That’s why a loving attitude toward others is the only antidote to a critical attitude.

  What do people say about the followers of Jesus Christ? Do you know what they call us? I was talking to a guy the other day who said, “You’re not one of those Bible-beaters, are you? You won’t shove the Bible in my face, saying, ‘Wise up or go to hell’?” I didn’t know what to say. “Well, uh yes, but, er...no, not like that. I mean, I hope I’m not. . . er, well, never mind.” It’s so sad that those who have the greatest message of love in the universe can be so unloving with it. It’s brutal; it’s harsh. And we’re hurting people—not helping. We’re not making the difference that we want to make, because the love isn’t there.

  WILL GREAT SACRIFICES HELP?

  Paul takes an interesting turn in verse 3. His thought goes in the complete opposite direction. “If I give all my possessions . . . ” OK, so then if love is putting others’ needs ahea of my own, then I’m going to be just crazy. I’m going to give, give, and give. Get some food and some clothing and some money, and I’m going to meet needs. You all can stand around and study the Bible all you want to; I’m going to make a difference in this world. I’m going to pour myself into people.

  We’ve got our “What Would Jesus Do?” bracelets, key chains, and shirts. And we’re out here meeting needs. You all are over there studying the Bible; we’re out here meeting needs. But wait a minute, “If I give all my possessions to feed the poor . . .” All of them? That’s love, right? But Paul goes on, “If I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.”

  Did you get that?

  If I make the ultimate sacrifice but have no love, it’s worthless!

  Now that’s not what you expect God’s Word to say. You think to yourself, “Well how could you possibly give everything you have to people in need and give yourself for them and not love them?” The point that Paul is making is that love is a balance between affection and truth. We tend to think of love as affection. Love is far more than affection. Biblical love is both truth and affection put together and kept together.

  TIME FOR SOME BALANCE!

  An imbalance of biblical love has often infected the church. On one hand is radical fundamentalism that emphasizes all truth and is legalistic and screaming, “This is what the Word says, boy!” That’s not what Jesus did. On the other hand, we have a liberal Christianity that says, “Bag the Bible; we have Jesus! We have His heart for the hurting, and we’re going out to make a difference in this world.” Jesus didn’t do that either. Neither one of those is what Christ intended. It appears we need a balance between these two: truth and acts of mercy; acts of mercy and truth. Anything less is not biblical love. For instance, Jerry isn’t sure how to show love yet speak truth. He described his dilemma: “My friend has a drinking problem. I can tell it by his breath. I can see it in his eyes. I know it by his actions. I know that he is hurting himself and his family. So what do I do? If I go and speak truth to him, he might reject me. So I’m just going to love him and care for him. But that’s not really right either, because if I just leave him and I know that he is hurting himself, something inside me tells me that’s not loving.”

  A lot of times we feel caught in between these two choices: God’s truth, given in His Scriptures, and the command to love, which Jesus said is how “all men will know that you are My disciples” (John 13:35). And so we get into this balancing act of love and truth, truth and love. Most of us fail on one side or the other.

  Stop the Presses—New Headline!

  I’m going to tell you: It’s not about balancing truth and love. We can’t replace criticism with a tightrope walk between truth and love. We need a paradigm shift. Do you know what a paradigm shift is?

  A paradigm shift occurs when you have been looking at something one way for such a long time that you think that’s the only way it is. All of a sudden, you walk around the other side of the issue, and you’re like, “Agh! It’s totally not like what I thought it was! It’s completely different.”

  We need to make that complete shift in how we look at truth and love. We’re not supposed to be balancing love and truth as though they are separate things. What 1 Corinthians 13 is teaching—and you won’t hear this very often at a wedding—is that truth is part of love and that you’re not really loving if speaking truth is not part her quation. All truth and no love is brutality. The rest of 1 Corinthians 13 can be summarized in the following statements:

  On the majors—action. On the minors—acceptance. In all things—love.

  Let’s look at verses 4 and 5 in a moment. First Corinthians 13:6 says love “does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth.” Notice, it’s not truth versus love; truth is part of the biblical definition of love. Without truth, any expression of love is crippled. Love cannot rejoice in sin, or iniquity, or unrighteousness. Love can only be fired up about what is true and what is right.

  ON THE MAJORS—ACTION

  There come times in every relationship when the issues are serious. Failure to take action will produce big fallout. In those instances, love does not sit passively by. “I love him, so I won’t upset him.” Wrong! Love takes action on things that are major. You say, “What’s major?” We’ll start with this: If the behavior involves sin, Paul made it clear: “[Love] does not rejoice in unrighteousness.” It just can’t. Love cannot be happy about iniquity; it can’t sit passively by.

  You say, “Well, wait for a minute. If I’m going to have a confrontation with every single person who has sin in his life, I’m going to have a lot of confrontations going on,” because Romans 3:10 says, “There is none righteous; not even one,” and 1 John 1:8 reminds us, “If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves.” We’re all sinners, no doubt about it, and if love means to confront sin all the time and in every place, then life will become one big free-for-all. No, we don’t take action on every single sin. I would recommend strongly that you not say, “Hey, Bill, I noticed you’re a little lazy. I was reading in Proverbs that’s a sin.” That’s a very bad plan.

  WHAT ARE THE MAJOR THINGS?

  Here are three guidelines we can use to determine what are major things where love means taking action:

  Is this a critical path? If failure to take action will produce major fallout, biblical love is on the move. If it’s a major doctrinal error, a case of marital unfaithfulness, a criminal act, or an abusive behavior, please don’t collect stories for ten years and sit passively by. Step up! Get involved! Say something! Love takes action. If the person you love is involved in sin that could destroy him or someone else, it’s a critical path—it’s major—and therefore love will get involved.

  Is the problem chronic? If you see the same thing happening over and over, it doesn’t have to be big to get your love into gear. The Song of Solomon says it’s the “little
foxes that spoil the vines” (2:15 NKJV). “Smaller things” call for action, too, if they’re part of a chronic pattern. If you have observed a behavior repeated many times, it invites a loving response. A gentle word of correction can bear great fruit in the loved one’s life. To say to someone, “Is it possible that you have a problem with gossip?” that is loving a person. So if you’re close enough to observe chronic patterns, you have to get involved. You have to step up. On the majors, love takes action.

  3. Does your proximity imply responsibility? The third guideline after critical path and chronic problem is the factor of close proximity. How close are you to the situation? There are some things that we can live with in our neighbors and our friends, but we can’t live with in our spouse and our kids. Right? Your closeness to the situation may involve responsibility. For example, if I saw a friend making a purchase that I thought was unwise and wondered if he could afford it, I probably wouldn’t say anything, because that’s not really my business. But if I saw my wife doing that—or more likely, if my wife saw me doing that—it would be very appropriate for her to say, “We’re not buying that! We can’t afford that! That’s just going to give us problems down the road.”

  HOW LOVE LOVES IS VERY IMPORTANT

  Now we’re ready to look at verse 5, because that’s where the how is. Here’s how love takes action.

  Notice, “[Love] does not act unbecomingly.” It’s not rude. Love is gracious. There is no place for an aggressive, boisterous, obnoxious, open-wide-while-I-jam-this-down-your-throat kind of approach. That is not true love. Love “does not seek its own,” Paul continued. That’s the essence of love. In the context of this discussion, as I come to speak truth to someone—if I have to confront someone and say something that they don’t want to hear—I’m not concerned about my needs.