Bittersweet Addiction

by Q. B. Tyler

  “What do you mean?”

  “The same as you said you felt at the restaurant? Do you still love me? Despite…this?” She hiccups and buries her face in my chest.

  “Charley.” I pull her so that she’s almost in my lap and kiss her forehead. “We can talk about this tomorrow when we’re both sober, but of course I still love you. I will always love you. I don’t give a damn about what your ex-husband says or does. It’s you and me, forever.”

  * * *

  I WAKE UP THE NEXT morning, my body on high alert that I’m alone in bed. I sit up, rubbing a hand over my head as I try to quiet the pounding against my temple. I’m not sure which is more aggressive at the moment: the physical or emotional hangover. I hadn’t given much thought to what it would be like to run into Matt again, especially with Will in tow. But if last night was any indication, hell, maybe leaving Atlanta would be for the best. My eyes sweep the length of the room before falling on the empty space next to me. I run my hand over the cool sheets making me wonder just how long Will has been awake.

  When we got home last night, I half expected Will to throw me against the wall and fuck me like he was a jealous man on a mission. But he merely tucked me into bed before climbing in next to me as he rested the ice pack on his face. Matt’s words come back to me in an instant.

  It was like going through the motions. I barely enjoyed the sex half the time. I scoff. At least you got off.

  We were in therapy for seven months and he never thought to mention that he’d grown bored with our sex life? The very minimal sex life we did have? Is that why he avoided me like the plague? My mind drifts to Will, wondering if he’ll eventually feel the same once the honeymoon phase is over. No more forbidden, exciting trysts, no more sneaking around, and no more Matt. What if in a few years he grows bored as well? What if it’s me?

  “What a dick,” I grumble to myself, hearing my insecurities rear their ugly heads. I climb out of bed in search of Will knowing that just a simple kiss from him is all the reassurance I need. I move through his townhouse in nothing more than his t-shirt in hopes he’ll rip it off me so I can show him just how much I enjoy the sex between us. I push open the door to his office slowly to find him sitting on his couch reading a newspaper and my body comes alive instantly watching his arm flex as he lifts the coffee to his lips and then back to the table in front of him. He’s sporting quite a bruise on his cheek just below his eye and my heart constricts remembering how he got it.

  “Hey.”

  His eyes look up to find mine after a very long and lascivious look from my toes up. They linger on my legs for a beat longer than everywhere else and a smile tugs at his lips.

  “Come here, baby.”

  My feet move before it even registers that he’s told me to come, as if my body understood the words first. I’m in his lap in an instant kissing him, hard. My hands cup his face and I stroke his spiky beard. “I love you,” I say in between kisses. My tongue finds his and I stroke it feverishly as I grind myself down onto his growing member. I still taste a hint of alcohol, and I assume it’s still in his system. We did drink a lot last night. I stroke his cheek gently, before pulling off his lips and giving the inflamed skin some attention. “I can’t believe he punched you.”

  He snorts. “I can. Kinda comes with the territory of sleeping with another man’s wife. Given that you ended up divorcing him and you’re now with me, I’m going to say I probably deserved it.”

  “No, you didn’t.”

  “Okay, I expected it.”

  “Not the point, Will.”

  “Well, what is the point?” His lips are on my jaw, kissing his way along the line and nibbling gently on my ear.

  “That I’m sorry.”

  “For…sleeping with me or getting a divorce?” He raises an eyebrow at me and I roll my eyes. “Because those things are what led to last night.”

  “I’m sorry for…everything bad that’s happened to you since you met me,” I whisper.

  He cocks his head to the side. “I’m not. I made certain decisions. Those decisions had consequences, but I don’t regret the choices I made. I don’t regret you. Anything “bad” that has happened is far outweighed by all of the good. You are the good, Charley.”

  “You say that now…but what happens if they revoke your license? What happens if you can no longer practice?”

  “Then we go from there. Like I told my father, there are other things I can do.”

  “What if you realize this was all a mistake?”

  “What if you realize it?”

  “I won’t.”

  “Neither will I. We’re in this together, Charlotte.”

  I’m silent for a second, letting his words wash over me. “Am I boring?” He narrows his eyes in question. “Like in bed. Am I boring in bed?”

  “I knew you were going to fixate on that. Baby, don’t listen to Matt. He’s an asshole. And the only thing worse than an asshole is an egotistical asshole. You left him, seemingly for another man. He’s hurt, he’s angry, his ego is bruised. He’s trying to get in your head. He knew what to say to play on your emotions to hurt you, to destroy you. And most importantly to make you question everything about yourself, especially your relationship with me.” He shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose as he squeezes his eyes shut. “Charley, you’ve said on numerous occasions that you weren’t happy with your sex life. Sex can be one-sided, obviously. But for good sex, amazing sex, soul-shattering sex like we have, it has to be good for both parties. So, if you felt the disconnect, you don’t think he could?” He lifts my chin to look at him. “I know it stings, but I figured you’d take anything he said with a grain of salt.”

  I can sense the irritation in his voice, and his pulse flickers in his neck. I frown. “I just…wonder what happens when all of this is just a distant memory? I just want to keep you happy. I don’t want you to get bored and start feeling like you can’t even come to bed until after I’m asleep so you don’t have the arduous task of having sex with me.” At this point, the tears have started to fall down my cheeks and I don’t have the energy to wipe them. My gaze is cast downward so I don’t have to see the pity in Will’s eyes.

  “Charlotte, look at me,” he commands, and my watery eyes find his angry ones. I’m shocked at his response. He shakes his head and runs his tongue over his teeth and I wonder what he’s going to say. He puts a hand on either side of my head. “I thought we got rid of this low self-esteem you have. I thought I worked that out of you.”

  No. This is different. I don’t have low self-esteem. Matt made a generalization about our sex life and it stung. What woman wants to hear that their husband of five years was unhappy with your sex life for half of your marriage?

  “No, it’s not—”

  “Fuck what he said, Charlotte. How many times has he lied to you over the course of eight years?” My mind drifts back over the past and when I don’t say anything Will answers his own question. “Countless! Matt is a liar. And what do liars do? They lie. What do they do when they feel like they’re backed into a corner? They lash out. And the liar you were with for almost a decade still knows where to hit you to make you feel like you’re two inches tall. He spent the majority of your marriage doing it to you,” he barks. His jaw immediately clenches and I can feel the tension in his shoulders. He lets out a breath, trying to calm himself down before looking up at me. “Do you think I don’t enjoy our sex life? Do you think I’d be potentially sending my life up in flames if I didn’t love you? If I didn’t have insane chemistry with you? I didn’t think that I had to say this, but since you seem to be a bit on the needy side right now, I’ll give it to you. You are the best sex of my life and that’s not going to change.”

  I scoff. “I am not needy. Excuse me for being a little hurt by what Matt said.” I go to move off his lap when he grips my thighs keeping me in place.

  “Don’t move.”

  “I don’t want to talk to you right now. You’re trying to be a shrink and
my fiancé and you’re doing a shitty job at both to be honest,” I snap as I effectively move off his lap and start moving towards the door.

  I’m almost out of his office before I’m being hauled backwards and pushed up against the wall, his arms boxing me in. “Maybe I should show you how much I enjoy our sex life.”

  “I’m not having sex with you.”

  “Oh?” he asks as he cocks one eyebrow while staring me down. “You don’t want to fuck me?” Shut up, Will. Shut up, shut up, shut up! I scream, trying to prevent my body from responding to his question. “You don’t want to suck my cock into that perfect little mouth of yours so far down your throat that you gag? The tears form in your eyes, like they always do when you go too far? But you don’t care, do you?” He groans into my ear as his lips trace the skin on my neck. I whimper in response as he continues.

  “You love deep throating me. I’ve spent the last seven months with a hard-on thinking about those lips and that tongue wrapped around my cock, Charlotte. Did you know that?” He grips my jaw as his tongue finds my pulse point and he moves it back and forth devastatingly slow. My thighs press together and my toes curl. “Sometimes when you’re on your knees, you look up at me with those beautiful brown eyes and I have to talk myself down from coming right then and there.” He pulls back and my eyes flutter open just in time to see him staring at me with a cocky smile. I want nothing more than to wipe it from his face but it would require me to have control over my body. And right now, I don’t. William Montgomery has complete control over it, and he knows it. And what’s worse, is so do I. “Do you want to suck my cock, Charlotte?”

  Yes. Say yes, Charley. SAY. YES. I roll my eyes at my horny subconscious and before I can stop myself I nod once.

  “Good girl,” he says and the two words set my body on fire. “Do you know why I’m doing this?”

  Do I? “I’m…I’m not sure. Maybe?”

  “Yes, you do.”

  “Does everything have to feel like a session? Can’t you just tell me what you’re thinking? Stop making me feel like I have to figure everything out on my own.”

  I think I’ve finally gotten through to him as I see his face go through a wide range of emotions. He looks away from me and then back at me. He nods once and then I hear the unmistakable sound of him unbuckling his pants and them hitting the floor. “Get on your knees, Charlotte.”

  “Are you kidding me?” I ask him, as I try and move away from him. He puts an arm up effectively keeping me in place. He takes a step closer to me and he’s so close that our lips are almost touching but not quite.

  “Anything I say is going to go in one ear and out the other. You let your ex-husband get in your head and make you question everything about the sexual woman that you are. Sure, I could tell you that no one has ever made me feel the way you do. No one has ever made me come like you do. No woman but you has ever done things to my asshole that would make most people blush. That until you, I was never one for going down on a woman, and now my mouth sets up shop between your legs at least four times a day. I could tell you that I love you, that I worship the ground you fucking walk on, and you’d still have that nagging thought in the back of your mind that you weren’t good enough, weren’t sexy enough. That you weren’t pleasing me. So, no, Charlotte I’m not going to tell you anything. And you are going to prove to yourself that you are the sexiest woman that walked this Earth and there isn’t a boring bone in your body. Because I already fucking know that. I’m making you figure it out on your own because it’s the only way to get it through your head. So, get. the. fuck. on. your. knees. now.”

  His words wash over me; I blink the tears out of my eyes and before I can think, I feel the hard ground beneath my knees. I reach for his briefs and slide them slowly down his legs. His erection juts out immediately, and my mouth waters in response to being within arm’s reach of one of my favorite parts of him. I feel his hands in my hair and then he pulls slightly, to get me to look up at him. “I love you,” he tells me simply.

  I nod before looking back at the impressive appendage at my eye level. Well more like mouth level. I rest my hands on his thighs gently and it’s not lost on me that the minor touch makes him clench his fists which I know he does when he’s turned on. I grip his penis with one hand and run my tongue from root to tip. I hear his hum of approval. I use my other hand to run my fingers up his inner thigh before I make him separate his legs slightly so that I can cup his balls gently. I wrap my lips around the head of his penis, swirling my tongue around it, collecting the beads of pre-cum leaking out of him and letting them slide down my throat before I push myself further down his shaft, inch by delicious inch.

  I drop my hand from fondling his balls and reach around with both hands and grip his ass tightly as I begin to fuck him with my mouth, the saliva forming around the corners of my mouth as I let him glide in and out forcefully. I push him to the back of my throat and tilt my head back so he can push himself in a little further when I hear him groan out my name.

  “Fuck baby, only you know how to suck my cock.” His hand finds my hair and when he fists it hard I wince slightly, but it quickly turns to pleasure as I think about how quickly I can bring this man to his knees.

  I am hot. I am sexy. I am a goddess. I am not boring.

  I chance a glance at the man above me and a surge of pride moves through me as I see his head tilted back and his chest rising and falling at a rapid pace. That coupled with his hand still wound tightly in my hair only tells me one thing.

  He’s going to come. Hard.

  “Charley,” he groans as I feel his penis start to pulse, and he begins to thrust into my mouth as I slide up and back on him. My hand drops from his ass and rubs the spot between the bottom of his shaft and his balls and I hear a loud bang which I assume is his hand hitting the wall above him. “FUCK!” he roars as his breathing becomes more erratic and his thrusts into my mouth become more aggressive. “Right there, baby. I’m going to come. Look at me, Charley,” I look up at him and see him staring down at me, a mix of emotions all over his face.

  Love. Lust. Adoration. Devotion.

  Our eyes meet as he pushes one final time into my mouth, his seed spilling down my throat. I continue to suck as I swallow down every drop he has to offer. I continue to suck even after he’s finished coming, until he stops me, sliding my lips off of his cock. He lifts my chin and rubs his thumb over my bruised lips that are coated with my saliva and any leftover cum. He helps me to my feet and stares down at me for what feels like forever before I’m off my feet being carried through his townhouse.

  We make it to his bedroom and I’m barely through the door before he has my shirt over my head. “You have fantastic breasts, Charlotte.” He unclasps my bra and lets it fall to the floor. I expect his mouth to find one of my nipples but I look up to see him staring at them hungrily. He pushes me onto the bed to lay on my back. “Your breasts are perfect.” His hands touch them and I immediately shiver when he makes contact. “They’re the perfect size and they’re perky and the right fit for my mouth. Your tits were made for my mouth,” he says as his lips enclose around one of my nipples. He sucks on one and then the other before turning me over so that I’m lying on my stomach.

  “Have you seen your ass? It is undoubtedly the best thing that ever happened to a pair of jeans. He squeezes my ass, one cheek in each hand, and I feel his nails digging into my flesh. I whimper at the painful pleasure coursing through me. His hands leave my ass and I feel his teeth nibbling the sensitive skin. “Your ass is one of the wonders of my world, Charlotte. I feel him spread me slightly and tug gently at the string between my crack. I clench in response causing him to chuckle. “I’m not going to fuck you there now. I need a lot of time with your pussy, first. Turn over.” I do as he says and I’m greeted with a dangerous look that leaves me short of breath. He slides my panties down my legs and drops to his knees in front of me. “And this,” he murmurs as he runs one finger through my folds that are soaking wet with my aro
usal. “This is everything.” He stares at me as if I’m the most fascinating thing he’s ever seen. “You have the prettiest pussy, Charlotte.” He opens me up gently with his fingers and I can feel my clit throb under his gaze. His tongue slides through my sex once and I shudder.

  “Oh, fuck.”

  He pulls back as one hand begins to work me over, and the other keeps me open for him. He rolls my clit between his thumb and index finger and pinches slightly. “You can’t really believe that I’d ever get bored with you,” he asks, looking up at me, my clit still between his fingers.

  God, what kind of psychological foreplay is this? Where if I answer correctly I get the orgasm?

  I yelp when I feel another pinch. “Answer me.”

  “I… I don’t know.”

  His hands leave my pussy and I get my answer. “Manipulative bastard,” I murmur.

  “What was that?”

  I sit up slightly, resting on my elbows. “You heard me. I know what you’re doing. I took Psychology in college.”

  He chuckles and moves up my body to straddle my waist. “Is that so?”

  “Yes,” I say as confident as I can in this vulnerable position.

  “So, tell me, what am I doing”

  “You want me to give you a specific answer. You want me to associate me thinking that I’m not good in bed with not coming. If I were to say that I didn’t believe it, I’d be having an orgasm right now.”

  He gives me a wicked smirk. “And does your answer stand?”

  “You can’t use your fancy doctor degree to fuck me, Montgomery”

  “Who says?”

  “You’re a pain in the ass,” I bark.

  “I would love to be a pain in your ass.”

  “Fuck me first and then we can talk about it,” I say thrusting my hips upward as best as I can with this man on top of me.

  “Tell me what I want to hear.”

  “You want to hear it?”

  “You need to say it”