So Not a Hero

by S. J. Delos

  He followed me, keeping back a few feet. “Enough to want to do it again? Go out, I mean,” he added quickly. “I’d like to go out with you again.”

  “Yes. Maybe. I don’t know.” I put my hand on the knob and looked back at him over my shoulder. “Can we just say goodbye for now and talk about this later?”

  He nodded. “If that’s what you want.” When I turned and opened the door, his hand lightly touched my arm and I stopped. “Karen, if I said something, or did something that bothered you please tell me.” He sighed. “I really like you. And I think you like me too.”

  I didn’t turn around. “I do. I really just need to go think.”

  His touch vanished and the hole it left upon departure hurt worse than a punch from Colonel Tank. “Okay. Call me later if you want.”

  I stepped out into the bright, morning sunshine that didn’t fit my mood at all. Too bad it wasn’t overcast and raining. I heard the door close behind me and I trudged down the steps and headed for home.

  It was about five miles from Kurt’s brownstone to headquarters and I could have run it in less than four minutes. Instead, I pushed open the front door of the Paulus Building after an hour and a half of walking.

  Being Sunday, Joelle was off and the empty lobby seemed more forlorn than I would have imagined it could. My shoes thudded on the tile floor and echoed off the walls. When I reached the palm scanner next to the elevator, I had to submit myself to three identification attempts before it would register my authorization to enter. By that time, I was wound in such knots of rage that it was a miracle I didn’t just smash the panel to pieces and rip the damned doors open by hand.

  I took several deep breaths as the car carried me upstairs, pushing the negative thoughts into the dark corners of my mind. Since I already looked like something the cat had dragged in—wrinkled dress, messy hair, no underwear—I didn’t need my expression to be any lower. When the ding of the elevator sounded, I’d cemented a happy smile on my face and exited the box with an exaggerated spring in my step. Yep, everything’s hunky dorey around here. Zero problems.

  The smell of coffee drew me to the dining area, desperate to make up for missing out at Kurt’s. I entered the room to find Darla, Daniel, and Alexis all sitting around one of the larger tables. Only the teen was actually eating breakfast, a bowl of some multi-colored cereal. The other two were drinking from mugs filled with the very beverage I’d come to obtain.

  “Morning,” I said as cheerily as I could manage and headed towards the coffee machine.

  “Well, hello there, Miss Sleepy-Head. About time you got up.” Alexis said, giving me a sideways grin. “I knocked on your door for, like, twenty minutes. I was gonna just ghost through it and wake you, but then I you probably got in really late.” She shrugged. “So I let you be.”

  “Uh, thanks.” I said as I grabbed the handle of the pot.

  “Seriously? Are you really that dumb?” Darla said, turning towards the teen. “She didn’t just get up, she just got home. In case you didn’t notice, she’s still wearing the same dress she left in last night.” The blonde glanced back in my direction, tilting her head slightly to the side. “And judging by her state of appearance and lack of a bra, I’d say someone had a pretty good time, too.”

  Alexis glanced back at me and her mouth dropped open with the realization that the blonde was correct. My fingers remained curled on the handle of the carafe and I shot Darla a ‘you suck’ glare. Before I could attempt to explain myself, Daniel slammed his cup down on the table and stood up, hurrying out the door in the direction of his lab.

  I sighed and released the pot. Way to go, Karen. Just trample all over everyone’s feelings. No wonder the only person who’d have you is a sociopathic genius.

  I looked back at Alexis, whose face was a portrait of surprise, and held up my hand. “To hell with this interrogation. I’m going to take a shower.”

  When I got back to my room, I locked the door and stripped out of the dress, throwing it across the room as I fought the urge to scream. I climbed into the shower and turned the spray to the maximum heat setting. The water that came streaming out of the nozzle was close to boiling and I remained standing under its spray, praying that it would cleanse me of my poor choices in life and let me begin anew.

  A baptism of self.

  After my extended shower, I dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a black t-shirt. I felt the outfit matched my mood. I left my hair damp and gave it a cursory finger-combing before heading back out to face my teammates. I found Darla, Richard, and Greg gathered together in the briefing room. The three of them were watching one of the large screens, currently tuned to one of the local news networks.

  The ticker across the bottom read, “Semi-Naked Hero Stops Villain.” And the video above showed footage—from someone’s phone, apparently—of my battle with Vaporizer. When I entered the room, Darla pressed the pause button and froze the scene. Of course the angle of the camera and the moment the blonde had chosen to stop the action showed only my panty-clad bottom. The bad guy was barely visible at the corner of the screen.

  Greg turned to look at me, his face full of disappointment. “While I applaud your enthusiasm towards stopping Vaporizer before he hurt anyone,” he said, pointing at the still image of me on the monitor. “Did you really need to strip in order to do it?”

  I shrugged and tucked a loose strand of hair behind one ear. "I didn't want my dress to go up in a puff of smoke."

  He shook his head and facepalmed. "You should have just taken that chance."

  The gasp from Darla added support to my decision. "As you can see, Greg. Not everyone agrees with that."

  "Not to mention," Awesome said as he tapped on my pixilated rear. "That's a great shot of you."

  Greg shook his head. “It’s all over the news, Karen.”

  Darla snickered. “News? It’s probably getting a zillion hits and likes on ViewTube.”

  I threw my hands into the air. “What the hell? Seriously? I wasn’t naked, for crying out loud. I know plenty of heroes who wear less than that on a daily basis.” I cut my eyes over at Darla for emphasis.

  “There’s a difference between a costume, regardless of the brevity, and lingerie.” The blonde said with a smirk. “Maybe you should get a uniform like mine and then you can wear it under your clothes. Then you’ll always be ready to do the job.”

  Awesome nodded and smiled. “See? That’s why I gave Daniel the suggestions I did. I was thinking about that exact contingency.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You were thinking about how much you’d enjoy seeing me in something skimpy is more like it.”

  Greg held up his hand. “There’s no need to change your outfit, Karen.” He glanced over at Richard. “Despite what others may think. Just use a little more discretion next time, okay?” He looked back to me. “Whether you like it or not, you’re going to be under more intense scrutiny than Darla or Alexis. Make sure you look and act above board.”

  I ground my teeth together and shrugged. “Whatever. I took out the bad guy, saved the day, and I did it in my undies. Next time, I just do it naked and watch my popularity soar.”

  “Karen…”

  I shook my head and turned around. “God, that was a joke. Is everyone around here upset with me?”

  Awesome and Omega-Girl looked at each other and shrugged. “I’m not,” the blonde said. “I think Alexis is a little thrown by the realization of what you probably did last night. And Daniel,” she sighed and nodded towards the door leading downstairs. “I think Daniel might be a little bit heartbroken.”

  I nodded, shoving my hands into my back pockets. “I think I should talk to him.”

  Greg looked at me. “It would probably be for the best.”

  Awesome turned the video back on and I left the room.

  Downstairs, I stood in front of the door to the lab for five or ten minutes, playing out various scenarios in my head. I’d tried to be mindful of Daniel’s crush on me, but hadn’t given any thou
ght to the fact that everyone else might have known as well.

  “Here goes nothing,” I said and rapped on the front of the dura-steel door.

  The doors slid open on their own, as if I’d been expected. I walked inside and spotted Daniel standing next to the chamber he’d been using to analyze the team’s powers. He was using a hand-welder to secure a silver and black device to the control panel. I drew in a steadying breath and walked over to him. His head moved slightly as I neared, but he didn’t stop working.

  I waited until he turned off the torch and cleared my throat. “Can we talk?”

  He hooked a pair of wires to the box and then closed the access panel. “Sure,” he said as he walked away from the unit to a nearby laptop on a wheeled stand. “What would you like to discuss?” He wouldn’t even look in my direction as he began punching the keys harder than normal. “The weather? How the Panthers are going to do this year?” His eyes closed. “Your newfound love?”

  I sighed and shoved my hands into my back pockets. I didn’t exactly trust them to not break something right now. “Is that really any of your business?” I tried to keep the edge out of my voice. I was at my limit with all the Judgey McJudgeys.

  “No. Not technically.” He glanced over his shoulder at the readout on the front of the machine and then turned back to the computer. “I just thought you’d be more observant. That’s all.”

  “Observant? Of what?”

  “My feelings. Towards you.” He finally looked up at me for a brief moment. “I thought I had let you know that I liked you.”

  God, this was the last thing I needed. Sure, I’d known he had some interest in me. He’d certainly not been super covert about it. But Kurt had actually manned up and asked me out. Daniel had settled for hints and pining from afar.

  “He looked back down and continued to type on the keyboard. “It’s okay. I should’ve prepared myself for the rejection.”

  “Daniel, I didn’t mean to—”

  “To hurt me? To choose someone else for your affections?” He crossed his arms and slumped against the side of the containment chamber. “I get it, Karen. I really do.” Unfolding his arms, he gestured at himself with a wave of a hand. “Look at me, I’m like the complete opposite of what a girl like you looks for in a boyfriend.”

  My jaw clamped down all by itself as I narrowed my eyes at him. The sympathy and guilt that had been flowing through me was soaked up by a sponge of anger. “Excuse me?” I said, taking a step closer to him. “Care to elaborate on what you mean by ‘a girl like me’?”

  He only held my boiling gaze for a second and then looked down at his shoes. “Smart, brave, funny, and beautiful.”

  My mouth dropped open silently and I wondered if I could have possibly been a bigger bitch. Damn, I totally suck when it comes to relationships. Of any type.

  He looked back up and shrugged. “No biggie. I’ve been losing to guys like Detective Braddock all my life. Even before Activating sent my IQ into the four hundreds.” He turned around and walked back to the newly installed device. “My own brother screwed me over more than once, swooping in to win the affections of a girl I liked first. I was just hoping that this time, I’d be the one to come out on top.”

  I walked over and put my hand on his arm. “Daniel, I’m sorry if I … led you on. I like you. But as a friend.” I tried to produce a genuine smile for him, but I felt as if the act was an epic fail.

  “You’re not romantically attracted to me. I get it. Believe me, I get it.”

  “Daniel, I …” What could I say? That he wasn’t my type? He was intelligent and kind. Always helpful and shy, in a painfully cute way. He just wasn’t what got my motor to running. And telling him that to his face would be as damaging as if I’d went ahead and punched him. “I trust you,” I said, stepping around so that I could look into his eyes. “And that’s something very few people in this world have. I know you want more, but could we at least remain friends?” I lowered my voice, willing it not to crack. “It would mean a lot to me if we could still be that.”

  He stared at me for a few seconds and then nodded, reaching up to rub a fingertip at the corner of one eye. “Yes. We can still be friends.” He exhaled softly. “I’m sorry if my … crush … made you feel awkward. You’re one of the few who has seen me as something other than the Guy Who Makes Our Toys. I guess I just hoped that what you were seeing was something that you wanted for a relationship.” He shrugged again. “It’s okay, Karen. Really.”

  “Yeah?”

  He nodded and then jerked his thumb at the chamber. “I really need to get this thing calibrated, so …”

  I took my cue and smiled as I turned to leave. Then I whirled back around and gave him a hug, careful not to crush his spine. “Thank you,” I whispered into his ear and released him before he noticed that the lump that had appeared in his pants was pressing into my thigh. I gave him another smile and left the room, feeling at least a smidge better than I had earlier.

  When I got back upstairs, the news channel had moved on from the constant loop of my underwear fight and was showing a segment on the new bridge being built over the river. Rocket was the only one in the room and he gave me half a glance from his spot on the sofa, but wisely kept his mouth shut. His brief gaze alone was enough to convey that I’d managed to slip even further down the ladder of acceptance.

  I refrained from giving him the finger and left the room, going to the kitchen. Darla was still there and didn’t look up from her phone as I pulled open the refrigerator door and peered inside. Footsteps came down the hall and I closed the door and turned around as our Clueless Leader stepped into the room. He looked between the blonde and I, pointing his finger at us.

  “Which one of you two babes ordered Chinese take-out and didn’t ask if anyone else wanted anything?”

  I gave the other girl a confused glance and then looked back at him. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  He jerked his thumb over his shoulder. “Chinese. Take. Out.” He said each word slowly as if talking to a small child.

  I walked over to the doorway and peered into the briefing room. On one of the jumbo screens was the video feed from the lobby. I stared in stunned silence for a few moments at the man standing patiently next to Joelle’s vacant desk, hands pressed flat against his thighs.

  I sighed and walked towards the elevator. “I’ll handle this,” I said over my shoulder to the two of them.

  Captain Awesome’s voice drifted down the hall after me. “Make sure we get extra duck sauce.”

  When I stepped out of the elevator, I noticed that he hadn’t moved or changed position since I’d seen him on the screen upstairs. Either his patience was still the stuff of legend, or someone had called down to tell him I was on my way. He looked thinner than I remembered, and there were tired circles around his slanted eyes. It looked as if there was a great deal more gray in his thinning hair.

  Though it was Sunday afternoon, he was dressed in a suit and tie, black shoes shined to a level of gloss that threatened to blind the unwary. Heaven forbid he dress casual and look relaxed out in public. Retired for ten years and still looking the part of a professor.

  He glanced over at me as I approached and a small smile slowly spread over his face. One that didn’t completely reach his dark eyes.

  “Musume,” he said as he raised his arms and held out both hands to me.

  Daughter. But was I really? I glanced down at his hands, but refused to accept them. I crossed my arms over my chest instead. “Hello, Father.”

  The smile faltered a bit as he slowly lowered his arms. “You are looking well, Kaori. How have your new friends been treating you?”

  I shook my head. “Seriously? You dropped by to see how I was doing?” I huffed and uncrossed my arms, planting them on my hips. “What do you want? I haven’t seen or heard from you in almost five years. What force possessed you to make contact now?”

  He flinched and looked down at the floor.

  “You alw
ays had a temper, Kaori,” he said softly. “Even as a little girl. From your mother’s side of the family I think. She had trouble controlling it as well.”

  “I don’t want to talk about my temper!” I shouted. “I want to know what you’re doing here.”

  He jumped at my words and slowly brought his face back up to mine. He released the breath I hadn’t known he was holding and a deep sadness flowed into his eyes. “Very well. I am here on behalf of your mother.”

  “I don’t have a mother, as I recall.”

  A shake of his head followed a soft sigh. “I do not wish to fight with you, musume. The bad feelings have gone on for far too long.”

  “And who’s responsible for that?”

  He met my gaze with an unwavering stare. “All of us. After Tomiko, we stopped being a family and turned into hostile strangers.”

  “Fine. We all fucked it up.”

  “Language, Kaori.” His voice slipped from possessing an edge of regret to the tone he’d used to correct me all my life. “There is no need for profanity.”

  I couldn’t help the smirk that formed on my face. “Why try to fix shit now?” The slice of childish rebellion didn’t feel as good as I’d thought it would.

  “Because,” he said, not taking the bait. “She’s asking for you. You need to go see her.”

  I glared at him as hard as I could manage. If I’d had heat vision, my father would have been nothing more than a lump of charcoal on the lobby floor. “Go see her? Do you remember the last thing she said to me?”

  He looked down at the floor, unable to meet my stare. “Things have changed, Kaori.”

  “Don’t call me that. That’s not my name anymore. And of course things have changed. Now I’m a member of a famous and well-respected team of heroes.” My jaw was clenched tightly enough to shatter a diamond. “Do you remember what she said, Father? Right after she told me to leave and never come back?”

  He didn’t raise his eyes from the examination of his shoes. His head nodded just the slightest bit, though. “She said … she couldn’t love a daughter who was different.”