Amanda's Touch [D.A.R.E.ing Women] (Siren Publishing Allure)

by LeeAnn Masters

  To distract himself he allowed his curiosity to get the better of him and asked, “Mandy, will you tell me about Dr. Lombardi? You two seem very close, too close for it to simply be a doctor-patient relationship. He said he’d been in contact with you regularly. He also intimated to me that you and I were not the only slightly unique individuals there last night and that he had gifts of his own. Do you think he’d mind if you told me about him?”

  He could feel her fondness and affection for the doctor even before she began speaking. “Derek was on duty that night.” She swallowed and forced herself to continue. She hated talking about the accident and the aftermath of it. Zack reached over and grasped her hand in his, feeling her angst and automatically wanting to help her. Amanda raised her brows and shook her head, nonverbally reminding him to leave her emotional status well enough alone. She felt the slight flush of warmth that had begun creeping into her hand quickly quelled and withdrawn.

  “Sorry,” he murmured. “Please go on.” He’d really have to be more careful! She smiled slightly and nodded, acknowledging his apology.

  “Of course, I’m not certain exactly what happened because I was unconscious for most all of it. But, from what I understand, he worked tirelessly over me for a very long time in the E.R. and followed me into surgery as well. He told me he felt drawn, more than that even. Compelled might be a better description. He had to be by my side.”

  Nostalgia filtered through her. “Between him and Diane, I was nearly never alone while in ICU. They became quite close as well,” she said, smiling. “All three of us keep in contact. He’s become a…I don’t know…” she shrugged almost uncomfortably. “Kind of like an honorary father figure for me, I guess. He understands me because he’s telepathic, and he’s a healer, and I don’t mean only in the medical degree sense. I wouldn’t be surprised if my injuries heal a little more quickly than normal.” She gestured to her leg and wrist. “His healing abilities aren’t very strong, but they can take the edge off, so to speak.”

  Ah! Zack thought. That was why she hadn’t felt as much pain as she normally would have been in today. Lombardi had ramped up her healing process just enough to make that difference. From what he’d felt from her, her pain levels were at least three or four days out, healing wise. He had to get a look at her leg.

  “May I?” he inquired, gesturing to her leg. She nodded and waited while he rolled up her pant leg and gently removed the bandages.

  “Wow!” he breathed. She smiled at his nonplussed expression. “Amanda, this looks like it’s been healing for several days already! I’ll bet it’s the same with your wrist too, huh? I was wondering, this morning, why you didn’t seem to be in as much pain as you should have been. Not that I’m not glad about that. I was just confused.” She let him reflect on that for another minute and then continued as he redressed her wound.

  “Anyway, he knows what I’m going through.” She hesitated for a moment and then figured Zack may as well know the rest. “Lombardi’s wife, Jillian, also has some special abilities so she’s been able to help me, too. Like me, she’s a clairvoyant, and she sees spirits, too.” The last part she admitted grudgingly and Zack wasn’t sure why she had the uncomfortable edge to her voice that she did but caught that Amanda was attempting to hide something.

  “They’re great people, and I’m blessed to have met them and have them in my life. Anytime I have questions or feel overwhelmed I can call or email either of them. They’ve been very supportive.” Now there was a sense of wistfulness washing off of her that he didn’t understand either.

  She continued to reflect. “They have a son, Adam, he’s a systems analyst. He’s about two years older than I am. He has Derek’s build and green eyes, but otherwise has Jillian’s coloring, with blond hair. He also is ‘gifted’ with the ability to see spirits, to speak with the dead, and he’s a touch telepath but stronger than I am. Where I can only read what people are thinking about in the moment, he can read things from people even if they are not.” She laughed gently as Zack looked bewildered.

  “Mandy, I never knew there were so many people out there who had psychic abilities. I’m kind of stunned, I guess.” He shook his head. “It’s simply amazing!”

  “Well…I’m sure their daughters probably have, or would have had, some psychic skills too, considering such strongly psychic parents. But, I guess we’ll never know.” She ruminated and then realized Zack didn’t have a clue what she was talking about when he looked perplexed.

  “Derek and Jillian had twin daughters. They were abducted by their nanny when they were three months old. Jillian had taken Adam for a well-baby check-up, at the pediatrician, and when she returned the girls were gone. Derek’s been beating himself up ever since. He was away when Jillian hired the nanny who’d only been in place for about a week’s time. He never had the opportunity to read her to pick up on what she was planning to do. Even though Adam was only a toddler at the time, Jillian has told me he must have known. He never wanted to be alone with her. Jillian thought it was simply stranger anxiety and that he’d get used to her eventually. Unfortunately, she found out differently.”

  Zack’s jaw dropped. “Dear God! The twins were never found?”

  Amanda shook her head sadly “No. They were never found. Can you even begin to imagine that kind of horror and pain? My God, to not know if your children are dead or alive. To not know what the hell happened to them? Every parent’s worst nightmare, huh? Anyway, I think that’s why Derek is so attached to me and Diane. We’re the same age his daughters would be now. We were born the same year. His twins were born in September and both Diane and I were born in December. They still have a private investigator that follows the case for them from time to time. Once a year or so he tries to follow up on any old leads. But I’d imagine by now there’d be very little to go on. The trail is horrendously cold.”

  “Those poor people.” Zack couldn’t even begin to imagine what they’d gone through.

  Zack’s face became thoughtful. Now, he got it. Why the man was so protective of Amanda, and how he was able to trust him almost instantaneously, he’d surely read his mind and intentions. Then he focused on Amanda, on how tough it must be for her. Telepathic and clairvoyant! She needed someone in her life to help her through, and he was glad she had Derek, Jillian, and Adam. Again, the thought of her continually strengthening abilities made him squirm, and more than just a little. The more he thought about her abilities, the more freaked out he was becoming. Apparently, Amanda picked up on this because her next question brought it out into the open, for good or ill.

  “Zack, you never told me how you feel about me, about my abilities, I mean. You’re not scared off, even a little bit?” she tried to joke as she attempted to gauge his demeanor.

  At the time, he hadn’t seemed too put off by what she’d told him, but currently there was tenseness to him. She knew he was getting cold feet and having second thoughts now that they weren’t lip-locked any longer. Typical man, thinking south of his belt, she thought a little bitterly. She’d kept herself blocked from him, letting him have his room, knowing if anyone needed room, it was Zack. But, she was willing to bet, ten to one, that Zack was already talking himself out of his new predicament, and she was hurt. Her chest ached and her eyes burned with tears that she blinked back. Of all people, he should understand!

  He’d done nothing but think about what she’d told him, even while he’d been kissing, licking, and teasing her unmercifully. While he strongly desired her and wanted to be with her, he really had to have a thinking session on his own. He couldn’t say he was exactly thrilled. Worried, was more the word for it. He didn’t want his thoughts laid out before her like a frigging buffet twenty-four-seven. She’d assured him she’d learned to deliberately block people out to grant them their privacy, that she understood his need to keep things to himself. That she wouldn’t seek out stuff he didn’t want her to know, but now he was in the same dilemma as she was. Did he dare to trust her?

  He was ho
lding back on the next step as much as she was. Not only wasn’t he sure how he felt about her psychic abilities, he still wasn’t sure of her emotional readiness. She’d most definitely responded to him when he’d ventured to touch her, but that didn’t mean she was ready for a short- or long-term romantic liaison. She still had a lot of depression issues to work through before she’d be anywhere near ready to commit to anyone new.

  He startled himself with that thought. Commitment? Here he was, thinking she was nowhere near ready to commit, and he was the one who seemed to be having the hard time dealing with her sixth (and seventh) sense. She seemed to accept him as he was, could he do the same for her? Even the thought of having to think about it meant he wasn’t as ready as Amanda already was.

  Ha! He thought bitterly. Just last night he’d fancied himself in love with her. What the hell was wrong with him that he couldn’t love her today? He was a cad! No, he was being a complete asshole, he admitted, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. His suddenly cold feet seemed to come out of left field. Maybe he needed an empath!

  “Zack?” Amanda’s voice shook just slightly at his lack of response. She cleared her throat and her voice steadied, but he could still hear and feel the echoes of her emotional pain. “You know what? Don’t worry about it. I know it’s a lot to take in. It is scary for a lot of people. I don’t expect you to understand right away, or even at all, really.”

  Zack could sense her disappointment but didn’t know what to do for her. He couldn’t honestly say he was okay with this, yet. He had to have some time.

  “Amanda, I just need a little time to process it all.” He told her softly. He didn’t want to hurt her but knew he already had. “I care about you, a lot. I want to be with you. I just have to wrap my head around what you can do.”

  She looked away from him because tears had blurred her vision. Same old, same old. It just stung that much worse because she’d expected him to “get it,” to comprehend better than anyone else would.

  She took a deep breath. “Take your time,” she responded as evenly as she could.

  Rising to her feet, she began picking up their trash. She tugged the blanket forcefully from under him and he scrambled off of it before she dumped his ass on the granite, watching her carefully. Her disappointment was tangible. Folding the ground cover she crammed it with unnecessary vigor into the backpack, keeping her back to him. She was strapping her revolver back on when his arms wrapped around her waist and he pulled her close against him, halting her progress.

  “I’m sorry, Mandy. I really don’t mean to hurt you. It’s just, the more I think about it, the more confused I get. I’ve gotta get used to the idea of someone picking my brain without my knowledge. I don’t want to be unfair to you by saying I’m good with this, and then later, when I’ve had time to think it over, change my mind. I’d rather tell you up front that I’m uncertain, and be honest.”

  He felt her sorrow, and again that sense of loneliness and despair washed over her and it damn near killed him, because he’d been the one to cause it. He’d promised he wouldn’t do anything to influence her but, unable to help himself, he sent out a strong calming wave to sway her negative emotions to a more positive manner.

  When Amanda suddenly began to feel more composed, when by the second she’d been becoming more angry and miserable, she knew who was to blame. In her anger at his feelings, which she shouldn’t be furious about but was anyway, combined with his intrusion into her emotions, she lost it. She stepped forward, out of his arms, and spun around catching him by surprise, backhanding him across his right cheek as hard as she could, literally snapping his head back with the force of it. The sharp sound ricocheted off the surrounding hills like a gun shot. She shook her stinging hand, wishing she could have punched him, but needing at least one functioning extremity.

  He raised his hand to his face in stunned astonishment and backed up a pace or two. Whoa baby! He’d pissed her right off.

  “You know what?” she growled the words at him. “You’re a fucking hypocrite! You have the nerve to be wary of me, to not trust me. When I’ve promised to not intrude on your thoughts, and haven’t all along, even though I could have. But you! You make me a promise not to influence my emotions and the first time you’re unhappy with my response to you, you try to change them! How fucking dare you?!”

  Her voice rose from a shout and neared a shriek that pierced his ears and heart and, stunned silent, he realized she was right. He rubbed the side of his face where she’d struck him. She’d put a hell of a lot of power into her arm and he wouldn’t be surprised if her impact caused a bruise, and hell, his neck ached already. He knew he deserved it. He seemed to go above and beyond in bringing out the worst in her, and it didn’t help that she had one hell of a temper.

  Her eyes blazing, she advanced on him like an avenging fury, poking him in the chest with her pointer finger, hard, with every “you” she uttered to drive her words home. He could feel her rage sweeping off of her, so white hot he wouldn’t have been surprised to see actual flames leap from her skin. Her disgust with him in that moment was so venomous and black that he’d have preferred to be bitten by a rattlesnake than face her words.

  She continued to advance on him, and he was fearful enough of her to retreat as she did. He would have sworn that her anger had caused her to grow at least a foot in height. Wow! She really had a temper. He knew he deserved every single character-maligning remark she threw his way and he opened his mouth to apologize and explain, but she wasn’t done yet, not by a long shot, and she continued to rip into him.

  “You butt into my life and try to control my emotions, unasked and unwanted! You determine what is best for my life by threatening my career! You try to seduce me in your office when I came in to speak about a client. You listen in to my private conversation with my doctor! You talk to my friends about me behind my back to ‘plan how to help me’!” She paused, breathing hard as she regathered for her next onslaught on his character.

  “Amanda, I’m so sorry!” he began only to be cut off as she went off on him again. He reached for her but she forcefully shoved him away, causing him to stumble before he caught his balance.

  “You dare me to face your truth, and take you at your word. Asking that I should trust you, when all you’ve done is betray that trust, even before it’s proffered, and then you can’t offer me an iota of faith, you have to think about it?!”

  “Mandy, calm down. Let’s talk about this. Please! I never said I didn’t trust you!” He’d thought it though, hadn’t he?

  He watched her carefully, waiting for her to get it all out of her system, and hoping she wouldn’t pull out that damn gun. He’d never seen, or felt, anyone’s anger this fierce before, at least not directed at himself, and he had no idea how to handle her. If he tried to calm her again he just knew she’d shoot him. But just as abruptly as her venture into fury had begun, it ebbed. He felt her exhaustion and confusion now, in addition to the betrayal she’d felt before.

  Then finally, she looked down as she began to cry, tears streaming down her face and dripping onto the granite, and her voice shook for an entirely different reason. Her choked voice was so low he had to strain to hear her as she almost whispered.

  “You get me to open up to you, to take a chance with you, and then you slam the door shut because you can’t trust me?” her voice ended on a bitter note.

  “Oh, Mandy! Babe…” He ached inside with the force of her feeling of betrayal. Reaching for her once more, he grasped empty air as she stepped farther away, and he felt an icy chill begin to run through his veins, only just then beginning to realize the, likely, permanent impact of his words. Oh Christ! What had he done?

  She looked up at him, making no attempt to hide her tears, having vented all of her feelings and stated flatly, “You’re a Goddamned fool, Zachary Grayson. You just told me, we have Heaven. Right here!” She pointed to the hard rock beneath them. “And, yet you’re willing to throw it away. Don’t you have any
idea how fleeting life is? How precious the moments are that God grants us?” She seemed to be speaking to herself and him at the same time, reminders that life was so easily lost.

  “Amanda…” he trailed off, at a loss, not knowing what the hell to tell her. How in world would he salvage this?

  She continued in the same vein pointing a finger at him, and then gesturing to herself. “You’re afraid of me, and you’re afraid of yourself, and of not being able to control your impulse to influence me or, God forbid, my not allowing you to control me altogether!” Zack cringed as the barb shot through him. It was a painful zinger, too.

  “You mistrust me because you can’t trust yourself. You can’t control yourself, so I must not be able to control myself. You mistrust your feelings for me, because other women have walked away, so this time…what? You’re doing it first? You messed with my feelings in an effort to get me to cut you loose, so you wouldn’t have to do all the dirty work yourself,” came another truth from her, and this time he took a step away as this one rocked him. It hadn’t actually occurred to him at all, but this too was most likely true.

  Zack stood there stunned, staring at her and replaying her words in his mind. Was she an empath, too, or had she read all of that from his mind?

  “No, Zack. I’m no empath, and I didn’t read all of that from you. I know what you’re thinking because I’ve been running from who I am my entire life. I’ve mistrusted myself and most everyone around me, because of my so-called talents. I’ve done a nice job of sealing myself into my own coffin with nails of doubt and pride. Is that where you want to be, too? Truth and dare, Zack. Fucking, truth and dare!”

  She started walking away from him, toward the forest, and he began to follow, reaching out his hand to stay her.