“Following in your parents’ footsteps, perchance?” he asked.
“No, not at all,” she replied, shaking her head. “My mother was a great businesswoman, with her own financial consulting business. I know she would have liked me to go into it, take it over, but I’m more artistic. She understood my need to find my own way, do what interested me. She always encouraged me to follow my heart, even if she didn’t always understand it.”
She laughed lightly, remembering her mother’s expression when she’d told her she would be pursuing a degree in architecture. Lana had pursed her lips together and then she’d opened her mouth to argue the point. Finally, she had looked at her daughter and swallowed back whatever she’d planned to say, telling her instead to “always follow your heart, Amanda. Follow your dreams. If you can’t do that, then life isn’t worth the living. Just do me a favor and double major in finance. At the very least you may need the background if you ever decide to open your own business. Or, you might just change your mind and decide to take over mine, when I retire.” They’d both known, even then, that Lana would not be retiring.
“She sounds like a wonderful woman. Is she retired now? You said she wanted you to take over her business?”
Amanda realized that Zack had not told his family anything about her, and then it occurred to her that he really didn’t know much about her either. She probably knew more about him than he did her. He’d only just found out today that she’d been adopted. She tended to be tight lipped about her personal life, even the people she’d worked with for years didn’t know much about her, so they could hardly fill him in even if he asked. The only person who really knew her was Diane, and she didn’t share anybody else’s business, ever.
“No, she passed away about four years ago, from breast cancer.” She hesitated as she hedged the next part of her story. “I, uh…sold her share of the business to a lesser partner who wanted to take it over.” Well, it was a partial truth. She’d sold some shares of the business.
John’s eyes clouded over as he caught a slight sorrow coming off of her. “I’m sorry, Amanda. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“It’s fine. I don’t mind talking about her,” she said lightly. “I miss her dreadfully, but she suffered for several years and, toward the end, it was hard for her. She was only able to finally let go once I was settled in my career and married. She always worried about me.”
She was surprised when John’s hand settled on hers and she looked up to see him carefully assessing her. She felt a light warm rush of calm run through her, but left her hand in his and scolded him jokingly. “Now, you stop that! I see where your son gets his controlling tendencies from!”
John’s eyes widened. He hadn’t known she knew about Zack and, of course, she’d read John’s gift the moment she’d shaken hands with him. Now that she’d clued into Zack, she’d been on the lookout for where it had come from. She felt him quickly withdraw his influence from her as he muttered an apology.
“Watch out, Dad, Amanda likes to backhand people who sway her emotions without her consent. She might pop you one.” Zack’s voice came from directly behind her and she jumped, wondering how long he’d been hovering there, listening.
She looked up at him to see him pointing out the bruise on his cheek to his father, who roared with laughter while slapping his knee.
“Son, I’ve told you time and time again to be careful who you use your skills on. I’d wager you deserved it!” Zack chuckled and agreed he’d pushed his luck one time too many.
Pulling Mandy from the chair Zack sat down in it and settled her back onto his lap, stretching his long legs out in front of him. His dad watched in approval as his son cuddled Amanda against him then continued with his questions.
“So what about your dad, Amanda? What does he do?” John and Zack both studied her in curiosity, waiting for the answer.
“I don’t have a father,” she told them flatly. “My mom adopted me as a single parent and raised me that way. It was just she and I, and her parents, my grandparents. They live in Florida now, in a retirement community.” She chuckled at their twin expressions of surprise. Good! It served them right for being nebby. Neither of them knew what to say to that, that wouldn’t dig them in deeper.
Letting them off the hook she told them, “Don’t sweat it, guys, really. I didn’t miss out on anything. My grandfather has always been a great male role model.”
Zack broke in then regaling his dad with the story about the hike the previous day, the magnificent view, and how Amanda had saved him from a rabid dog. When he told him she’d put two bullets into the head of the leaping animal, John looked at her with something akin to amazement. Amanda heard twin gasps of shock from behind her and realized his mom and sister had rejoined them to hear the last part.
“Zachary!” his mother scolded him, holding a hand over her heart, and telling him how lucky he’d been that Amanda was prepared and trained.
“Don’t yell at me, Mom. Amanda has already informed me that I’m a ‘fucking idiot,’ her words, not mine.” They all laughed then, his sister hitting him on the top of his head with the heel of her hand saying, “Duh!”
God love Zack’s father, he wasn’t done yet, and his next question Amanda knew would be the hardest one. He’d ask about the husband she’d mentioned. She braced herself, knowing Zack could feel the tenseness in her body and sense her anxiety. Zack’s father checked only her left hand for rings and seeing none asked his next question.
“So, Amanda, you said your mom hung in there till you were settled into your career and married?”
She saw Zack shake his head trying to cut off his dad before he stepped into the doo-doo he was about to.
Too late. “Are you divorced?”
Most people did think that, and she didn’t blame them. Not many people were widowed so young. And, of course, he’d be concerned about that if she was interested in his son.
She waited for a moment, to experience that shattering sensation she usually felt when first asked about her husband. She was mildly stunned when it didn’t come, and found it was replaced instead with only a moderate sense of melancholy. She didn’t answer for a minute, trying to analyze it, and found herself looking at Zack in surprise
“Did you…?” she asked him trailing off.
Her brows drew together in confusion, wondering if he’d done anything to her, but she hadn’t felt it if he had. He looked down at her, perplexed at her half-asked question. She could see and feel him reach out to her then and knew for a fact that it hadn’t been him initially. He pulled his talent back again, having sampled her emotional palette, and smiled encouragingly at her.
“Wasn’t me, babe,” he stated. She believed him.
Everyone stood, or sat there, watching the byplay between the two. Amanda had forgotten the question in lieu of the unexpected lack of emotional response on her part.
“Would someone tell us what’s going on?” Rebecca demanded, hating to be left out.
Zack looked at Amanda. “Babe?” he asked.
Did she want to answer, he was asking her. She scrambled off of his lap and stood staring blankly at him for a few seconds, not sure what to do. She desperately needed to be alone. She wasn’t sure she was happy at the sea change in her emotional venue she’d just experienced. She felt like her emotions had been crippled. It felt wrong not to be in pain.
Without a word, she took off toward the house. She heard Zack behind her calling her name. Heard him begin to berate his father, then she heard nothing as she hit the door at a near run and rushed through the house to find a quiet spot to hide for a while. She knew she’d been rude, but couldn’t find it in her to care. She had the feeling they’d accept her apology once Zack explained, which she knew he would feel obligated to, so she wasn’t too worried.
After feeling her sudden sense of near panic, and watching Amanda slam into the house, Zack rounded on his father, furious with him.
“Goddamn it, Dad! Can’t you ever le
ave well enough alone? It wasn’t enough to drag her through the memories of her mother’s death. You had to start in on her husband, too? What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Son, I’m just worried about you and trying to get to know the girl. If she’s been through a nasty divorce there are all kinds of problems and baggage that come with that. Are you ready to deal with an ex-husband?”
His father paled when Zack shouted at him. “She’s not divorced, Dad! She’s widowed! She lost the love of her life, and the child she was carrying, in a horrific car accident that nearly killed her too, just a little over a year and a half ago!”
Claire began to quietly weep, both in sympathy for Amanda, and at the fury Zack was displaying toward his father. Rebecca wrapped her arms comfortingly around her mom and glared at her dad.
Zack lost it on all of them. “That woman has lost just about everyone in her life that she loved. She’s the strongest and most talented person I know, and she is struggling valiantly to get her feet back under her, and you’ve treated her life like you’re interviewing her for a frigging tabloid column!”
“Oh God! Son, I’m so sorry. I could sense she was sad, but I thought it was about her mother, I didn’t know, didn’t realize! I’m so sorry.”
Zack’s dad looked at him miserably and Zack’s anger abruptly deflated, like a balloon pricked with a pin. Gruffly he told him, “Good. You should be. And, you can tell her that, if she hasn’t walked out on us that is.”
Zack stared in the direction of the house, wondering what the hell he could say to her that would salvage this. Their relationship was so tenuous he felt that the weak threads that held it together could snap at any moment. She wanted him, wanted to be with him. He knew that. But she was still undecided. He took a deep breath and exhaled heavily.
His mom, having regained control, stepped over to him and hugged him around his waist. “You’re in love with the girl, aren’t you? I’ve never seen you so protective of someone.”
Surprised by her question, and distracted by what’d happened, he immediately answered, “Yes, I am,” without thinking about it.
Looking around he found everyone smiling at him patronizingly. “No, I haven’t told her. And none of you will either. Got it?” he demanded. “She’s not ready for that, yet. She’s still healing, and I’m not going to go ripping off any scabs. She needs to come to this on her own and while I think she’s getting there, she still has a ways to go.”
“How’s she reacting to your empathic skills? Have you been able to help her through the grieving?” His dad wanted to know.
Zack again pointed to the purplish bruise on his cheek. “Remember? This was her response to my most recent intrusion into her feelings. She insists that I stay out unless asked otherwise. She’s got quite a temper,” he added.
His mother nudged his dad, having experienced the same problem with him, and they all laughed and agreed that that might be a good idea.
Pursuing the topic John asked him, “How does she know when you’re doing it? She knew the moment I began, too, and I only sent the very slightest of calming waves her way. I was amazed when she immediately picked up on it. No one has ever even guessed as much before.”
Zack smiled rather grimly at him, briefly thinking that Amanda would probably beat the crap out him for telling everyone, then deciding that if she was going to be a member of their family, and he hoped she would, they’d all find out sometime.
He watched their faces with amusement as he announced, “She’s psychic. Clairvoyant actually, as well as a touch telepath, and she can see spirits too. And frankly, she saved all of our asses today. I’ll explain later why that is.” Then having gotten his own back, and as everyone stood there shocked speechless, he strode toward the house to find Amanda.
He searched high and low through the downstairs, beginning to wonder if she’d taken off on her own, when he finally found her in the second floor guest bath. At least he assumed it was her. The door was closed and locked.
Rapping softly he called, “Mandy?” in the gentlest voice he could manage.
He heard her sniffle, curse, and then heard a muffled, “Zack, just leave me alone for a little while. I promise I’ll come down and apologize in a bit.”
He shook his head. Of course she’d get it in her head that this was her fault. Not! Gruffly he informed her, “I don’t want you to apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s my family who owes you the apology, and I guarantee they’ll give you one.” He’d thump each and every one of them if they didn’t.
“Babe, just let me in, please? I’m worried about you.” He was worried about what she might do, depressed and alone, in the bathroom, too. He shuddered, thinking dark thoughts. He heard a long-suffering sigh issue from her lips and then her footsteps as she came toward the door.
“Zack, really, I’m fine. I just want some time to myself,” he was told from the other side of the still closed door. He could almost picture her leaning against the inside of the door with her head pressed against it.
“Amanda, I know you want time, and I’m willing to let you have it. I just want to see that you’re okay. Now please, open the damn door!” He was going to break the fucking thing down if she didn’t. He didn’t know why he was so antsy about her, she’d been doing much better and he didn’t see, or feel, any signs of her needing a suicide watch but he just didn’t know what might trigger her. Her emotions during the course of the day had run a seriously abnormal gamut and he figured that was what had him so edgy, too.
Hearing muted footfalls behind him he turned to see his dad at the top of the stairs. “Is she all right?” he whispered. Zack angrily waved him away, shooing him back down the steps.
Zack gave her one more minute, literally counting to sixty in his head, and then announced, “Amanda Grace, you open the door right now or I swear I’ll break it down!” His voice was even more gruff with his worry for her.
“Oh for Christ’s sake, Zachary,” the door swung open and then she asked him in great annoyance if he was “melodramatic much?” and he breathed a sigh of relief as he saw she was fine. He ran his eyes from the crown of her head to the tips of her toes. She’d kicked off her sandals. Her eyes were red from weeping, but she otherwise seemed okay.
He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly to him. “I’m sorry, Mandy. My father was way out of line. He had no right to ask you such personal questions, to push you like that.” He heard her muffled laugh from against his chest and held her away from him trying to determine what the hell was going on with her.
“Zack, please! Your dad was only doing what all parents do. He wasn’t the one to upset me. I upset myself.” She turned away from him and sat back down on the toilet lid with her head in her hands.
He stood there indecisively, not sure what to do for her, or what she wanted from him. After waffling for a few seconds he followed her in and shut the door behind him, locking it. She hadn’t asked him to leave so he took that as his cue to stay instead.
“Oh gosh, what I wouldn’t give for a Valium right now,” she said to herself, and Zack frowned. This was not his lady talking.
In a flat voice she told him, “Relax, I’m not serious.” Then she corrected herself, “Well, I am kind of serious, but not serious-serious.”
Now he was more frightened and confused. This was definitely not his Amanda talking. She emitted a loud groan of self-disgust.
He sat down on the edge of the tub and took her hand in his, desperately trying to gauge her feelings, which to his consternation, he couldn’t figure out either. She watched him as he tried.
“See?” she asked. “I know this is going to sound strange but, I feel like they’ve been broken, or crippled maybe? I’m feeling rather numb.” Zack wasn’t sure what to make of that statement, but it made him very uneasy.
“Try to describe it to me. What happened?” he asked, truly puzzled.
She told him what she’d experienced, what she was used to feeling, and compared
and contrasted the two. Expecting the severe pain she always associated with the discussion of her husband but, this time, only feeling sad ache instead. Her fear of letting that stronger feeling go, like she’d betrayed David. She knew, realistically, that it would be a good thing if she could let go of the pain, but had been caught unaware by the swiftness of the change in her feelings. Feeling like she wasn’t herself because she hadn’t reacted like she normally did.
“You’re in shock because you didn’t experience the pain you expected, and are used to, feeling,” he summarized, feeling much less fearful for her. “Mandy, look at me.” He grasped her chin gently but firmly in his hand, forcing her to look at him. “You’re not broken. You’re healing. And you feel strange because, for more than a year, that pain is what you’ve grown accustomed to.”
“I don’t want to forget him,” she whispered, and his stomach twisted uneasily.
“Babe, no one is asking you to forget him. I’m only asking you to include me, too. You can love the both of us, you know? Healing doesn’t mean it goes away. Healing means you remember but move on. You know David wants that for you, too.”
She gave him a watery smile that took just about everything in her to pull together. “I’m a mess, Zack. Why the hell do you put up with me?”
Zack leaned forward and whispered very seriously, “Don’t tell anyone, but it’s because you save me from rabid dogs and evil investment advisors,” earning him a small giggle.
“May I ask a favor?” she asked nervously.
He lifted his hand and tucked a stray strand of hair behind the ear he’d whispered in, “Anything, Babe, what do you need?” He was very curious. She didn’t ask for help lightly.
She stuttered and stammered her request, ashamed to ask him, and feeling weak for even considering it.
“I…it’s been…uh, a really bad day for me. A strange day. I’m feeling all over the place and I…I guess could use some…uh, help. Getting back on track, you know? I…um, I’m asking for yours. Oh, this is so embarrassing!”
Amanda's Touch [D.A.R.E.ing Women] (Siren Publishing Allure) Page 29