Double Clutch

by Liz Reinhardt

  I went back to my room, and it felt strangely empty without him in it. I wondered if we were technically going out now. I was sure that Jake would say we were, but he hadn’t come out and asked.

  I put my Kingsolver aside and dutifully took out my Golding. I read and took notes, trying to keep the smell and feel of Jake out of my mind, but it wasn’t easy. It was like my entire brain was dying to think about him and nothing else. I wanted to do other things, but he kept cropping up in my head. I’d wonder if he’d gotten as far as I had in the book, what he thought of Jack’s maniacal take over, what he thought of my room, what he thought of kissing me.

  I forced my mind back on Golding and took notes for another half an hour, before I heard the door open and Mom and Thorsten came in.

  “Hey!” I hugged them both. “What did you go see?” Even as they described the movie and laughed and hung their coats up, I kept expecting one of them to look over suddenly and say, Where is he? We know you had a boy over, Bren.

  But, of course, they didn’t. We hung out in the kitchen, and Mom made us tea.

  I ran my fingers over the wood grain of the long table, my hand weaving back and forth over the swirling patterns and designs.

  “I saw one of the members of the Rotary Club at Dairy Queen,” Thorsten said.

  “What’s Rotary Club?” I sipped my sweet, milky tea.

  Mom sat down by Thorsten, and I could tell by the way her eyes sparkled that it had something to do with me. Mom reserved a lot of her excitement for things concerning me.

  “It’s a group of community leaders who do social things,” Mom said. “And they have this study abroad program!” Thorsten took a large envelope and slid it across to me. “That’s just the simple brochure,” Mom explained. “He had some copies in his car. But we’re on the mailing list to get the complete brochure.”

  I opened the envelope and turned the pages of the glossy catalog, looked at the pictures of kids on ski slopes and swimming in rivers and wearing what looked like German lederhosen. “This looks really cool,” I said, only lying a tiny bit. “But I don’t think I can take another year off of high school.”

  “They have a summer program.” Thorsten flipped through and pointed to the summer program page for me. “These are a little more like camps. The one in Ireland is a creative writing camp. There’s one in Iran that does archeology.”

  Mom wrinkled her nose. “I don’t know about Iran,” she said, making no attempt at political correctness. “But wouldn’t Ireland be amazing?”

  They started to get me excited. “There’s a website. I’ll check it out before I go to bed.”

  We smiled and talked and laughed for a while, and when they were finally ready for bed, I went to my room too, clutching the envelope.

  On one hand I wanted to go so badly I was practically packing in my head. This other tiny, little part of me wondered what I would miss if I left for a whole summer. There were a lot of normal teen things that I kind of wanted to do. Like go to field parties. Or go to the shore. Or spend mind-blowing hours kissing my new boyfriend.

  If that’s what Jake was.

  Or would be.

  I checked out the website and read the testimonials, which ran the range from pure cheesiness to what sounded like honest life-changing experience. It seemed like it would be pretty awesome.

  I put my pajamas on, brushed my teeth, washed my face, and tried to pop an enormous zit that was forming on my chin. Unfortunately it was just big and painful. I put a little cream on it—the kind that advertises your zit will be gone in twenty-four hours but never ever works, at least, not on me – and tried to relax. My brain refused to cooperate on that one.

  I went back to Golding, now even more preoccupied, and forced myself through the required chapters and notes before I closed the book and put it in my bag. I looked at the Folly CD cover, trying to get inspiration, but it was pretty bland. Just the band name and a black background with green splatter all over the back. I listened to a few more of their songs, trying to get a feel for what I would put on a shirt if I did manage to design one.

  And finally, the phone rang. I didn’t want to admit how much I’d been waiting for it, but I had been. And it never crossed my mind to play games like waiting for it to ring a few times or keeping my voice even when I answered, because I didn’t feel like I needed to hide anything from Jake or pretend with him.

  “Jake!”

  “That’s a nice greeting.” I could hear his smile over the phone.

  “I’m glad you came over today.” I listened to the sound of metal jangling and hitting something. I imagined he was emptying the change out of his pockets and putting his keys down.

  “Me too.”

  “Did it take you long to get home?” I walked over to my window and put my hand against the freezing pane. I shivered when I imagined flying through fields and woods on a night like tonight.

  “No,” he said too quickly, then changed the subject. I knew he was lying to me, but I let it go. If I knew that it had taken forever and he’d been freezing the whole time, I’d have to tell him not to come again. And I knew neither one of us wanted that.

  “So there’s this movie theater in Newton.” He paused. “They play, like, random older movies. So tomorrow they’re going to play Footloose and Dirty Dancing,” he said with a groan.

  And I squealed and got all girlishly excited. “Jake! That’s awesome!” I gushed. “How did you know I love them?”

  “Because you’re a girl,” he pointed out. “And because you have both Dirty Dancing and More Dirty Dancing soundtracks on your shelf.”

  I felt a little embarrassed. “I forgot about my CDs.” I had transferred most of them to my iPod, but some I kept for sentimental value.

  “So, I’m too lame to be able to pick you up,” he said dryly, “but I thought if your parents could drop you off, I could buy your ticket and popcorn and candy. If you want to.” He waited a second before adding a rushed, “Or not.”

  A date! My first date! “No. I want to. I do. What time is it?” I danced around my room and silently screamed with excitement.

  “The first movie starts at two o’clock.”

  “I’ll be there. Do you mind if I invite my friend Kelsie?” I fell back on the bed and clutched a throw pillow to my chest. Kelsie would love this.

  “Kelsie Jordan?” he said, and I felt the clench in my stomach that I started to associate with finding unexpected things out about Jake.

  “That’s the one. Do you know her?” I held my breath and waited on the edge of a precipice for him to answer.

  “Just from being around.” His voice didn’t sound weird or upset. “Bring her. It’ll be fun.” I could tell from his tone he was mildly let down I’d crashed our date.

  “It’s just, if I ask my parents to randomly drop me off at a movie theater, they’re going to want to know who I’m going with, and I don’t want them to get all crazy if it’s a date.” I stopped. “It is a date, right?”

  “Seriously, Brenna? I’m asking you to meet me in public to see two girlie dance movies. This is all about me trying to impress you.”

  I pressed my hand over my mouth to stifle the insane giggles that threatened to overtake me. I had to take a deep breath before I could calmy say, “Let me call Kelsie and check, and I’ll call you back, ok?” I thought about it. “Or are you beat? I know you worked all day, then came over here.”

  “No, I’m not beat. And I definitely want you to call back. Even if it’s late. I’ll wait for you.”

  We clicked off, and I dialed Kelsie’s number with fingers shaking from pure excitement. It rang and rang and she finally picked up.

  “Hey girl!” Her cheery voice rang out in my ear. “I tried your house today. Where were you?”

  “Oh, we were busy all day getting stuff done in my room. I must not have heard the phone. ” Because maybe I was locked in my room, wrapped around Jake Kelly?

  “Oh, well Newton is having this awesome movie thing, and a bunc
h of people are going.”

  I laughed. “That’s so weird. That’s what I was calling you about.” I examined my Dirty Dancing CDs, thankful for those few minutes of snooping that led to Jake asking me on a date.

  “Are you going? Ohmygosh, you’re going with your bad boy, aren’t you?” Her squeal almost punctured my eardrum. “I knew it! I called it!”

  Even though I was hopping up and down with happiness, I managed to keep my voice calm and speak rationally to Kelsie. “I’m going to meet him there, but I was hoping you would come too.”

  “Well, I’ll be there. Now that I know Jake will be taking you on a date, I’m going just to spy. Are you excited? Beyond excited? About to have a heart attack?”

  “Yes! I have a lot to tell you, but I’m going to call Jake back and tell him it’s good. I’ll call you tomorrow?” I opened my closet and shuffled through my clothes, wondering what I should wear.

  “Sounds good. Have a really nice conversation.” Kelsie dissolved into another fit of giggles.

  “I will,” I said and couldn’t help giggling right along with her.

  I dialed Jake’s number, and he picked up right away. “Hey, Brenna.” His voice was slow and sleepy.

  “Kelsie said a bunch of people are going. So, I’ll meet you there?” I threw shirts and pants on my bed along with a few skirts and dresses. How dressy would this be? Should I dress as cute as possible or go understated?

  When Jake spoke, his voice was measured and guarded. “You don’t have to go with me, you know. You can sit with your friends.”

  “Maybe I want to go with you. And you can whisper all of Johnny’s lines to me.” I plopped on my bed and wrapped my arms around my knees.

  He laughed. “Is that Patrick Swayze? Maybe if we were watching Roadhouse I could tell you all of his lines.” He cleared his throat. “I know he says that no one puts Baby in a corner.”

  I closed my eyes and soaked it all in. “Ooh, that’s the line! You sound tired.”

  “I guess I am. I hate working a double on the weekend.” He yawned into the phone.

  I thought about telling him about Saxon and my kiss to clear the air before our first date, but the timing seemed so off. And I just didn’t want to talk about it. But there was something I wanted to get his opinion on.

  “I wanted to tell you something. My parents found this summer study abroad thing where you go to another country and learn about something.” I held my breath and pressed my lips together, waiting.

  He sounded more alert. “Like being an exchange student?”

  “Yes. But for the summer instead of the whole year.” I closed my eyes and imagined us together all summer, maybe taking day trips to the beach, going out and getting Dairy Queen, snuggling at the movies. I half hoped he would be completely unsupportive and beg me to stay.

  “Please tell me you’re going to do it.”

  Shock rippled through me. “You want me to go?”

  “No,” he said honestly. “I miss you when you’re half an hour away. I’ll probably go psycho when I know you’re across an ocean. But it sounds awesome, and I want you to do that kind of stuff. You’re too smart to just rot in this little county. You need to get out there. It’s good for you.”

  “So now you know what’s good for me?” I teased.

  “I like to think so.” His voice was low and soft. I loved it. “I wish I was there with you right now.”

  “Me too,” I sighed. “You need to get off of the phone. You need to get some sleep.”

  “I can sleep in tomorrow,” he pointed out. “You’re right, though. We should both get some rest. Sweet dreams, Brenna.”

  “You too,” I said.

  He laughed lowly. “There’s no doubt about that.”

  We clicked off, and it was a good thing I’d been up at the crack of dawn with Mom and Thorsten and worked all day, because I was way too excited to sleep unless exhaustion forced me to. I turned off the lights in my new room and stared at the paintings on my wall, which were eerie and strange in the moonlight. Before I knew it, I opened my eyes to the morning light that streamed in through my new shades and it was time to get ready for my first date.

  Chapter 7

  In that foggy time between being asleep and awake, the first thing I thought about was Jake. I dreamed about kissing him. My sleeping mind was as sex addled as my waking one. My dream was one long string of kissing and rolling around on my bed. I stretched and sighed, then got up to ask Mom if it would be okay to go to the movies. She said it was fine, she would drop me after Thorsten left for work, and part of me was disappointed by her easy answer. I almost wanted her to demand to know who was going and when and where, so I’d be forced to tell her that it was actually a date. But I knew that as much as I wanted to share, it was better to keep Jake to myself for now.

  I went to the bathroom and showered, then took a long time drying my hair straight so it looked extra shiny. I put on my makeup and paid extra attention to my eyes. I thought they looked pretty sexy when I was done. I went to my room to pick an outfit, and realized I had a missed call. Jake!

  I called him right back.

  “Hey, gorgeous.” He sounded excited. “I just wanted to call and say hello.”

  “Hello,” I said and bit my lip to keep from cackling like a lunatic into the phone. “Did you sleep in?”

  “Yeah, a little. I can’t really talk too long. My dad needs some help with stuff before this afternoon. But, I can’t wait to see you.”

  “I can’t wait to see you, either. Go help your dad.” I twirled around my room, so glad he couldn’t see me acting like a maniac.

  “See you soon,” he promised.

  Okay, we were dating. It had to be. You didn’t call to check on someone every few hours and giggle on the phone and dream about them kissing you unless you were dating.

  But he hadn’t asked me to be his girlfriend. And I wasn’t about to do any asking. I was all about being an independent woman, but there were lines I needed to draw pretty firmly when it came to dating. And I was not going to ask a boy to be my boyfriend. Period.

  I went through all of my clothes three times and finally picked a black dress with a polo collar and a pink belt around the waist. I put on gray leggings and pink Converse low tops. I had a gray canvas peacoat with a flannel lining and a pink cashmere scarf and hat Mom bought me when she and Thorsten went on a trip to Paris while I was visiting my grandmother in Michigan.

  Once I was dressed, I needed something productive to take up my time and keep me from pacing a hole in my bedroom floor. I did some more work on my sketches for the Folly shirt, listening to their music in the background as I worked. I was starting to piece some things together I thought would look cool. While I worked, I finally managed to lose track of the time, and before I knew it, Thorsten knocked on my door.

  “I’m off to work, Brenna.”

  I got off of the bed and kissed his cheek. “Drive safe, Fa.”

  “Have fun today,” he said and put a twenty in my hand. “For the movie and snacks.”

  “Thanks.” I gave him a quick hug.

  When it was exactly time to go, I bolted off my bed, got my purse and coat, put on my hat and scarf, and went to get Mom.

  “Ooh, honey, you look so cute,” she gushed as she grabbed the keys.

  “Thanks.” I hoped Jake thought so.

  We drove to the theater, and Mom kissed me and reminded me to have my cell on vibrate and call after the movie if I was going to get something to eat with my friends. I wondered how long Jake would be allowed out.

  When I got out of the car and looked around, it wasn’t Jake I noticed, but Saxon, leaned up against the wall, one leg bent behind him, smoking a cigarette. I saw Kelsie near him and the guy Chris who was in our Crafts class and the lead singer in Folly. There were two other girls and a guy I didn’t know.

  Saxon and I met eyes, and he looked me up and down slowly, but he didn’t greet me or call me over. I hated the warm flush that came over me as h
is eyes worked over my body, assessing. I wanted to erase my memory of Friday afternoon with him. I could tell from the way he looked at me that he was thinking about it.

  Kelsie waved her hands over her head. “Brenna! Come here!”

  I waved at Mom, who smiled and pulled away, and I went to say hi to Kelsie, trying to avoid looking at Saxon while at the same time looking for Jake without being too obvious.

  “Where is he?” She tugged on my dress. “You look so adorable. I almost finished a necklace for you. It would go perfect with that dress if you had a blue belt. Do you?”

  “I don’t know. Where he is,” I clarified. “I do have a blue belt. Thank you for the necklace.” My head was spinning. “I didn’t realize Saxon would be here. And Chris?”

  “I know.” She dug her fingers into my arm. “Saxon actually got everyone together.”

  “Oh.” My mind immediately turned suspicious. I wondered if he asked Kelsie to ask me. I could ask him if he had, but I definitely didn’t want to.

  “He’ll be here.” Kelsie grabbed my arm and started to lead me to the group.

  “It’s okay,” I said, though it definitely was not okay. Where was he? What if he didn’t show up?

  And then he was right there. I didn’t see him arrive, but once he was there, I didn’t care about anything but pressing my lips to his. I was aware, somewhere in the back of my mind, that Saxon would see it, but I tried to push that thought away.

  Jake looked slightly embarrassed when he saw the crowd. He pulled me over to the side before he kissed me. His kiss was hungry but quick, and not too indecent. I had a feeling Jake wasn’t much of an exhibitionist and that was fine with me. Making out in the privacy of my room was one thing. Making out in front of a Newton movie theater was skanky.

  “You look great.” He pulled back from me and let his eyes wander from my head to my toes. “I really like your dressy thing.”

  “Thanks.” I pulled closer and kissed his nose. “It’s usually called a ‘dress.’”